Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Getting, maybe your MIL is ashamed. If my sons did anything like some of the men on here I would seriously question where I had gone wrong in bringing them up. I really would be ashamed to have son like some of these men. One of the positives of xp moving out is there is now less chance of ds growing up like him . He will learn how to respect other human beings rather than using them for what he can get.

By the way, girls, I'm now meeting CD man for a cuppa on 22nd January. He sent me a couple of songs so I sent him one of my favourites which cheers me up whenever I hear it. It's by a favourite singer of mine called Loudon Wainright iii and it's about his girlfriend saying that she wishes she was a lesbian because then she wouldn't have to deal with men and all their demands! God knows if I'll ever hear from him again...haha! I acutally don't care though. I think I'm very quickly getting over the pleasing a man stage and moving into warrior territory!

Yeah do what u like and like what u do !

Getting I also had a wobble in the middle of the night ,just thought what kind of man does this to his family.I think I just found his opt out over Xmas and the ILs too ,well just so unatural it actually gives me the creeps ,then u realise it is all about hating me then he can justify his ,drinking.even yesterday when I asked him to stop swearing at me on the phone his first reaction was to threaten not to see the kids.

What? He's swearing at you, you ask him to stop so he says "I won't see the kids mind unless I can keep swearing at you" at which point you're meant to say "OK, sorry, please keep swearing and being abusive if that's the only way I can get you to see the kids". I can't believe that...on so many levels! He can't face seeing the kids because it highlights how crap he is. And he swears at you because you are doing a great job, you are together in mind, body and soul and he knows it, so you make him feel bad about himself too. Oh and if he's anything like my exh, he swears at you because he's a big bully and that's the only thing he knows how to do... my exbf has his own fish factory and swears at them all all day long - the poor workers put up with it cos they need their jobs. So he's in this false reality, where because he's the big man on the fish quay (yipeddy doo, eh?) he thinks he can do it everywhere. Don't know how many phones he's been through due to throwing them at people / into the fish boxes/ into the sea. And I'm not even joking!

I think the difficult bit for me is not doubting myself as soon as I go back into his bonkersworld.he is comitted to his bullshit it is unbelivable ,then he drinks to forget.ILs want a quiet ,no effort life don't babysit for any of the gcs EVER .

This is the exbf googoo who makes out how refined he is with organic food and writing music and living in a village and then swears at all his workers? What a contradiction.

Patience your ex makes me

Morning all x

It's like a big black cloud over me today,knife in my tummy because I had to see him yesterday,I know this will pass and its because I haven't had to see him for a month but it is the injustice and the lies and the fact it has been so easy for him to opt out.just floors me tbh.Anyway schools go back this week ,routine will do me good .Need to go and have a make patience happy day .

Patience hes an out and out shit and makes me angry too. What are you going to do to make yourself happy ?

City yes I had noticed the shift to anger and I remember being told that would be when I would start feeling better and it was true for me lol at the quaking cushions on your sofa was it you that said that ?

goo I have an image of your xh lobbing mobiles around the place really made me laugh . You sound on great form and you are so lovely and supportive to everyone who posts on here.

Well I just have to talk about meals since its been raised. First off how xh was the better cook and expert which was sort of true but hey the ego of it. But like someone else said meals had to be from scratch most of the time with the odd take away thrown in but NO box meals. God in my last 2 years of trying to be perfect wife I used to make such nice meals and take ages choosing what I thought he would like for the odd nugget of praise or appreciation. 50% of the time he never ate them because a)he didnt get lunch until 3pm (a very busy important man my xh) or b)he would go for a drink saying he would eat it later and then be pissed and not bother.

Now dumplings what used to shock me was when he left and had the dc he would take them to the shop to choose their box meal for dinner, get a take away or eat out. This has remained the case all year long and it now makes me shriek with laughter that on the basis that hes been at work all day he doesnt cook hardly ever. Just goes to show what a controlling load of shit his standards were.

Anyway sorry to rant but as I said I love bisto granules and all kinds of other shortcuts . I am with you goo re any possible men and I would tell them I cant cook to save my life tbh I dont think I would to make much more than a sandwich for any bloke in the future.

Just been for a walk so have perked up a bit and am off to de christmas the house.

getting - yes, the cushions are quaking with fear in the lounge! And the butter and sugar and bananas in the kitchen are shaking with horror because they are going to be beaten into a pulp today for banana cake!

Talking about food, there are now meals (which were favourite family meals)which I have not cooked since I discovered the affair!

And S-I-L has also confirmed to a really close friend of mine that she (S-I-L) has now been introduced to OW, someone who was a "figment of my paranoid imagination" only 7 months ago (according to XH)!!!!!

So angry!!!!

Tea - slight mix up there. Exh has a fish factory. Exbf is far too busy taking pictures of clouds (I kid you not) and smoking dope and writing songs about how he doesn't love me to do any kind of work really. But exbf DOES swear at his mother. Exh swears at fishermen and Eastern European workers and throws his mobile into the sea.
And haha Getting - same with my exh! I used to make lasagne from scratch and this would involve peeling over 20 fresh tomatoes to make the sauce, as he wouldn't eat anything else. One day I really didn't have time so I put some Dolmio in instead. We were sitting down to tea (although he usually didn't get back from work most nights til 9pm) and there was this silence and he said "Can I taste something artificial in this?"
And now when he has the boys, he's often to be found in Greggs, MacDonalds or KFC. Funny that...
And exbf and I went out to lunch one day, just before he finished me and I'd been really ill and recovered and I was starving. And I said I fancied something (it was some sort of tapas starter) with chips. And he said I really shouldn't have chips as it was two lots of carbohydrate. So stupid cow that I am, I said "You're right" and had some of his chickpea thing which was pretty grim. All I wanted was a bowl of chips.
And I love bisto granules too :)

Oooh banana cake. And figments of the imagination! SOO glad you are angry City. Go and beat those bananas. Be righteous. Scream. Find your inner warrior.I've amused myself no end with my thumbnail sketches of exh and exbf. How pathethic they both are. One swearing whilst wearing a hairnet, the other taking picture of clouds and wondering why he can't get a job!

Today, I just don't want to cope with any more negative feelings. I so want to be able to look forward to the future but I can't find any motivation. I've had shock and some anger but now I feel overwhelmed by disbelief and sadness. How could he do this to us??? I just want to forget it all happened.

I now love making home cooked meals for ME and DD! And we can have the odd ready meal if we like. Bliss. Simple pleasures.

The irony is ; I would love to cook for someone. If it is apprechiated and not dictated.

Yeah I am doing disbelief and sadness too LC but raining here so going to go out somewhere with the kids soon.can u wrap up and take Wallace for aun adventure ,staying in def doesn't help me when I feel this way.

Ladies Don't forget this is the time of year when even the most loved up people with perfect lives feel a bit blue.

It's OK to feel like that..stick some tunes on and forget the stupid, idiot ex's.

Girls have just announced that they are looking forward to going to the museum with OW and ex soon.

Told them - they'll have a lovely time :)

Peace and serenity

I think it't time for my "I wish I was a lesbian song"! Hold on a cotton pickin minute you lovely girls... (not that I could be a lesbian, just in the spirit of this song it wouldn't half be easier eh?)

Ok girls, listen to this and have a chuckle. We are all going to be fine you know. We are all on the journey, on the road to recovery, whichever part of the road it is, at least we're on it and not still in the cul de sac.

I know I only get these messages passed on via girls as he thinks it's the only way he has to hurt me now.

I shall not reatliate by telling him they will be meeting my new fella soon, (imaginary fella at the moment!)

I shall smile sweetly and announce

"Wow, you getting straight back into the whole family thing? I'm enjoying being single and getting f*cked by a succession of young guys. Honey, I can't tell you what a relief it is not to have to fake all the time"

Peace Y'all

Sitting here with lovely warm Wallace on my lap. Will go out for a walk later. Feeling so tired. I had such a good life and he pissed all over it, including his own son. Why would anyone do such a thing to their own child?

You can still have a good life, LC, an even better one because you are not living with someone who has the ability to piss on you and your son. You were living under the sword of Damacles - just waiting for it to fall... keep posting and keep going down the road of recovery. You can do it!
Kate - haha! I don't think you'll have any trouble finding some young guys love - sounds exhausting though!!!!

ha ha kate that has just made me crack up,had spent all day hiding my tears from the kids.Am so not looking forward to tomorrow it will be a week since he left,and apart from a trip to the hospital with dd2 i have hid indoors all week,i feel crap as had said i would take them to the cinema today but used the excuse that dd2 was a bit off colour to get out of it,i have been quite happy to hide in the land of xmas/no school/no work and not sure i am ready to face the real world.

Me neither! Somehow I've got to get both children (4 year old hates school) out of the house by 8am. Beam me up. And Brad is going to want to have a lie in after the night we'll have had. He's SO bad at getting dressed...it's really annoying having him wandering around here naked. Nearly had a nasty incident with the dishwasher steam this morning. Heigh ho...

I hate it that when he is in my head I am crabbit(grumpy/short tempered)
this too shall pass