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Original poster

Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

1000 replies

Teaandcakeplease · 04/01/2011 14:29

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong Smile

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

OP posts:
WherecanIhide · 16/01/2011 20:12

Must be a relief to have the weekend over with. You have far more dignity than I would have in your situation... Liking the Fuck Them attitude

DCSsunhill · 16/01/2011 20:38

Nice one Kate!

I've noticed that my DC don't talk much about their time with H and GF. Which is good, as it means it isn't out of the ordinary for them.

Fuck 'em all.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 16/01/2011 21:14

Yet another dad of the year effort .....X is now staying in a building waiting to be demolished ,he doesn't understand why I am not happy with him taking the kids there ,I don't think I am ever going to lose the headfuck part of our seperation,he told me I didn't earn enough money since I had kids.

offschoolagain · 16/01/2011 21:19

well done Kate; I heard this expression recently, "I am living on Dignity Street" and it sounds as if you are.
That Hello Kitty toy looks very breakable from where I'm sitting.
Great to keep in touch with the grandparents, we are too, horrid for them when their son behaves so badly.
Another weekend over; next weekend is a joint one here and then whooh! Am off to London for the end of Jan weekend. Booked train already.
Thanks for the advice on how to save the pages.

KateonMN · 16/01/2011 21:24

oh Patience that is awful - It was the one thing my ex didn't say out loud...but I know he didn't agree with me working PT while the girls were young...he's obsessed with money, getting it, keeping it for himself.

LOL about Hello Kitty. it's a soft toy..the girls are in bed and little miss Hello Kitty has catapulted onto the floor.

Poor lickle shithead needy fucking kitty.

:)

Patienceobtainsallthings · 16/01/2011 21:26

I definately not residing in dignity street ,wish I was,

Patienceobtainsallthings · 16/01/2011 21:35

Thing is I had a career had to give it up was never highly paid with our without kids.he just anything he can to trigger me and it works because I am dealing with a liar in charge of our kids.he stands there in torn clothes like he is some kind of hero,I just don't know what to do anymore.and when I try to discuss things he doesnt answer his phone .all his control freak way .just so sad don't know what to do .

DCSsunhill · 16/01/2011 22:26

PSML at Kate's "Poor lickle shithead needy fucking kitty"!

Patience, I'm sorry you're feeling so low. And I know that once you have all of these thoughts and feelings of worry and sadness, then it is impossible to simply snap out of it. It must feel like it's never going to end.

BUT it will. At some point. It will.

I'm a worrier by nature. If I don't have anything to worry about, I worry what's wrong with me. Keep posting on here. We're all going through exactly the same thing and we will all get stronger by learning from each other's experiences and coping mechanisms.

googoomama · 16/01/2011 22:30

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been on - not cos I don't want to, everything is so busy here and I'm having problems at work so kind of struggling to deal with everything :(
Patience - so sorry about your ex. I agree with you about him not having the kids in that type of building. It's so shit for you. We are all here for you, as you know. You have been an inspiration to me over the past few weeks and I have a lot of repsect for you and how you handle your situation. Keep going and I'm ready for a trip if you are :)
And you've always been living in dignity street love - that's one thing I can definitely say. Your dignity shies through every post.
Hi everyone else. Hope I'll have more time this week to catch up and post. Love to you all, you lovely strong and loving ladies. You are all my secret back up team and I'm so grateful for you all and this thread xxx

Patienceobtainsallthings · 16/01/2011 22:49

Thanks for UR posts.I just wish it would settle down to a kind of normal ,he just takes pleasure out of winding me up.said today he hadn't dumped his wife and kids wtf.he is one of lifes victims that will always land on his feet always someone to help him out ,he has stayed in various places relating to 4 seperate "pub mates"this is the best so far ,I feel sick inside ,he threatens to not pay as soon as I question where he has taken the kids .

KateonMN · 16/01/2011 22:51

Oh Patience - not got any wise advice, but the threats about the money - it's just control he wants.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 16/01/2011 23:51

Always Kate......he is the kind of X u wouldn't ever want to see again.he is in complete denial.
Just want to know what I'm meant to do next.I don't trust this guy.the kids are seeing a side of life they shouldn't.he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong re dcs.can't talk properly to him
Tearing my hair out now .

thereturnofElsieTanner · 17/01/2011 09:22

Patience, sometimes you have to make a choice to do nothing. Don't look at it as being passive, see it as making a positive step to choose not to get involved. At least your ex only has the dc's for a few hours each week and if the building is about to be demolished then this won't go on indefinitely. It is so hard to accept that the person you had children with is not prepared to put them first but that is his choice and you know in yourself that you are better than that. Eventually your children will recognise that your ex is not a great parent. You reap what you sow.

My ex drink drives and I know he might do this with ds in the car. I am just praying that he gets caught and banned soon before he kills someone. But what can I do? If I challenge him about it I will get a load of abuse. I am not responsible for his actions. I've got enough on my plate and so have you, Patience. Trying to control you with money is despicable.

gettingeasier · 17/01/2011 09:28

Kate well done on not just getting through the weekend but having some fun to

Patience xh always said me not working wasnt an issue and he certainly took full advantage of it but I can see in hindsight he liked the benefits but I think lost respect for me

I have just been on the alcoholic partner thread and its stirred up a lot of feelings in me. The behaviour I tolerated is incomprehensible to me now and the fact that he hardly ever goes out or gets pissed nowadays is so grrr I dont know what it is. Still it reminded me that a year isnt forever in a big drinkers life and he may yet creep back to his old (pre me as well)ways. What is nice is I dont wish that on him I just wish he had been prepared to tackle it while he was still here.

Well its grey and pouring with rain and I feel a bit empty and uninspired to do anything except MN of course !

Have a nice day everyone

Patienceobtainsallthings · 17/01/2011 09:34

If I thought X was dd I wouldn't have the kids in his car.X never did childcare ,I understand this makes me sound controlling but its my kids safety.I know a girl that lost her kids when her X had them and this haunts me.if he was honest it would help but kids are 4 and 5 he knows exactly what he is doing,all part of the abuse.just never escaping this fear .

gettingeasier · 17/01/2011 09:35

Hello Elsie Smile

How are you feeling now ? When do you have to be back at work?

Yes xh frequently drove the 4 minute walk from the bar to our house , he used to say he was just "rolling the car down the hill". I used to loathe him in those moments of seeing the car on the drive in the morning. His drinking was something I bargained away endlessly even though I would look at him with utter contempt at times. One of the worst things is that of course he was blissfully unaware of what he did/said because he never remembered a thing about it.

I didnt know xp had a drink problem or has it arisen lately ?

Patienceobtainsallthings · 17/01/2011 09:41

I have always worked getting,only time I stopped was for 2 mths in the summer.had to give everything up cos of split.money is just a dig,he has re written history and thrown stuff back in my face.he spent all our savings in the pub.Its all abuse .

KateonMN · 17/01/2011 11:42

Well ladies, was texting rather lovely man until 2.30am and then woke up to to a text from him at 7am!

He's very good looking - and I am begining to think that maybe the 'type' of fella that I thought I went for (long, hair, studenty geek type)isn't actually my type at all!!!

For the first time since this happened, I felt really good in the school yard...usually I look at the other mums and dads and think about what happy lives they all have together with their dc.

Today, I was thinking - I don't have to go home and clean up his shit, make him a meal or do anything I don't want to....while my phone is buzzing in my pocket getting lovely texts!

Chin up - the future is rosy

soverign21 · 17/01/2011 21:58

Evening Ladies

Have had a few lovely days with DC, celebrating their birthdays but tonight i'm feeling a bit eurgh, am not sure what it is maybe it's nostalgia (sp) remembering their births and watching one born every minute isnt helping either but my dilemma is that i have an appointment on wednesday to ask the consultant to steralise me, i originally went last year when with X and they said to try the coil and if i didnt like it to go back and they would steralise me so op is definately a go just a case of sorting out paperwork but tonight watching one born every minute a father was crying when his child was born and i just thought how nice it was and now i'm not so sure what i should do, given my situation has now changed too, what if i meet someone and i want to have kids with them? i knew i didnt want any more when i was with X but im not so sure now how i would feel if i met someone who didnt have children of their own and i felt i wanted to have a child with them...so confused

One of my XSIL's came round today and was telling me that XSIL who X lives with has had enough of him and wants him out lol, 1st thoughts were, now she knows what i had to deal with :o

Patience, am so sorry that X is being an arse and condemned building? seriously? i'm hazarding a guess that he's squatting
have you thought about using CSA and contacting sol about a contact centre instead of him taking them there? you need to take back some of the control, him using the money thing is his way of controling you, but you know that anyway and i'm sure a wonderful woman like you will figure out a solution, chin up hunx

soverign21 · 17/01/2011 21:58

oh and WTG Kate :o

Patienceobtainsallthings · 17/01/2011 22:14

That's the problem sov the story changes all the time,its the same old,same old .the fact he said it was only temporary cos its getting knocked down could be bullshit.
I don't know what anyone else has to deal with.not having him in my house ,just not dealing with this new phase very well.

Does anyone still have photos of X in their parents homes or other family.just put a pic away today at my folks ,my fave wedding pic ,walked by it for a year,smiled to it like u would a dead person and finally took it down.dd used to touch it and say hello daddy.

soverign21 · 17/01/2011 22:30

It's a new challenge and you WILL finds your way though it Patience, i hate mind games like that, i cant wait for X to get his own place so that he doesnt see DC here anymore and i dont have to "entertain" him so to speak, i hate having him here but feel i have been bullied into it and have no choice

As for the photo thing, my parents dont have any photos of me up let alone my X so thats not a problem and i took my pics down at the very beggining

KateonMN · 17/01/2011 23:04

My parents don't have any of us...he used ot come and do photography where I work and in the office there ia a pic of our project team...and underneath it says "all captured by xxx"

LOL - I should say it said that..now it says "all captured by xxx knobfeatures"

Makes me smile when I see it!

startingovernow · 17/01/2011 23:20

Waves to all. Had to get a new laptop & had probs with the software, typed up a long post fri nite & it never loaded........ggggrrrrrr! Hate when that happens. Have been busy with dd's b'day (sov my dd also has b'day today Smile) & college. Well am posting tonight as what appears to be a double dumpling Sad Sad Sad F F F*. Am feeling I can't expose myself to this crap anymore & just want to f**king scream or take to the bed in depression Sad. Off to catch up on thread.

KateonMN · 17/01/2011 23:22

hey starting we're here for you hun...

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