Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Oh no, Starting. How did that happen?

Hmmm just lost long post I did on feeling miserable..

What happened Starting?

Glad we're all miserable together . Not sure how to explain what happened with Norm but feel like I've done a round with Mike Tyson. From now on I'm going to only have meaningless sex...........

Patience, sorry to hear you're having trouble with xh again atm ((Hugss))

Starting, I'm so sorry. Is it 100% over? You've survived much worse than this, you know. Still hurts though, huh?

Starting? Que?

Thanks Elsie, can I call you ET (loved ET ). Yes, you're right Starting will bounce back . Not sure about the 100% but imo he's behaved like a twat so unless he steps up to the mark pretty quickly not sure there's much hope .

Happy, what does Que mean??

It kind of means what happened? But you dont have to say.

Happy, ah ok didn't know if it was the French version or if it was some reference to join the queue for meaningless sex .

Oh starting hope that it resolves itself or

you find that you don't tolerate crap anymore...and will find yourself in a better place for being true to yourself..going to bed, but will be back on before the school run x

Starting, Happy birthday for your DD, good nights sleep and then you may be able to think better tomorrow and know your worth more than any crap a man dishes out xx

Ah thanks for the vote of support Kate & Sov . Happy B'day to your ds & dd too Sov .

Oh Starting, he didn't hurt you did he? When you say Mike Tyson I'm thinking literally, but maybe you meant just emotionally. I'm sorry to hear it's all gone pear shaped Happy birthday to your DD

My parents took all wedding photos down except one of me with a bridesmaid as they think I look pretty and the bridesmaid is my cousin. They did that early on without asking me first. Your situation with your x patience sounds very hard right now. He's being a prize tw**t. Sending you positive vibes x

Ah God no Tea, I didn't mean it like that. Norm is a gentle old soul, I meant I felt emotionally bruised. It was more a case of Norm trying to avoid dealing with an issue, getting overly defensive when confronted (me thinks he does't protest too much)& in complete denial of reality. I prob jumped straight in with my opinions when maybe it might have been better to watch from the sideline but there you go. Anyway, I'm a firm believer that things either just work or they don't. If Norm is meant for me I'm sure he'll contact me soon & if not well chin up & padded bra firmly back in place!

Grrr keep losing my posts anyone else having problems cant work out if its me or the MN site

No I'm not having problems here. But sometimes when mn is slow I click the back button and can get my post again in the message box and try re-posting it. Or I copy it, come out of the thread, back in again, re-paste it and then press post. Probably sounds rather random and confusing. Sorry I'm not a techy

Oh good Starting. I always speak my mind in a relationship as I prefer to raise issues than let them sit there bubbling away and not being dealt with Although I think I always got the timing wrong on raising them and wasn't good at listening and kept interupting

Getting I was having loads of probs too trying to post over past wk. I thought it was to do with old laptop freezing or something.

Tea, yes I think you're right, better to speak your mind & then deal with consequences. Tbh it's not the issue (I think) that's created this prob, it's more how Norm has chosen to deal with it up to now but again that's only my opinion & I'm sure he'd tell a dif story. Anyway, I'll wait & see what if anything develops. If he's going to bow out this easily then better leave it happen now.

Anyway have been having a nice morn, first morn for a long time that I'm free & have been doing up a calander for 2011 with pics of dc's from past year. So nice to look back at all the fun things I did with dc's over past 12mts

Sorry UR feeling rubbish starting.
Loads of triggers for me at the weekend and thats it I have to enjoy the role of secure boring parent as kids tell me how fun their dad is not like mummy,just wish I could be passive ,I wouldnt be getting a divorce lol,but if im passive he does more atm I'm dealing with a bloke that takes my kids places that are completely inappropriate then 5yo blurts out to me then gets upset because daddy said it was a secret he wasn't meant to tell me cos it would just make me cross.I understand they are not my property but,my X walked out on us ,lived rough ,got drunk for a year while I kept the kids safe,then appears back a total stranger showing the kids their bedrooms in his house,playroom etc ,come and play on the farm.aaaaargh !
Ok I don't question the love he has for his kids .I think its better they see their dad atm ,but the smug self important abusive bastard better pay for them.It's the whole ,u brought this on urself, smug attitude that I can't deal with.

This also landed in my email box today............so a well timed message here I think. Either things will sort out & be better with Norm or else something even better is on it's way

From The Secret Daily Teachings
So often when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD.
Something more magnificent is coming to you!

Patience, I had stuff similar to that with xh so I understand how frustrating it can be trying to find a balance between letting dc's have contact & keeping them safe, never mind all the emotional stuff into the mix. Keep venting it out & minding yourself & you'll be ok a day at a time.

Glad UR having a good morning starting.
I am making the classic mistake of caring about X s life as opposed to concentrating on my own.he knows the whole rural thing would upset me and I fall for it ,its just doing things that i always thought I would do with my kids but instead they are doing it with their dad.I just need to get over it.he is a charmer/victim he will always have people doing him favours ,he has no
Shame .

My xh is like that too Patience. I used to end up being pulled in because deep down I was still in love with him or was looking in some way for him to acknowledge how badly he had behaved. I'd still be waiting so just aswell I got over myself! Takes time for all the emotional stuff to settle & this is just another bump in the road for you. Of course it's going to be hard handing dc's over in that situation. ((Hugs))

I can't do emotional stuff anymore ,my head is mince .trying to make sense of stuff that doesnt make any sense.new people come into my kids life ,new friends of X .how do I deal with that.I just want others to know the truth,while he tells everyone he had to leave I was impossible to live with.his cruelty still makes me cry ,I'm scared I will always be this way .how do I move on .
I have to cling onto the truth and believe in myself ,don't know why I am so sad.ii guess its just because the man I loved and trusted is treating me so badly and I don't understand why .thanks for the quote starting.I just think my life is always going to be like this,the more I struggle the happier he is ,why cant I escape him,everyone else has moved on and I just feel weak and crippled .

That's it starting,that's the abusive man ,the controller ,witholding all affection emotion from me like a punishment,because I didn't accept my life with him,never admitting his cruelty,I know he is insincere but others love his flattery.he will never know the year I just had and will never thank me for taking care of the kids.

Hugs my dears Patience and Starting. Its so fecking hard sometimes!