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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he hasnt even replied to my happy chridtmas text.....

167 replies

icepick · 25/12/2010 09:07

Am seeing someone who I've know as friends before that. He has said he loves me, and I've said the same
We aren't spending Xmas together as he hasn't met any of my family, nor me his. I did ask if he was free before Xmas but he said he was busy and would see ne after it.
I've just text him about an hour ago to say happy Christmas and he has nor even replied. I know he is up and not doing anything as he's been logged into his pc since 630.

I shouldnt bother with him anymore should I.

Am not going to let it ruin my day. But its made me a little bit sad.

OP posts:
realrabbit · 29/12/2010 10:27

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MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 29/12/2010 10:29

Damn right Allgonebellyup.

It's perfectly reasonable and natural to become attached to someone you are having an intimate relationship with. It's also perfectly reasonable and natural to believe the lovely things they say to you - after all, to a woman with decent self esteem, why wouldn't they be true?

You've done nothing wrong Icepick. This man has treated you badly and toyed with your emotions. You have every right to feel sad and angry about that.

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 10:30

but apparently, to some it makes me needy and desperate.

or needing a distraction ( ie some male company) makes me desperate.

I like male company, i always have and always will do. I have more male friends than female friends and always have done.
That doesnt make me needy or desperate, i just get on with men better.

I know i need a distraction, becuase when he comes back, if i dont have one, i will be too tempted to think ' oh well, lets see what he has to say' and then hes won.

Im not going to listen to his lame excuses. or crappy explination.

If he loved me, and wanted to move in with me 10 days ago, then you dont go to suddenly ignoring someone. There is no excuse for that.

Ive gone from sad to very very angry now.

OP posts:
Janos · 29/12/2010 10:36

That's it realrabbit. The chase - I know a bloke like this. Chase, chase, chase, whatever it takes, then once a woman responds you don't see him for dust!

I suspect men who behave in this way don't actually like women very much.

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 10:42

whats also crappy is now im going to have to tell everyone. Bearing in mind that ive onlu recently told everyone, but have also said we are moving in together.

I have also been singing his praises.

OP posts:
Janos · 29/12/2010 10:44

Keep hold of the anger icepick. Far better to feel angry than sad. Cos he has been a twat.

Anger makes you do things, even if it's just barrelling through the housework! Grin

Women spend far too much time, IMO, wondering what they did wrong, analysing their behaviour and so forth when relationships end, when it's actually not their fault. I know cos I did it - I think we all do. You do get a point where you think sod it!

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 10:48

i know i didnt do anything wrong.

Its not my fault in the slightest. Its him.

OP posts:
Lydwatt · 29/12/2010 11:24

what a total jerk!! (him, not you!!)

At least you found out now and not after you had moved in etc.

FYI I don't think you sound desperate either. I was surprised, reading through this thread, how quickly people can jump to conclusions and I also wonder if, sometimes, there is a little too much projection of own problems onto an OP in handing out 'advice' in MN.

Just wanted to say that and to mark my place so that I am here to find out what brilliant pithy showdown you have with him when he FINALLY shows his face...

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 29/12/2010 11:48

I also think that as women we can sometimes be terrible apologists for some mens awful behaviour.

As in, we get treated like shite by a man or we see another woman get treated like shite, and all of a sudden it must be us or them that is to blame. We're too needy and we drove him away. We're too desperate so it's our own fault we are being treated with contempt. We have self esteem issues so he has every right to crap all over us.

NO! Men are responsible for their own bad behaviour. They don't have a right to treat any woman badly. I don't see a man at a low ebb and immediately feel the need to kick him when he's down. Of course women who don't feel great about themselves should take steps to feel better and more confident but that is a separate issue.

Decent people treat others with decency, no matter what the circumstances.

Ironwilledmama · 29/12/2010 13:39

I think the majority of posters have identified the problem is with him and not you icepick and for what its worth you sound like a lovely person with a refreshing honesty...However I think what some are picking up on regarding self esteem is the pattern you have referred to of this happening before and him managing to talk you around and that you feel you may not be strong enough when he tries to talk you around in a few weeks so are trying to build your confidence in the mean time with dates etc.
I just think you have to be in a good place to be going on dates (and your clearly not as your feeling hurt and let down) as the danger is you don't know who your going to meet and if they're not good to you more damage could be done.
I hope if you do go on a few dates you meet someone better than him and please if you feel your resolve weakening with him in a few weeks time, remember that he didn't even bother to text you back on Christmas day, theres no excuse! I would have responded to whoever took the time to contact me on Christmas day but he couldn't help show his true colours! If I was in your position he wouldn't hear from me again.

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 14:07

Its really not building confidence. Honestly, im the most over confident person there is, and ive a huge ego Grin

This is an example of how confident i am. I went to see a band at wembley in the summer. My friend asked where i would like to be, ideally ( seats wise) I said, on the stage. And i damn well meant it. lol

It is literally as a distraction, because otherwise he will turn up on my door step being all beautiful and my knees will buckle.

Its awful, he is the most beautiful man on this earth ( to me, ii know its subjective) its just whats inside doesnt match the outside.

Ive now only got one date anyway. Out of 3 ive decided not to go on the other two.

OP posts:
Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 14:12

makeyourowndinner. I totally agree with what you have said there.

Men ARE responsible for their own actions, same as women are responsible for theirs.

Also, not everyone can be confident. Everyone doesnt have to be confident. Everyone doesnt have to have the highest self esteem in the world. I know plently of less confident people than i, and they have good relationships. I know plenty of people with less self esteem than i, and again they have nice relationships. Confident and self esteem are not the deciding factors.

and dont worry, i will have a wonderfully pitthy respons for when he returns.

OP posts:
Ironwilledmama · 29/12/2010 15:10

Well..I hope you meet someone lovely who sends you texts (and gifts) on Christmas day and the Christmas you were upset because of an uncaring shit will be a distant memory Smile.

mmmwine · 29/12/2010 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allgonebellyup · 29/12/2010 18:04

i also think that you should just tell him to piss off, and then leave this thread well alone.
Also leave the internet dating alone for a while...just get men/him out of your mind!

Well thats my plan anyway!!
2011 will be a man-free year! hurrah!

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 20:11

He has another girlfriend

Gobsmacked

Utterly, utterly Gobsmacked

OP posts:
realrabbit · 29/12/2010 20:20

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Lydwatt · 29/12/2010 20:23

WHAT!! Angry

Since when?? Is this before he declarfed his undying love for you and wanted to move in, or sometime in the last week??

What a TOTAL shit!

Lydwatt · 29/12/2010 20:26

AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 20:29

Since when we split in summer. He started seeing her and just didn't stop it seems.

Which means he really was taking the piss out of me. What a fucking cock.
What an absolute piece of shit.

Well. That makes it a whole lot easier. I shall never talk to him again. Turning up on the door step or not. Fucking unbelievable. Totally and utterly unbelievable.

OP posts:
goingforit · 29/12/2010 20:31

So sorry icepick.... Like me you've invested time and energy into someone who wasn't worth it. Nice of him to tell you wasn't it? Oh, there are so many words I could use, but I'd probably be banned.

Right, life starts here, doesn't it? Do something for yourself before you even consider dating. Take a break.

Like above poster, what a TOTAL SHIT

Lydwatt · 29/12/2010 20:32

I am totally there with you!!!

I am genuinely speechless

what a total fuckity fucking fuckwit!!

How many of his friends can you broadcast this to??

Does the (totally innocent) girlfriend know??

Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 20:42

No. I don't think she does.he doesn't know I know.
He posts on a forum. They are talking about their other half and he's just given all the info along with pictures.
She joined his Facebook just before I dumped him the first time.

What a total cock.

I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction of having a go. I'm just walking away and never looking back.

Fucking hell.

When I think about all the thibgs hes said to me, it was all just bullshit.

Total and utter bullshit

OP posts:
Original poster
icepick · 29/12/2010 20:43

No. I don't think she does.he doesn't know I know.
He posts on a forum. They are talking about their other half and he's just given all the info along with pictures.
She joined his Facebook just before I dumped him the first time.

What a total cock.

I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction of having a go. I'm just walking away and never looking back.

Fucking hell.

When I think about all the thibgs hes said to me, it was all just bullshit.

Total and utter bullshit

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 29/12/2010 20:47

oh my god!!!!

Well that explains a lot, then.

I wouldnt be surprised if my twat had been doing the same too Hmm

Do you feel awful or relieved???