Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Tea thats great and doesnt it show how different you feel now to last summer when I remember you talking about booking onto the course. I would love to do something like that - the volunteering that is !

Patience I think you are strong enough to draw a line under it yourself dont wait for him to give you closure grab it for yourself.

Starting its hard to comment on Norm without knowing all the ins and outs but he certainly sounded distant during last weeks court case. It sounds like you will make it up with him if thats what you want ? Lol @ fertile hunting ground for Tea

Romney nice to see you on this thread and that you are beginning to feel a little better , glad you have other dogs

God its hard to keep the dumpling spirit in this relentless grey wet weather but I am trying. Its been nice to have a couple of days respite from estate agents and solicitors .

A friend is coming over for lunch later and dc are with xh tonight so as a few have said the Kings Speech is good I thought I might go and see it tonight. I need to do some housework as since hearing nobody is looking around I have ground to a halt apart from the dishes !

Talking to Rachel and her Relate counsellor told her after the end of a long marriage you typically have a year of grief and a year rebuilding your life. I think at the moment I am aware I am at a crossroads and have the chance to go in various directions but dont know which path to take. As I have the dc and wont leave this area that limits me and forms a lot of my choices. Sometimes I wish I could be really out there and say right I am going to train as a fighter pilot or something

In the meantime I have floors to wash

Have a good day everyone

Had a really great dream about meeting a really lovely bloke that was a kick boxer and he played guitar LOL.
Then woke up and thought about X .
So now I see that she is the only person now after a year that is still feeling sorry for him,every other friend sees him for what he is .only on Sunday did I see a glimpse of what could be ,but dd has a special day coming up and I invited him and he pulled a face.how sad is that ,her daddy doesn't want to be there.he could be there he just doesn't want to.UR right getting ,I think I will be able draw a line under this ,def in the next six months ,especially if I get involved with a fit kick boxer .

hi all
not read thread yet - going to do that later.

things are going well with my bloke (you all know he lives in another country right????)

exh had the kids with his gf for the weekend and things seemed to pass without event until yesterday.

i had an email from him saying that the relationship with her is not turning out how he thought (she has only bee in the country 4 days!!!) she too is from another country and came here to live with him last week. (shakes head)

anyway i feel really uncomfortable now - as though he might be trying to get back in my good books. i am filled with anxiety at the thought of him asking to come back.
i felt really sick when i saw the title of his email that read "I am not happy"

he then sent me another saying that he thought that i was amazing and handled the whole thing with huge dignity (thanks in large part you you lot ).

i replied telling him i was over him and that i wished him all the best

will read thread later in the bath

love to all xxxxxxw

oooh my WQ.

Your STBX is so in need of therapy. When will he ever be happy or settled with anyone.

Just as well your kids have you they can rely on!

Also will catch up later. Having another busy day :)

Patience what you should remember is that glimpse you saw of him is not the man you were living with before, the man you have mostly been dealing with this past year or the man he would be were you to get back together again. I think its possible all these emotions to do with loving him are about loving the man you perhaps spent the early years with and loving a man you wanted him to be but actually he wasnt. Remember you said Spring not summer to be over him [stern look emoticon]

WQ gasp, come on you can tell us doesnt it feel just a little bit fab that your xh is having big regrets ? . Didnt know new man was abroad ..

ET, you're right Norm is confused all right

Getting, the reason he was distant during the court case is because we had this "issue" that had arisen & Norm was burying his head in the sand in denial. He did however keep in touch to see how things were going etc but it was more a case of me saying I didn't want to continue untill the said issued had been addressed. Anyway overall I have to say Norm is a really nice person, he's gentle, v kind, considerate, great in the sack . So I will wait till next week see what he's to say for himself & take it from there. I think it was more a case that he went into panic mode & his defences went right up which lead to emails that he'd prob analysed to death before sending lol. I can understand where he's coming from though & I think we can all have times where we think someone is attacking us & we react to that. This is huge stuff for Norm, he got married young (virgin!)was never unfaithful & met me straight away when he plucked up the courage to date again (spent 6mts studying Match before signing up lol).

Oh Blimey, only 4 hours till my date.

I am petrified! I'm shaking!!

Only 3 hours to get the war paint on...eeekk

Think about me tonight ladies as I step out there for the first time in 13 years :?

Thanks getting,
I think easiest way of explaining my husband is he struggled to do the basics of family life.He is a very selfish individual so was restricted by kids .he has had a year on his own and enjoys the freedom of drinking to excess,having very few responsiblities,and wallowing in self pity.he has cut himself off from anyone that knew him before and his only friend is a 21yo that also has no friends,still lives at home,applies her make up with a trowel,doesn't drive ,binge drinker .on Sunday he was relaxed and happy but I think only because he feels no remorse and really thinks the sun shines out his arse.I also was relaxed and happy and looking fab.he tells me he still loves me,will always care for me ,but since I found out he is still in touch with this girl ,I really feel embarassed for him .his life is to be pitied.I am nearly there.I just want honesty and closure.just one day of him being home would mean checking phones,wondering where he was,having to trip over cans .I am so much better off now ,even if my X is in denial I know I have saved my kids from living in a house with an alcoholic .that's a good thing x

Can I also just say that I had worked out what getting was saying earlier this time last year or the year before that or the year before that LOL.these are huge emotions I am dealing with and an X that never admitted anything.oh the joys of addiction and co dependence.if the heart agreed with our heads ,then their wouldn't be any need for our threads we could all just zip to indifference.I think the relate counsellors time scale sounds about right.

I've only got a sec but,

So glad you're back on here WQ I missed you.

Good luck tonight Kate,

Can't believe he said 'I am not Happy' WQ

I would have said 'tell someone cares'

but your reply was way better than that, well done. (I didn't know new man was abroad either)

Have fun Kate ,take it easy x

I also think before our split I always had excuses for his behaviour ,that said he had such a screwed up childhood no wonder etc etc.but now I see his selfishness is purely through choice ,I think that's probably another reason for his new mellow state.he is living his life exactly as he chooses ,I think he thinks he is king of the castle LOL .

Patience - your ex is exactly like my exh. He can be sweet sometimes but I know that it never lasts long - his aggression always surfaces. I also made excuses for him when I was married. I really feel for you though. Looking back, I think I had stopped really being in love with exh when he left - that makes it easier to move on. And I know what you mean. If only the head would catch up with the heart. I think you're nearly there though. Kick boxing men dreams are a clear signal! I had a horrible dream about exbf last night. I was searching for him and found him in another woman's house...Weirdly, it's only since I met CDman that these dreams have started again.
CDman was sweet. I told him that when we first met, exbf introduced me as "an experiment" at a party. He rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows. "How old was he?" said CDman. When I said 44 he said "Mid life crisis maybe?" Then he emailed to say yes we were definitely going on a date, that was what it was. I thought it was nice after what I told him about exbf. And today he's emailed to say he's on a nightshift and will be back online tomorrow afternoon - just leeting me know. That's a bloody first - a man letting me know where he is!
Kate - good luck my love. Oh, there's nowt worse than the pre date nerves. I couldn't eat anything last Saturday then half way through cuppa with CDman I suddenly realised I really really needed a McDonalds!
Tea - you will be so good at divorce counselling. Anyone getting you will be more than lucky. Go for it girl!
WQ - oh your ex, what a joy he is. Didn't you say that he was already having an affair behind OW's back? The mind boggles. An email entitled "I am not happy" - all about him eh? Thought your reply was great. Well done :)
Starting - confusing situation with Norm but one good thing is that you seem to be in control of the situation and able to weigh things up rationally. You're right to "sit on it" for a bit and I think it will all work out for the best (whatever that ends up being) in the end. You are very strong now and you know what you want and what you deserve.
Getting - stop cleaning floors love. Go and have a trifle :)
Hi Mumfun and Pink.

I think he has poured his heart out to this girl when he was drunk for months,LOL what a loser ,no wonder he is embarrassed ,that makes her the big grown up counsellor LOL.
All this and he cant be arsed to sit and watch his 4yo dd in her show.cut them open and they're full of dust.

Good luck Kate - we are all with you in spirit

Getting, please come and clean my floors.

Hang on I said I had floors to wash not that I was going to do it [sloth emoticon]and I havent

uh-oh poor little four year old son got a cold and having 3 hour nose bleeds into the bargain :(
he was up most of last night and he's worn out, still having nose bleeds and got a temperature.

Aw poor wee guy x

Have u heard from Maybee?

No love - I said I would pm her with train times - must do that, just haven't had time.Will pm her to say I haven't forgotten - she ain't been on here for a while

Wonder how Kate's getting on? Hope it's all good :)

It's not counseling Googoo it's a workshop so I'd listen more and help co-lead a group. Starting will be the brilliant counselor

Read all and retained little it seems

Kate good luck love, he sounds gorgeous!

kate have a fun evening! Mine has been spent transporting back and forth to girl guides; then helping dd1 with Gcse English; such excitement. Not. However ... am off away for the weekend as it is H's turn to be here alone with the girls. Am carefully timing it for a 3 pm train friday so I do not even need to see him. Hurrah! DD2 is spending saturday night camping out as part of Duke of Ed expedition so he gets to deal with wet kit and stroppy tired teenager. Perfect. TBH my only concern is that they eat crap all weekend if I am not here but I just have to rise above it, it won't kill them. H does not cook at all.
Pinksmarties thank you for your kind words about H taking the dog. Miss him (the dog) very much actually. Springer spaniel.
Starting, I do like the concept of a double dumpling, must be a good word to describe a pair or even brace of dumplings ...
tea and cake gosh well done assisting on a course for separated/divorced. You must be feeling strong.
So ladies as I am away all weekend, and my computer is being taken away for cleaning etc tomorrow evening, is it too early to say have a good few days. Goodness knows what will have happened on this thread when I come back ... it moves so fast.

Have a lovely time Off - you deserve it :)
Tea - you will be great at co-leading. Perhaps it could lead to you doing a counselling course? I think you would be fab!
Do you think Kate is still tea drinking? Was that what she was doing?
Off to try and investigate trains to Glasgow - is that the best place to go to Patience? - before poor little one wakes up with yet another nose bleed :(

No I'll leave the counseling to Startingovernow