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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

934 replies

KateonMN · 14/01/2011 09:34

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

OP posts:
Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 08:49

Thanks sov x
Just to say I bought myself a dettol no touch soap dispenser on Wednesday ,completely unnecessary but it makes me smile x

thereturnofElsieTanner · 05/02/2011 09:32

Sov, I love the 10 commandments. Going to copy them out and pin them up in my kitchen.

I went out for a drink last night and am nursing a big headache this morning. Will take the dog out for a long walk to try and get rid of it. Taking ds and his friends to laser quest this afternoon as he is 10 on Tues but I will be back later.

Fairy, Dev and everyone - hope you are feeling just a tiny bit better. Fairy, I felt so low before xmas and what you describe is familiar to me. I used to look at trees but never actually picked one. I had a benign breast lump 7 months ago and started to wish that I'd been told I'd got 6 months to live so that I could die without guilt. I felt utterly hopeless. It is a normal reaction but I have moved on and you will too. This does get better x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 09:40

I just wanted the pain to go away and the sad feelings to go ,they will go ,This to will pass ,hang in there,it does pass ,allow urself a good bloody wallow its only natural but ALL THINGS ARE PASSING ,PATIENCE OBTAINS ALL THINGS x

fairygirl3 · 05/02/2011 17:20

thanks everyone for the hand holding last night,feeling bit better today,although anxious as H is up to see dc tomorrow.Its just his whole attitude towards seeing them sickens me,even his mum has had words with him about seeing them more,she is not happy with him.I am very lucky that she is so suportive she is having the younger dc next saturday for the day and am thinking about going cinema/meal with the older dc.
So my thoughts at the moment are to try not to think about him as you all say i cant change him and being upset about his actions wont change him and just puts me in a bad mood and takes energy away from me.He has always been like this in a way was never good at seeing dss more then once a week,so i shouldnt be suprised.
Well lets hope i have still got my positive head on tomorrow when he is up my mission is not to cry in front of him this week.
sov great 10 commandments,going to try and live by them

romneymarsh · 05/02/2011 17:54

Fairy - that post was so much more positive, dont forget you are on a rollercoaster and some days you will understand those thoughts which are so true about not being able to change him and other days where you will wallow, I still do that and I have spent 6months on the ride.

As ET said yesterday we have all been were you are and felt the despair and not wanting to live, those thoughts will get less as time goes on, just ride the rollercoaster and one day we will all step off and realise we have reached the end of this awful time.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 19:13

Just back from cinema went to see "tangled" with dcs.not bad if ur into rapunzel and towers and stuff ,waves to fairy and everyone else on this groovy train for true survivors ,keep on keepin on x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 19:14

Just back from cinema went to see "tangled" with dcs.not bad if ur into rapunzel and towers and stuff ,waves to fairy and everyone else on this groovy train for true survivors ,keep on keepin on x

Teaandcakeplease · 05/02/2011 19:32

Oooo Envy of you seeing Tangled. My bank account is like Armageddon the first 2 weeks of the month as my direct debits leave, so I'm hoping to go Thurs or Fri this week coming. I reckon DD will love it Grin

Fairy glad you seem a little better today.

I on the otherhand was a rotter to my most gorgeous girl today and far too intolerant and grumpy Sad

fairygirl3 · 05/02/2011 22:08

tea-you know kids all will be forgotten in the morning,hope you get your money sorted to take her to the cinema.I just couldnt face taking mine today so we got karate kid on pay per view Winkand dd1 went to the shops to get some treats and they said they were just as happy so was i till they started trying out all their karate moves on each other after .Well best get some sleep and so i am rested and balanced to face H tomorrow.

Teaandcakeplease · 05/02/2011 22:18

Hope so Fairy Smile

Have you ladies all seen the ditched book thread? It's been quiet for a while but is a great place to post brilliant books you've read x

devastatedofdorset · 06/02/2011 11:23

FIL has had heart attack over night - is getting good care and hoepfully not too serious- MIL phoned and i had to phone H and tell him - he was in his new place with the OW i think - but tried to say he was on his own.

Havent told DD she adores her Grandad and he thinks the world of her - i think he loves her more than anything in the world.

Why oh why is this all happening - FIL has been brilliant since this happened - has really come into his own and shown what a fantastic support he can be.

Please say a prayer for him.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 06/02/2011 12:49

Will say a prayer dev ,big hugs 2u x

WherecanIhide · 06/02/2011 12:51

Oh dear devastated - wishing him well x

thereturnofElsieTanner · 06/02/2011 13:00

Sorry, dev. Thinking of you and your family.

fairygirl3 · 06/02/2011 13:22

devestated-sorry to hear about fil,hope he is ok and your dd handles the news ok when you tell her.

devastatedofdorset · 06/02/2011 19:14

Quick update -FIL doing well- in hospital and needs tests. Have told DD this evening - worried that i kept it from her and what she might say but she was glad as she would have just worried was what she said.

Difficult day today again for DD and me - went to friends for lunch who have kids and it cheered her up but i felt bad - last time we were there DD reminded me was for a summer barbecue and me and her Daddy walked home hand in hand. I still cant believe it ! even now.

Still thanks for all your prayers - my DD couldnt cope with another family crisis at the moment and i am worried about MIL who is devastated herself at what has happened since the 28 Dec. She was so proud of her son and our family and really can't beleive that this is the same man.

Thanks for all your support - it really helps.

fairygirl3 · 06/02/2011 19:57

thats good news then devestated.
well H visited the kids this morning and i am very pleased with myself i did not cry or act sad even at the end when ds was putting his coat on and tring to leave too.Not sure how i feel to be honest part of me thinks,yes thaor thats whats best for the dc the other part thinks why should i be nice/resonable/accomadating to him after all he has done and us getting on just made me think about the good times we had more.

Teaandcakeplease · 06/02/2011 20:46

Oh Dorset massive ((hugs)) lovely

Fairy those feelings you describe were exactly how I felt so often in the early days.

Teaandcakeplease · 07/02/2011 19:48

How are things lovely dumplings? Very quiet on here.

thereturnofElsieTanner · 07/02/2011 20:40

Was thinking the same, Tea. Hope everyone is ok.

devastatedofdorset · 07/02/2011 20:58

FIL has been doing really well which is a big relief - he has had stents to widen his arteries and is making a good recovery. I have had a strange day today - weird dreams and slept really badly and very tearful today which is probably the shock.

I have been reading some of the other threads and it feels as though lots of people are having a difficult time right now - maybe it is the planetary alignment! or we are all struggling post Xmas and with the thought of Valentines next week which i am dreading.

Someone from our village said to me today that when they heard what my H had done she thought from glamourous to tart and couldnt believe what my H had done and i think that i have to hold on to that - whatever he has done speaks volumes about him rather than me - and although it hurts like nothing i have ever experienced before i believe that i and you others will feel better in time.

Teaandcakeplease · 07/02/2011 21:45

I'm so glad to hear he's recovering. Glamorous to tart. What a compliment to you lovely Dorset. I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit tearful after everything. Keep posting on here, if it's quiet come onto the other thread for company, don't sit alone if you need to talk. I never expected this one to go so quiet when we suggested the 2nd thread x

devastatedofdorset · 08/02/2011 09:35

thanks for your support tea-it helps and it is really quiet on this thread - perhaps people are just lurking.

When i got to school this am - few minutes late the OW was still there sitting in her brand new expensive car that she gets with benefits - to which varoious of the Mums said they are horrified about - and me and DD have to walk past her.

i think she is trying to rub it in because when i come out several minutes later she is still sitting there - what is that all about if it isnt rubbing my nose in it- the cheek of her -no wonder she is so disliked in the village - and believe me she really is

Still good news about FIL and he phoned lat night and sounds chirpy and is coming down with MIL next month for a couple of weeks.

Hope everyone else is OK?

Teaandcakeplease · 08/02/2011 10:22

Awww you should wave at her, maybe take a plate of cookies with you and knock on her window and say would she like them as she's always there for a while everyday? [evil grin]

Glad FIL is doing ok.

fairygirl3 · 08/02/2011 10:33

just carry on how you are devestated you are doing great,i know i will not be able to act that dignified when i eventually see OW.
Have been lurking,dont like to post when so quiet as dont like it to just be me and my moaning.Well H said he would start seeing dc more then 3 hours a week but no suprises he cant do it this week but at least managed to phone them yesterday as promised,really hate the fact i have to beg him to see his kids.