Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

MB have a read thru they are all selfish idiots.

I have, Patience. A real eyeopener for a male of the species.

It was just the comment I highlighted that really stood out. As a Dad myself, I find it incomprehensible. Wife + child is wonderful, for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way: and it's not as if there aren't ways to get time on your own as a couple and behave like it was the old days, should you wish. Me and the missus have booked into a hotel under separate names in a couple of months and we're going to 'meet for the first time' in the bar and have a lot of fun. Can't wait .

Ah, but I also wanted to add that women can behave in the same way too. I know, as I had an 8-year relationship with a lying, cheating woman who played me in all sorts of ways.

Getting, this weight loss doesn't suit me. My face is starting to look drawn. I needed to lose weight but I look bloody awful.

Kate, that comment would have crucified me. It really must have help you detach.

Mim, I don't think there are any chromosome rules on this thread . Women can be pretty shitty too, you know. Just take a look at hat my xp's ow did to her family. Just hope you never qualify to be here, if you know what I mean.

Hi mimbs we did do all that nice stuff as a couple (fab grandparents!)

Away in Feb for romantic valentines break, lots of long walks together, I booked us a Yurt weekend in a field in Wales - which was wonderful. Just me and him, no stress, lots of fantastic sex!

This was in Feb - May this year!!

Come to June - and his friendship with OW deepened...and he's "not loved me for years!"

I have come to the conclusion. The man lies like a FlatFish.

Hmm ok LC so its a Green and Blacks session or two for you then !

Kate its a hard call on which is worse yours who is happy to be open about being completely selfish and say things like he did or mine who attributed far deeper darker stuff to his reasons for going ( Citydoll )

Mim, being nosey, can I ask what prompted you to read this thread ? I have often thought about how women out must behave like our twunts too , suppose I just havent come accross it iyswim

Just me and him, no stress, lots of fantastic sex!

Ah, then (to paraphrase cummins) he really is an arse upon whom everyone has sat, except a man.

Mim, being nosey, can I ask what prompted you to read this thread

Dunno really. I'm interested in relationships and the title caught my attention. It's harrowing reading in a lot of ways.

Just hope you never qualify to be here, if you know what I mean.

I hope not, too. My wife is the most honest and amazing woman I've ever known, to be frank, so I think that wouldn't happen; without, of course, taking it for granted.

I try to be a good husband and dad; it's not all that much like hard work, but if the little things matter, then the big things take care of themselves, if you see what I mean.

I'm having an absolutely horrendous day with my ex today.

Text after text of abuse, total fantasy and lies about things, twisting things to suit his own little fantasies and general unnecessary nastiness. All because I told him that an old rent debt from a place we used to live needs to be paid before the concil will house us and half of it is his. I think he has something wrong with him mentally, he seems to have totally re-written the last few years in his mind so that he's not to blame for anything. I have hands up accepted that I was hard to live with suffering from major depression (that they now think is ptsd from the serious abuse in the relationship with the kids dad) and have apologised to him for my part in it all. I wish I hadn't now, seems that was his cue to blame any and everything that has ever happened on me. I didn't make him pick me up by the throat, slam me into the windowsill and futon then put both hands round my throat and squeeze until I blacked out while screaming in my face how he was going to kill me. I tried to end yet another argument that I could see was only going to get nastier by asking him to leave and go to his mum's and I refuse to let him keep making me feel like I pushed him to it and I deserved it. I've been there before and I won't accept it again, though he's really making me doubt myself now :(

Had me in tears on the way back from the school with my youngest. It's a good job it's pissing down or I'd have looked a right tit :(

I've had enough, it's just one thing after another and it's all piling up far too much now. It's becoming more than I can cope with.

sjm-i know what you mean about crying in the rain,been doing that a lot lately,hang on in there,they do re write things so they can jusify their behaviour.
I have admitted defeat and booked a dr appointment for friday ,although not sure i will get AD as still breast feeding?
I feel like each day i hear something more about my situation ,today is that 6 days after leaving her he took her up for tea and to meet the parents but of course nothing happened till after he left me,also he told his ex ,(DSS mum )a week ago,i just dont get why he left me to find out last and 3rd hand,he really must hate me

sjm, I'm not clear from reading your post: you have children by an abusive previous partner and now this fucker abused you physically too?

You are NOT at fault, have no doubt about that. Any reasonable human being would accept that an old rent debt on a place they used to cohabit is, in fact, half theirs. And no one, but no one, deserves to be picked up by the throat and slammed against anything.

I should clarify that the incident I was talking about happened the night I threw him out. If he laid a finger on me now I'd have him arrested before his feet hit the ground. I won't have him anywhere near me at all, and I won't speak to him on the phone. Texts are supposed to be kept to making necessary arrangements with the bits and bobs and arranging pick up and drop off of kids. He still sees my kids as they have built a bond over the last few years and he is really good with them, he just picks them up and drops them off on the corner away from me.

He's just doing the classic that I know all men that hit women do of twisting it so that it's all my fault, which I won't accept. His constant nonsense is really grinding me down and it's starting to make me doubt myself though :(

Fairygirl - I'm sure there are some ADs that are ok if you're breastfeeding. It's him that's at fault here, him that's behaved apallingly, not you x

it's starting to make me doubt myself though

Don't let it. It's the violent abusive dickhead that's at fault, not you. Anything he says can be disregarded as the rantings of a complete bellend.

Mimblesson as lovely as you sound and as well meaning as your advice is. This is meant to be a safe place for people to post who are going through a very difficult time, where the woman on here have all walked the same painful path in differing ways. We are all here to support each other and encourage each other. I for one find your posts painful and in some ways arrogant. If a man joined this thread who'd been cheated and lied to I'm sure he'd be supported too of course. But I must confess your posts are grating on me and I feel like you are imposing on our safe little bit of cyber space with your strong opinions, which of course are founded on you being a decent man and happily married for 15 years and all of this undoubtedly effects your perception of what we write on this thread. However I do not want people to stop posting over time if your posts continue and upset others or make them uncomfortable, as a lot of the women on here need this safe place to share. I don't think this is a place for a happily married man to come on and give us his views.

Now before you think I'm a man hater, I have 4 wonderful brothers all happily married and know many decent men too and a lot of us want to meet a decent man when ready too. I cannot speak for everyone in this group and I am not in charge either. I just feel quite strongly that this thread isn't the place for you really. But I maybe in the minority on that. I do not want to offend you, I'm not very good at explaining things and not always articulate and I'm in the middle of trying to give my children dinner. I just really felt I had to say something. I'm hoping you understand what I am trying to say, as I must dash off and deal with my children. But that is how I feel after reading all your well meaning posts on here.

(Sorry LC you see I'm no Saint)

I do not want to offend you

You haven't. Understood.

which of course are founded on you being a decent man and happily married for 15 years

Sorry, before I withdraw: it wasn't based on that, but rather on being a 48 year old bloke having seen relationships from all angles.

I apologise in any case and will not post here again.

tea-i agree
mimble-sorry ,know you mean well

Tea, I'm not really sure why anyone, man or woman, would post here unless they were in our shoes. It must be quite depressing .
It's great to know that people are sympathetic and supportive so a quick "hello and aren't you all bloody brilliant" is fine as a one off.
Mim, don't waste your time being berating our feckless men - we've got that down to a fine art; go and spend some time with your lovely family instead. Your support is appreciated but please don't keep telling us what a good father/husband is. We learned that the hard way.
Good luck.

Yeah I agree they are all immature hedonistic idiots and yeah it works for women as well as men ,thanks for UR perspective MB .strange thing is my X used to have the same opinion .he used to laff at middle aged blokes acting this way and now he is one.

Patience, I lost count of the number of times that xp said to me, "I will never do anything to risk losing you and ds." Yeah, right.

Yeah, I heard all the crap like I'd never be like that with you, I'll always be there for you and the kids no matter what blah blah blah.

Just told ex there'll be no more texting no either. Once a week I'll send him an email with convenient times for him to see my kids and he can respond and that's it for contact or he can stop seeing my kids too. He's agreed, but if it lasts more than a week before he's texting obscenities and lies I'll be very surprised. At some point I'm going to have to bite the bullet and cut him off totally :(

Keep urself safe and set UR boundaries well ,once he sees UR empowered it is like a laser beam around u a self respect force field.u make the rules .

I'm starting to think it wouldn't take the kids that long to get over someone they've known for less than 4 years, and I am beginning to doubt that what they gain from time with him is worth him destroying what's left of my self esteem and confidence and making me really ill.

I think I will tell him where to go if he messes up again this time. It's his final chance. I've said that before though, I'm so pathetic and weak with all this :(

Sounds like a plan ,did u contact women's aid for counselling ,I would go thru all this in real life with a good counsellor,help u get a good perspective again and help u with UR rebuild.u have given UR kids such a gift by getting rid of a violent agressive man x

I have done in the past, and I'm having separate NHS therapy for post traumatic stress after what kid's dad did to me and the effect that what the recent ex did to make it all come back so badly.

He wasn't always violent and aggressive, and living with someone with major depression and ptsd is probably hard. Not that it excuses it at all, it does probably explain it a bit though. He reckons he's having therapy now, but I don't buy it.

Hope he can manage to keep to the agreement, I don't want to have to tell my kids that they can't see him any more. They'd hate me and blame me for it :(

sjm Take one day at a time ,I am glad I went for counselling at WA and found it helpful.