he hasnt even replied to my happy chridtmas text.....

[icepick]

Am seeing someone who I've know as friends before that. He has said he loves me, and I've said the same
We aren't spending Xmas together as he hasn't met any of my family, nor me his. I did ask if he was free before Xmas but he said he was busy and would see ne after it.
I've just text him about an hour ago to say happy Christmas and he has nor even replied. I know he is up and not doing anything as he's been logged into his pc since 630.

I shouldnt bother with him anymore should I.

Am not going to let it ruin my day. But its made me a little bit sad.

i think you shoudl go on dates-
harmless flirting.
enjoy yourself

so what else am i meant to do?

Sit and home and wallow. Wait for an alloted time frame to pass before its deamed ok for me to date?

im not fitting as many dates in as i can. I shall only date someone i think its interesting, and intelligent, and nice. and i wouldnt mind spending a few hours with. Oddly i have very very high standards, and i know it doesnt sound that way, but i do.

I am looking for harmless flirting. i will not, for a while, be wanting a relationship with anyone.

A date, and a relationship are two very different things.

or a good old fashioned girls night out

Ive got some dates lined up for next week. I think i need to know that there are other men out there, who find me attractive and are a bit more attentive than him

This suggests you have multiple dates booked? It's not harmelss flirting here but you need it.

This is what people mean when they say you are contradicting yourself.

It's quite a significant contradiction, becuase this is not the words of a self confident woman ready to move on, it screams desperate, needy and rebound.

A girls night out would be great for you, not meeting more of the same. Maybe work on yourself first. But I don't think you see what I see. NVM.

Aw, give Icepick a break, will you??!!

Have you done internet dating before? You said you were friends first with your recent man. You have lined up dates fairly quickly so that doesn't indicate being choosy and a lot (not all) of these men on match will also be on MSN many hours a day talking to as many women who show an interest in them.

I agree a good girls night out would be great and a bit of mumsnet when you are in on your own would be just as good a distraction.

Hope you are feeling OK, today.

X post, hope I wasn't too harsh.

not too harsh at all.

Ive only replied to a select few, and then only carried on the conversations if they seem ok.

Ive done internet dating in the past. i know how to weed out the idiots.

A girls night out will be a good idea, and of course mumset.

im ok. I knew this would happen. i told him it would happen and he said it wouldnt, or came out with the stupid fickle thing. I just feel an idiot becuase i believed his bullshit. ( i expect he meant it at the time)

Icepick, he's an idiot and it's his loss, just remember that. It's a new year soon and a new start and it really isn't worth having someone who will mess with your head in your life, hard as it seems atm.

Leave him be and when he crawls back which I suspect he will, tell him you are worth more.

I know its his loss.

He knows its his loss.

But he isnt going to change. I would never make someone change. Nor would i give someone an ultimatium to be with me.

Its either willingly, or not at all. I will not settle for anything less than what i deserve. And i damn well deserved a reply to my text chritmas day. and i damn well do not deserve to be ignored.

no. i am very independent. and i am very choosy. I have been on my own for years prior to this.

I have done the whole ' causual relationship thing' like you. because i didnt want a relationsip. and because being honest, i dont want to share my family home life with anyone. Im fiercly protective of it.

My bullshitometer is set so high. even with his hot and cold thing, i didnt believe him when he said he loved me for over a year. i refused to tell him i loved him and would just change the subject for over a year.

I havent introduced him to anyone. noone has met him. When i say my bullshit meter is high. i mean it.

I didnt, and do not want promises of a happy ever after. I do not want or need saving from anything. I do not want someone to say they like kids or want to go to bloody alton towers.

Well, icepick, thing is, you deserve better and you know it.

My 'friend' (cannot say partner now) has been on msn constantly since xmas morning and I have had a total of seven words with him. Have a lovely day was followed up with happy boxing day when it was already 8pm. I've learnt my lesson.

Do whatever you feel best for you - date whover you choose, keep yourself occupied in hobbies or whatever, but DONT jump through hoops for him or cry tears over him. Just not worth it.

sorry goingforit.

Im not jumping through any hoops. He has im'ed me this morning. After being online for hours... i was logged in to. He sent me a message saying that the trains are still striking.

I replied with ' i do not care'

he hasnt replied back.

The being on the pc alot is becuase he works from home. He owns his own company. So hes always logged in.

But now is not the difficult part. what will be difficult is when he turns up on my doorstep in about 2 weeks time.

Hope your ok too. rubbish time of year to split up with someone.

Hopefully in 2 weeks time you really will feel differently.

Good for you - love the 'I do not care' comment.

To be honest, the hot and cold treatment has been happening over the last 6 months. I could have predicted it. My mother died on Nov 5th - he promised to be there for me. I can cope, thanks. I'd rather have no one in my life than someone unpredictable. The world seems a strange place without Mum but I'm beginning to feel better. New Year soon, new beginnings huh?

im the catch!!!

which is why i get annoyed when other posters automatically come out with this low self esteme bullshit. or say im needy.

Im not bloody needy. Im so un needy i wouldnt even introduce my partner to my family. Im so un needy i go on holidays by my self.

Im so un needy i do everything, by myself, all the friggin time.

It is not about desperatly clinging on waiting for a man to come save me.

Its just about the fact, that i happened to fall head over heels for someone who seems to have a big problem with committment of any kind and cant behave like a grown up.

And that, despite myself, i let myself believe for a while, that he meant what he said.

And yes, ill damn well go on dates if i want to. And ill go on a girly night out, and ill maybe buy some shoes.

And thats fine.

Icepick, he;s not an idiot, he;s a shit. This behaviour of his is calculated. He wants you desperate and tearful and begging, because he actually doesn't like women very much at all. He may even be a deeply closeted gay man.
The big clue was him saying that you are 'not needy enough'. What he is saying is that only anguished bunny-boiling behaviour gets his dick hard - and what gets it really, really hard is when he has managed to trigger this behaviour in a previously confident woman.
I know this because I have (many years ago) been there.

Oh and by the way, apologies for the post in apparent Martian earlier. Can you guess who left MN open and has a 6 year old DS who is computer literate?

oh. im sorry to hear that about your mother.

:(

Probably even more important that you heard from him then. What a dick!!!!!

Have you ended it with him? Like, officially.

Im not going to say anything. there is no need. my ' i do not care' will have told him all i need to say. There is more power in saying nothing, than there is in shouting, ranting and swearing.

I shall also just not contact him.

goldbrass. i know. he has said before, that he likes to hear how much i miss him, or love him or whatever, and that he would like me to tell him more often.
So, guard down, after a few months of being together, and feeling ok with that. ( and it takes a lot for me to be ok with that)
I tell him, or i text him. What do i get back. Nothing. or a smile.

I did once, go full on bunny boiler at him. I am not proud of this fact. He, of course ran a mile, but then said afterwards that he quite liked it, that i could go crazy about him.

Yeah.............

But you know. im more angry with myself, for being an idiot.

OMG he sounds mental.

You sound nice, OP. I think maybe people are being a bit harsh. Not your fault he made you let your guard down and then revealed himself to be a wanker.

Just make sure you take the time to heal from the emotional bruises before getting involved with any other men.