Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Hi everyone - I'm missing you all just having nightmare at work with boss who is trying to make me do things that aren't in my contract. I've got the backing of the county council but now have to write her a letter and I'm really scared, plus not feeling too well and knackered but am trying to do it.
Kate - you are strong. I would be raging about OW and fuckin sleepover. You're an inspiration
Patience - hope your lovely DCs are ok and not too ill. So sorry your ex isn't giving you any money. I also raged against all married bloody friends who "saw both sides". That's why I lost my best mate of 13 years - her husband, who was also a close friend of mine, loves exh. Even though my exbest mate knew what a wreck I was and knew about the abuse, she eventually started to say things like "Oh, I don't know why he's being like that. He's so nice. How out of character" Eventually she came round and was horrible to me, I had to ask her to leave my house and I've never spoken to her again, even though we work in the same bloody school! It was a nightmare at first but I just ignore her now. Never missed her actually. She always made me feel bad about my life, how I brought up my kids, how I was dating (she thought I should "focus solely on kids until they were 16") easy for her to say in her perfect marriage, with someone there every night, telling her he loves her. So I've completely carved out a new life for myself, with people who like me for who I am. I'm not apologising for myself anymore. Most women couldn't live our lives and manage you know. I often look at people at work and think "You're bloody stressed and complaining. Bet you haven't had to cook, clean, take the bins out, mow the lawn, deal with the bank and sort all your kids' stuff out ON YOUR OWN today, without anyone helping, noone to talk to and no fucking sex. Ha!"
Just feeling warrior like this evening!
Maybee and Patience - let me know possible dates for meetup :)
Hi to everyone else. Elsie - nice to have you back :)

Hi GGM. You're sounding strong and that sounds good to me. I'm doing so well on my detachment project that I'm wondering why I never tried this properly before. The alternative is akin to self-harm. I have spent the last 14.5 years with a leech attached to my foot. Finally shaken it off.

Evening Ladies

Patience, sorry bout X having more debt and the insecurity of not knowing if he will give you anything for DC, i too am in that predicament although i KNOW i wont get anything of the tosser but then he hasnt contributed financially since august '09 (yes we didnt split till july '10) it's always been hit and miss with him which is why i have always been so independent and just did everything myself regarding everything it was just easier that way and i always had a thought at the back of my mind that he would leave me eventually, i put it down to my low self esteem but i actually think it was a more a case of i knew him too well

Welcome back elsie and goo use your dumpling strengh to write that letter, headteachers are just bullys the same as abusive men and your better than them all xx

HAd a text off a mate tonight telling me that X has a new car, no doubt someone else bought it for him (mummy probably) but it will be very hard to retain my serenity when he shows up tomorrow if he hasnt got a card and pressie for DD and DS1, even a card alone would do but i wont hold my breath we shall see i suppose
Also got told he was seen with OW today, even though he claimed they werent speaking and arent together, my thoughts when told....why does he feel the need to keep on lying? if she wants him she is MORE than welcome to have my sloppy seconds and i hope everytime she fucks him she remembers that i taught him everything he knows!!!

Sov you are brilliant and strong looking after yourself and 4 young dc with no help- do you have 2 dc with the same birthday ? Hope they have great birthdays and he has risen to the occasion. Lol @ you taught him everything he knows !

CV whats CODA ? Is it to do with co dependency ? Dont know anthing about that. I agree about my friend flying in the face of sisterhood and she got another lecture from me in the morning.

offschool your course sounds very brainy !! I got given a lot of lovely jewellry and have no qualms about wearing it whatsoever also his EA didnt start until just before he left so I see what you mean about timing.

Kate - sleepover wtf - see any nice men last night ? My dumpling cousin joined a site for dating people in uniforms and was oohing last night at men winking at her she is desperate for sex rather than a relationship !

Patience I think I still stand by my post to you a couple of weeks ago re your xh and after yesterday I feel it more strongly.

Elsie welcome back and keep shaking that foot

DCS love your name and sorry your xh didnt buy you any nice jewellry I am sure you deserved some !

googoo sorry you have such a nasty headteacher, what year do you teach ? As you are posting over time snippets of the past come out and you sound like you have had a lot to deal with ie the best friend who works in same school - nightmare. Hope you have a nice relaxing sunday ahead of you

Well I am chilled no dc until 7pm so 2 weeks of Grazia ( I will look at my classical latin later offschool ) and MN in bed for a couple of hours then dunno.. I could definitely benefit from some pampering but dont know if I can be bothered

Yeah sov lesson learnt re budget,ie don't ever assume he will pay especially round xmas .just work with what I've got.he even said i stopped him seeing them at Xmas.he managed to see them 2nd Jan to swap presents.wot a tosser.

getting chatted to a few nice blokes...but spent most of the night talking to old school friend on Facebook...so that was really nice.

It was a girly night - we both had our laptops out...(as we are now) soaking up the compliments on Plenty of Fish...it does wonders for a fragile ego...not looking to meet anyone, but can choose just to chat!

Took a nice new photo...and got some nice comments...so that took my mind off things :)

Sov, I hope he brings gifts today. I really do. If he doesn't, how would you feel about saying that your presents are from both of you? I guess it would stick in your throat but at least dc's will feel a bit better. You can tell him what a useless father he is out of their earshot .

Getting, your friend is selling herself short. Doesn't she realise? Doesn't she feel that she is worth more than that?

Patience, I dread to hear your X's latest shitty behaviour. Partly because I think that my X is about 2 steps behind him.

Kate, I admire your positivity re internet dating. I joined Match but all it has done is made me realise I do NOT want a man at all. I'm having quite a lot of moments when I'm thinking I'm actually glad I'm on my own.

Ok just dropped kids off with their dad ,he was taken aback about Ds and all concerned about his medicine.dd fine now btw.gave me money ,just always was careful with money,shoes,school uniform etc .said I didn't want kids to have to stop their wee social lives .they do activities each week nothing extravagant eg football £2 a class but thats the difference in a month if he doesn't pay me.anyway I think he had probably had a drink last night when I phoned as very nice to me today.promised he wouldn't let us down ,don't worry not charmed by him anymore LOL .but just had to write re jekyll and Hyde thing.all I ask is he pays for the kids and sees them on a Sunday.waves to everyone away to walk the dog later x .

Morning ladies.

Just dropped DC off at Head of Knob's house. Have come home and feel guilty sitting and doing nothing, whilst there is cleaning and ironing to be done.

Have had rotton weekend. DS1 (aged 8) is currently involved with CAMHS, assessing for ASD. I'm a social worker (although not practicing at the moment) and everything about DS1 screams Aspergers at me. I've been yelled at, called names, sworn at, hit countless times over the past 24 hours.

Mum has been staying for the past few months as she is nearly 80 and very ill. I moved her into a rehab centre on Thursday to gie me a few weeks respite.

I feel that my plate is FULL. So it drives me mad when XH says "Well, DS1 was fine with me today". Yes, I'm sure he was Darling, as you see him for about five minutes each month...

Do you know what's nice about this thread? The fact that WE can vent our feelings about OW / GF. For example...when Elsie said that her DC wouldn't see OW. I completely understand that feeling. Whereas if I posted similar on General Relationships thread, I would get posters who are partners to Fathers who have gone through splits (and not realising the absolute heartbreak of affairs / being dumped) trotting out the lines of "Well, XH can do anything he wants on his time with the children", or "Pick your battles, you'll have other things to deal with and you can't control this".

I've had no choice but to accept GF as she lives with XH. But I TOTALLY get the feeling of not wanting OW around.

X posted, Patience. Great news about the money. Chin up. Enjoy your walk!

Thanks dcs. Even if its just for today,I feel a bit brighter x

Ps I have ranted on here so much its unbelivable,has truly saved my sanity and my life x

Today's worry is that XH will soon announce that him and GF are expecting. Not sure why I am focused on this.

Thinking about it makes me want to explode. Why on earth am I worrying about something that hasn't happened yet?

Does anyone else think about this??

DC, You really do have a lot on your plate. I have had similar but not ASD although ds1 has dyslexia, dyspraxia and semantic pragmatic disorder. I know what it's like to juggle family life and very elderly parents with absolutely no support. Also, I totally get where you're coming from re OW. My dc's all hate OW but that is more to do with the fact that she tried to get into their lives. She tried to befriend us all and they are old enough to realise that what she did was a terrible betrayal. I also don't have to worry about her getting pregnant as she is too old and infertile. But my god, I really don't know how women cope when there are new babies on the scene. I actually said to X, thank god you can't have a child together because the pair of you are the most terrible parents (OW has an adopted child). It would be unfair to any child to be subjected to parents like them. As long as he keeps her away from ds he's welcome to her.

It will all end in tears. But I've shed my tears now. He has never faced up to what he's done. When he does, he will suffer greatly for it and if he never faces up to it, he will go round in circles for the rest of his life.

my ex and his OW won't be having children unles he gets his vasectomy reversed.

I quite like that idea though...for him to have painful bollocks!

DCS thankfully my ow has 5 kids and is nearly 50 , I know I would struggle terribly with that scenario.

Elsie yes I agree re my friend listening to her though you can see how these ows get sucked into the script. She really is a nice gentle person who believes what he has told her.

DC and ow ? Well that took far longer to heal over than losing xh but I am glad I have dealt with it now, sadly theres an inevitability about them being involved. Someone said to me you wait until you have a man in your life Getting he wont like that etc but I think but it wont be anything like as painful for him over a year later and when he left and has an ow to boot.

People keep saying that to me getting but I don't think he will arsed in the slightest. He has said to me that it wold make him happy to think of his girls having a stepdad.

God, I really am going to have to do a list of his fuckwitticisms.

Can't believe someone as fantastic as me was with such a fool for so long! :)

No he wont like it Kate I do know that although he will say hes pleased for me , patronisisng as he tends to be.

Whats happening with the house I think you need to get it sold asap so you have got his disgraceful behaviour right on your doorstep.

I should think the rainforests of the world are quaking at your proposed list of fuckwitticisms

Lol at the rainforests, yes I will ask him this week about getting it sold.

Feel OK about it - it's sort of like the worst thing they could do to me - has been done. So onwards and upwards now.

Waves to chairmum hope you and dcs cool x

Ok sat in a wood ,just me and my dog ,no worries atm ,will stay here a while ,nothing to disturb my peace .

Hope your having fun Patience :o

I often think about X having more DC (he 29 and very fertile) and i must admit i dont like to think about it, he says he doesnt want anymore DC but you never know and what would piss me off most is if he is good with a new baby when he cant/couldnt do it for the ones he already has iyswim

Re me meeting someone else, he has said he would be happy about it and that he wants me to be happy, also said if i went out with someone we knew he would be fine with that all that said i was talking about a mutual friend who had seen a recent pic of me and said how good i looked and i said to X that he had tried it on with me 7 years ago when we still together and he got really angry about it cause i hadnt told him and what right did friend have ect, i just said what did it matter now anyway, he had no answer so will be very interested to see what happens when i do start seeing someone

Getting, thank you for the compliment :o DS1 birthday is tomorrow, i was out buying his party stuff last year when i was in labour, out of tesco as 2.10, her in my arms at 4.15 lol home the next day to do his party lol

X got DD a card and a teddy for her b,day and i was wrong about his mum buying the car it was actually his sister £400 quid for a heap of shit and he sponges off her for everything, she needs to get the MUG tattoo removed from her forehead

Ahh well, having a little party at DM's for the so will be back later

take care everyone xx

Not sat down next to trees for such a long time seriously good vibes happening now.

Back home drinking spearmint and nettle tea,eating raw carrots and baby bel cheddar cheese

just typed a long message then went back to check something on the previous page, reverted back here and it had disappeared; how do you keep it here while you look back at the thread? Dozy I know.
Thanks for the comments re "the wedding ring" and other jewellery. I have in fact wrapped it all up and pushed it to the back of a drawer. Know its there but do not have to look at it.
Gettingeasier, I do read Grazia but in French! (only kidding.. )
If we make a list of fuckwitticisms I have some choice contributions.
Time for a glass of wine I think.

offschoolagain - go to customize along the top, above "I'm on" and select. Then scroll down to other options and then look for "Messages per page" and select unlimited. Job done, no more flicking between pages. Has made my life so much easier.

Hey! my girls are back - littlest one has got the Hello Kitty toy that his gf bought her...but, despite 6 yr old telling me on the phone last night what a great time they had....neither of them have mentioned her or him, or what they did to me at all since they've been home!

So that is a relief. As predicted on his weekend to have them - he palmed them off with his parents...but on the plus side at least I know that the gps love having them, feed them nice food and the girls love it.

I am meeting gps next weekend to choose my 9 yr old new glasses with them. So that will be nice :)

Trying to be positive - I do feel that I want to be extra nice to the girls now they are home and am going to make an effort to make bedtime a bit less stressful. Decided tonight that I am giving up on trying to get them to stop chatting to eachother till late - which usually drives me to distraction....

so, glad the weekend is over - it is horrible to think of her with my girls, but by God I survived...I didn't kick up a fuss or engage in their drama.

I know a wedding proposal from him will be the next thing - but she is welcome to him.

I have sprinkled this weekend with good wishes, a Fuck Them attitude and later...

maybe a nice bit of saucy chat with someone who's a bit of a looker (certainly a LOT better than my ex!)on POF