Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Mumfun, xpost thanks & that you think you'll be having those convo's with h in the future.

Goo, I'm liking CDman more & more . Agree careworkers are special people! It shows great character traits

Starting, popping pills explains a lot. I wondered if there were mental health issues when you described his irrational behaviour but popping pills will have a similar outcome. Hope this is the start of things going in a different direction for you.

DC, my XP's OW offered to leave her adopted dd age 6 with special needs to be with xp. Little did she know that it was ME texting her on xp's phone. I felt sickened, horrified and shamefully elated at the same time. At last I had written proof that she was a scummy mummy. And at least your ex has a caravan. That's more than xp has to his name .

Hugs to u starting ,I saw this really patient guy with the kids today,trampoline took 3 hrs to assemble. He did it wrong but quietly started again,didnt get cross,we had a laugh. He just needed to sort himself out by himself,I don't know if he is seeing anyone but if he stays like this its a huge positive for the kids.

ET, had posted previously xh has plently MH issues triggered by pills & other substance abuse. I know it's prob a bit sexist but I always find it so much harder to comprehend women who leave their dc's for other men. Don't take me up wrong, I equally think it's awful when men do this but I just feel it's worse for a woman who carried a child to then abandon them for a man.

Patience, so glad it all went well for you. Fingers x'd this might be a turn about for us both!

Yes I think this week I took the big step towards amicable co parenting,lose the rage. Embrace anything positive that I can possibly salvage from this mess.

Starting I am so glad your dc had a nice time and the omens look good from moving on from here. It was bound to stir up strong emotions handing them over after such a lot has gone on and I hope his contrition is genuine and translates into action.

DS yes my dc now always see xh with ow and her ds as he lives with them. Her ds sounds like a nice kid and my ds and him are thick as thieves unfortunately it leaves dd a bit in the cold I fear.

Mumfun where are you and your H at with the practicalities ? Are you any further in knowing whether you have a future together ?

Yes Patience bittersweet is an accurate description of the house selling. I need to be sensible though as this is something that needs to happen and so I must make the best of it. On that note I am grateful its selling in this market and for an ok price and need to focus on that. Theres no doubt unless I am careful the anger at this whole thing will surface though and I do not want that. Of course there are so many stages it can all fall apart at so I am not counting my chickens. However it will be nice to be free of the responsibility of running this place and to move on.

I am having problems with dd this past couple of weeks , she seems glum and uncommunicative. She is 12 in a couple of months and I think hormones are kicking in but she has become rude, offhand and full of attitude which I am not dealing with very well. Of course I know all the "thats teenagers " etc but I dont know how best to approach her. All books /advice from those who have been there welcome !!! I had a quick look at the Teenagers forum yesterday but nothing there maybe I need to do a thread of my own.

Yet another grey shit day which doesnt help one look to the future with a song in the heart. Roll on spring.

Waves to all - Happy and Tea hope your absences mean you been having too much fun to MN

Missed last page

yes Patience anything that can be salvaged as positive has to be clung on to although I think I have said before how wearing it can be constantly looking on the bright side !

Elsie lol @ scummy mummy !!

See you later everyone

Starting, yes I think do recall you describing XH's MH problems. Sorry, rubbish memory atm . A lot of people who abuse drugs/alcohol are just self medicating becasue things are out of control so I guess he had/is having a crisis. No excuse though. I mean I'd love the luxury of having a major MH crisis and absolve myself of the responsibility of being mum to ds, running the house, paying the bills etc.

I grapple with the sexism of women being seen as so much worse than men if they leave their children. But deep down someting tells me that is fundamentally wrong for a woman to leave her child. And for ANYONE to leave their child because thier lover asks them to is EVIL.

Getting, my sympathies re dd. My dd was a vile teenager but she's lovely now. I don't really have much advice as I just muddled through. I don't think anything I could do would have altered her mood. Just try and be a constant when she tests you.

Patience, I do hope that this is the start of a new phase.

Hi to everyone else. Got to take the dog out and visit my friend who was burned in a house fire at the weekend.

Hi all, just a quick post to confirm that I am in the land of the living.

Lurking on thread but rushing about so hard to keep up.

Busy weekend with cinema, party, karaoke, sleepover with friend, trip to two year old birthday party, mman chatting and plenty of piano playing

Back to reality this morning with work and ds at home ill in bed. That'll be the late night chatting hes been doing with a girl at school then.... Hes as bad as his mother.

Hope your friend is ok Elsie, sounds awful.

Back later

Oh bloody hell elsie hope she is ok x

hello getting my beautiful, wonderful dd is now 19 was an absolute horror between 13 and 16 - awful, uncommunitive - said some dreadful things.

Then, like Kevin the teenager - she emerged form it and is lovely. It's a stage...a long hard one but they get through it..

Well, I have a date - going for a cup of tea with running man on Wed in Town, spoke to him for nearly 3 hours yesterday when the girls were out.

Wish me luck!

Have fun Kate x

Hope goes very well Kate :)

Also Elsie - hope your friend is recovering well - does sound shocking.

As for me in summary, things were good with H to Xmas. Bad over New Year and got worse since then. Hes such a mix - kind at some point and in crisis at others. Am really pushing him on some stuff at present - so will be interesting to see what he does. Is a bit shocked by something told to him yesterday. BUt life goes on and to quote others it is what it is. Kids generally happy and some good stuff happening for DS

thanks ladies I am going to talk to dd after school just to check in its nothing to do with moving or xh living at ows etc. Also to let her know I will endeavour to be understanding about growing up/hormones etc but there will be boundaries ! Just a bit sad to be "losing" my lovely dd on top of everything else.

God Elsie that sounds scary hope shes ok.

Glad you are ok Happy

Thats some summary Mumfun ! A woman of few words !

Have fun Kate you deserve it!

Oops, sorry to alarm anyone. My friend has partial and full thickness burns to fingers and thumbs on both hands. She was taken to the burns unit but not admitted. She needed to change the dressings today and although she is also a nurse can't do her own dressings so I popped round to help her out. Her 15 year old son accidentally set fire to a duvet with a candle. No damage to the house but the duvet and sofa didn't do so well. It's really shaken her though.

I'm preparing myself to go back to work this weekend. GP wanted to sign me off for another month with depression but I asked for 2 weeks and my boss has agreed that I can try 1 shift per week for a couple of weeks. I'm dreading it. If I can survive one shift it will be a huge achievement as the last shift I did I couldn't stop crying and that was the point that I realised I was having a "breakdown" - not a medical term I know, but I was in a bad way mentally. I didn't mention it much on here as I couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time. I didn't realise how bad it was until I started to feel better.

Hope you are all ok on this grey, murky day. x

That's great ur feeling strong enough to try a shift elsie,just keep looking after urself x

Getting I remember reading that girls are programmed to want to be attractive to blokes from about 12yo.just all the insecurities that they shouldn't have to worry about become big news.
Can u go for a beauty treat together,a file and polish, neck and shoulder massage,girlie time.
Don't know if u treat urself but teach her the act of the pamper.it will be UR regular time to talk.find a therapist big on natural beauty,phone around.then she won't go thru any major hair and make up blunders.less is more,healthy is good.u will still have big barney's but u will have fab nails.use it as a bonding time.beauty therapists are used to hearing lots of stuff and are greboysat listeners u will get cool mum points and can have a coffee herbal tea after UR appointment ,they do want to talk to us but their brains are under construction,that's why they flip,but they are on a journey too.also warn her boys are horny as hell and want to practice their moves so don't take them v seriously,all about self esteem,playing them at their own game,u need to read why men love bitches. She will love all snippets of boy knowledge ,just keep talking,this is true serenity UR searching for now ,everything b 4 was just practice.

Great listeners ......

Ok ordered broadband from bt can't be bothered waiting any longer.

Patience that sounds good although dd is already very taken with her appearance . I think maybe we could start with some home pampering as I have a foot spa and do face packs and stuff . Great idea thankyou

Well I feel a lot better had a chat and it was fine I think most of it went in and hopefully she knows its all born of love not trying to spoil her fun. I think she has had concerns about where we will be living and where xh will be so was good to talk over.

Patience is spot on and I need to help her find other things to do that we can do together or partly together only got cooking so far !!

Sov just read your post on the other thread and I feel for you , such hard work and no respite. As for him walking out if you try and pop out while he has them - prat. I think I said a long time ago one day you will have a wonderful little army of your own and it will all be worth it

Off football training back later

I just think kids do want to talk to their adults but usually shout when no one pays them any attention ,if u can "keep the heid" when that's happeningur half way there .Great if she respects u enough to share with u that's a good sign.its just a different kind of toddler,positive praise when she does well,rewards for good behaviour.bloody hard work to be consistent.its just noticing stuff isn't it and not ignoring it.any luck house hunting ?

ET - we realised you were very bad at the time, and it is so lovely to see you getting stronger, you are doing so well. I am pleased you are going back to work as I think it will do you good even though you are dreading it. Its good that your boss as agreed to reduced shifts for a little while but if it feels too much go back to your GP. I actually found going to work good for me, even though I really didnt want to be there.

I agree Rom,I had to get out my bed early everyday because of feeding animals ,its what go me thru it .

Getting, my girls are nearly 15 and nearly 13 so I feel for you...
I really do recommend a book called "What about the children" by Julie Lynn Evans, its about children and divorce but I thought it was fab. It has sections devoted to different aged children and I find it really helpful.
i agree about the pampering. we had help from a child psychologist because of dd2s extra needs and she said even making time to watch a tv programme together was a good thing - then you can chat and have a laugh about it later. So for example dd1 stays up tonight to watch Silent Witness with me and we have a super talk usually about it (she is interested in forensics!!)
We do cookery; we do poring through clothes catalogues in minute detail (never normally buy anything). We do sorting out clothes, deciding what to pass on to whom. We do quite a lot with photos, eg editing and then I print out and put in albums. She does a lot of art for GCSE and I never moan about it being all over the table. I do try the talking in the car thing but she often will not talk to me but on a longish journey I do try and ban head phones. We also have a no computers in bed room rule so she is always out in the kitchen or sitting room near me.
Hope there are a few ideas there.

sorry didn't quite finish ...
Starting, thanks for your prize for H. I think he earned it this weekend. Am I being unreasonable to say, he comes here for 3 nights, drinks all the wine I'v bought, eats the food, swans around with the kids, and doesn't even bring a box of chocolates? Why is this annoying me I wonder. It is so nothing in the great scheme of things but boy, is he self centred. Yes I know technically he has paid for it but he has made it abundantly clear (in words, too) that this is no longer his home.
Elsie, of course he hasn't thought about the three hour drive to get dd2 if he ever does get a place she can get into. Let alone the fact he will have to take the motability vehicles which means he will have to leave his car for me. And therefore drive back again.
Patience, here is your thought for the day: praeterita mutare non possumus. ( we cannot change the past) So let us get out there and change the future.

And breathe. And enjoy wine.

Offschool - that is great 'we cannot change the past' think I will have it engraved somewhere to remind me. We will change the future definitely!!