Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Ah Goo, am so pleased for you . CDman sounds lovely & your post made me well up (am overly emotional atm anyway ). Am really pleased for you & thanks for your kind words.

Patience, hope tomorrow goes well for your dc's.

Kate, you are an amazing woman, hats off to you

Off, you too are an amazing woman to have so much on your plate & still to be able to behave in such a dignified way. Glad to hear you have planned a holiday for yourself, I'd say it's badly needed. It does indeed sound strange that the ow is prepared to fund your xh & relocate into the boot , strange indeed! How truly horrible of your xh to have blamed you for your inability to be spontaneous . I'm sure given the option you'd love the freedom to be spontaneous .

ET, you are indeed correct in that anything xh gets from settlement (as far as I can see will be siezed by the bank). This does mean he pays less maintenance!

Ah -nice one ,epiphany

All i know is UR xbf was a dope head that couldn't pay maintenance for his kids and fannies around being creative,he is early twenties if he is lucky emotionally,cd man sounds grounded and is a project,u can enjoy his company and he is sending u his rota.

Bloke texted me,just out the blue.bit but made me realise I'm not that far away from moving on.

Ggm hope UR not offended by my take on UR xbf,just wanted u 2 hear it out loud,u can do soooo much better than him,did u ever read why men love bitches.she just asks why would u be with someone that hurts u,it just gets worse.

Waves to starting ,hope u can do something nice while the muppet does the puppets x

God Patience, will all the books I have I must have missed that one. Am off in search of Why Men Love Bitches.................this is obviously where I am going wrong, must be too nice . Agree on your description above on Goo's exbf.

Ah Patience, you've just made me laugh outloud despite my misery . While the muppet does the puppets , I love it .

Am stuffing a Terry's orange into me & DYING for a cig! Why the f**k did I smoke?? Just saw a taxi pull up at neighbours & tbh if I'd reacted quickly enough I'd have ran out in my dishevelled state & asked taxi driver to go to 24hr garage up the road & buy me cigs!

That was BEAUTIFULS recommendation.it is full of stuff about being a challenge,invite them for dinner and feed them canned hot dogs on sticks so they never ask u to cook for u again.they have to earn a meal from scratch.
Ggm I think that means u only peel a man's tomatoes if he is treatin ya damn fine in and out of bed x

Other gems are if UR in company and bloke says something sleazy,offensive etc,just walk away leave his company.will try this one myself because I find loads of men offensive.

Need some killer heels.need to pay of Xmas credit card so I can buy some sexy shoes and tight fitting shirts ,feel a prowl coming on .......

Have pondered - emailed ex and told him that the 10 mins he has on the phone to the girls is 'his' time to talk to them...and his gf is not to be on the phone at the same time.

God, she is so different to me - part of the attration I'm sure...but I can be in my kitchen and I can actually hear her bellowing and cackling on the phone to my girls...she's that loud!

Let's see what fuckwit says to my request....

Ah, Patience, you sound a million times better. Make sure your x sees the feisty you if he comes round later .
Starting, can't believe your x. I mean why fight for something you can't keep? He should have let you keep the lot to benefit his kids.
GGM, glad you liked cdman. I know how you feel about choosing bad'uns. XP is an unpleasant person; cruel, selfish and cold. It's left me totally unsure of my ability to choose a decent man. Not that I've got anyone on the horizon to choose from .
Kate, you're a star. Can you come and fix my shower ?
Sov, did you get your benefits sorted? And did you ever find out who made the complaint?
Offschool, hope your weekend is going ok. How will it work when your dd can go to her father's? Will it be every other weekend and who will do the 3 hour drive?

XP is coming to collect ds for football this morning. As long as ds is all ready there won't be any need for me to clap eyes on XP. Just got this feeling he's going to ask to speak to me about something. Perhaps I'll be in the shower.

Happy, Tea, are you ok? Hope everyone's having a good day.

Kate, that is a perectly reasonable request. Your girls have lots of your exclusive time. The least he can do is give them 10 minutes of his time without her breathing down his neck. She should respect that. If they don't agree then you can conclude that he is unreasonable and she is disrespectful. But I hope he sees sense.

Patience - whil the muppet does the puppets - pmsl! Lovely to have you back to your best :)
And of course I'm not offended by your description of exbf. It's compeletely accurate and I love it on here when people give their honest opinions of exes. I think it helps me to cut through all the sentimental shit and remember the reality.
Kate - good on you for emailing that. That's what I woudl have done. My exh's 21 year old is about as different as you could get from me. And my two blokes after exh have been completely different to him.
Patience - let me know if you feel up to a prowl or even a cuppa - hopefully meeting with Maybee on 5th - we could come and say hello
Hi Maybee! Going to look at trains today and pm you. Hope you are well love
Tea, Sov - not heard from you both for a bit. Hope you are ok. I too was wondering whether you'd found out who dobbed you in. Still can't get over that one. Hope it's getting sorted love - what a bloody cheek.
Well, going to have a really lazy day today. Find it really hard to do nowt but I'm going to give it a go!

Morning Ladies,

ET, my appointment about the fraud claim is on the 8th feb dont think they are allowed to tell you who made the complaint but will certainly be asking

KAte, WTG on the washing machine, X still volunteers to do things like that but am going to attept all that myself(sov wonders if theres anywhere that does DIY courses)

Starting, will be thinking of you today and sending you strength

Patience, your definately sounding better, am so glad

Goo, yay for epiphany, hope you feel a bit better, how did it go with letter for Head teacher?

Ok operation trampoline going well ,wore my black skinny jeans and bent over sticking my bum out on several occasions,feeling better for that although it hasn't resulted in his tearful apology and promising to undertake months of therapy to keep our marriage going,so making coffee instead,

Ok my house is officially tidy again ,dumped 4 boxes of toys on ex a crane and a car track.
This amicable parenting is great ,he did the trampoline wrong four times and didn't get cross.unheard of before.he is either coming out his doom or in love.anyway not crabbit so it was a lovely morning.away to buy fags we are officially the coolest kids on the street with our 12 ft trampie.I see this as a great social opportunity for kids and me ,I can ask fit men to come over for a bounce.going to grow sweet peas in the summer.X told me someone he was great friends with has cut him off because of the way he treated us.I commend that man.
thinking of u starting,

Hello ladies. I got an e mail round robin letter type thing from a "friend" this morning, one of those we are all sisters together type things. YOu are meant to send it back to her with a nice message. Now she and her husband are very very old friends of H and mine; I met her first (ie they were not H's friends before) a week after I very first met H (20 years ago?) and her H is god father to our youngest. But I now know that they have met H and OW and had dinner or lunch with them somewhere smart (a stately home type place ). She does not know I know this but let me say I consider is far from sisterly. So do I a) ignore her sisterly e mail; b) send it back with a nice but fake message; c) send it back telling her what I really think of her version of sisterhood ..I am enjoying spending my Sunday morning when I should be working, considering my response and thought it might amuse you to formulate one or two for me ...

Oh panicked there off school cos I received it too. I thought u were going to say don't forward it cos its a virus,and I had forwarded this one ,cos generally I never do ,can't be arsed.
I wouldn't reply and if ever asked say u read online that a new virus was attatched to that email.I.can honestly say I don't spend much time swithering on such things anymore,UR either with me on my journey or not so at this point school I would have probably thought fuck off u duplicitous bitch .I commend integrity as very few actually stood by me .I have zero tolerance on all those with a wishy washy sense of purpose .
Hope UR cool,can u do us some Latin now and again,just handy classical one liners to motivate and inspire.
going to read today or go to my pal if she is in.

Doing fags chocolate and dvd instead , I hope my sloth doesn't back fire on me .

Offschool - don't reply and if she replies asking why you haven't, don't reply again. Slience is a good weapon I find.
Patience - lol re bouncing with fit men on trampoline. Fags and chocolate here too :) Just been to supermarket for cuppa with friend.
CDman just sent me his rota - we are not off together at all next month. Will have to be creative. Yesterday he said he wasn't on website anymore cos the women on there seemed to be looking for a cross between Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt and he wasn't rugged he was ragged! I said yeah all the blokes on these sites have pictures of them climbing mountains etc and it kind of put me off cos I don't so that sort of thing. And he said I just go to work, make me tea, go for a pint sometimes, visit me sister and her kids that must make me a bit boring. And I thought, no mate, that makes you a nice guy with no ego :)

Patience, am loving having men over for a bounce

Old, I agree, your "friend" has already shown where her loyalty stands so prob better to ignore. I would only reply if she had also shown support to you i.e. if she was trying to be supportive to both sides then maybe it would be worth trying to sort out. However if she has pretty much ignored you up to now well then there's your answer. I also got a shock when I first started to read your post as I got that email too from a fellow dumpling & thought she'd also sent it to you & that you'd taken it the wrong way or something .

Goo, cdman sounds lovely & v down to earth. Pity your schedules are so busy atm.

Well dc's dropped to xh & all went well . To be fair to him it must have been v hard meeting his dc's at side of road with people passing by after 7mts of not seeing them. Ds ran straight over & kept holding his hand , youngest dd who I expected to be full of chat (& would be type to ask straight out if he'd sorted himself out yet )ended up actually being v shy & holding on to me a bit. I pushed her forward & said do you want to give daddy a hug. Sad where it's all ended up & would so love to think we could move forward from here & that xh & I could have a good co-parenting relationship but sadly have my doubts due to past history! Anyway, onwards & upwards. I too confess to having just bought cigs again .

One thing I did notice with xh is that when youngest dd started hiding behind me & clinging on to me is that he stood back but kept trying to make conversation. I could see the doubt flicker in his eyes & that he was prob afraid that youngest dd was going to get afraid & refuse to go with him. When she was clinging to me it did look for a moment like she might get upset which is why I encouraged her to give daddy a hug. Anyway I felt he showed some level of understanding to how hard it was for dc's so hopefully this is a good sign. Equally with eldest dd he stood back giving her a chance to settle into it (xh can be v overbearing at times i.e. jump straight in hugging them to death) & when I was driving off I saw him give her a hug but not in an overpowering way.

Ok, off to do a quick burst of cleaning......

Patience, you've inspired me to start cleaning our trampoline. It was under a tree so full of dead leaves and moss etc as I wasn't in a fit state to sort it last autumn. It's come up a treat with a bit of bio washing powder and hot water .

Offschool, definitely ignore the email. She'll probably not even realise. If she's let you down then you owe her nothing.

I took the dog for a long walk when ds went to football and actually invited xp in to talk. The thing is, there are things we need to talk about as ds has recently been diagnosed with Sinding Larsen Johansson disease (which is not nearly as serious as it sounds) but he has hospital and physio appointments that we have to communicate about. He commented on my weight loss - I said I felt great and was enjoying stuffing myself as none of my clothes fit anymore. We didn't talk about us or him or ow, just discussed general stuff related to ds. At one point he said, I suppose you're feeling much better because I'm not around any more which I ignored. Martyr. He looked bloody awful. His bald patch has doubled in size and he looked absolutely worn out, about 10 years older. He stood next to me and I had to move away because of his halitosis. If I passed him in the street I wouldn't give him a second glance. I tried to broach buying him out of the house but didn't get very far before he started moaning about how he would have to start from scratch with nothing. I resisted the temptation to say what goes around comes around or you reap what you sow. I feel quite perky now .

Getting, hope you've recovered from the sleepover. Glad I've got a boy as I think it's more of a girl thing.

After building trampoline Ds asked X if mummy could come too when the went to his house.
Dd said if u marry someone else daddy ,that will make mummy sad.
Can't believe how much I have grown emotionally in one week.
I feel I am letting go of my marriage but with the pressure of marriage away my X has a peace about him .
Today I feel he will be involved in his kids lives.

I think you needed the emotional downer to come up again even stronger Patience. Glad that things have been peaceful. Bless your ds. Kids have a great way of articulating very complex situations.

This inception is bloody hard work eh anyone else seen it ,away for a fag .

starting u did so well keeping it calm at the handover ,sending u and urs positive
energies.

elsie hi 5 for the trampoline x