Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Holds Dumpling award aloft with one hand, while texting sexy runner with other and glass of Pinot in the other :)

Hello I have not been on for a couple of days, but hello.
Feel exactly like you about doing all the drudge and then Holiday Armadillo comes for the weekend to see the girls and can be all jolly/perfect dad.
My younger dd has had a session with the child psychologist this afternoon, followed by a joint session with H, the idea being she can express her (negative) feelings about being bullied into a holiday with OW and OW's child at Easter. I had to go out while it was happening so have not heard result yet. No doubt H managed to bully her further with various emotional blackmail techniques to agree to it. I arrived back to find H, two dds and one friend of older dd all happily eating the supper I had cooked for them, playing happy families.
I do wonder what goes through his head. What on earth does he think when he comes here, from OW's house, for the weekend? No idea if he likes it, hates it, feels he can take his socks off and relax, absolutely zero idea what is in his head. Now here for the weekend. I must admit my feelings have changed over the past few months from feeling I could kill him to quite a degree of indifference, so that is a good thing.

Offschool, God that sounds horrific for your dd that he's trying to bully her into going on holiday with ow . How long does your xh plan to keep staying at your house at w'ends? Must be a complete invasion of your privacy. Well done for remaining so detached!

Kate, enjoy the texting . Must reactivate my match profile

Kate keep an eye on his extremes vis a vis your girls its no good claiming total detachment at the cost of putting your foot down at behaviour that may be affecting them. This goodnight stuff is way off the scale imo.

Starting . Dont worry about cigs you will soon stop its just a temporary blip in transmission ! Does the new ruling start this coming sunday ?

Offschool does he stay at yours then when he sees the dc or is this a one off ? Where and how long is holiday for ?

Oh and I meant to say I saw on LP that someone suggested an LP camping/caravan holiday ! Joking apart can you imagine how much fun that could be you know like a festival vibe man. Mumfun , Happy if you dont feel up to Glastonbury that could be next best thing. I tell you what after this week I would love a week of not washing , camp fires and burnt sausages and just not giving a toss. Perfect.

Getting It would do no good what so ever if I spoke to him - like he said...he puts her first. If she wants to talk to them...then he will make it happen.

The girls seem quite happy with it, he only sees them one night in the week and every other fortnight (when he packs them off to his mums for one of the days) so I don't think they risk getting too attached. They thought it was quite fun tonight talking to both of them.

He is just moving her into wife mode - if I talk to him...he will simply tell me that she is now his life partner and soulmate and will be the girls stepmum when they move in together and get married.

I don't see this attention to the girls from her lasting - maybe till she's got the ring on her finger.

I'm the stability in their lives - and they are my top priority. If I start putting my foot down, it will cause disruption - put me open to abuse (like when she rang me last time!) and he will tell the girls that its big bad mummy who won't let him see him and her..as they now come as a couple.

He's playing father of the year for her benefit not theirs. If I say she is not to see them..he would simply not see them either.

Kate I am in awe of u .end of ,at this stage I would have rammed the phone up her bloody arse.

Ok I understand I didnt mean to sound critical , its a scenario beyond my comprehension tbh Kate

Hey! Didn't take it critically - can't change how other people act...just my reaction to it.

He's a dick of the highest order - and he would drop his girls like a shot.

Don't think we've seen his like b 4 on this thread re ow involved with dcs so soon.
That's the thing its all so BONKERS what we have to deal with ,wtf are these guys on ,its like we have to deal with damage limitation re our kids emotional stability everyday.that's what stressed me out,total responsibility.just wondering how much influence he wants.tbh I think It's Sundays when he can be bothered and that's it .he is happy with that,his conscious is clear.new boiler was working they switched it off to set something now its not working whoopy fucking doo.

Kate, I agree with Patience that your xh is way out there in extreme/unacceptable behaviour but I remember from your previous posts that he's tunnel vision atm so all you can do really is keep detaching & making sure your dd's are ok. I really do think you are showing outstanding personality traits though in how you've handled all this

Patience, ggrrrrr at the frustration of your boiler!

Getting, yes access is to be started this Sun. I just feel really let down by the system tbh. I agree that dc's should have access & in fact would love to have every second w'end free & be able to have a life . But reality is this is the same man that was so unstable last wk that he fired his solicitor in court . I've no idea where he's living, no phone number, don't know what car his driving, no idea what he's involved in (but what I do know is not good) & I've to hand over dc's to play happy families. Solicitor rang me this afternoon (to make sure I was going to hand over dc's & I briefly started to say how wrong it was for access to be commenced immediately after xh not seeing them for so long & doing nothing to resolve situation & I could hear frustration in her voice . I know she might have had a hard day at court, or is possibly fed up of it all now but ffs I was just trying to make the point that the whole thing is really unfair & wrong. Realised I'm on my own with this once again & it's me that will be picking up the pieces with dc's when it all goes wrong & I'm just worn out from it all.................

Rant over!

Blimey one day off thread and so much chat.

Waves to all. Just back from eve with Russell Crowe. Off to read thread.

Kate I would not put up with her phoning my house phone. I would have him buy a mobile for kids and he or who he wants could call on that.

Mumfun, thanks for your support up thread . Yes, oh joy of joy xh will be attending family therapy too . Police would have no say around access so no they are not involved in that side.

Getting, even though I've always said camping not really my thing due to fear of spiders & all other creatures that crawl , I agree camping trip would be great fun.

That has just brought back memories of Norm removing the most hugely horrific spider that had invaded my bedroom last week .................will be sobbing onto new laptop in a min!! I'm really gutted that he's just sat on the fence this past wk & done nothing apart from sending a few polite texts to see how court case went. It is now beginning to really sink in that nice & all that he was, he stayed in a dead marriage for 8 yrs & then waited a further yr & a half before even going on a date (I was his first date ). This man is not going to react quickly is he . Oh well, dusting myself down & just reactivated my match profile . I've no intention of actually interacting with anyone but it's nice to see I've been viewed 17 times in past hour & got 4 winks. There is a life out there & if Norm can't be arsed to make the
effort well in time I shall dust myself off & relaunch myself in a blaze of glory .

Short version of the serenity prayer is called for tonight....................Fuck em all !!!

Waves to happy

mumfun just got a phone for their room - so he rings the landline but they can answer it in their room.

I wouldn't have known she was speaking to them if littlest dd hadn't come down to tell me all about it!!!

She has no dc - she has no idea how to behave. They are both fools.

Can we go camping that would be such a laugh can someone organise it pleeeease ,

Hi everyone. Been out for pub meal with two good friends and had a lovely time. It's nice to enjoy things on my own.
Kate - bloody cheek! I would tell him that she is NOT to speak to girls on phone. This is completely disrespectful to you and your feelings (which do matter too my love). If he can't understand this and makes a fuss, then he makes a fuss. He'll get over it. You're right, he's playing at happy families and apart from anything else it's far too soon for your girls - he is being unfair. And as for her - what a bloody nerve. Eeh, I'm really pissed off with her! She knows fuck all about kids, she's got no fucking morals cos she's got with a married man, she doesn't deserve to speak to your kids or phone your bloody house phone. Sorry - rant over. I just think they're taking the piss - I'm very big on this at the moment as my ex royally took the piss out of me and it ain't happening again. You are a top woman and you are being so strong and thoughtful but this has crossed the line.
Getting and Mumfun - count me in on camping if you ever go :) love it.
Patience - really felt for you about woman asking if you were related to ex. That's when it hits home. I cried in many places after my divorce. Even quite silently all the way through a kid's party at an aquarium! Lots of hugs lovely lady xx
Starting - so sorry you have had a shit day. I agree with you about immediate access - what right has he got? I would be mad too. And I'm really sorry about Norm. You are having a really stressful time at the moment - don't write off Norm just yet. This might be a blip. Again, hugs from Geordie x
Offschool - your poor dd. I feel for you too. What a wally your ex is. Why don't these men think of their kids' feelings instead of their own? Oh yeah, they're completely selfish...you sound like you're doing a great job. Hope your weekend with him isn't too stressful. Is there any way he can work it so he doesn't have to be in your house? That must be such a trial. Love to you too x
Well, date tomorrow. Lord. Give me strength and courage. Hope he's not weird. Don't care if there's a spark, just hope he's not weird.

My Ds blurts out things then says I wasn't supposed to tell u that, daddy said it would just make u cross .so then I phone X who agrees said thing was inappropriate ,but he only said that to Ds "once or twice " wtf.I am now cammomile tea mummy next to action daddy I offer stability,dad is exciting not a care in the world.tosser.just don't see how parenting and irresponsible fucker, go together,but he is not parenting, he is not involved in their day to day lives,he chooses to opt out.

Glad u had a good night ggm.person at the gates was a single mum too ,so guess she has been there too.wasn't her fault she is lovely ,just 16 yrs is a bloody long time.
Glad u had a nice night out.

I know love. I really felt for you.
My dds do exactly the same thing with my exh. He says inappropriate things, has shown them inappropriate things (we watched a film where a man committed suicide mummy eh? wtf)
and I'm the one who tries to teach em to be calm and kind and speak nicely to other people and to each other. It's sometimes a struggle. They don't see exh a lot but especially to my older one he is a hero.
It was nice to go out and enjoy myself without a man and without having mind preoccupied with exbf. Had very dull sadness this week about him but nothing like the horrible panics I had a few weeks ago. Guess I know that I'm going to be alright on my own. Starting to enjoy a quiet life.

Thats the thing its still early days for me .I need to get used to not being a part of his life.just a co parent ,still cry everytime I see that word ,just the imbalance,for me ,its not co parenting its single parenting with the odd dvd at daddies house and the kids are so happy they love daddy
I want to find peace with this ..........soon.

Goo, glad to hear you had a nice night out with friends & that exbf if slowly evacuating your head . at film your xh allowed dc's to watch & made me realise dear god I'll have all that to deal with if xh continues on with access. However as was pointed out in court when discussing dc's safety, in the past two years xh has never once taken dc's to his house! It's always play centers, fun places, eating out in restaurants etc. Will be interesting to see now that he's officially bankrupt will this continue

Patience, I agree parenting & irresponsible fucker don't go together but sadly that's what we've got!

Patience, you will find peace soon, just hang in there. Things have been all over the place for you with xh not seeing dc's & house move so you're bound to be v raw still. ((HUGS)) Sounds like woman you met today might be someone you could build a friendship with if she's already gone down this road

Yes, we've all got both of those things. PArt time daddies and irresponsible buggers. It's an injustice but do you know, I've grown to quite like it (although when I'm completely done in it's hell). I just think that when they're grown up I'll look at my dss with pride and think I did that. On my own. :)
Realised tonight that I have only ever been truly myself with exh. I wasn't myself with exbf - I was what I thought he wanted me to be. I'm really scared to be myself in a relationship and yet outside of a relationship I'm just myself without thinking about it. Then realised that 6 years of emotional abuse in a marriage has obviously made me think that my normal self ain't good enough. Funny how 3 years after the split I've just realised that. So now got to be myself with a man. Starting tomorrow on the field trip. Hope I can do it - just be me. It will be a breakthrough :)

Yes googoo just be yourself , well the sunday best version of yourself . Hope you enjoy it and hes nice company at the very least. Look forward to a full update later

Patience it is Beautiful ( who was the origianl OP for the ditched thread )who suggested camping on LP so go and have a look. Seeing another wet nasty day outside I am not so sure !

Starting thats why we pay vast sums to solicitors to keep going like the duracell bunny she shouldnt give up. Its all in the detail like will he come to the house ring the doorbell when he collects them ie you will have to speak to him, will he discuss where he takes them etc . Didnt realise hes bankrupt too. The Norm thing well only you can know if he should have been more involved, I guess something as big as this I would have hoped for more tahn a couple of texts and its quite surprising because he has close relations with his daughter so must realise whats at stake here

Kate I think your ex is unspeakable and lets hope karma pays them a visit soon