Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Devestated-please ignore my advice if it does not apply this is only my opinion based on myexperience and friends/family who have been through it.
Romeny-thanks but i am doing no better ,in fact feeling worse after being apart from dc ,wonder sometimes if my posts would be better off in mental health,am seriously dreading tomorrow he will be here between 9 &10am so if anyone up i would love the company as am planning to sit at table on laptop being aloof.

Fairy honestly I felt the same, I actually thought I was going mad, I have never felt so low in all my life, I actually felt suicidal. I had to ask the GP for help, which I have never had to do before even after losing my dad, exH leaving and then my mum dieing, but DH leaving for OW has been the most painful thing in my life, I loved him so much, I gave him my everything! Be strong tomorrow, you will get there, I am still convincing myself I will get there and Im sure you will too.

You have to keep going for the kids,i remember my mum attempting suicide after my stepdad left her,it traumatised me and i think that is why i am trying to keep myself in line,i want to catch myself before i cross that line,been on AD 2 weeks now but apart from sleeping more and feeling numb to good emotions have not noticed much.I nearly rang my mum tonight to tell her i was feeling a little crazy but she has enough on her plate,am a bit worried my support network is falling apart but i surpose thats life .

Use this as ur support network fairy ! !
I had no one else,post on the other thread 2 for advice ,there are no rules for this remember that. If I can do it so can u .my anger got me thru it in a how fucking dare he way but when I saw him I was like a toddler round his ankles looking for him to take the pain away ,but he had made his decision.right everything out.don't bother about what anyone thinks.everyone's pov is welcome on here.we take what we need and leave the rest.people would write things and I would be offended then reading it back I would get something out it ,but writing was a great release to me.I still don't have many RL friends but amazing who will help u this year .u find out the strong and the weak.I cried oceans but 15 mths later I am getting back on my feet again you can do this fairy.I've always got my phone on me so will be online in the morning,u can do it girl ,just keep fighting the doom ,January is always bad ,too long and too dark ,can u do something nice tomorrow morning,give urself a file and polish ,even if u don't feel like it x

Hello. Just trying to catch up after a really busy day.

Devastated, my ds is 9 nearly 10. We thought he was doing ok at first but since xmas he has really gone backwards. I would say it has coincided with me being VERY detached from xp but that may be just a coincidence. My detachment has caused xp to become very hostile and negative which may also be in the mix. His school have arranged specialist counselling and are being very supportive. I think he really appreciates being able to talk to someone who is not involved in the situation and who will keep everything confidential. Neither xp or myself will be told what is discussed. DS can't open up to me because he doesn't want to hurt me and he can't open up to xp because he is too angry with him.

Fairy, you're allowed to feel a little crazy. Romney and I sat at the top of a cliff together before xmas and decided not to jump off even though the future seemed so grim. Even by acknowledging these feelings you are dealing with them. You ARE coping. Sometimes I think, I can't do this and then I realise I am already doing it. Today is shit but tomorrow might be a tiny bit better.

Yes aloof ,painting nails drinking coffee and posting on mn ,sounds like a plan x

Ladies, although today seems shit, you may take steps forward and some back, but actually the curve will be upward. Us older dumplings know that having been through it.

Its so much better being solo than with a H giving you sh**.

Your DCs will have some tough times. Believe me I have seen the truly awful effects of what H has caused and they are unbelievable at times. But still better than living with a H who has changed beyond all recognition.

Hi Adriane. Sorry, I haven't read your thread yet. Don't let him keep you in limbo though. Take back some control. That will have more impact than anything else. I'll try to catch up, it's just been one thing after another today. You know the sort of day when someone overstays their welcome (xp) then someone calls unexpectedly (bf) then neighbour needs a favour then dd reminds you that you promised to go to the cinema and out for dinner. And everyone overlapped. Went to see the Kings Speech (v good) and when I got home the dog had crapped everywhere (he's only a pup). I'm exhausted.

Hi Elsie [smileI

I'll be online until about 10am when I head off to church Fairy as well. Have you looked into counseling for you Fairy? I found it very helpful.

I have not been to church since christmas ,found it difficult at the best of times with dc3 being loud to say the least,and with all this i know i would just cry the whole time but i will go back soon.
Not really thought about counseling to be honest.

Puppies know how to party ,hope u get a rest today.
Fairy I think the shock phase is really scary. Then we go from shock to denial toing and froing ,its bloody hard work.but THIS TOO SHALL PASS .life will settle down ,where are u can u meet with dumplings for a coffee.

My church has good children's work. I think I'd go mad if I had them in church with me tbh. They'd run rings round everyone. I go for a rest but I admit I did sit and cry in the early days subtley in a corner. But everyone's been a great support to me there. But don't worry about going or not right now. Honestly.

Counselling might not be a bad idea, fairy. From what I can tell this all happened very quickly and blindsided you. It's no wonder that you're reeling from the shock of it.

Small child had commandeered the laptop. She also needs feeding and showering, but I'll try to stick around for the next hour.

I woke this morning with the sense that P was lying next to me. Instinctively, I rolled over to say good morning and it was just an empty. That early morning crash of reality is the worst thing. I fell asleep in tears, I started today in tears. After feeling okay about events, I think my slow descent into hell has started.

Today holds P collecting DD. I can't face dredging through things again so he'll be collecting her for the afternoon, taking her to her swim lesson, his mum's for Sunday lunch and dropping her home at bedtime. I've a day to fill so I'm planning on a walk, a film while I iron and writing a handful of emails that have been long neglected.

It'll be okay. I keep telling myself this.

Adriane, I've just skimmed your other thread. The similarities with my story are remarkable. XP had a 2.5 year affair with an older colleague during which time we had our house up for sale and planned to move somewhere much more expensive. He lied and lied and lied. Eventually, with his back to the wall he admitted that he never had any intention of leaving me or her. I feel like I was in a polygamous marraige but nobody bothered to tell me. He's on his own now as far as I know. OW went back to her H and I'm learning to be on my own with ds age 9.

Keep the faith. You are worth more than this.

Sending an aloof Fairy a good morning message and keep going !

ps FWIW I hated dc free time for the first few months but that does change

What is with these men and their sense of entitlement, Elsie? Reading some of the stories on here makes my bile rise. I don't think they're all dyed in the wool bastards either. They're spoilt little boys, who desperately need to grow a pair.

Having read other threads, I'm slowly realising that P opted out years ago. With the OW, I suspect he fantasied their reunion long before it ever happened. I found song lyrics dating back to around the time she started working for the same company. Sickly sentimental stuff about how time had mended the heart she'd broken, but he was willing to let her break it again. Poor tortured soul that he is.

It isn't just the OW. There's been countless instances where he's put others before me and DD. The week he was too busy to support me through a hospital appointment I'd been dreading, he sent a female colleague flowers as she'd been diagnosed with the same condition. It seems he knows how distressing it is for her, having been through it with me.

I'm sorry, I'm ranting. I need to get it out.

Hi everyone.

Adriane, it's horrible waking up in the morning thinking they are there, but they are not. The bed feels so big and lonely without them there. I find the mornings particularly difficult.

I also feel I'm decending into some sort of depressive hell.

Adrienne just rant ,that's what this thread is for .I found walking my dog very therapeutic ,I still do ,and yes massive sense of entitlement these blokes have ,my X still doesn't think there is anything wrong with neglecting his family for years , lying and getting drunk with his pals .

He works hard (he keeps telling us )and can do what he likes ........he's not seeing the kids today apparantley he is sick.I told him I don't get a day off when I'm sick .

Fairy are u ok x

Where - I have never been one who agrees with the dishing out of Antidepressants, I have been through losing my dad when I was 30, my exH leaving me for a friend a few years later, nursing my mum through pancreatic cancer and I got through all of that without any ADs, I thought they were for weak people!!! Well I had put so much love and adoration into this relationship when he left for OW I couldn't cope, I had never felt love like it and him leaving has totally destroyed me, I didn't want to live! But with the help of ADs (you know those things for weak people lol) I am getting there and also not forgetting the amazing support on here, and for ET holding my hand through the really dark time over Christmas. Where, fairy and adriane we will get there.

Where what I am waffling about is if you haven'tbeen to the gps go and see what they can do to help.

Patience - maybe one day in the future he will see what a dick he has been.

Keep fighting the depressive hell bit,u want to curl up but keep busy ,get out the house,do some exercise,u have to do it by urself ,no one else will,self love will prevail,u do the pamper and nourish urself ,try it for a week write a diary ,lavender aromatherapy oils find places to go that give u calmness .love urself u have already coped so well. Treat urself the way u would look after a best friend going thru the same thing.ur unique surround urself with positive vibrant people who love u ,

Rom .........who cares.

It has taken me 15mths to get here but indifference is kicking in now.

So what if he never gets what he has done,the main thing is he is more or less out of my life.I am free from his fuck wittery.his lies his deceit his manipulation and control.if I can do it u ladies can do it ,we have all plunged the depths but keep the faith,u will get there just one foot in front of the other,one day at a time x

Thanks everyone for the advice - lots of food for thought here - i think that i need to take the lead from my DD and see what she wants and also be mindful that she isn't picking up issues from me. I have also gone on AD's - never had them before and feel a bit funny -embarassed perhaps about taking them - but i just want to start to feel better and perhaps they will help me.

i like the writing things down in a book - to be honest he has never been a good communicator - i have alwasy had to drag things out of him and his Mum always says that she struggles to get him to talk - although the OW has said that they talk all the time - from what i know about personalities if you are an introvert to change your personality or act out an extrovert is very very tiring and stressful so i cant see this lasting or the relationship. If he was on his won i would feel better but i just want him to feel the hurt that we have felt and realise what he has done but know that i will probably never know this.

Still sun is shining - DD is enjoying slobbing around in PJs watching crap american kids programmes and i am pottering around and getting the house tidier- so perhaps i am feeling better to tackle the housework?