Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Hi everyone. Bit like Pink, been feeling knackered. Realised it's because of my period! LC - biggest dumpling award I can find. So glad you're here. I've been feeling mega strong and happy too and revelling in my kids as well. Might be the ADs finally working, might be work I've done on myself. might be a bit of both. Don't care - I'm just so bloody grateful to be feeling stable and happy with my lot for the first time in about 10 years :)
Will catch up with this lovely thread over the weekend. Bedtime now. Love to all of you. Patience - let me know dates girl - I'm there with bells on :)

Mmm, that's odd. Didn't Tea say she had a bit of pmt? Mine is due too. Do you think we're so finely in tune with each other that we mentruate together?

Hello Patience . I'm in transition phase. I will expell myself if I fail but I like being on the Top Table.

Morning all. Thanks again for your welcome last night.

I re-read the thread last night and I am blown away by what you have all been through. Sometimes it feels that it's only me that is wading through all this shite. It's lovely to be in the company of such strong wimmin!

DC are going to XH and GF's new house tonight, after not having a home visit with them for over four months (his choice, said GF was a bit delicate after a hospital procedure...)

No doubt when they come home, they will have had a ball with "Fun Dad". Whilst "Boring mum" will have been washing their socks and changing their bedding.

Ah, sod that. Tonight will be all about me

Morning Sunhill

If you think this thread is interesting, read the old threads from the other dumplings thread. Most of us come from there and we have recently created this additional one which is more moving on focused. There have been plenty of tears in the last 14 or so months but one heck of a lot of laughter too.

I'm sure your DCs will like seeing your XH, but doubt that they will find the XH/OW scenario much fun. IME most kids just want to be at home. As a teenager I was the same, I rarely went to visit my parent that left just because it felt odd.

I'll will get stuck into those other threads tonight...thanks for that Happy.

Hope today is a fab day for you.

Yes sunhill pamper yourself tonight, have a bath, maybe a facial? Paint your nails, what a chick flick and eat chocolate?

Or get some girls over and a bottle of wine

Try not to think of him being fun dad only though. I reckon your kids love you to bits and if you feel like your life is all school homework etc you could arrange a special day out to the science museum in London or something like that?

*watch

Welcome to our merry band sunhill , totally agree with Happy my dc are too loyal to say it much but I think they often get bored at xhs. I think the fun Dad is a disney thing really so stop worrying about about you being the dull alternative and remember you are their rock. Let your ow wear her ring (probably zirconium anyway) theres not a damn thing they can do unless you play ball for 2 years.

LC how fab to see you here I think you are more than qualified and selfishly now I can read your posts more easily!

Happy perhaps 999 was a freudian slip like someone call the fucking emergency services and get him out my face Good luck today x

offschool well its more what dd doesnt say really. The summer holiday they had last year was just them but now ow has been officially integrated and they are away in half term in a UK cottage. Ow has 2 dogs and dd loves dogs they have ruthlessly used these dogs from day 1 to buy dds favour. It was interesting that when dd was talking about this cottage xh had obviously said "Oh yes and we will take the dogs etc etc". Lets hope the dogs own swim wear and a passport if they are going on the planned exotic holiday this summer [grin

Pink hope you are feeling better , big Lindor fan here too

Clouded just choose the school you want, any news on finance chat yet ?

The jewellry thing ? If I say anything then it says I care and tbh am I bovvered ? No I just think she doesnt have a clue about whats appropriate and I also wondered if there was an element of currying favour with dd.

Well as I am posting xh has dropped over my new deed so I will be back either enraged or very happy later

waves to all

Hope the deed is ok Getting.

I guess I said 999 as I am so used to calling it!

Glad pampering was mentioned I really do think it is time for some extended pampering for us all. I'm feeling a dumpling style and beauty stroke pampering thread coming on. I still do lurk on the S andB thread btw. Its a good place to be.

In true seesaw mode I panicked all week about money given the threat of redundancy. Felt sick at the thought of the clothes bought for serenity. And then as soon as the immediate threat subsided yesterday bought my new REN moisturizer that I love so much. I have not inherited many of my mums traits but do have her ability to shop.

Getting, should I open that divorce envelope this weekend? Its still unopened. I just cannot be arsed tbh.

Waves to all..Starting hope you are ok following xh rubbish behavior this week....LC if you're here to stay then keep chatting.

Ok just to start with this. XH rang the doorbell (8am) and I thought it was one of the dc so I answered and in my grotty dressing gown with unwashed nasty hair and red eyes and we looked each other in the eye for the first time in months really. Well ladies I couldnt havent cared less which I feel is true detachment because in the beginning I always wanted to look ok (look what you are missing etc)

The deed is fine and please god this time next week at the latest our business will be concluded and I will be secure. Had a longish chat with him just now and asked if he was buying a house with the ow. No. Hes trying to buy somewhere that would be perfect for the dc and not in my face so this could really come to the good, no chicken counting yet though.

Whats in the divorce letter Happy ? Have you and saint agreed terms and its a case of rubber stamping ? I agree some pampering is in order and for the first time in a while I have been doing a bit more than just having a shower . Got my grey hair sorted this week and it felt good so I will do a foot spa or something over the weekend. I hate to be a killjoy Happy but maybe switch to Garnier on your next purchase in these uncertain times

Anyway its vile here again but I am serenity itself as I can see from my chat with xh that it will be a moments work to establish a good relationship with him and that I am emotionally able to do so. All lurkers please know I never thought this would be possible much less after a year.

I have a lovely dc free weekend ahead witha friend coming tonight and meeting a lovely friend tomorrow as well so as my ds would say its all good !

Kate whats happening with you has he agreed or is it the CSA for you ? I hope not. Total hats off to you for handling the ow factor so very early on. My xh did respect the keep ow away from my dc for about 4 months and was very sheepish about her whereas yours seems so brazen.Wanker.

Waves again to everyone and waiting for a fat post from Sov

Waves to everyone. Happy - hope all goes as well as poss today. Glad still have job but horrible to be under the cloud of uncertainty (())

Waves getting He agreed to £240 until the house sells so not going through the CSA.

Had horrible dreams last night and woke up in a very none serene mood. and couldn't get the 2 of them together out of my head - It is bothering me about the girls going out with OW - in fact, I don't like writing OW...cos she's his gf now...and he's the girls dad not my partner iyswim.

Trying not to think about it. My house is full of builders! I thought a man was coming to check out a slight damp spot...but opened the door to 4 builders who all trooped in and are now pulling all the plaster off my kitchen wall!

In true single girl style, as they walked in I mentally went, 'would' 'wouldn't' 'wouldn't' 'hmmm quite cute...would!'

Blimey, well done Getting.

Sadly Getting still not completed Form e as the Saint would not do a deal with me.

Mmmm builders

Yes well done Getting -in lots of ways! :)

Lc I was a bit like that in Aug I had 8 mths of seperation ,then had a big crash for 6 weeks but I think I recovered quicker because I had the previous months of his bullshit to get over.
Days I don't do anything are the worst but I also watch o don't get stressed out for anyone ,big hugs UR doing fab x

Congratulations on detatchment getting .I aspire to be there soon ish.just hope I never feel the need to flip it again in his direction because of his fucked up lifestyle,I hope these days are gone.that is what has brought me most serenity in these times,SPACE from the idiot.

Happy why not start by colouring in the envelope with felt tips ,dd swears by it. just think of it as art therapy x

Thanks ladies . You see no matter who you tell in RL they could never understand what this means to me. They just nod and say yes thats great you've really moved on so well.

Getting - What a good memory you have to remember about the clothes racks! It seems like an eternity ago.

No, XH was the kindest, most generous chap before OW but I think he was trying to punish me for petitioning for the divorce, etc. etc. and kicking him out and breaking up the family! He earns a 6 figure salary, I gave him a 6 figure sum to get out of my life and the day before he moved out, he was asking me for 4 spoons and forks so that he had something to eat with in his new place with his OW! When I think about it now, I admit I have to laugh at the stupidity of it all.

I know it was to punish me because he had left receipts lying around (before he moved out) of very expensive things which he had bought for the new place.

The scewdriver was listed in the Consent Order but not the shoe polish so if I had the energy, I could call the police but I am keeping my energy towards trying to make myself better each day instead of wasting any of it on the (every foul name given to cheating, lying, cowardly XH's / XP's in Mumsnet)!

There - I feel better already.

City how lovely to see you, oh yes I remember everything and the screwdriver being listed in the consent order isnt likely to slip my mind either!!!

I am glad you can start to laugh about things , are you beginning to see a few shards of light in the tunnel ?

Hi all

Welcome back CityDoll, good to see you, how are things in the City?

Lovely idea, the felt tips Patience. I'm finding it very hard to take the forms seriously although I know that's naughty.

I need to talk to someone who will take the forms more seriously I think. Getting you could help here. A money making opportunity for you also. As you are receiving just about every award atm, maybe you could run moving on weekends for dumplings in your new life, this including, of course, "Getting the deal you want" and "Getting away for sporty dumpling breaks". I am ish joking but not totally as I know you would be so good at it. >

Well, I can report that proceedings were adjourned this am (not the first dumpling to say that this week) pending a meeting in Bumpkinland . So, I now have a few weeks without XH in the vicinity. >

Having had the redundancy close call this week am talking to myself sternly this afternoon about money and have just completed single persons council tax rebate form. Let's hope that they are not telling porky pies elsewhere or they will get a . Not really my problem though is it?

Off to sort CV as need some job insurance I think.

Hi Happy

I am flattered but as we all know the main ingredient to moving on is time so unless I build the Tardis or something my moving on weekends would be fraudulent

Seriously why wouldnt the saint take a deal ? My advice would be to tell him about your redundancy scare and that its likely to happen. My xh has used his pay cut as a hard bargaining tool and if I was you I would do the same.Alternatively if you think there really is a high chance of redundancy you could procrastinate with your Form E and wait and see what happens at work ie would be very annoying to do it all ,pay the sol and then find its all change iyswim ? You have my sympathy its really stressful.

He wouldn't take the deal because he said it was too low. And I had said that I wasn't prepared to get into a long debate about it as I knew that if there was much toing and froing we'd be better to go through solicitors. I think our financial situation is probably a bit unusual (but maybe they all are) so in the end the solicitor route is probably the best option.

Hmm I suppose so but in that case unless you have your own reasons not to I would sit on it for as long as possible until your work situation looks clearer. I am not an expert though what do others think ? Pink ? Starting ?

Yeah, hard to know what's best to be honest. In a way best to be slow but equally a fairly expensive house for me to run solo and the more I earn the more he will get. I would imagine in the end I will move later this year sometime once we are sorted.

Well I still haven?t caught up on this thread really but hello

I completely agree on the jewellery currying favour. Just like the dogs Getting. Glad the deed is ok and that his idea of a house not too under your nose sounds promising. You need a massive reward for your serenity and amicable behaviour with your STBXH Getting

Happy ? every girl needs to shop and I love the idea of a pampering thread. Can?t blame you for sitting on the forms if Saint won?t do a deal with you. Glad you have some space from Saint and you?re sounding very organised. I think Getting suggestions is good to be honest. The forms have waited this long too, they can wait a little longer

Kate ? made me smile with your ?would, wouldn?t? etc.