Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Getting, I'll cover the shagging angle lol..............

To answer your question tbh when I heard commotion firstly & saw how unstable & volitile he was I felt my heart hammering in my chest & thought he might make a go for me or start verbally abusing me. Afterwards I caught his eye for a minute & he started laughing like a mad man. The whole thing is just sad really. It would be easy to say he's a dickhead but reality is he's lost his soul & is a pity really. Saying that I just want to finalise everything now & be done with it all. Equally though, sad & all that it all is I wouldn't underestimate him & am aware that he is v dangerous & mentally disturbed & need to protect myself & dc's from him as much as possible. Compassion at a distance as it were........

II will aspire to post in the shagging one.

at going for a coffee startin

I just think if we ever sat down X would try and charm me then make excuses etc.Now that he broke my heart he has no power over me and he knows I know he is a sleaze .I think what gets me is how they just detatch from the life they had and now I don't think its shocking anymore,just like I became accustomed to all his other shite.anyway have organised babysitter so anyone wanting a Scottish night out /weekend near Glasgow message me.
Had a really bad eyebrow tint disaster once happy got left with 2 black catterpillars but she shaped them well ,don't know if anyone in town does threading ,what's it all about .
Making a real effort to be pampered.ordered lovely spa products from Avon.shea butter facial is lush and bought moisturising lipstick with collagen for pampered/nourished lips for lots of kissing.
Waves to Lc ggm and all the usual suspects x

Tell me about the compassionate mind starting.that's what I went thru at Ny the whole nice bloke underneath ,sad my marriage is ending thing,but like u I don't want to get sucked into the craziness anymore,its not a good place to be and if he can pay maintenance and do 8 hrs on a Sunday then that's a result for me.
Silent witness is back on tonight ,this time last year I used to post on MN and watch Dr harry Cunningham,drink irn bru smoke alot and catch a lot of mice.........a those were the days

Ps dd coloured in all my lawyer forms re divorce

Getting et al, a great website i have found for allsorts of tips on saving money is

www.moneysavingexpert.com

the forums are great!!!

oh and hi lol

haha Getting - yes - the long stay car park example describes it perfectly - that really would be progress - must get past the 'making eye contact rather than staring at hall carpet' stage before I can think about airport trips - In fact he'll be here with DD at 6.30 tonight so am going to do it - and smile - err well maybe that's too much serenity for one exchange but I AM going to look him in the eye and be pleasant. It's like it's suddenly dawning on me too if am 'lucky' enough to have an H who is willing to help out then why not save oneself the time, hassle and money (I paid a handyman a while back to do a few jobs that he could have done ) and get him to do it. He has only moved round the corner which I have mixed feelings about and has said on more than one occassion that part of the reason he moved so close was so he could help out - but I have never let him as, I thought that accepting his help would be like accepting what he has done, and also I wanted to prove to him, me, anyone that I was superhuman and could do it all (oh plus there's the minor detail of not being able to bear seeing him)

I think for me the being/feeling more civil (or trying to be) is maybe running alongside starting to feel (dare I say it ?) happy and ok with my life... ie that I am starting to realise that I haven't lost as much as I thought I had, as he does not bring quite as much to the party as I have always thought - (and I have so much to be thankful for )
Seem to be having a very happy positive day - haven't felt like this in a long time - Have had plenty of fine, good days but I feel 'effervescent' today ... am I right to be suspicious of this strange emotion ?!

I have heard threading is agony and it certainly looks it. Lol at dd and her colouring. I was addicted to Without a Trace this time last year and I heard the theme music the other day and realised how different ie feel these days ie ok

No CV this is the emotion of the future and if you are the same as me those days will get more and more and what clouds them will be other stuff in life issues not him

Wow get you CV, this is indeed the future

Ladies, threading is cutting them with cotton and is not agony IMO but the only way to do it. And after all, I am the one that nearly pulled a man from Nice at the airport so I am an expert in such matters. OK Starting, perhaps second to you or almost

Patience, I thought I had to write on the forms (have not opened partially completed form from solicitor yet!) but if colouring is an option I'll get the felt tips and start now.

Starting, isn't it bizarre seeing them? But horrible for you for sure given the state of him.

Sov, will look at your link.

CV, I get my H to do jobs when he's around, not possible so much now though given that saint has gone to bumpkinland. Currently debating one mucky household problem and contemplating whether to pay my way out of it or try to get him to do it when he returns. Perhaps I will wait and see if I still have a job at the end of the week first.

Getting, so nice to be happy in oneself isn't it? and not to be unhappily married (shouts from the hilltops!)

I is away and missing my piano.

Patience, The Compassionate Mind (Paul Gilbert) is about self compassion & compassion for others etc. I brought it with me as appropriate reading material for court lol

Cloud, I would def start to avail of xh, you might aswell take advantage of any help at all. Tbh I never had any qualms about asking xh for anything as the way I looked at it anything he did was for benefit of dc's. Take advantage while the guilt is still motivating him to be helpful is my advice.....

Love it CV imo this is true emancipation x

Happy, glad to see you're holding onto positivity despite insecurity about future. Get saint to look after household mucky prob & use money saved to treat yourself . In my darkest hours I usually try to see that every dark cloud has a silver lining & I'm wondering would yours be that you will not now be forced to maintain BE in a somewhat comfortable lifestyle?? Once settlement has been agreed one would hope however that you would then land an even better paying job

Yes, well am in gorgeous hotel room about to have dinner on my fecking company so feeling ok actually.

Yes, a good RL friend did make the same point. It's just fear of no income that is doing my head in. Would love to see the saint's face when I tell him though. Perhaps I could post a pic of him. He'll be the "old" looking one.

Am also looking into other jobs as we speak and have job description for one that looks interesting. Am probably dreaming but it could be an option I guess.

All will need to be discussed with one of my many lawyers.

Happy, oh I'd so love to be a fly on the wall when you tell BE . That picture has cheered me up no end lol. Any posibility that you could secretely record the telling & then post a link to entertain your fellow dumplings . Make sure you have a big dessert & plenty of vino if company are picking up the tab........

Hmm off for beer and food

oh - so I looked him in the eye - smiled (ooh he hasn't seen that in a loooong time) and struck up a conversation (actually asked him his opinion - that hasn't happened in a long time either) re what our choices of primary schools should be for the form that has to be in this week. He started edging out of the door .. In fact he normally asks how DS is, comes into the hallway, asks how I am etc and I just give one word answers and try and get him out the door - but tonight he couldn't get away fast enough.. hmmm maybe am reading too much into it but had thought my change of stance might engage him more and get us talking like two adults, now am wondering if my epiphany has come a bit too late (or maybe he was just late to meet her and I am reading far too much into it!)

hmmm, CV, well whatever was going on he was probably confused by your behavious which can only be a good thing IMO

Yes CV do you remember my story from a month ago when I saw xh coming up the path and instead of hiding away (hadnt seen him for 6 months)I swept open the front door with a smile and cheery greeting ? Well he didnt look me in the eye after clearly being understandably taken aback and sped off as fast as he could.

I dont know what I made of it or what you should , its probably unerving for them tbh and dont worry it wont be too late

Well, as predicted, thought he was being a bit pleasant this morning.

Dropped dc 2 off and was all sweetness and light...then asked if I would reconsider the amount the amount he had to pay blah blah blah

While he's dropping the girls off with me - in the house I had to rent, just before he heads off to see OW.....just not getting it is he?

So he's just been on the phone..."You're only doing it to punish me" "I'm not going to be able to live" Whenever he started to shout at me - I just told him, this is why I would rather go throught the CSA - so I didn't have to deal with his anger.

He kept saying "you've gone back on your word, you said that £100 a month would be OK" LOL I told him that if the only thing I did wrong in this whole sorry split was to insist he pays for his children. The I can hold my head high.

He was telling me he just isn't going to be able to manage. I suggested he get ebaying then...or get another job.

I predict the next thing will be "I WANT the kids or at least I want them 50% of the time"

He gives scumbags a bad name

I reminded the stingy fucker that he wouldn't even give me the washing machine. FGS, he only has his clothes to wash, and even if he didn't get a machine he could take them to OW or his mums or the launderette as he has the car.

...he wouldn't even do that (I have taken nothing but my paintings from our house)

I said that when he refused to make that one concession to me and his girls - it made me see with clarity what type of person he had turned into - he wasn't even bothered if his children didn't have clean clothes to wear to school. I asked what sort of man is that?

he.had.no.answer.

Jeeeez Kate

He wouldnt ley you take the washing machine ?

Hes a maggot go to the CSA you have made this entire process too easy for him and now its gloves off surely ?

hi getting well put it this way. The phone call didn't end well (from him) I gave him a serence cheery "Byyeeee"

He has till Thursday to agree - or I will ring the CSA on Friday.

arsehole.

There is a line in redemption song by bob market

Emancipate urself from mental slavery ,
None but ourselves can free our minds.

To me that is how I work towards inner peace,free myself from everyone else s baggage ,not my problem anymore.

Kate I am speechless at your H. Thank goodness you seem to be able to stand up to him as I think I would have melted into a crumpled heap of victimness at his behaviour. You are an amazing lady - I am sitting here trying to think of a word that describes him and how he is behaving - and I can't. He sounds like he must have undergone a complete personality transplant in such a short space of time. the OW must be a charming lady I'm sure

Sending you a double decker bus full of serenity

I know it is only my opinion but reality is they start to wriggle out the whole money thing if they can.I would go csa.I think in the early days we are still emotionally involved with our X s and they rely on this attatchment to take the piss.whereas they detatched long ago.all ur doin is protecting UR kids financially ,not anything malicious.funny how none of these knob heads do their sums b4 flying to bonkersland.