When dh earns a LOT more than you how do you split chores etc.?

[mychatnickname]

I work part time when ds is at school. Dh works full time and now earns a lot more than me (maybe 10 times more).

We are obviously very lucky that he has such a well paid job.

Dh has intimated that I should be doing most of the chores/ household stuff because of this or I should get a full time job (even though we don't need the extra money). I think he feels it's unfair as I don't contribute much (although I'd argue I'm there for ds after school and to attend school events and that counts for a lot)

Recently, although still good with ds, he has reduced the amount of stuff he does round the house down.He has made comments questioning what I contribute as we have only 1 dc and I don't earn that much but enjoy my job. He seems to think I should pull my finger out. I actually work quite hard and don't go for coffees/ shopping adventures when ds is at school.

I sort of see his point but when we first got together and things were a bit more equal I probably wouldn't have signed up to the idea that I'd be little miss housewifey just because he'd end up earning so much more. I have a brain and don't want to be a stepford wife who wafts around the house. I don't spend much money at all so am not that kind of footballer's wife type either!

I do want a career and the satisfaction that brings. Maybe that's a bit selfish??

If your dh earns a lot more than you, what do you do about chores??

you forgot to add "loves to give BJ's", truck

I could probably let that one go but I'd definitely give her a pearl necklace.

(just like the lady on the other thread got for Christmas)

steady on, truck

Guy here. If he's working 12 hour days to get that cash, then sure, take it into account.

But if you share finances, he should stop being cheap and hire some help.

Careful about putting your foot down about doing more chores if your DH feels you are making a much smaller contribution to your joint lives than he. He might just up sticks and find someone else who contributes more to his life. Tread carefully...

I've been lurking OP.

I agree with someone earlier who said there may be other deeper issues here. He seems to be pushing you into housekeeper role, which is not the most attractive thing in the world. Is everything else OK with your relationship? Has he started to distance from you? It's not sounding affectionate/loving.

I don't mean to me melodramatic, but he sounds a lot like my XH.

I bet he really enjoys his job. People generally excel at things they ate good at, and that's emotionally rewarding. What emotional reward are you getting?

Tell him that by being there at home you are facilitating his career (and pay rise). Do you think he'd have achieved that if he was a single dad, racing home for kids tea, and having to say no to extra work?

You need to respect yourself, and then he'll respect you too. You are his equal.

Careful about putting your foot down about doing more chores if your DH feels you are making a much smaller contribution to your joint lives than he. He might just up sticks and find someone else who contributes more to his life. Tread carefully...

words fail me

words don't fail ME..what a load of bollocks!

trust the fragrant bonsoir to pop in with her "surrender yourself to your maaaaan" fuckwittery

perfect timing, anna

He could get himself a Thai bride.....cheaper than a cleaner by all accounts.

Please tell me that was a piss take post?

binfull, no

believe it or not

"He has questioned what value I bring to the relationship compared to him"

Blimey.

I am a SAHM and if DP spoke to me in this way I would tell him where to go.

If your DP is unhappy then he needs to discuss this with you do you can both work out how to make things better.

Does he want you to work full tine? Would that improve your relationship? Would you then be 'adding value.'

Oh dear then I must have accidentally logged on to www.iwanttoliveinajaneaustennovel.com.

Loosen your corsets, pinch your cheeks and look wan then op there's no other option.

In The Big Argument he raised the idea of me working full time to make things more equal (I gave up a better paid job when we decided to conceive dcs) as he clearly doesn't think I'm pulling my weight .
I did point out this would make his life far

mychat, I probably earn about three times what my partner does, but I work 40 hours a week (paid, I work more at nights from home), he works 12 hour shifts, in a dayshift/nightshift pattern, I do most things in the house when he is working due to him being out the house of 14 hours a day, on his days off he does anything required...its a give and take, no one feels obligated, I think you need to have a discussion with your o/h, this sort of "attitude" could lead to resentment and divorce..!! Pretty Childish if he equates his earnings to doing stuff round the house...

Ah

Well you could point out that he also decided to have children - you are looking after his children and this has helped him get his well paid job.

Maybe ask him if he'll be at the school gates at 3.10pm a couple of days a week to help you in your new full time role . Ask him whether his employers are keen on flexible working.

Or does he want the kids in careafter school or week? Will he be around to look after them in the holidays? Take some unpaid parental leave? What if they are I'll? Could he take some time off to care for them?

Sorry 'ill'

Hay here's an idea - if we're doing childish points scoring I reckon the downsides of pregnancy with ds and the damage it did to my body would be valued at several hundread thousand

Haven't read the thread....DW is more intelligent than I am but interrupted career for DC and works part time now. I earn multiples of what she does....she does more chores but probably only 60:40 ...only because she works less hours. We have cleaner and gardener but we both work hard looking after school age kids. I get up and extra hour earlier to make pack lunches for school for example. I sometimes/often cook the night before if I get home on times cos next day it's helter skelter ......

I isn't difficult for me to pull my weight cos it is one of the ways that I express my feeling for DC and DW.

However when we firts got together, I knew nothing about cleaning cos I grew up with domestic help and 4 sisters. I was brought up more tarditionally doing "man's work" with sisters helping mom. And at university we had domestic doing beds, cleaning and sometimes dishes. So when we started living together we fell out over hoovering and stuff like that. But DW proudly says that she has knocked me into good shape for the second wife.

terrible typos but you should be able to make sense of above

< gets to front of queue >

I would like warn your DH that he is sowing big seeds of resentment in your relationship...sounds as though the pay rise/promotion is getting to his head a bit and he needs to show some humility at home.

AF..I expext that Mr AF wouldn't get away with anything less

expect...lots of mulled wine has done me no good