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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR II - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

930 replies

solost · 19/12/2010 19:11

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 20/01/2011 23:03

Solost, hope you're doing okay and feeling okay, whatever is happening in your life at the moment.

plupervert · 21/01/2011 10:37

I'm wondering whether solost is discovering the joys and power of playing hard-to-get, starting with us.

solost, do you see now your position of power over us? I hope it's a confidence-builder and you can extend that into life. Smile

fantus · 21/01/2011 19:27

Evening solost, just wondering how you are doing. Hope all is ok x

Roisinniamh · 21/01/2011 22:36

Yes,hope you 're OK, you've stayed strong for so long,showing great strength of character. I wouldn't be surprised if you are emotionally exhausted.

bananahammoc · 22/01/2011 00:21

Solost, hope u ok sweetie xxxx

dontdisstheteens · 22/01/2011 11:27

Some harsh and thought provoking messages. Hope you have a good weekend solo.

romneymarsh · 22/01/2011 14:40

Hope your ok Solo, thinking about you, hope your staying strong.

AnyFucker · 23/01/2011 13:17

solo ?

StarExpat · 23/01/2011 14:00

Maybe her computer crashed? Or H found the thread? Or she's just taking some time to do this on her own :)
Do update when you feel ready, solost. X

tribpot · 24/01/2011 19:06

Hope she's doing okay.

StarExpat · 24/01/2011 22:14

As Solost has followed the route of my friend who went through this... I'm quite concerned about what might be happening right now. If she follows the same text then I dread to consider it :( I hope you're just taking a break, solost.

I hope you're ok and getting support. x

plupervert · 24/01/2011 22:51

Well, if it takes battered women many tries to leave, it is almost reasonable to imagine that a woman who hasn't been physically threatened might try again. Perhaps, solost, you need to know and feel that you have "given it your best shot", for the sake of your conscience and self-esteem (as a good person).

So, solost, please don't feel you have cut yourself off from everyone here, no matter what has happened. All this posting isn't just a "lark", a nosey at someone else's life, or wish fulfillment for people here. You are a real person, and your own person.

However, if you've had enough for the moment, you don't owe us an explanation, either, so don't feel stressed and under pressure; your life has been quite bad enough without that stress as well!

Best wishes.

perfumedlife · 24/01/2011 23:19

Yes, you do what you need to do. We're like the weather, always here.

All the best solost. You deserve it.

AnyFucker · 24/01/2011 23:31

some of us really are always here [bsmile]

with daft hats on

plupervert · 24/01/2011 23:49

Nonsense, it's a lovely hat! Er - may I ask whether those are earflaps or locks of hair?

AnyFucker · 24/01/2011 23:53

they are braids

Anniegetyourgun · 25/01/2011 08:01

Well... if he's turned up on the doorstep with a suitcase saying he can't do this any more, and she didn't feel able to turn him away... she's most unlikely to come anywhere near this thread for a little while, for at least two and probably three reasons (embarrassment, busyness, not wanting him to find the thread).

If you do read this, Solost, just remember everyone here is on your side. We might believe it would be better if you did things differently, but in the end you're the one who's got to live with the consequences of your actions and if you want that man back, nobody has the right to tell you you mustn't.

The only thing I will say is that it doesn't sound as if he's in the right mindset at this point to actually come back properly and make it stick. So if he plays silly-buggers for a while, leaving and coming back, texting BB in the middle of the night etc, not many people would be all that surprised. If you want help through it, we'll still be here and I can guarantee the majority, at least, won't judge you. (We might judge him, no promises there; depends whether he treats you precisely as he ought.)

Meanwhile, hope you're well and happy and best wishes to your lovely DCs.

LifeMovesOn · 25/01/2011 08:33

Hear, hear to what Annie says.

AF - I'm loving your, um, braids [bgrin].

Tee hee

perfumedlife · 25/01/2011 09:07

Isn't that a 'see you jimmy hat, with orange hair? [bsmile] Happy Burns Day Solost.

Roisinniamh · 25/01/2011 09:32

I am a bit worried about you Solo. You don't need to explain anything, just let us know you're OK, please. X

plupervert · 25/01/2011 10:07

Thanks for clarifying about the braids. Sure the others are copying with fake hait, like those crocheted rasta hats. Real hair is a beautiful ornament. [bsmile] See? My braids are fake, and they look very silly.

Burns Bear, anyone? [bbear]

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/01/2011 10:54

Lurking.

Not sure the hat suits me, even if I am half scottish....

[bconfused]

Anniegetyourgun · 25/01/2011 10:56

Burns bear is adorable.

emmyloulou · 26/01/2011 12:01

Whispers I think maybe he's come back?

Solo,if you are reading just post when you can to say hi you are ok. Lots of people have followed your 2 threads these past few months.

I think people just want to know you are ok, not even the ins and outs, just that you are alright.

GoneSouth · 26/01/2011 23:36

Ooh, not been here for ages and wondered how everything was going for this OP.

Silence.

Hope all is OK with Solost.

Has he returned has he cashed in his insurance policy? I always thought that his continuing to pay all the household bills gave him free reign to walk back in - in his mind and he was starting to indcate he was planning to re-take his original territory.

He was a disgraceful parent.

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