Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Morning all, sneaky post from work.

Getting, I think a good place to start on the work front would be for you to work out what you do and don't enjoy doing most (which you've probably done already!) For example, I think that getting into an adminstrative/support role in an office based environment where there are other opportunities could be good for you but don't know whether "that's you" or not

Good vibes for Starting........

Patience, you seem like you're feeling better today . Goodo

Waves to Tea

WQ - so good to see you here, don't go away for long........

GGM, hope work will get better...

Elsie, you sound like you are making huge steps forward...

Pink, where are you?

Oh and Getting, sorry to hear about your BF - yes, it does put things into perspective

Getting -sorry to hear your friends news!

WQ - you should def be here and woo hoo for hol with friend

Patience sorry youve had such a shitty time. You are working through it brilliantly though - be proud of yourself!

Woo Kate go for it - but yes not all of egges in one basket :)

Elsie - gosh didnt realise how much you saw XP. Hope the detachment really pays dividends for you. Its always suggested as a way to help you heal - if it helps you - its a tool for you to use for your own benefit not to punish other person. It is up to XP to build own relationship wiuth child - not for you to rescue the situation but realise how hard and yuck it must be

Tea hope youve had some sleep and have some more energy

Hi to everyone else

Went out for dinner with 40 men and me on Monday night lol. Enjoyed it lol!

Got my heating on,still old boiler so will conk out in a bit but for now house is warming up x

Thanks Patience and life coaching was the dream last year before I sort of lost my way , maybe with that vote of confidence I should get googling !!

Yes Happy I have been trying to figure it out and to break back into work an office admin job would be great, hoping the computer course will assist in that. XH texted me saying give him my CV as he has a few contacts, he offered ages ago but I politely refused but new serene me says why not

Sadly its the primary progressive MS that seems to be what she has . She has done sooo much for me this year had us on Mothers Day, hols at her parents in Wales in the school holiday and Christmas and with being very ill herself. [ No justice in the world emoticon]

hi all
back to stay we are off to thailand tea
things are going really well and i am very very happy.

good luck starting (big wave)
sorry to hear about your friends getting (another big wave)

thank you to everyone for your welcomes

you will happy to hear that my dumpling spirit is in tact and i have remained positive and have had no major wobbles.

divorce is filed so it is onwards and upwards.

Home study re diplomas available getting.weekend tutorials etc. Even if it takes a few years u will be fabulosity itself and can study pt alongside other job,def worth finding out .

Thanks mum fun ,so easy to lose perspective.
Not had a full week back to normal since Xmas.just rely on my structure or I fall down a black hole of vulnerability anyway antibiotics finishing today ,so all good and back to school for kids 2morrow.

hi all

waves to Mumfun

mmm Thailand WQ

any news Starting?

40 men Mumfun

WQ Thailand , hats off to you cowardly Getting would have gone for Cornwall in case of a quick getaway needed !! Seriously its great to hear your happiness shine through

Well I am pondering why I seem to have lost my chutzpah and ambitions on starting a career. Funnily enough in the spring early summer last year I was full of enthusiam and did a couple of workshops and was reading up. Since July nothing. That was when we began 6 months of sorting out money etc which if anything should have focused my mind more on this subject. Its just excuses isnt it to say Oh poor me I have had so much to deal with

Some amazing MNers who are holding down FT jobs with young dc and more besides and heres me seemingly marooned on self doubt/pity/negative island.

Please send me a no holds barred rocket someone because I think I need it !!

Starting how did it go ? Are you seeing Norm later on ?

Elsie keep detaching from XP and I hope you can see that you are sounding miles better

Patience

DC at xh tonight might go to the cinema but just sooo lazy atm which isnt really like me usually

Getting, I'm feeling much better too, although still having a few wobbles. XP has gone from nearly daily contact with ds to 2 texts since Sunday. And ds hasn't replied to either - his choice. Seems like the single life suits XP. It isn't so much what he's done to me that still hurts it's what he's done to ds, his only child.

Also, if it's any consolation, I have now been off work for 6 weeks and I have absolutely no desire to go back. But I will force myself back soon, I suppose. I really don't know how those with younger dc's manage to work fulltime. Mind you, I did it with my older 2 when I was younger. It must be my age . I feel sooooo old and worn out sometimes.

The Colin firth flick is meant to be good ,getting,yep ground to a halt here too,boiler getting fitted Friday morn away to coax it to try and work for a couple of hours this evening,
Waves to everyone ,

Especially starting hope UR good mate x

Hello ladies, I haven't caught up on anything today yet as I've only just sat down at the computer, but I just had to share this link:www.reghardware.com/2011/01/19/music_releases_dopamine/ now we can be doubly sure that our DJ Happy nights and playing music at home and jumping up and down is good for us girls

Hi everyone - still trying to get little boys to go to bed!
Too right about music Tea. And on that note (haha!) here is a song I heard on radio today and thought of you Patience. enjoy
Had minor wobble about exbf yesterday and today but just feel sad rather than panicky. Just sad. Need a rest from 24/7 parenting and less work. Never mind. Going to meet CD man for a cuppa on Saturday afternoon. Don't know whether it's a good idea but figure I might as well...
Hope your day has been ok starting - been thinking of you. Hi WQ!!! Great news about hols with new fella. Go lassie go! Love to everyone else too. Will hopefully be on here more as weekend approaches :)

Evening All

Starting, how did things go?
Getting, you will find your path soon dont worry
WQ, yay for thailand
Goo, good luck on saturday
Patience, sending vibes to your boiler for you

Had appointment with consultant and he has agreed steralisation, waiting list is 16 weeks wobble the other night was righted quite quickly (thanks DC lol)

Had a letter today telling me someone had reported me for benefit fraud for making a false claim about being a single parent was absolutely fuming and i suspect it was XSIL trying to make trouble for me, i know i havent done anything wrong but it is just the inconvenience of it all and i have to go for a interview which i will be read my rights apparently

When X came tonight i couldnt hold my anger and we ended up rowing because i told him i thought it was XSIL that had made the call and he defended her, but my argument was that she threatened to do that when i had the argument with her in december, she said she would do it to make my life difficult so it doesnt take a genius to work it out now does it
I told X that if they stop my benefits because of this that i would have to move back to middlesbrough as i cant afford to live in the south (£1000 per month rent here) i know that they probably wont but it's the only option i would have if the did
He was very upset about it and dont think he realised that it was just an option that i may have to do and i think that he thinks i AM moving away, should i text him to clarify or leave him to stew???

Sov, definitely leave him to stew in a big pot, put the lid on and leave it on the back burner. What you do with your life is your choice now. And if it is his sister then that's appalling. Doesn't she realise how this may affect her own flesh and blood, her nieces and nephews? Silly cow (if it is her).

Good news about sterilisation op IF it's what you want but you don't sound 100% sure to me. If you are having any doubts, then please dela it even for a couple of years.

Leave him to stew .whoever it was is a selfish arse all those mouths to feed glad UR ok sov.

Boiler did 2 hrs then croaked it.

What was the song BTW ,broadband should be on for march now .not happy with sky.have cleared an error charge. X 5 times over the phone ,really I'm not making it up ,everyone agrees I don't have to pay it and cancels the charge anyway came in last night and telly cut of due to no payment .reinstated now but just pissed off by the whole thing.

Patience, I though you were getting a new boiler? Shame on Sky for such poor service. We can't have their broadband as our area isn't covered even though we are in UK's 2nd largest city . Perhaps it's just as well. XP used to sort all that stuff out so I have things to learn in that area. Good on you for sorting it out. Don't let the buggers get you down.

I've had a really busy day after sleeping for 11 hours last night. I've decided i don't actually miss xp. But I do miss the back-up. Because that's all he ever was. I was the Fat Controller and he just stepped in when I had other things to do . XP: You are not, in fact, indispensable .

DS now has a mobile phone for xp to contact him. But DS has quickly lost interest in it and XP sent him this text tonight: Hi, ds. Are you ok? Haven't heard from you for a while. DS replied: I'm fine. I can't see you on the 30th as I'm going to a party.
How sad is that? I mean, here is a man who said to me, if we ever split up I will never let you have MY son. He will be coming with ME.
Yeah, right .

Waves to all & overwhelmed by all the good wisher

Getting, so sorry to hear about your friend, it really does put things into perspective when you hear stuff like that. Personally I think you will benefit in the long run by taking this time out for yourself. You've the rest of your life to embark on a career

Patience, glad you're feeling more positive. It's so frustrating when you have mistakes like that made on bills

Sov, I'd leave xh stew too . Sounds like a really nasty thing for anyone to have done . I agree with ET about the sterilisation, you never know what the future holds so if you've any doubts at all then hold of for 12mts or so. I've a friend with 4 dc's who separated & went on to marry someone else only then to decide she wanted another child. She had I think it was 3 ivf attempts which were not successful, saying all that she now says she's v glad that it didn't work (another long story!)

WQ, great to see you back on thread & delighted to hear your news . Have to confess though Thailand wouldn't be my first choice of destination (for those not in the know xh is currently waltzing around with a 25yo Thai girl!!).

Goo, I could so do with a break from dc's some days too & I'm not even juggling a job into the mix like you! Hope the boys are asleep by now.

Well spent the day in court only to end up not having the case heard! Next date for hearings is May but judge made what barrister said was a v unusual decision by agreeing to hear out case first thing tomorrow morning. May would have been a disaster as debts & bills are mounting. Anyway, xh started off first thing by requesting I return some valuable jewelry as part of settlement negotations & also wanted lump sum. I agreed but goal posts kept changing re lump sum. He thinks I have wealthy relatives I can borrow from . Wish I had . Anyway ended up he's looking for 50% now so will just have to see what judge decides & if I'll be able to keep family home. Managed to keep serene & calm but at the v end when he's requests were getting higher & higher I had to nip out to the toilet & low & behold there was dickface playing with the newest version of the iphone. Had an insane urge to slap him accross the face but managed to serenely walk pass flicking my hair as I went lol.

Well done on hair flick starting you go girl !

Elsie boiler arriving Friday ....hurrah !

Well done, Starting. My god, I hope xp and I can agree to a settlement out of court. I would rather give my money away to him tah pay all these barristers and court fees.

But, the money is secondary to having the dc's, isn't it? I would pay £millions (if I had it in the bank) to keep ds with me. And, of course, I will always have the support and love of older dd and ds. Priceless.

Thanks Patience

Yes ET, I agree 100% & had tried to reach a settlement with xh way back but he has no concept of reality & really thinks I've the high life . The solicitors & barristers have explained it to him but he's just not getting it . I might be giving him too much benefit of the doubt here but I really think if he knew the reality of my situation he'd have prob signed over house & walked today . Maybe not but I'm finding it so hard to believe that he's going to push this & leave me & dc's in a v vunerable position financially. If he gets 50% I think it would mean family home will have to be sold. When I had the urge to hit him today I wanted to scream at him "haven't the dc's been through enough you f***r without you reducing them to poverty & taking their home" Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr

My rage is storming up & after all the years of being the calm reasonable one it'd be a fright if I lost it big time tomorrow & they'd all say omg she was the mad one afterall .

Quickly Starting - hugs. I just cant get my head around him and his behaviour. I really just hope sense can be seen tomorrow -and judge will see that SAHM and kids need a decent settlement! Keep us posted and keep flicking your hair !

Actually, I can get my head around his behaviour. Sadly, it seems that most (but not all) men who choose this path suddenly forget that we want to keep the family home for the dc's. Not ourselves!!! If I had been the one to walk away from all my responsibilities I would be prepared to start form scratch. Why can't they? Selfish pricks.

Whatever the outcome tomorrow, YOU have the moral highground, Starting. Enjoy the view .

Hi all.
Sov - whoever did that to you is a shite of the highest order.
Getting - you don't need a rocket love! You are doing so well and you got loads of time to think about "career". Since I hd kids I don't think of a career - I have a job which leaves me exhausted all of the time. I enjoy it but I'd leave tomorrow if I could. My friend is doing a psychotherapy degree part time distance learning - she has to go to uni now and again and she's stopped at moment but can take it up where she left off whenever she wants. Sounds like a good plan maybe...
Starting - how frustrating for you about the court. I would have lost it with him by now. Can't believe how much pressure he's putting you under. Hope it goes well tomorrow - I'll be saying a little prayer.
Patience - sorry about your boiler - it's so crap having no heating :( Thought your landlord was sorting it? The song was Patience by Take That :)
Mumfun- 40 bloody men at a party! Can't decide whether that would be heaven or hell!
Elsie - you are like a different person - you deserve a big award

Lord - there's a programme on Channel 4 I think and it's about teenage sex. Some woman is telling teenagers how to give blow jobs. Eh?! I didn't think I was a prude but it's making me feel sick...