Just a question really as I am curious..

[TLESinChristmasStockings]

when does harmless flirting stop being harmless?

i think when it becomes a secret

I am just curious of others opinions tbh.
I am a flirt, and everyones friend. I drink with my friends who are mainly male and I find it quite funny watching women fall over themselves to over take a conversation I may be having with one of my friends.

I am in a relationship with DP of 5yrs he knows I am a flirt as well.

Guess, I know I do flirt but wondered what other peoples opinions were.
I don't laugh at all jokes and if they are rubbish I tell the teller.
But I do play snooker/pool with them have a drink and a laugh.

you sound normal

I think flirting becomes harmful when one/both of you is attached and it stops being out in the open and you start communcating/flirting secretly, via text or FB usually

Is this still a problem? You had a thread about it a month or two ago didn't you?

Who is it a problem for - him or you?

I disagree with the others btw - I think open flirting can be very much a problem for the partner of the person engaging in it.

It's probably something you're unaware of, but it's a form of passive aggression.

It's seemingly 'innocent' but at the same time gives the message loud and clear that you want your partner to know that they have competition; you want your flirting partners to know you are not entirely respectful of your relationship and your partner; you don't really care about your partner's feelings, because flirting with other people will on some level put the knife in.

are you testing him to see if he loves you enough to put up with your 'challenges'? ie not get jealous, act as though he isn't upset when really he is a bit worried, etc.

I think it's more fitting to a single person, tbh, not someone who claims to be in a relationship. People will see you doing it and think 'poor bloke' (your partner) and will think you are being unkind to him.

Is that what you want people to think?
Sorry, if this sounds harsh, I don't imagine you intend these things - but unconsciously part of your brain is wanting to send these messages, for some reason.

Flight, as I said I was curious and no there is no problem with DP and I.

He loves me for who I am and Vice versa.

I was just being nosey and saying yes I can flirt but not excessively mind.

I think your comment that you find it funny when others try to take over a conversation, etc, shows that you use your flirting skills (and, I bet, attractiveness) to assert some kind of power. Not a criticism - just how this sounds.

I agree with singingcat though, it shouldn't be a problem (assuming no-one in the flirting arena is insecure or has reason to mistrust someone) unless it becomes a secret. I think that changes the landscape considerably.

FWIW, I'm a ace flirter but I think we do have to be careful not to inadvertently hurt others.

The competitive thing, finding it funny when other women try to usurp your position - made me think you have some kind of power issue, too.

It sounds really mean tbh. Like you don't like other women and need to feel better than them?

And if you are just curious, how come you have posted almost exactly the same thread twice, over the course of a few months?

I suspect you feel uneasy with your own behaviour on some level.

Well, I'm just saying how it comes across. I hope that helps.

Think I've said this before on your similar threads TLES (not sure why you feel the need to keep posting on the same thing) but I find your particular brand of flirting unpleasant and unhealthy as you seem to derive great pleasure from the discomfort of the women affected by your behaviour.

I would be looking to my relationship with my parents.

(and have done so with my own weird behaviours, already!)

Say for instance your mum didn't show much fondness for you, but was always all over your dad. And this felt horrid, because your dad was very kind to you - and when you grew up, you decided somewhere deep down that you had to correct this situation, win this battle. So you would start behaving in the way your mum did, but then when others started trying to flirt with the same bloke, you would 'win' by being better at it...that kind of scenario.

That's often why we behave in ways that we don't understand - childhood relationships being played out.

this thread wasn't about me, it was a general question on the back of a conversation with a few women who had varied opinions.

I've got deja vu.

"I find it quite funny watching women fall over themselves to over take a conversation I may be having with one of my friends."

What the Jeff?

From your second post it was ALL about you. If you don't want to look at what might be behind your behaviour then there's little point in any of us commenting.

I totally agree with Flight.

I wouldn't be happy if my DH flirted with other women in front of me - I'd find it disrespectful to be honest. Friendly is fine as is charming but not flirting really.

I think you sound very attention seeking. Why do you keep posting about it? Is it really THAT much of an issue in your life? You are NOT available so why do you work so hard at appearing as though you are, creating these kind off issues and obviously pissing people off? This isn't a "problem" it's a Look At Me! Look At Me! Thread. Whatevs.

Of not off obviously

SSDD shimmery

I suppose it depends on what is classed as flirting tbh.

I have a drink and a laugh with my male friends - I have a drink and a laugh with my female friends not much difference there tbh.

Now my dad was a major flirt and we all knew it but he was totally dedicated to my mum and us children. My mum is in no way a flirt - they were total opposites.

As for the comment of looking at the way I am - well I am who I am, I prefer male company always have done even as a child. I have never had many female friends. I go out and play pool and snooker, have a drink and a laugh - now I have to be honest to me this is not flirting. My DP knows I am out with my friends both male and female and he doesn't have a problem with it as he knows I am not interested in anyone else but him.

As I said I have been told I am a flirt but I don't see it as that. I just go out with friends.

The comment I made regarding other women jumping in and over taking a conversation - well a prime example was last weekend, I was talking to a male friend about me finally moving and a woman we both know squeezed in between us and started up another conversation hanging onto his arm. He just looked over her head and rolled his eyes, I did laugh and walked off to talk to my female friends. Nothing needy about it on my part.

Its not an issue in my life nor DP's as I said it was a conversation I had had (not started by me but a friend) with a group of friends. Who all had varied opinions.

Yawn

Was it your birfdee yesterday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU HAG.

x

Hang on, this is all a bit flirty. I disgust myself.

I'm in a bit of a cunty mood today. Which is nice being as we're so close to Christmas.

I've already been told to fuck off once.