Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Ah lovey I now remember that you too have had the same situation as Kate - and pregnant. How you have described it is exactly what I would have thought if it had been me and how you describe what you htink he was thinking is vert astute of you - I think yuo're right. He is another narcissist. Onyl thinking of himself. What an awful thing to go through. It makes me so angry for you!
I think you are doing a great job and if you read your first post on here I 'm sure you will see just how far you have come in such a short time. I agree, this thread is a lifeline. Lots of love to you and lol at being interesting and cool enough. I was like that whith exbf as well - btw, this is another narc behaviour - an exaggerated sense of their own importance and the importance of their tastes in music and everything else!

Wow lots of mirror typos! I'm a leftie you know. Hope that explains it! :)

19, 7 months pregnant and dumped (again!) over the phone at 11.30 NYE...marking my place!

Give yourself a break Clouded and google narcissistic personality disorder. That's what your ex nad my ex and most of the exes on here have. It's a revelation I can tell you and makes you realise it's not you at all. After my oldest son (now 7) was born I was so miserable with the way I was being treated I almost instantly went from size 12, which I'd been all my life, to size 8 and never put the weight back on. When I'm miserable I can't eat and I eat a lot less than I used to. Interesting what you said about associations with food - my exh was very controlling, especially about the food I made, dictating recipes to me down the phone when he wsa at work, evrything cooked from scratch and when we were having family meals he woudl turn to my eldest who was about 3 or 4 at the time and say "You're not going to eat that shit are you son? Horrible isn't it?" so I think I associated food with stress. Interestingly my exbf was also obssessed with food, he had to cook everything had to be organic and made rfom scratch - it was like groundhog day!

Welcome darns we are all in the same boat - some of us are nearer the shore than others...but we are all helping eachother on the way. How you feeling hun? What's you're story? Feel free to tell as much or as little as you want.

Just know that we are here for you.

Ggm I'm cool doin the kids but def wanting to do some things for myself this year. def part of my phase 2 ,redevelopment and metamorphosis,LOL
hope X gets accomodation sorted and commits to his kids ,after 12 mths there is no excuse .
need to contact sol next week ,re divorce all happening now should be done by Easter

heres a link to my winge :)

im feeling a bit better after venting but til very frustrated/uneasy/vunerable, you know the feeling :(

people on mumsnet are helping a lot :) its hard to talk to my friends about it because they dont have kids so they cant really understand how much that aspect effects the situation

thanks kate, not read much of the thread yet, just your last few posts so far...hope your ok :)

Kate-yes the homecooked meal thing symbolizes so much more than just food doesn't it? Cooking together, looking at recipes etc was a really big part of our relationship and I was horrified to realise that my enjoyment of cooking whilst I was with him stemed from seeking his approval.am pleased to say tho that I forced myself to try new recipes for friends as get a subscription to good food mag and have fallen in love with cooking again.That said I stl can't do it just for me .dropping to a size eight is amazing and you really do look great in your pics.can't believe your exs attitude-see I am so angry on your behalf yet mine seems to hVe a way of making his despicable behaviour sound reasonable WTF?

Ggm -ha yes I remember sitting in a nightmareish mg counselling session with twunt this time last year and he was saying how he didn't feel that the same things that were important to him were important to me.I said 'ok tellme what's important to you then' and he looked at me like 'as if u hAve to ask' and said ' films and music'. Hmm I'd have to agree with him there as mine are trivial things like my children and my family, friends,my home and stuff.he's knocking forty and still all he cares about is how cool he seems to everyone else.ggm do you think you will see the warning signs next time round as not sure I would...

Ooh ggm yes organic cooking from scratch obsession was my ex too.I actually used to get stressed as he would get really moody if there was nothing exciting for 'weekend lunch'.I used to suggest a sandwich or smthing if we were busy on a sat and be made to feelike I was crap wifey as I am off on Fridays so by default should have had everything bought and planned.it was never in the rulebook but I felt his frustration if I hadn't given it any thought... And we could never just have a quick dinnerit was always from scratch ( yes which I love) but who gives a f**k on a Monday night seriously?!

Have thoroughly enjoyed my guilty pleasure of sweet and sour chicken tonight for dinner HA.

Just chipping in with how I dont have to make gravy from xy and z now just use bisto granules which the dc love

Just please urself clouded ,get to a place that u love urself so much u don't need a bloke to validate u cause ur so great they are lucky to be with u.u weren't born negative just all the wankers u meet make u doubt UR own fabulosity x

Sat lunchtime UR lucky if u get a bridie from greggs at our house ,
Lol

darns - just popping in to say hi and welcome as am off to bed. Will read your story first thing as I've been up with dd with night terrors so am now knackered. Welcome though - it's lovely here

hi makedoandmend thanks :) and awww your poor DD and poor you! hope you both get some sleep soon!

Whats a bridie dont think you get them in our Greggs ?

Joking apart am still one year later loving freedom from meal tyranny , is it a NPD trait?

Ha ha puff pastry filled with mince ,def not organic.

Well woke up today with awful pit of anxiety in my stomach which hasnt happened for a while.

I think its because of something really silly.

Yesterday dc went with xh ow and her son to the big xh family clan gathering. I went to a few of those but in latter years xh wouldnt go as he was quite anti family.

Two things one it felt weird trying to picture ow there instead of me and how everyone would be introduced to her etc and what they would all make of it/her. Two that xh is obviously keen to flaunt her about as he wouldnt have gone otherwise.

Its as if parts of my brain struggle even now a year on to see her in scenarios that we all did as a family for 17 years and now I have been erased from the picture replaced by her smiling face

I suppose thats what "moving on" is all about where now there is a new order and I have to sit with that. They have been together over a year and far from it being a five minute wonder like so many people said they are now living together (I dont buy the its only while I house hunt story)and thats that.

Hopefully yesterday has just triggered something which wont last long because as you all know I have been feeling better and so much more accepting of everything to do with ow.

I would love to know when it will be that it just never touchs you any more and pray the likes of my dad are wrong when they tell me I will never really get over xh until I am with someone else.

getting - I know exactly how you feel except it has only been 7 months (please read my post of 12:38 on 2 January) since I discovered XH's affair. The whole ex in-laws situation has upset me so much that I have decided not to have any more contact with them.

I even feel physically sick when my DS (no longer a minor) is invited by them for meals etc.

We just need to hang on in there and believe our very wise and experienced friends here when they say that things will get better.

Sending big hugs!

Oh Getting I'd find it hard too, you're just processing it. You were together for many years, there will still be things that trigger memories Sending you massive ((hugs))

Hello to Darnsarfupnorf Will try and read your thread in a bit.

I have to say catching up on what I missed after I went to bed last night I can't believe some of the men you ladies were with and how they behaved. New Year, new you and my word I'd thank my lucky stars I didn't have to be with them anymore. Kate my lovely size 8, I haven't been that size since I was about age 14, I'm a chunky girl really, too many years rowing before kids. Take care of yourself ladies, pampering does include eating well. Much love to you all. I'll be back later, my kids are causing mayhem whilst I sit here, so I better go

Thanks City I know it will get better.

My MIL rang twice after he moved out and told me I could go to them for any support anytime and I know she was sincere. However once he announced ,after about 6 weeks of moving out,that he wouldnt be back she never rang again. I think she probably just felt too uncomfortable with my pain I dont know.

What upset me a bit was that in those 2 phone calls she said they wouldnt judge and they loved us both and I thought "Well why arent you judging your son hes had an affair and left his family ffs". The thing is she is alovely woman who in all our 17 years never did anything to annoy/upset me and I couldnt have talked to her about anything but how shit I thought her son was and I thought that would be unfair so I never rang her either.

Too much time has passed now I think and it doesnt bother me about dc seeing the family at all its just getting used to the idea of ows looming face being there too !!

Anyway City how are you feeling now Christmas is over, did the chill out anti tradition work well ? Has having some time off work given you a chance to relax and feel any better about everything ?

Sending big hugs back

Thanks Tea x

googoomama; is your ex my ex boyfriend by any chance. He too insisted on everything being organic, vegan and cooked from scratch! Interesting why they do this isn't it? Control a women's food intake and you control the women.

It's so nice being able to eat whatever.

getting - thanks for asking. Christmas Day was very quiet - DS and I watched a lot of films which he had recorded and then we went to a very, very, supportive friend for some supper.

Quite a few days of crying and sobbing (swollen eyes and face like a watermelon!) and then, as you can see from my posts from the last few days, plenty of anger and rage, all triggered by NYE (I spent it alone and in bed) and the whole in-law thing! There are no parents in law (all deceased but they loved me so much when they were alive) - my rant is about the S-I-Ls. Blood is indeed thicker than water - it is really amazing how common decency and basic morals disappear out of the window when family is concerned - even though I was in their "family" for 37 years!

Sorry - still ranting! New mantra for 2011 - "Anger is good!"

Hi everyone - a bit gobsmacked at the patterns of behaviour from these men! Feel really relieved that the food thing was an issue for a lot of people. I thought maybe it was just me being completely crap! And getting - it's interesting about your exh being anit family. My exh is anti family and didn't like me going to mine; exbf also quite happy to have his parents buy him a car, a new bed (very very posh) and new curtains AND pay for his oil but constantly moaned about them and constantly upset his mother by swearing at her. That will be a red flag for me next time I can tell you...anti family and cooking fanatic.
Darn - going to read your thread now. Welcome here. SO sorry about your situation -I really really feel for you. Keeop posting. And hi Posh - welcome too!
Patience - lol at bridies!!! Love it...

Oh Darn - I read your thread yesterday. Stay on here. We are nice and very supportive :)