Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR II - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

930 replies

solost · 19/12/2010 19:11

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 12/01/2011 23:26

oh well done you, KateonMN! Brilliant response!
Was he actually shagging her in YOUR house?? I assume he's still there and you've moved out then (you're not the one in an uninspiring flat, are you?)

bananahammoc · 12/01/2011 23:41

Hi Solost
Never commented before but followed your thread and firstly want to say you are amazing. Ive been going through the same although was more spineless than you and took my H back only to find he was still having an affair. I just wanted to say when you said you were feeling depressed I totally related to it along with comments about DC's. I still have those feelings and although I can have days of feeling positive the following days Im in the depths of despair. I feel cheated that my family has been broken, scared that I cannot do this on my own. I feel sadness that my DC's have lost a wonderful father. I struggle to get up in the morning but once Im showered it feels easier. Life feels utterly rubbish without H. Sorry I dont mean to steal your thread but I totally empathise with you. I think I have reached acceptance but a part of me still prays he will regret it just to give me some sort of satisfaction. You know what, Solost, we are going to be just fine. Everyones comments are spot on. I can feel totally absorbed in my own sadness and then DC's will give me an extra big hug or just say "i love you mommmy" and it makes me realise actually its not so bad. Doesnt stop the hurting I know but I find strength in your thread and I truly know what its like to love and want a tosser because your heart doesnt allow your head to think clearly. I decorated my bedroom and it really does help. I hope you are sleeping, I feel like I havent slept for months especially as DC's quite often wake upset. I pray H will regret it and everyone says he will but I know like you, none of it makes sense. Fact is somewhere out there is a man who will love you and love your DC's because they are an extension of you and will never treat you in such a cruel, heartless way and you will look back and think "your loss". I say this because I have to believe it myself. I know everyone is entitled to make mistakes but you are doing so wonderful. You are such a strong lady and you are showing such a good example to your DC's. Sorry didnt mean to bring you down, everyone is so positive, but just wanted to say, I think these feelings are absolutely necessary to come through it the other side. I loved the bones of my H but I looked at him weekend and thought you knob, which was a result. I hope you get to that stage soon (if you're not already there). Keep up the good work Solost you are an example for us all and you are bringing such strength to others. You should be proud xxxxxxxx

KateonMN · 12/01/2011 23:43

hey thumb I'm the fool who moved out with our girls to give him 'space' when he was still denying it was anything to do with the OW!

but, like Solost after 13 (really good!) years with me he's met his soulmate..he gave her a job in April and she is the one he wants to be with because "he want life to be like it was before we had the kids"

but, I'm in a nice little rented house - all shabby chic and girly :) and actually in quite a good place.

I still have my keys to the family home (and he knew I was nipping in) but in the midst of cock madness he left all the signs of her n him partay-ing...like you can when you don't have dc to look after!

But this thread and the chin up tits out have helped me more than I ever imagined. Esp when you realise that the majority of the men who cheat follow the same script.

KateonMN · 12/01/2011 23:49

Not nicking your thread - but Bananahammock - just wanted to say...you are doing really well and last nights sleep was the first one I actually slept right through since I moved out.

I usually go to bed at 1am - sleep till 4.30 and then be wide awake. I think it's the adrenaline that is going through our veins ( the same adrenaline that causes the physical pain in your heart) we are in shock because of what they've done to us.

I woke up after sleeping right through this morning and I can tell you that the feeling in my heart and chest has not been as bad. My body is calming down - and it will take time, but yours will too.

thumbwitch · 13/01/2011 00:15

bananahammock - keep going as well - and I hope that stuff on this thread is helping you and all the others going through this shitty time. It WILL get better, honestly it will.

KateonMN - I can't believe your fuckwitted cock-headed wanker of an H ALLOWED you and your DDs to move out, rather than him going!!! Am absolutely spitting mad at his utter brazen selfishness - what a NOB! ARGH! Why are these men so utterly VILE when they are thinking with their dick?? ARGH!! Angry

Sorry.

KateonMN · 13/01/2011 00:41

thumb Don't say sorry. Be mad! - I was...but now I pity him for thinking that new p*ssy was worth giving up a 13 yr relationship, the family home and having his kids with him all the time.

For what comes down to a an orgasm with a different woman. They are all the same, they like to dress it up as 'love' and 'soul mates' but it's crap - they are facing 40 - 50 and they look down at their cock one morning in the bathroom and say "is this it?"

...and when the first woman - in my case, the first woman who had ever worked in his office! comes along and listens to the crap stories that we've heard a million times and boosts his ego...that's it, they're off!

Fuck them! Weak, shit men - and Solost it will be the making of you and the best thing that ever happened to you. You'll feel like this one day if not now.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 13/01/2011 01:55

Solost there is so much he did not tell you here and just as we've come to suspect, his version of events neatly avoids much responsibility at all.

How about this version of events? He was introduced to this woman and fancied her. Although he would never have described a male marketing executive as "bolshy and full of himself" he was intrigued by this woman and his reaction to her. What was even more bewildering was that she seemed interested in him too and it had been a long time since anybody but you had found him attractive.

After meeting her, they started exchanging E mails, all on the subterfuge and delusion of creating a profitable new business relationship. He knew he had a happy and stable marriage and perceived no huge threat, but started to enjoy this distraction to the working day. He began to look forward to these interactions and the opportunities to meet.

Because he had absurd notions of female propriety, he was totally wrongfooted when this woman started to make her agenda clear. I'm not sure I believe this story of him buying presents on the plane, but if we give him the benefit of the doubt, instead of telling her how happily married he was, he bought presents and told her that there would be hell to pay at home if he returned back empty-handed.

He got excited about the next trip and there were lots of E mails back and forth about it. It was the most excited he had felt in years, but he felt no guilt about this, because he still didn't think anything would happen unless he initiated it and despite this woman's assertiveness, doubted that she would take matters into her own hands. In his experience, men always made the first move. He refused to think about what he might do if she did....

He spent a lot of that trip chatting to her, until one night he told her that he was going outside for a cigarette, knowing full well that she would soon follow. When she did, she either asked him to come to her room or he offered, but both knew what that meant.

It is absolute fantasy that a week passed with no further contact - it would have been straightaway, to arrange another meeting. And throughout it all, he kept telling himself that he wasn't as much to blame, as she had come on to him. Since that had never happened to him in his adult life, he simply didn't want to take responsibility for engineering it or saying "yes".

He felt like a lovesick teenager in the midst of his first infatuation. He couldn't eat or concentrate and all he lived for was his next fix. This challenged everything he had ever believed about affairs and he refused to countenance that this was just an infatuation on his part. Since there was absolutely nothing wrong with his marriage other than the usual stresses and strains, he couldn't feign marital discord, so decided that since he wasn't the sort of man to have a tawdry affair, these powerful intense feelings must be all-consuming love.

It didn't occur to him that he couldn't possibly love someone he'd known for such a short time and mistook his masculine feelings of sympathy when she told him about her mistreatment by former lovers, as overwhelming protective love. Why, this woman wasn't bolshy at all! She was a poor defenceless woman who needed looking after. World order was restored again and her overt sexual behaviour and asking for what she wanted, could be bargained away by being a bit drunk and lonely. All she needed after all was a good strong man who could take care of her and his view of the world and male and female roles were restored to their rightful place.

He did wonder whether she was simply infatuated and whether she would tire of him more quickly. When it seemed as though she really did have genuine feelings for him and kept asserting that she was "too special" to be just a mistress, he started to feel very stressed and conflicted. He made early promises to leave, but the thought of telling you that and actually doing it, were terrifying.

So he decided that the best thing to do would be to behave so badly and leave so many clues that you would find out and he'd have to leave. He certainly didn't want to take responsibility for making that decision. He imagined that you would throw him out on the spot, or if you didn't, told himself that whatever you said to the contrary, you would never forgive him. He knew with certainty that he would never have been able to forgive you for this after all.

He told the OW a different story however and made out that he sat you down and told you he was leaving.

To be fair, a few nagging doubts had started to creep in about the OW, but he reasoned that he had made his bed and now must lie in it. He told himself that he was doing the most honourable thing by stopping the deceit and that yes, this really must be love, otherwise his strong feelings for this new sexual relationship wouldn't be so close to the surface.

If he had ever spoken to a good friend of his marriage, that person might have pointed out that he was simply infatuated, didn't have much experience of modern single women, was a sucker for a damsel in distress and that his feelings weren't deep at all, just more to the surface because they were new. This person might have asked some questions about the character of a person whose mantra was that she was the victim of dastardly men, but didn't mind if her new man was dastardly to some other poor woman, as long as it wasn't her. Not that he would have talked to anyone like this in the first place and would have got angry and protesting if he had.

I give this 2 years as a maximum Solost.

Now, tell me whether you can accept this version of events, which bits you find difficult to believe and then tell me how you were feeling and when you first started to feel disorientated and as though something wasn't quite "right". Tell me what Christmas was really like in 2009, the month after he had met her. Think only about how you were feeling - were you feeling as upbeat as normal? What were the next few months like, for you?

solost · 13/01/2011 06:47

WWIFN: You are spot on with most of this. And I feel sad that basically, he ran off with the first woman who showed an interest in him!

There probably were emails between november (when they first met) and march, I knew they had a few work related meetings too, but others were always present. H did say once she used to ring him and if hecwas driving she could be on the phone for up to 2 hours 'just talking about her life, how lonely she was, how badly other mrn had treated her'. I asked him if he thought there was anything wrong invthat and he says at the time no, he listened out of politeness and because sometimes it gets boring when you travel long distances alone.

Once however, he was travelling with a colleague, a friend who has since left, a good person. When she rang whilst they were in the car, their conversation was on speakerphone so he heard it all. H said that although. HE thought it was innocent, when they had finished speaking the friend asked who she was and then said to him 'i'd give her a wide hearth if you value your marriage mate'. H just laughed it off at the time but obviously the comment stuck with him.

He never told anyone about is affair until I found out.

Regarding my feelings from around the time they met, it's difficult. My dad died that November, a sudden illness which put him in intensive care on life support for 7 weeks before he died. So it was so difficult for us all. I had to fit in daily visits as well as comforting my mum who just fell apart and couldn't cope at all. H was brilliant throughtout and helped organise the funeral and wrote a brilliant Reading for him. I do believe that my dads death was the catalyst in all this and would be interestedin you opinion. DD2 broke her ankle the week before Xmas too. So all I remember about that time was feeling numb, trying to hold everything togther for the DCs who were also very upset and my mum. H was brilliant support and helped out with everything. So I probably wasn't their emotionally at all ANSI suppose that didn't help with Hs situation. An emotionally absent, stressed wife or the 'platonic listening ear colkeague'?

Re the gifts on the plane. H never really did that. He usually got the kids a little something but this time they were expensive items. He told me my gift was an early vallentines present. I remember feeling really pleased that he had made the effort, we had stopped buying vallentines gifts years ago.

Regarding the second trip away where the physical stuff took place. H asked me if I would accompany him. Again unusual for him. I declined because I didn't want to be away from the DCs for 5 days. H said afterwards he wished I had gone.

He has said to me recently that he wished he had never met BB and asked me if I believed that. I do actually.

Thanks for taking time to disect my life. I really appreciate it. X

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 13/01/2011 07:10

Actually, I believe that too, Solost. BEcause he has realised how weak he is, how pathetic, and quite possibly that he has made a mistake - but mostly because of the disruption it's causing HIM.

In his fantasy, you would have been all understanding and forgiving, the DC would have visited him and BB and it would have all been idyllic. Of course, it is nothing like that! The DC aren't all on his "side", you have been faaaar from understanding of his feelings (Naturally!) and it probably hasn't all been hearts and flowers with BB either. What is worse, he is realising that you are a strong independent woman who, far from begging him to return, is moving on without him - leaving him somewhat bereft!!

I can guarantee he wouldn't have seen that coming.

He asked you to go with him on that second trip because he feared that something might happen if he went on his own. It says much for his moral deficit that he still went and allowed himself to be sucked in - and I HATE that he will have used that to somehow blame you - as in "if only you'd been there, this would never have happened". Wanker.

solost · 13/01/2011 07:29

Hi Banahammoc,

Your post made me cry. I can identify completely with you and in fact I could have written it myself. I feel exactly the same as you and it's so hard isn't it.

When H left I didn't sleep for three days - at all, I still find that amazing. Just sat out in the garden all night (it was august) then came in got the DCs up and started another day. I am still not sleeping well, got to bed at midnight, read for a bit, sleep until 4.30 or 5am then get up. On a positive note, the house is always spotless!

I didn't eat solid food for three weeks. Physically couldn't swallow. I had a lump at the bottom of my throat that I couldn't get anything but soup past. I lost two and a half stone and I wasn't overweight to start with. I still don't eat well and the weight hasn't gone back on.

But do you know what the worst thing was? My dad died the previous November and I loved him so very much but this is so much worse, and I feel so bad about that.

I am humbled by your comments regarding being an example to others and bringing you strength. To me this is a self absorbed rant, a way of venting my feelings and I seriously don't know what I would have done without all you kind comments. It's difficult to talk in RL so frankly, I find friends get embarrassed and feel self indulgent talking about it all the time.

Anyhow what I'm trying to say is thanks. ItIs good?? To know there are others going through this and feeling the same. And I sincerely hope we start feeling more positive about this soon.

Take care and please keep posting x

OP posts:
StarExpat · 13/01/2011 09:04

It sounds like you still believe that he didn't want this to happen and it was BB's fault that anything happened at all.

Just out of curiosity, did you usually accompany him on business trips? Was it typically a possibility for you to do so? Why didn't you go that time? To be clear I don't think it would have prevented anything if you did go.

solost · 13/01/2011 09:20

STAREXPAT: No, I never accompanied him alone although occasionally we all went together if it wAs a costal trip or a city we had never been to and he would drop us off whilst he had his meetings then meet up again afterwards. This trip was open to spouses as well but because it meant leaving the DC's for 5 days I said no. Part of me wishes I had gone, and I wonder, would things have turned out differently? Or maybe just delayed the inevitable.

I suppose I will never know.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 13/01/2011 09:26

"Regarding the second trip away where the physical stuff took place. H asked me if I would accompany him. Again unusual for him. I declined because I didn't want to be away from the DCs for 5 days. H said afterwards he wished I had gone."

I too am livid at this. He asked, knowing that you probably wouldn't be able to come on some level. But the fact that he offered and you declined, he gave himself permission to sleep with this woman, and then afterwards to say he wished you'd gone, again shifting the blame. Bastard.

So let's imagine that you did go. Would you have met his colleague? How would he have explained her smacked arse face and Hmm looks at being introduced to his wife.

Incidentally, how long immediately before the trip did he suggest you go Solo? In plenty of time or last minute?

If the latter, it's a total set up, designed ONLY to place the blame on your shoulders.

bananahammoc, I'm so glad you came on to MN as you did so that I could show you this thread, I know that you will both be able to help each other so much. You too will get through this, we'll all see to that!

solost · 13/01/2011 09:30

THUMBWITCH: He really didn't want to go on that trip, I remember that well. I dropped him off at the airport and thought it was because he would miss me and the DC's. In fact I was the one who pushed him to go.

A country he had never visited and probably never would again, a five star hotel on the beach fully expensed and loads of trips and excursions to historical places. The chance of a lifetime, he would have been mad not to go..... Shows what I knew.

OP posts:
solost · 13/01/2011 09:39

LMHF: He asked me to go as soon as he found out but then asked if I would reconsider as the trip drew nearer. I know he was using me to try stop himself and recognise and hate that weakness in him. Was it always there, I would like to think not, but maybe I just didn't see it.

He also said he wanted me to meet BB on that trip, wanted her to see us together, not sure why, his weakness again maybe, I think he genuinely thinks he couldn't stop it himself, his weakness again and he wanted me to do this for him.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 13/01/2011 09:44

Solost - I think that you are right, even if you had gone on that trip, it would only have delayed the inevitable. I think by then he knew it was only a matter of time, and if it hadn't been that trip, it would have been the next one. So - i hope that I am relieving your mind of another potential burden because it is futile to think about the what-ifs and the might-have-beens - what has happened has happened and nothing will change it now.

LittleMissHissyFit · 13/01/2011 09:50

My dad offered to take my mum to Florence on a business trip.

She was booked to join him at the weekend.

Mid-week we got the anonymous phone calls, well my Nan (his mother) and us DC. Mum was at nightschool.

He eventually admitted what he'd done on the phone that night, he also said he was going to intending tell her that weekend in Florence.

It'd been going on 18m by that time apparently.

StarExpat · 13/01/2011 09:50

LMHF: That is exactly why I asked the question.

Solost.
He knew the likelihood of you accompanying him was slim to none. He knew you weren't going to leave the kids for 5 days. He asked you to assuage his guilt because if you had suspected anything (you didn't, but when you're guilty of something like H was/is, you are wary that others might be suspicious!) then he had covered his tracks and you had no reason to suspect anything - after all, he had asked you to come with him.

I do not buy that he is so weak that he just couldn't control himself and that he desperately wanted to fend off BB. Sorry. I know that is so hard to hear. I know that you are in this situation and desperately want to believe that H never wanted this to happen.

I'm sure H never wanted this to happen (being separated from his DC...etc.), but he knowingly and wrongly had an affair. Oh, I forgot to add sneakily! Angry
You'll see it someday.

You will. Just not now.

Nothing you could have done to stop it. He would have found another way to get together with her.

BTW if she saw him with you it would probably make her only more determined to win him over... but looks like your H had his mind made up already.

I am looking forward to the day when you realise that this is lies and he has told you this story to play to your soft side and allow himself to preserve a tiny piece of your heart. He is not being entirely truthful. he is playing for your sympathy and wanting you to see him as weak and that it was all BB's fault...etc.

I do understand, though, why you need to hold onto this being the "truth" for now. In time, it will come...
Angry this man makes me so Angry

LittleMissHissyFit · 13/01/2011 09:51

Agree with thumb, nothing you could have done. This was HIS actions, not yours.

StarExpat · 13/01/2011 09:52

And yes, the presents he bought on the plane probably were to assuage his guilt. And to keep you completely unsuspicious and naive to what was going on.

Anniegetyourgun · 13/01/2011 09:53

Do you think maybe he knew you wouldn't be able to leave the DCs for five days when he suggested it? I mean, where would you leave them that you would be confident that they were safe and happy, that wouldn't have been an unacceptable burden to dump on other people? No, no way you should accept blame for abandoning him to BB's tender mercies. He was a grown-up, he had other colleagues he could have hung about with safely, and as you say yourself, if you had to be there to stop him it would only have delayed, not prevented. You couldn't be with him all the time forever to prevent him straying. His own conscience should have accompanied him on that trip.

LittleMissHissyFit · 13/01/2011 09:53

urgh, sorry, These were his actions not yours.

solost · 13/01/2011 09:53

WWIFN: Your version of events is spot on. I accept it completely. Having re-read it through it is almost like you actually KNOW H. Your insight is incredible.

Thank you so much for helping me piece this all together. It really does help. I do feel as i have said before that my dads death was the catalyst for all of this. Maybe it made him face his own mortality, maybe I was emotionally absent around the time he met BB who was definately emotionally present - I don't blame myself for that btw.

I kind of muddled through Xmas and early that year, trying to be strong for the DC's and my mum and by the time I got myself back together H had emotionally 'left the building' so to speak.

I see now his detachment started way earlier than I thought, that he distanced himself both physically (spending time on his own) and emotionally. We still had sex though, that never stopped, in fact it probably became more frequent if anything. What does that mean?

Hope this answers your questions. And would like your thoughts. Thanks again

OP posts:
StarExpat · 13/01/2011 09:54

Blush at too many angry faces. Your H is just so infuriating. You seem like the nicest person in the world and he just manipulates your feelings to no end.

And
** these are lies, not "this is lies", even this is a lie would have been better... tsk tsk, slaps own wrist with grammar police ruler.

solost · 13/01/2011 10:02

WWIFN: The part about me finding out was particularily spot on. he told me he thought I would throw him out immediately, that I completely threw him with my reaction and also that he could NEVER have forgiven me or stayed if the roles had been reversed.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread