Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

fairy they lie to protect themselves no one else, he doesn't hate you. I thought the same, they don't hate us. We are just a reminder that they have to hang up their shagpants and settle down and be responsible adults and parent to their dc.

They are simply not mature to do that. They think with their cocks.

You are NOT a joke. I kept saying to myself "What a cliche you are Kate, almost 40, spent the last years looking after the kids and now been dumped for the bint in the office after 13 good years together"

until - I realised we're not the cliche, were not the joke....They are.

My ex is the biggest cliche! He's almost 40 - found his soul mate in a woman he gave a job to in April!!

Wants life to be "like it was before we had the kids"

FFS - they are the biggest joke and the poor woman who has him now has my sympathy.

Hi LC, thanks for asking, I dont know, I swing from being a little happier and then sink back to despair again. I suppose in a way Im getting used to being on my own. I heard something at work today which I know DH would love to hear about but I feel why should I let you know you dont want me anymore. I suppose I am feeling a bit better maybe my new ADs have started working, just want to get to that good place quicker than its happening. You are sounding stronger.

Fairy my love - I agree with Kate's excellent post. You are not a joke. Never think that. I wish I could come round and give you a great big hug x
Hi Romney - it's horrible when you want to tell the ex something but realise that they are not there anymore. I know the feeling. But it does get better as they fade away and he will. So glad you are feeling a bit calmer. My ADs are having a miraculous effect. I have never felt this emotionally stable for years. It's such a gift because I don't take it for granted x

Googoo thats good news that your ADs are working well, I really hope my new ones will work wonders on my stability soon. I am really looking forward to the day when I feel indifference to DH, I hope it does come one day.

Romney I feel like that a lot. Me and ex were on our PC's all the time - chatting on Msn and emailing eachother. Mostly silly little things about the dc or work or sending links or jokes.

I HATE the noise my msn new message makes because it reminds me of that. I have replaced it with Twitter, FB chat and MN of course. It's not the same but it helps me. If I want to say something, or find something silly or funny - I tweet...and someone will respond. I know you mean much deeper things than that - but it just makes me not feel so alone. iykwim (even in a building full of people!)

I have had to change the ring on my phone, the noise it makes when a text arrives...and all these little coping mechanisms to help me realise that every 'contact' I have with another human being does not bring back the memory of him.

Kate, I don't understand how these men leave their children so easily. They just walk out without looking back. If your ex wants the before dc life then what does that say about how he feels about them? My xp always wanted the single life. He loves ds and although he has texted me today he hasn't sent a text to ds or even asked me how he is. They detach so easily, don't they?

Romney, I've had an ok day today for no particular reason. Feeling very sad but not as panic sricken as I was a few days ago. I don't feel any stronger but I do feel calmer.
Keep your pecker up .

GGM, which AD's are you on if you don't mind me asking? I take Citalopram 20mg.

LC I was on citalopram 20mg to start and the GP upped them to 40mg and when I went to see Occ Health at work, she seemed to think they werent working as my anxiety and depression test was still really bad.

lc I think they are wired differently - but in the early days when I used to try to look for an explaination from him, I was saying to him how hard it was to suddenly find myself looking after the girls on my own and he said

"..but you wouldn't want it any other way would you?"

They think, that as long as we are caring for our dc, the kids are OK. They don't care if we are OK...because to them, we are 'just' mothers. Not sexual beings, not people who may need a rest from the kids once in a while. They think we just need the dc. and we'll be fine.

Just the unsexual mothers who were fine to fuck, cook and clean till someone new came along. Just the women who were too tired for sex once too often, who were devoted to our children.

What shocks me is how acceptable it is for guys to walk out .How the tax payer cleans up his mess and how he moans about giving over 20% of his earnings for his kids.

Hmm, you should have said that one day you were looking forward to being with a new partner rather than being on your own forever. I wonder if these infidels realise that there is every chance that their dc's will probably be brought up by another man? Maybe even call another man 'dad' or at least forge a close relationship with a step-parent.

I disagree that we are unsexy.I think if mine could have switched off the volume I would have been damn near perfect.

Yes, I will always say "xp left us" rather than "we split up". I didn't ask for it. It wasn't my doing. XP will probably say "she kicked me out" but he won't volunteer why, of course.

Patience, I wasn't sexy. But I've lost nearly 3 stone in 6 months so once I've started sleeping properly again I think I'll be looking pretty damn good .

not sure if I'm cross posting here - when I said to ex that "in the future...when I'm with someone who will be a good stepdad to the girls..."

He said that it made him happy to hear the words 'stepdad'

I don't mean we are or were unsexy - I meant that is how they rewrite us, esp to the OW. Our sex life was very very good...which was how I knew that something had changed way back in June...when it took him till Dec to admit it.

He disrespected me and the kids he disrespected himself I watched it all happen like a slow motion train crash.for mine life with kids wasn't exciting enough and the pub was.loads of young folk alcohol and fun fun fun.all the chats and laughs we had.he had with his new pals and I just got scunnered with it.he chose his new life just an immature misogynistic wanker .

I tell folk he dumped us ,he chose his new friends over us.

Was chatting with my old school friend (the one I spent new year with ) on the phone tonight

she was saying "I just want to find a good decent man" Don't we all??

My other good pal has met someone nice on Plenty of Fish and is going to meet up for coffee.

and - my HUUUGE crush from school (you remember? The one you didn't even tell your best friends about!)

left me a really nice message on FB wishing me well for 2011. He has no hair now and a beautiful wife and family! But took the time to write after 24 years... it's these little things that keep us going.

We are good people that bad shit has happened to. We must never forget that.

Hi Fairy, how are you this morning?
I'm popping out in a minute but will be around later. Hoping you managed to get some sleep. x

Kate mine said all sorts of daft hurtful stuff re new partners,step dads etc.truth is they are liked a cornered animal spitting and kicking.even at my lowest point ,balling my eyes out,I think my dissapointment in him was what overwhelmed me.hearing all the "you can't stop me seeing them ,they will always be my kids "
Fucking drama victim that he is.
Amongst all my misery ,tears and snot the voice in my head was saying "away and get urself to fuck ya prick "

thanks for the support last night,feel seriously sick,but have to drag myself out now to the job centre for my income support interview.

Wants life to be "like it was before we had the kids"

Sorry to jump in and I realise this isn't quite the place for anyone in possession of a 'Y' chromosome, but I just wanted to say that that's such a crap and awful thing to say and a crap and awful way to behave. So sorry he was like that. A complete childish idiot.

Thanks mimb That's what he said, and now that's pretty much what he's got. The OW is his age with no children.

A while ago I would have followed that up with a "..while me and the girls have been left behind, or while we struggle along"

But, me and my girls will have a fantastic life together! We are doing great and I am starting to think that him meeting OW was the best thing to happen to me :)

Glad to hear it. Sounds like you're better off without such an immature waste of skin, to be honest

Didnt realise he actually said that Kate, he must be very self absorbed to not even have the sense to keep the thought in his head.

LC 3 stone I know it wasnt deliberate but its a nice sideline of misery isnt it

Fairy keep going

oh yeah getting he said it way back in June when he gave me the infamous list of what I needed to do to make him a bit happier.

I was asking at this point about the OW and he, being a complete coward was denying it.

..looking back, it is obvious he was spending time with her (who has no dc) and dreaming of a life free from that commitment. The life she is living. If his OW had children...he wouldn't have said it.

Prize Chump.