Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

BBC 3 got show on about drinking,just the male mentality explains a lot ,all about taking things to extreme to impress. Lots of strutting about ,all about getting wasted .

Just really sad and embarassing

True Patience. Sad and embarrassing. Like my exes!

The girls too,its just gone off the scale ,cheap alcohol wtf

hey goo I'm not going to fall for any one, just not feeling like that at the moment.

Bed times are a nightmare in my house. Good routine that my 9 and 6 yr old moan about every night, teeth, bed sorting out (they take turns in the top bunk, and story...then they should read to themslves and go to sleep...but youngest is up at least 6 times...drives me to distraction.

If she wasn't tired - I wouldn't mind, but before bed she's tired and grumpy...and then the same in the morning!

Kate - you are a gorgeous looking girl - have some fun, you deserve it :)
Glad it's not just me with bloody bedtimes. Both my two horrendous in mornings as well...
Patience - never been a big drinker. Can't stand feeling drunk. I'm lively enough without it! Had enough crap with drunk exh to last a lifetime. And you should see the Geordie girls fighting in the middle of Newcastle on a Saturday night. Classy.

Wtfs a hash tag

My relief & joy came crashing down last night. Am so so angry that xh was able to do what he did to dc's 6 mts ago, then not engage with family therapist or do anything to resolve access & then just waltz into court y'day & be awarded access. So now I have 3 dc's who didn't see their father for 6mts who are expected to go to a puppet show on Sun & play happy families. It's also dawned on me that now technically he had dc's every Sun aft which is there only free day in the wk & I am tied to dropping & collecting so our Sun's will be ruined. How is this justice or how is this putting rights of children first. I am so angry & this is second time I've had this happen. Xh messes up & then instead of actually doing anything to resolve it he just waits for court to give HIM his rights. To top it all off I now have to attend & pay for family therapy to sort HIS problems out! I am trying to stay calm & not get hysterical about this but I feel so angry that each time he gets his mess sorted by courts & I'm left picking up the pieces. I am also angry that here we go again he gets to waltz in & play father of the year for 4hrs but avoids all of the 'work' involved in taking care of dc's etc.

I hate feeling like this

Ooh Starting you have every right to feel like that. Was the reason he wasnt seeing them not mentioned. Are police involved in that? Grrrr

Does X not have to attend family therapy?

I think like Happy he will mess up in the end and it will go back to what it was but I totally feel your pain meanwhile. And grrr for wee ones and the rollercoaster for them. Can you free Sats more and maybe put some onto Sunday? Hes not going to see them every Sunday if he is gallivanting with young foreigner is he?

Itll get better but urghhhh meanwhile and hugsxx

It really got me down this week 2 starting,I have no idea what kind of house my X takes them to ,I know I am dealing with an unreasonable bloke,I have no way to communicate with him reasonably,he always has an excuse,just didn't imagine it would become so secretive,I know none of his friends ,I have no contact with his family.I am just meant to trust him,I guess my plan has to be to work towards a drop off at his if we keep things amicable,but all i know is I find it all very stressful .

I really thought I was suffering depression at the start of the week ,very sad ,can process most things but X wanting to play daddy ,just something doesn't fit with me.but I have to stand back and see if he fucks it up .
Anyway looked at the stages of grief, says 8 mths after event most likely to hit a depression,not clinical depression just a deep sadness due to realisation of UR circumstances,seems about right to me ,I'm not as angry just str essed about whether I'm doing a good enough job re dcs and access ,but its cool ,if their dad was reasonable I could relax a bit .
Chances are it will fade away again starting,but big hugs ,I have one day a week I have to deal with X ,this week it has taken me 5 days to recover,next Sunday I will be better prepared. I'm trying to work my way through a break up ,trying to keep my kids stable and secure,trying to involve their father in their lives and trying to be relaxed and happy .No worries x

Starting, I too think that the regular Sunday arrangement won't last. But I know how you feel about being left with all the drudge while they get to do fun things with Dad.
DS has football training tonight. XP helps to run the team. I've been aware all week that I will have to see XP tonight and it's been playing on my mind. So, this morning I asked ds if he would like me or his dad to take him and he picked dad. Phew!
Still no word on finances. XP won't tell me what maintenance he plans to pay. So far, it's been a different amount every month. He wants me to make him an offer for his share on the house whereas I've asked him to tell me what he is expecting. Stalemate. Oh well, I've got a nice roof over my head and as long as the bills are paid I'm going to sit this out. I suspect that XP's finances are becoming increasingly unhealthy. Think another credit card came in the post yesterday but I just redirected it. He thinks nothing of withdrawing cash from a credit card. Ho hum. Not my problem any more.

Oh starting and Patience what horrible situations, no wonder you are annoyed.

We just have so much crap piled on us - when all we want to do is make sure our dc are alright.

No advice - but plenty of solidarity from me

Sending hugs and wish I could be with you to make you a cuppa and lend an ear.

Starting what a mixed result I am pleased you are able to keep your house and I guess you have to dig deep and think just maybe after such a long time away from his dc he wont cock up what must surely be his last chance ?

Patience each sunday will get easier you are doing a great job , your xh doesnt realise how fortunate he is because by now I would have cut contact. You arent depressed you just have a lot to deal with and are having in a dip in strength thats all.

Well I am back to serenity thankfully. I think with so much going on and the tipping point was hearing xh be kind,nice helpful etc which I havent for some months now has brought emotion to the situation which wasnt there before. Its a long time since I spent more than a fleeting moment asking "Why" and I have revisited it again. Thinking it all through and letting the sadness out has been great. He may be nice etc but he wouldnt be a jot different to me if we were still married and I see now I dont want to be with his character/take on the world etc.

I am going to tackle the house today and cook a nice tea and a cake. DD has 3 friends sleeping over tonight and I have a busy weekend ahead so its chin up tits out..

Ahh - after nice email from ex...he's just rang to say he's passing and should he pop in to drop of some parcels that have arrived for me?

Never offered since I left!

"...unless it's a bad time...?"

I was so nice on the phone - esp when I ummd and ahh'd and said that actually, it was bad timing....

Could hear in his voice he was surprised that I wasn't just sitting around waiting for him. He so knows that I've moved on and he's not happy about it.

Now who's got that prize twunt award?.....oh, yes, he still has it after last weeks shenanigans :)

Thanks ladies,I think I also struggle cos I don't have a social life. Would love to be able to chat in RL to friends,I guess that's why I type so much out here.so thanks for reading.

Its the trust I struggle with,I just think its still all white lies ,the calmer it is the more I hear my X before the split ,and it sends sad chills thru me .when it was acrimonious I just got thru it with rage.this is different ,its more real now ,more a picture of what my kids life will be whether I like it or not.

Good 4 u Kate x

I think the one good thing starting from UR own pov is the fact u don't have to see him on a regular basis,it helps keep u grounded ,so much so that until last weeks court dramatics,u actually thought about going for a coffee to discuss access.
then he acts in a selfish unreasonable arrogant fashion and u think here we go again.
why does the law give him such rights.after all the stress of last time .
I think I would prefer for the kids always to have contact with their dad.everything I have read says its better for the kids in the long run,but bloody tough to seperate my hurt from my situation. I just look at him and think why will we be doing it this way ? Why for years and years and years will we be dropping off and picking up,I just feel I am chipping away at the kids security (if I have a bad day )they have to live in a lone parent family.but its not anger I feel its like a numb dissapointment.
I'm not going to be like this forever but its like a transition from 2 parents to 1 ,with visits from dad thrown in but all on his terms and feeling I should be grateful he is making the fucking effort LOL ,like with the trampoline,he offered to do it ,has taken x 3 months,but its like "do u still want me to set up the kids trampoline"
Eh ........yes

Just bumped into someone that went to school with my x she saw my surname and asked if I knew him ~I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm sat here crying my eyes out that I am my Xs X .just can't move on atm.
boiler nearly done ,bath after Ds football tonight x

Spoke too soon about boiler , was working ,now its not ,fuckity fuck fuck .

starting - so sorry you feel so bad- up are WELL within your rights to feel like this.Us mums get the rough end of the stick. I can totally identify with your anger at him coming in and playing the perfect dad. You are a wonderfully strong woman stay strong of your dcs (((((hugs))))))

patience - you too are a very strong woman, sending you positive vibes, this is just a wobble hang on in there. I passed a wonderful tree today and i thought of you and your tree xxxx

getting - glad you are feeling better x

big waves to all.

exh has kids this weekend and his gf for the first time (all weekend) staying remarkable intact considering

WQ - same happened to me last week (ex and OW gf with my girls) wasn't as awful as I thought it was going to be...despite phone calls where I could hear her laughing with my girls while she sat in my house on my sofa!

The girls came back with pressies as well...but didn't talk about it with me...and havn't mentioned it since.

Hope you are OK with it all

Ahh - the fuckwittery continues to know no bounds

He has just rang to say goodnight to the girls...she is on extension so they can BOTH speak to them.

Seriously - felt like picking up the phone and telling her to fuck off and refrain from speaking to my girls...when it's their time to speak to their dad.

But...know it's just what they want - bit of ex wifey drama.

Nope - not biting.

Peace and Serenity

LOL - perhaps I should have picked up and said to her....can you ask your bf not to keep ringing me to see if he can pop round!

They are so vile in the extreme...match made in heaven Hell

Thanks to everyone for your kind posts. Hit a black depression today & also felt v physically ill so ended up taking to the bed for most of the day. I think it was more to do with the unfairness of it all. I agree Patience that it's better for dc's to see their father but it's just the injustice of spending the past 2 yrs trying to sort access while xh just gets away with doing whatever he pleases. I think I'm just wiped out from it all & also have the double blow that things never got sorted with Norm . I'm just on the pitty pot atm, feel my life is a mess, feel sick at the thought of any more trouble from xh with dc's, feel sick at the thought that after so long with Norm that he made no effort to sort it out. He has his daughter for the wk this wk & part of me now feels v cynical that it's easy for him to keep distracted this wk but that he'll prob contact me trying to resolve it either Sun after she goes or next wk . Not sure if I could find it in me to move on now when he's left it so long anyway . Am ashamed to say I went out earlier & bought cigs after 4mts cig free . Feel I can't cope atm & need something to take the edge off. Am just awaiting opportunity to sneak off from dc's & have one

WQ & Kate you are both doing great to remain so serene handing over dc's to ow's.

Patience, sorry to hear that today was such a struggle for you too. Hope your boiler has come back to life.

Brain not working well atm so sorry to all those I've overlooked.

Oh God Kate x post. Can't believe the cheek of your xh & ow. They are indeed completely lacking in the most basic of understanding! Well done on remaining so calm