PERFUMED: Exactly, either he is losing his mind or he is making me think he is - which in my book is worse. Surely you have to be mentally ill to want to pursuade someone you are mentally ill?? if you see what I mean?
He thinks once they are told they won't want to see him again. Their image of 'perfect daddy' who they all adore will be smashed to pieces (which it will be) and I really don't think he can cope.
He told me I should have let him tell them months ago - and maybe he was right BUT at that time I was not capable of being strong enough for them - I didnt know what to do, who does in that situation. I was a mess, I did what I thought was right for them - he worked away a lot anyway we just told them his new job meant he wouldnt be sleeping here anymore but he would be back to see them as often as he could and he would phone them all the time - which has has, until now. I thought he would see sense and come back - I thought it would be easier for him as well as them if they never knew the truth.
I never asked for any of this - I wish I could re-wind the last year of my life and do a lot of things differently really I do. And now everything seems to be coming to a head.
There are so many questions and situations that are going to arise over the next few days and I NEVER wanted my kids to have to deal with all this, I would do anything to protect them from this - maybe thats been part of the problem? Sorry am rambling.
NONAMES: He fully expects them to reject him completely when we/I tell them. He is preparing to be knocked of his pedestal.
HAVETOWEARHEELS: Thanks for sharing you experience. It is heartening to know that kids DO get through this although I really wish they could have had two parents who loved them.
ANYFUCKER: I am worried about them, I know how it appears. But what if I tell them - call his bluff and he really does disappear or even worse do something stupid (to himself)?. I know it is the right thing to do. Am trying to be strong. Thanks for you support x
KATEONMN: Thanks, you're right. But up til now things have kind of settled over the last few weeks and he has been there for them. He does always ring at pre-arranged times and never lets them down and always texts late to check they are OK. He hasn't tonight though?
DOHA: I don't know? There are so many question, I am going to sort this out as I go I guess. But please don't think I will put him before the DC's - I never have or will. This has always been about them - I may have made mistakes along the way - maybe I should have told them straight away the whole truth but I genuinely thought he would return and I thought they would be spared the truth. I know this is not going to happen now. I really dont want him back.
YOUNGBLOWFISH/PERFUMED: Will definately ask PILs for support - this must be so hard for them too. But like someone said earlier, H's 'mental state' is not my responsibility anymore. Thats why I rang PIL this evening. H is supposed to be going round there tommorrow at some point to give them Xmas pressies etc. not sure whether he will show up or not. Not my responsibility anymore.
EMYLOULOU: I do see how this appears. I am really trying to do the right thing. I know they come first, they always have and always will.