Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

ARGGHHH, Fuming muchly, text X yesterday and asked if he was coming to see DC and what time, he said yes 2pm?, i replied saying no were at DM's for dinner how about 4?
He didnt text back so i just assumed he would turn up, 4.15 i ring him, no answer, have text him saying assuming your not coming, no answer, so i text again saying he best have a good reason for letting them down and that they had been looking forward to seeing him and were now disappointed and i was not happy about this as i wont have them upset by him and either he sees them regulary or not at all, again NO ANSWER, grr am so pissed off, is this what my futures going to be? never knowing if he's going to turn up or if he's going to let them down?
He see's them regular for a while and i start to relax then he just doesnt turn up again, think the novelty wears off grrr

Rant over, as you were, will be back later :o

Feel for u sov hope dcs are ok

about 3 minutes after i posted my last message he text saying he sorry, he's elbow deep in car and will call later, not good enough tbh and i will be telling him that too!!!

DC were a bit upset but some good ol fashioned bribery did the trick on them :o

Starting, missed your earlier posts - it takes me ages to type as I get distracted all the time. What you described sounded so poignant, like something out of Kramer vs Kramer (are you old enough to remember that?). But it sounds like he is puting the dc's first. I do hope they have had a nice time together.

Patience, you little minx in your skinnies . It doesn't do to let these men think we'll go to rack and ruin without them.

Sov, so sorry that your ex let the dc's down. And of course he's letting you down too. My xh did this once or twice when I had to go to work and it made me realise that I had to expect absolutely nothing to avoid any disappointment. Hard for the dc's though and sad that it didn't take much to console them. But please remember that this is his loss. You are not there to clear his mess up and one day he will have to face the consequences of his actions. Even if it's when he's in a nursing home and wondering why none of his kids come to visit him.

Taking ds out for his favorite Chinese buffet in a minute. Even my bras don't fit and I'm a really weird size so at £25-£30 a shot it's cheaper to stuff myself with junk .

Patience things sound good, that really is cheering.
Isn't it funny how people show loyalty/or not; perhaps they don't always realise what they're doing when they indulge their curiosity to meet OW - i cannot imagine they will get together much as they live 4 or 5 hours by car apart and the friends in question are always incredibly busy pandering to their own dcs.
Goo where did you meet cd man, sounds really a nice chap. I do agree about these websites, I have just looked on match.com and they are frightening, but if you look at the nice blokes you know and picture their faces on such a line up, one would probably never speak to them either! so how on earth do you meet someone nice on an internet site? as i have only given it one week I will have to muse further ...Elsie that disease sounds grim, what is it??
Starting is that 7 months your dcs have not seen their dad? wow that is a long time to be on your own with them.
Patience, I shall investigate some cheering Latin sentences for you ...!!my brain now has something to work on while I cook a proper roast supper for H and the dcs ...hope you can see the halo from where you are

UR halo is glowing permanently off school IMO

Hi Everyone

offschool a roast ? Yep halo is intact. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate one way or another. It all sounds weird re your ow funding xh etc..you sound very sorted though ?

Patience loving the sass, great you are back on the up I hope you had a nice chill time without the dc x

starting well done on serenity re handover I hope the visit went smoothly and they are safe and sound back home now

googoo great posts your man sounds like he might be nice company and some fun, agree alpha males are a no go !

elsie stop talking about having to fatten up I cant stop eating and its 23 days after I was meant to be making a start . Everything go ok with xp and football glad he looks like crap he deserves imo.

Sov sorry about your xh I am glad xh sticks to our times to the letter I couldnt be as calm as you are.

House sold yesterday so thats good I suppose.

Back later

Congratulations on the sale.I know it must be bitter sweet but at least the wheels are turning.

Ok sky just phoned re broad band ,wait for it ,turns out they don't do it in my area ,after all this time he ran a check and they can't do it .

Spoke to ex about her being on the phone when he calls, was serene, didn't shout...just explained that for those 10 mins he should be devoting time to them.

also said that it wasn't conducive to my relationship to the girls when they get off the phone and start talking about her having a 'sleepover' in my bed. I told him - I had no wish to discuss her with them.

He's not happy - will said he will think about it. I told him that I will be answering the phone tonight and it had better be only him...or he needn't bother ringing.

so we'll see...you could tell he was annoyed at having to tell her that she couldn't speak to them...expect he won't bother ringing them now.

Nothing wrong with setting boundaries IME Kate ,its all about respect imo.did u c the ILs this weekend. I remember thinking UR fil was fab x

Just quickly Starting and Patience - you both did good! :)

Getting, I'm not skinny by any stetch of the imagination but all the size 12s (used to be 14/16) I bought in Manhattan in Sept are too big and I don't want to splash out on more clothes. Also, at my age I need a bit of fat to fill the wrinkles out . Hope you feel ok about the house sale.

Offschool, Sinding Larsen Johanssen disease is basically "growing pains" when the quads cause pain in the growth plate of the kneecap = very painful knee(s). At it's worst ds was limping badly and in a lot of pain even at night. Nothing major and ds will hopefully grow out of it in 1-2 years. In the meantime he has to have physio, do twice daily exercises to strengthen the quads and abstain from all sports when it flares up.

Kate, hope he phones and gives the girl his undivided attention.

Patience, Sky are unbelievable. I'm with them too but just fro telly not broadband. They tried to sell it to me and then when they checked didn't cover my area either. Do I live in the back of beyond? No, I live in UK's 2nd largest city. They just read from a script when they phone. So impersonal.

Been out for a nice meal with ds and the bill came to less than £30 because there's no xp guzzling lager at restaurant prices. Bonus!

Starting and Patience - agree with Mumfun - well done.
And remember: living well is the best revenge
Kate - still angry at your exh - he'll think about it. Eh? He's phoning your house, so your rules. In my new warrior mode I would be tempted to take phone out of kids' hands and quietly put it down if you can hear OW talking to them. Fucking cheek she's got. She's such a lovely person eh? Patience is right - it's about respecting you. He ain't done it up to now but under your rules he's going to have to. He can "think" all he bloody likes. Then he can do it your way.
Sov - so sorry your ex let your kids down. What a wally. Sounds like they were ok though. They've got you and that's the mst important thing to them :)
Getting - well done on selling the house. I know it's shit for you right now but Patience is right - it's allowing you to move on to the next part of your journey and ultimately that's a good thing.
Elsie - in awe of you managing to be bothered to go outside and clean a trampoline lol. Hope you stuff yourself at the buffet. Sounds bloody great :)
Offschool - halo well and truly intact - you're fab :)
Getting - weird story with CD man. I met him on Guardian website same as exbf - we were chatting on there, then exchanged email addresses and he sent me songs. Then I went on a date with exbf, then another one, told CDman, then after second date with exbf surprise, surprise he went a bit offish and I emailed CD man upset, saying I felt a bit heartbroken and he said "Selfish people aren't worth it, they just make you feel bad" (how true eh?) and sent me some funny songs to cheer me up. Then I went to a party with exbf, where he introduced me to an exgf as "an experiment" but decided we should go for it. And stupidly I was so flattered after his umming and ahing that I agreed. So I diodn't email CDman again, until this November, when I found an email from him and asent one saying "remember me?" and he emailed saying "of course I do!" and then we had a chat, sent each other music and met. I should have met him a year ago instead of twunt exbf. Life might have been less stressful. Not sure if anything is going to happen with CDman but he's really good company and we're definitely going to be mates :)

Elsie just so glad to see your acerbic humour back we missed it [smil

Ooooh googoo didnt realise you already had a past with CDman !

Bloody hell. There's a programme on at mo on BBC Four about fairness. This professor has just asked the audience whether it's fair that Wayne bloody Rooney earns more than a care worker (£10 million last year / care worker £12,500). This girl in her twenties said "Yeah, it's fair cos, like, Wayne Rooney does more exercise and he entertains lots of people. Care workers, like, don't do lots of exercise (really?!!!) and they're not, like, entertaining"
The mind fecking boggles.

Lol Getting - yeah, sort of. I found all our emails from last October, when I was really upset about fb bard (exbf) saying he wasn't really interested in me and I was really upset etc etc. Really, that whole relationship started badly, with me walking on eggshells and him being selfish and distant and me depserately trying to play it cool and be what he wanted. It was really sad and a bit moving to re read the emails the other day. And also CDman's replies. He could have been a member of this thread, saying "He sounds so selfish, tell him to f off, people who are selfish make you feel bad about yourself and noone needs that. Try and eat some soup and I'll send you a song to cheer you up". Been wasting my time on the wrong man all along, when this other, perfectly lovely bloke, was trying to ask me out. Lol. Thing is, now I would rather go out with a normal man than with a rugged unobtainable one. I think I needed the relationship with exbf to teach me that. So that's one big silver lining :)

GGM, I work in a care home and I can vouch for the fact that care workers are indeed very entertaining . I'd like to see Wayne Rooney do the job that my colleagues do although given his track record with older women I don't think he'd even get an interview . I often get on my soapbox about what a raw deal careworkers get most of whom are women (don't get me started on that one!) Grrr

Blimey, this thread has moved on!

Evening ladies. Just read through the posts..

Starting, I am your day in court is over for now. Hope you are not worrying too much about the outcome still. I cannot wait to be at the stage where the judge bangs his gavel (does that actually happen...hmmmm) and declares it over.

Kate, Ex H and his GF are a package. They are always together. I did have a light-hearted chat with him about the fact that he only sees DC when her DD is also there...and that was unfair (GF's DD lives with her father as GF gave up custody to move into Ex H's caravan). It means that him and GF get all this lovely, quality alone time yet his quality time with the boys is also spent with her DD. I've given up now tbh.

When I went to pick up DC today I had a massive smile on my face and forced myself to smile and communicate with him. She just sat in the background looking utterly miserable. He looked tired and kept yawning, without covering his mouth...something I used to HATE! I just smiled and thought "You two are welcome to each other".

I've bought Merlin passes this year and am going to plan lots of short breaks away to Alton Towers etc just to give myself something to look forward to.

Tea, Getting, Patience and all the other lovely ladies, hope you are all well.

Well all went well with xh & dc's had a great time . When I collected them xh started talking to me & said I didn't have to stick to financial agreement in court last wk. He said he was happy to go along with anything I decided . I told him I would prefer dc's to have flexible access & that he could have them mid wk also if he wanted to. I also said that when things have settled down a bit that maybe he could get involved in ds's hurling. He told me he'd lost everything but he wanted to look after dc's & if he made any extra money he'd sent it down (xh has always been generous to a fault). He said he'd done me wrong! He was v upset when he said this & look close to breaking down. He said he'd been popping pills & didn't know what he was doing half the time. I ended up blurting out "you know how much I loved you I'd have done anything for you". I then said I just wanted things to be ok for dc's & he said that he really wanted that too. Whole thing was v sad. F*k I loved him so much & he threw it away for f*k all . He looked broken but I had remind myself that he was the same man that was insane last wk in court so will take it one step at a time. Would love to believe that this might be the first step of moving into stability for dc's but time will tell. I also decided as we were talking to broach subject of court cases & I told him I'd got a call about them on thurs. He said he knew they were coming up but that I could have them stopped if I wanted . I said I couldn't & that I didn't want dc's to be affected by it but that I was prepared to testify that we now had an amicable relationship & that xh was doing his best to sort things out with dc's. Dc's had a fab time & were v happy so I really really hope things will be ok from now on.

Hi DC - I've missed your arrival cos I wasn't on here for a bit. Your exh's girlfriend gave up custody of her kids to live with him in a caravan?!!! She sounds like a caring treat. These people eh? Looks like she's miserable anyway - she's welcome to him and his caravan eh? :) Good idea about short trips with DCs.
Elsie - CDman is a care worker. He does respite care for adults with different levels of learning disabilities. That was a big point in his fabour with me. Care workers are ace in my book. And as you say, not only very patient but creative and entertaining. All for feck all money. Lol Wayne Rooney and his track record. Too right! And after years and years of having to watch him and the other wallies as exh screamed at the telly, I can honestly say he's never entertained me once :)

Starting - I'm sad for you. But glad your kids had a good time and I think you're right to be cautious but also to see how things pan out with exh and DCs. Much love x

Goo and Elsie - Also agree about careworkers being fab people. And Goo -big plus to me that CDman does job like that!

DS - urghhh - also cant believe (but sadly can) that exh girlfriend gave up custody kids. What is wrong with these women!?

Starting - feelings shine through so much in your post. Glad for the good things for DCs but you are so right to be cautious. You just dont know where pills etc can get people. I can see me having similar conversations with H in future- him being generous, me saying I loved him so much. Urghhhh. LOts of hugs too!

Sov, sorry to hear your xh has left the dc's down again. It's so sad when they do that isn't it

ET, yes xh didn't see dc's for past 7mts & before that there was a period of 5mts that he didn't see them so this has been v hard. Glad you had a nice meal out with ds . Sorry to hear your xp is in such a state, it's sad to see what these men do to themselves when they had nice lives & f**ked it all up! Glad to hear it's not anything too serious with ds. Am 38 & not sure abour Kramer vs Kramer as ours was more like Battle of the Roses lol

Kate, your xh is unbelieveable. How can he possibly thing what he's doing is ok?

Off, hope your xh appreciates the effort your making to keep things ok for dc's.

Getting, really sorry to hear about the house but like others have said I hope this will be the first step to something even better .

Goo, that's a lovely story about CDman . Sometimes though we can only appreciate the good ones after experiencing the bad ones so maybe you are ready for him now

Sun, glad to hear you're feeling upbeat & that you've made plans to do nice things yourself . No gavel banged here lol but judge did say something to the effect of hope you get on with ye're lives now etc but think that was just cause ours was particularly bad lol.