Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

I can be strong with him, bacause that is the real me. I think he is shocked that I'm not being a doormat

..because when he told me on holiday that he didn't feel the same way, I broke down - never felt so desparate and vunerable. Didn't think I could survive without him.

When I moved out, and he did the two weeks of love and sex and being perfect friend and dad and said he would do anything for us to be together - then changed his mind the next day. I was a broken woman. I thought I would never recover.

I had been strong to leave albeit thinking we would get back together. He destroyed any self worth I had built up by getting a place for me and my girls and doing it myself.

When I found out about the other woman - and he said that she was more important that his dc, and when she gave me a bell. I realised that they were 2 vile individuals who I did not need to concern myself with.

God, to think he was only nice this morning because he wanted me to reduce his payments. They really are scumbags.

Was expecting him to call again tonight but you know what it's like when you've got new p*ssy waiting for you. Nothing will stand in the way of that!

As I said to her. She is welcome to my cast offs anytime.

I know it is only my opinion but reality is they start to wriggle out the whole money thing if they can.I would go csa.I think in the early days we are still emotionally involved with our X s and they rely on this attatchment to take the piss.whereas they detatched long ago.all ur doin is protecting UR kids financially ,not anything malicious.funny how none of these knob heads do their sums b4 flying to bonkersland.

Oops didn't mean to post that twice x

I think its a bit like a sci fi film.the men in black sweaty creep creature that hides himself in a human body.then they pull off their rubber mask and this snivelling cruel bastard lies beneath.with a face only a mother could love.mine really had the good looking charmer down to a fine art.but when they lose that power it really pisses them off.I am not worth the effort now in his eyes ,nothing in it for him .

My boiler has packed up ,it was never right since the move.But after one phonecall yesterday my landlord is getting a new one fitted ASAP,engineer phoned and he has ordered it.

Assertiveness rocks !

patience that is one of the things I like about renting - don't have to worry about the boiler. I spent a lot of time worrying about it in the family home :)

Helloooo! Just tried to catch up with everything on here - haven't managed to do the other lovely thread yet. I could write and fill my own "shagging after divorce" thread btw but I think I'm too embarrassed lol!
Well, firstly, these exes love stealing/taking things don't they? We've so far got:
two cats
one dog (do they like animals cos they don't answer back?)
one washing machine ffs
one wheelie suitcase (ditto)
Starting - sorry to hear about your day in court. Sounds exactly like my exh when he is cornered. Glad you survived. This won't have done him any favours
Patience - good on you about the boiler
Kate - go to CSA love - he doens't stand a fucking chance. He's completely taking the piss. Wanker. Money for his kids and he won't cough up. What a big man he is. I saw a great T shirt online that said "I'm better than the new one". Think I'll order a job lot for us when we go airport cruising!
Had to laugh when I saw you discussing The Compassionate Mind. My exbf had that in his toilet. One of the least compassionate men I know lol!
Well, manic at work, kids, football training, parties, washing etc. You all know what I mean. Funny thing is, I haven't missed exbf AT ALL. He texted the other day "Speak soon?" Texted back Yeah catch up soon. Then I noticed he put a new song on facebook about being sad. Good. Maybe he's missing the sex. And someone fawning over him. Well, he can miss away. I'm not missing his dirty fingernails and his slight BO. Or listening to his fucking songs. Which were shite. Going on first field trip with CD man in a couple of weekends. And true to my new mantra of concentrating on those who love me, I asked my mum and dad if I could take them out for a meal with the kids on m dad's birthday on Sunday. He was so thrilled it nearly made me well up. Life is so much better when you concentrate on the people who really care about you :)
Hope everyone is well. I've missed being on here.
Patience - might see you and Maybee soon!

gogo so nice to hear about your dads birthday meal on Sunday. My mum and dad are very repressed about showing their feelings - they do try their best but they just don't know what to say or do.

And I can't bring myself to talk to them about it - they are the only people that I just start crying when they ask ( I know they know what's gone on...because my brother and sister know all about it)

but...you know what they did? They bought me a bloody washing machine. I could have cried. Just waiting for it to be delivered.

:) How nice is that?

What with all this
"Do what u like ,like what u do "stuff going on I'm starting to feel like a smug single.
Imagine never having to answer to a bloke again,its the whole grumpy bastard thing isn't it.the emotional vampire that sucks UR positivity from u,brings u down, then fucks off to the pub.
"
I've got a feeling that this years gonna be a good year"

FREEDOM

Ah Kate, that's lovely to hear about your parents . I have to say your x not giving you the washing machine is about the lowest thing I've heard so far on the thread & believe me my own has been pretty low! I know my xh was awarded the prize prick award but really I think yours deserves it for that!!

Goo, lol at his songs were shite anyway

Patience, landlord sounds like a nice type, did you check out if he's single

Well think I've just about recovered from events of today. Feel a bit sad about where it's all ended up but tits out (did that with Norm earlier for theraputic reasons) & onwards & upwards lol

Lol patience, I've got a feeling t'will be a good year alright lol. Thought I'd be the only dumpling awake at this godforsaken hour!

Therapeutic ? yes, I could do with something therapeutic also

Welcome back Goo

Yay, a washing machine, that'll show the twunk

Waves to all

Never met the landlord ,but I could teach the letting agent a thing or 2 LOL.
These late nights are all about sky plus,silent witness and pride and prejudice.Mr darcy has just bailed out silly lydia from her pickle with Wycomb ,who is a total loser btw ,anyway lizzie doesn't know about darcy sorting it all out yet but I'm sure it will all work out fine ok off to read Mrs dalloway ,I mean do some work LOL miserable here dark and rainy waves to Lc remember UR a star and 3 stone is mega ,do u need a new wardrobe now ,come to Glasgow and we will go shopping x

Hi everyone

Just saying hi. Had a few laughs from you especially Starting:) Glad the horrible day has passed.
Kate - grrr to H re washing machine but super yay to lovely parents for showing him up!

Having a bit of a strange time atm. Dont know where I am really and what I am going to do with H. He is good in some ways but not right in others and dont know if he will ever escape his f*ed upbringing.

Part of Monday very positive for DS and part delayed. Overall feel good re what we can do for him in the future.

But overall I know Im in a good place. I am well detached and got lots and lots of positives happening over next while. Festivals are being planned :). Refinding lots of things used to enjoy. Found some money I didnt know I had the other day - more boots will be bought :)

Googoo mantra of concentrating on those who love/care for you is paying dividends - so glad to not be seeing a number of people who dont meet those criteria!

Hi Mumfun

are you living with your H and am I right in thinking the ow is no more ? Do you think you love him still ?

You always sound really sorted and are the positives including him or by yourself/with friends etc ?

Glad you got the positive you wanted for ds it makes a difference when our dc are more sorted

Well I sent xh an email in the vein of my new spirit of co operation , with full wording as opposed to very brisk and signed my name again too. See where that takes me

Nasty wet day here dc home from school early as its training day or something so just going to MN do useful paperwork or something this afternoon

Hi

I just had a quick question - excuse me in advance if this should have been posted in the LP bit but I feel very drawn to this thread and the opinions on it.

Sent H a long email last night with lots of stuff on it but the main things was which schools I was thinking of putting down on the application form and why. He had not asked about this but I thought in the spirit of co-parenting given it's quite a big thing I thought I would give him the opportunity to come up with any ideas, changes, opinions etc as he is always saying how he wants to be more involved. In the email was also - do you want that desk and chair, are you able to start taking DD to childcare on an additional day and how maybe once she is a bit more settled we could change weekend from one overnight to two and some other stuff.

The email I got back a while ago passes no comment on the main thing - the schools and just says he wants the computer along with the desk and chair (errr no)... then at the end a rant about how he should be seeing DD more and how it's not a bad thing and how I should be allowing him to see them more.

Firstly - no idea about the schools thing - should I be surprised/bothered or is this just my job and just a minor detail now we no longer together ? Sorry this probably sounds a bit unimportant given what some of you are having to put up with but its just he's constantly saying he wants more involvement and wants the best etc but it seems he just wants the fun bits - oh silly me that's why he's no longer here why am I even questioning this ? Oh I don't know - just a yes - they all look fine clouded and I can see you've put the work in type comment would suffice - what's normal ? Ok as I write this I think I am being a bit precious - its just have been with 2 v happily married friends ths morning talking about the school thing and they have had lots of input from H's - going on all school visits etc.grrrr

secondly - wtf re comments on seeing them more - that's what I suggested in the email - I think he just likes to disagree with me even when there's nowt to disagree with. hmmmmmph sorry rant over

Clouded thats disappointing about school. I would leave it a day or two and then just email that you assume he will be happy with your decsion on schools unless you hear otherwise. Of course he should be having an input but at least it sounds like you are free to make up your own mind.

Ranting about seeing more of the dc ? Ignore it completely and ask him when it will suit him to begin two nights and which extra day he will take them to childcare in future.

I think from my MN experience clouded there is no such thing as normal and every set up is different. If he is happy to have them more and you are as well then thats great . As far as I can tell access ranges from 50:50 to barely being able to get then to see the dc at all.

Overall dont get drawn into emotional exchanges and treat it like an almost business arrangement iyswim ?

Oh and dont give him the computer explain you have daily MN important things you need it for

Last paragraph sounds right cv.
I don't go out of my way to tell X anything.I don't hide it I just wait to be asked...... He doesn't ask.
I told him in passing last weekend dd was enrolling on school next week but u just get a that's good answer he won't actually remember.he has no involvement re parents nites etc I used to tell him,he wasn't interested ,I don't bother now x

Btw I was always upset by his lack of interest.always dissapointment he didnt keep up ie first day at school etc .but its all part of his behaviour .now it doesn't affect me ,if he asks I will be happy to have a conversation,but he chooses not to ask.

The only consolation if you can call it that is that I know of many marrieds where the H doesnt show much interest in school stuff and most parent evenings you can see so many dads there just ticking a box.

Hi everyone. So tired. Not sure if it's work (which is horrible and manic and stressful) or something else. Haven't been able to keep up on here and I'm so sorry cos I love talking to you girls.
CV - just go with the school you think and let him know. Sounds like you're right - he just wants an argument even when you've suggested the very thing he's arguing about. And I HATE smug married mums who always make out that their husbands are so involved bla bla. It's usually not true. My ex best friend was just like that. Keeping up appearances par excellence. Just ignore em. In my opinion, people who "crow" about their perfect lives are usually very insecure people who actually don't have perfect lives at all. At least we're all living our lives on our own terms.

Evening Goo

Well my xh has of course shown more interest in school stuff since he left but then he is the saint.....

Really mega tired and off to bed. I've partially read thread but I'll have a better go tomorrow. But Clouded my ex H left it all up to me on deciding schools and other important decisions. I think he just felt I'd do it all fine and opted out, sometimes I wish my Ex H took a more active role in stuff like that, but then again I did all the budgeting and admin in the marriage before we separated. So I guess it was all to be expected

He was also very good at missing bits in e-mails I'd asked and I'd have to ask him again.

"I think he just likes to disagree with me even when there's nowt to disagree with" - Sure sounds like it doesn't it?

Hello everyone, it is amazing how this thread grows and grows and it takes a while to read it all, and as I am new I am taking time to sort you all out ...
Patience, I have thought of getting a puppy to replace the dog H has taken with him .. but am so busy and do not really have time to puppy train. I looked into getting a Helping Dog for the disabled for DD2 but they are not available in this part of the country. so I am walking friends' dogs occasionally when I get time. The dog thing was in some ways a major catastrophe. He is 7 years old and I did almost all the dog-care as H worked in London in the week (4 hours a way, oh so convenient as it later turned out, hollow laugh). Often DD2 was ill or in hospital and I used to moan the dog was the final straw, though my friends helped me with him. But he was part of the furniture and I was totally livid when H took him. Turned out OW has a dog too (and an au pair who walks him...) so clearly it fitted H's picture of himself to take the dog with him. And now, of course ... when H visits (two weekends in three, let me remind you all) dog comes too. So now I am simply rising above canine matters and I walk him if I feel like it at weekends, and don't if I don't. The list in the post above made me laugh of things H have taken but am so glad washing machine was replaced for you Kate. Add to the list: beautiful Victorian stuffed owl. Yes, he took that. Hoot.

You could always stuff the OW's dog