Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Ps good luck riven,hope u get something sorted for the wee one x

Starting - amazed as usual at your strength and serenity!

Had my 6 monthly meeting at the job centre today. I always feel awkward whilst there, as you go through everything. Glad it's over now for another 6 months.

Getting, arse in your hands = moody, unhappy, negative. Must be a brum saying . Although, I'm not really a Brummie; I'm actually a Tyke . And tears are a Good Thing as they heal (proven fact).

Well, he answered my email in less than 2 hours

I love being on my own

Tea, my dd works at a Job Centre and I'm sure the staff would be queuing up to deal with a client like you. If only you knew what the staff have to deal with . You would be a pleasure and delight to them in comparison to some of the people they see. As an aside, did you know that the Queen is the only person who doesn't have a NI number. There, that's a piece of completely useless info and a lesson to warn you to never invite Elsie Tanner to your cocktail party .

Hey The return just checked in - I'm certainly not looking to meet or have anything serious. I am not looking for someone to be involved in my girls lives..tbh, I am happy for a bit of fun and I am confident that I will never be viewed as a wife, mother or doormat by a bloke again.

I have had some nice chats with this one guy - and we text during the day - not planning to meet any time soon. But hearing someone say how attractive you are - after going through as something traumatic as the person I trusted most in the world, the person who I thought loved and adored me - dumping me after 13 years for the new girl in the office - it is just what I need at the moment.

I don't need a man in my life - but I do need some indication that I'm not old, unsexy and dried up - which is how I felt when he left me for her.

I'm not seeking out a soulmate - had one of those and look where that got me.

I can't tell you how much better I've felt this week - while the girls are telling me about OW his gf and my ex being in my bed on a Sunday morning - to know that if I wanted, I could also be with someone.

For the first time since this happened - I have felt in control of my life, confident of what I want (not another man to clean up after, and not a father figure for my girls)

I have been sleeping through the night, not waking up with the awful pain in my chest and actually felt happy at sharing some flirty emails with a nice person.

also...ex sent me a pleasent email today, funny how thay do that, when you detach from them - and they start to see that your life isn't destroyed...and you are not pining away for them.

Stay strong everyone..

Totally agree, Kate. I would absolutely love to have a queue of people telling me how gorgeous I am. Because we KNOW it's true.

Obviously, I mean that as generic gorgeous as in all dumplings are gorgeous and worthy of love, flirtation, adoration etc etc. Not just me .

In Sept I had one week of emailing a guy when my X was running up phonebills with a 21yo .it wasn't to be,I wasn't attracted to him but it took that pain of X interested in someone else away when it was at its rawest .I guess now I see it as I am in for the long hall.I want to feel that free of X without another man being involved ,then I know I'm ready to date again.I guess I still would like the whole deal again probably take a lot to remarry but who knows.
Elsie if u do crystals ,pick what u like the look and feel of, write the names down in the shop ,then Google them when u get home.
Def buy some rose quartz and amethyst x

Oh wow, they had amethyst in the window and I thought that looks good. I am not into jewellery and the only pair of (matching) earrings that I possess were a gift from xp so I took them out. I might go back to get some new ones .

Very peaceful crystal ,Google it x

Am back . Went to my parents for celebratory dinner . The more things have settled, the happier I am with outcome of today . I am now the proud sole owner of the family home & as I looked around tonight I thought wow this is all solely mine now. Saying this I am equally the proud owner of a rather large debt but that's another day's work to sort with the bank . So unless things go really badly I will be staying here.

One rather funny thing from the day which is now giving me great pleasure is that yesterday xh had requested a particular item of jewelry back that he had paid a substantial amount for. I had agreed no bother to give him this & a lump sum which he had refused (he wanted more). Again today the matter of the jewelry was raised by xh to judge. At the very end when the judge had ruled on the case he said "finally Mr Starting I think you should leave your wife have the jewelry, she could sell it if she wishes & put the money to good use" He then said "is that agreed so" . Tbh I think the judge was v clever & I think it might take xh a bit of time to realise this but really looking at everything in black & white he came out of all this v badly. He might have cost me an extra days fees for the barrister with his fiasco last week but in the long run he paid dearly for it .

In the midst of it all I forgot to mention when I had just left court I got a call from police officer re dv charges still pending against xh wanting to confirm that I'm still prepared to testify. I went into a bit of panic mode at thought of having to go back to court again with xh & then the backlash for dc's now that access has resumed that I said I wasn't sure it would be in the best interests of dc's. I've a week to decide but cases won't be coming up for a few mts. However was talking to someone later who was advising that it would be a huge mistake to not go ahead as if I have trouble again with xh in the future it will look very bad that I didn't go ahead with this. Will have to seek further advice on it but not quite over yet with xh I think

Hello everyone-this is a great thread. Can I join? Our break up wasn't that long ago but my survival instincts kicked in v fast so i'm almost there!

Saw a sol today so I will try and get x to buy me out of the house in the future when he sells it but we will put a time frame on when he sells and he will agree to pay me back the deposit in writing! ( I hope) I told him and he's a bit grouchy about it but he may come round.
I now can't wait to leave it all behind and go to Ireland and join my family.

Starting and Kate* you sound so positive how fab!
As for crystals i remember finding them v healing before when we split. There's a charcoal coloured on,e magnatite maybe? that is said to make you magnetic. Might be fun on a night out.

I think i'm thru with men way too much hassle now for me.
Goodnight everyone

Oh Getting I'm sorry here's me harping on about my victory & you've got to leave family home . Sending you big virtual hugs & fwiw you are bound to be v down atm with this to deal with. ((Hugs))

Tea, glad your apt went well.

Patience & ET, glad you are both feeling a bit more positive today.

Kate, I agree that we have to be ok our selves without any man first.

Happy, glad you had a chat with MM.

Maybee, lovely to hear from you again & certainly agree that you've earned your right to be on this thread

Thanks starting Reading really has helped me and my boys keep me laughing most of the time. Tis tough at times i'm sure everyone has challenges with their kids. This am ds3 aged 16 months disappeared while I was bundling ds 2 into his carseat(he was being v stiff and uncooperative) I'd left him in the porch door slightly open. I searched the house, the avenue got in a real tizzy then found him round the side of the house playing in the old mingy sandpit! It was laugh or cry as i was already running late for work! He looked so cute in his duffel coat way down to his ankles and all dirty. It was a relief. Ds 3 still has v dark days about the split but mostly he's ok too. he greeted me today by shooting me with a toy gun in the chest. I got really mad with him as had been at work all day. Lunchtime spent in sols office and the toddlers were playing up. Like some folk were saying earlier wouldn't it be an eye opener to swap lives with someone for a day.
Anyway I really will go this time as I need my bed.
Elsie and Patience I hope you feel more positive again tomorrow.

Just lost huge post -MN is really playing up atm.

So it was really to say agree with lots on thread.

Monday was rated most depressing day of year so glad its over - rest of week has been better. Busy is very good - Patience do get busy studying if it helps!

Will copy all posts now before trying to post them.

Night night

Away to google stages of grief I think sadness must be in there somewhere.I think u bounce around all of them for a long time.

Starting enjoy UR home ,I think we all have a new found humility in life now.

Only one thing I really have an Achilles heel re envy and X went down that road last weekend.not deliberate I know that ,but if someone could have told me this would have happened 18 mths ago I think I would have collapsed in shock.just so many shocking bits of information I have had to absorb in the last 15mths and the stress of living with a detatched husband for a year at least b 4 he left ,its not surprising I'm feeling the way I am .

Maybee big hugs re Ds ,wot a fright x

Missed UR dv post starting.if my x ever went down the dv route again I would press charges.I have thought about it quite a lot recently .I m not living on rage,fear or hope of reconciling,I see it clearer now.hope u have good people to advise u just more complicated with visitation,reinstated .but this isn't UR crime ,he is the guilty one.

Hello you lot! Well, finally managed to read most of the thread I've missed - glad to be back on track! :)
Woo hoo Starting - congratulations for being possibly the strongest woman I've (never) met. Well done - your posts today have given me little glow. And I agree with the advice about the dv case. I think you should go ahead. But for now - well done lovely. I'm so pleased for you and sounds like the judge was really on your side (hence the jewellery comment)
Getting - crying was just what you needed today. I moved with exh into the most beautiful house, thought we'd be there forever, then a year later he left and I had to sell it. Every time I showed someone round I cried when they left. But i'm in a much much smaller house now and I absolutely love it. It's crap at the moment but remember, any house can b a home if it's full of love and respect and you are surrounded by little things you love. I wouldn't move back to my other home now, even if I could.
Elsie - you are doing great girl, you are strong and a fwe wobbles won't make any difference - you are moving in the right direction and it's so lovely to see :)
Patience - I think crystal course would be great for you. As we say, 2 steps back, major wobble, 3 steps forward. I'm glad you're emerging again. If you fancy Scottish meetu p with Geordie and Irish ladies, think I'm still coming north on Sat 5th Feb!
Maybee - will pm you about visit - is 5th ok love? Your boys sound like mine!! Really looking forward to a little Scottish adventure - it's the start of me doing things for me, not for a man.
Kate - so glad you're getting male attention and it's making you feel good. You are very inspriational to me. Just remember the wise advice on here. You need to feel good on your own before you meet a man. That was my big mistake. Also, I tend to fall for people and get my heart broken - I can't separate flirting and sex from my heart if you know what I mean!
I read Riven thread and was mightily impressed with the goodness of a lot of people - then I've just seen the story on the 10 o clock news - blimey, mum power :)
Hi Tea - hope you are ok - you've been quiet for a while.
Hi Mumfun :)
Is there going to be a southern meet up at some point girls? Count me in. Reckon you could all do with some wry Geordie wit {grin}
Been feeling sad about exbf this week. So just had good talking to myself about how manipulative he was, what a fucking liar he is, how much he mislead me and hurt me and disrespected me and...I feel a lot better :)

Ahh Googoo lovely to hear from you. I am lurking but life is full on at the moment. I've moved DS into a bed and have been settling him into that this last week. I just seem to not have enough time to post big long posts right now, but I'm here in the background, when I can keep up with the chat

There's a thread about how slow mumsnet is here.

Ah Tea - the bed thing. I'm at my wits' end with 4 year old - he just won't sleep, it's like musical beds from about half eleven onwards. Glad you're ok though x
Hi Happy. Sorry it's awkward with mman. Space is maybe needed but I'm sure it will sort itself my love x