The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 2)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello

I'm Mouse.

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus - Gerald! Blame Silver for the name!

We are a group of MNers who post about our relationship with alcohol and how drinking it, or not, has an effect on our day to day lives.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, say hi, take a seat or just read.

Here are the threads so far

morning everyone! - im finally out of my sickbed!, dh and dd are now in it! - god almighty, i dont think we have ever all been this ill all at the same time!

anyway, i've missed you babes and i hope everyone is ok? - today im manning the office all by myself - not so bad really, ive already had 2 cups of tea and a bounty! , quite nice to get a bit of peace actually, as im sure you can all imagine, although i have been poorly i have also had to be head nurse!

btw, wasindi!, lovely to hear your dm may be coming round!

Morning all. Back from in-laws and I am now trying to avoid invitation from notoriously boozy friend. I will be around tonight. Day 4 for me.

I am now on my post-christmas name change:

marshmallow because my tummy is like a big soft marshmallow after all the christmas food;

marshmallow because almost half a year of absinence disappeared like a marshmallow on a camp fire;

marshmallow because like the eponymous sweet - having a drink promised sweetness and lightness but in reality proved to be insubstantial, icky and sticky, and a great disappointment to myself.

Morning Babes

venus - What triggered that? Are you okay? xx

Wasindie at 'Diappointment'

Morning Campers

Venus draw a line under it and DO NOT let it diminish what you have achieved lovely.

I am close to feeling human again - bloody hell not been ill like that in years (conveniently forgetting she was in ITC in France with pneumonia two years ago )

Hoping everyone is feeling good today. I shall be giving Gerald a New Year clean and polish in readiness for a lovely drive tomorrow - any suggestions as to where we should go BBs xxx

Hi mouse and wasindie, glad you both had good times at Christmas.

What brought on the drink? Pig headedness, I think. I just wanted to and didn't see why I should be left out. Not the end of the world for one day, but definitely has the potential to be bad when my thinking goes 'oh I had a drink yesterday, might as well have another today - I can always get back on the wagon in the new year, after all I stopped for ages before, I can do it again....' etc.

I do believe the second part is true - I stopped for ages and I can do it again, I just need to seperate that from the first part of the thought process - i.e. that part that thinks there is no need for today to be the day when I don't drink. Actually today is the day - one day at a time philosophy means that today is the only day - doesn't matter about yesterday, or the previous 6 months, doesn't matter about tomorrow, today is where I am now.

So yes lovely wasindie count me in for today. I'll join you.

Hello Babes,

shame, shame on me. I have only got the courage to post today because of the post by Venus. Thank you lovely lady.

TWO WHOLE MONTHS I was sober then in the last three weeks I have drunk a bottle and a half on five different occasions. I am so sorry for being not honest about some of the times (think I just didn't post on three of the days after, not wanting anyone to know ), deceitful nasty piece of work that I am.

Day 2 for me, and hangover yesterday was accompanied by the almost forgotton angst, tears and panic. Stupid, stupid me. And stupid a million times.

"When I stopped for a month, I still had the pain, which made me think it's no better even when I stop".

If you have had years storing this pain up, why would it go after a month? Give time time.

Also, I'm not saying that it will necessarily be better if you stop (I reckon it will, but I'm no doctor.) I'm saying it will be even worse if you don't.

Drinking more because you are afraid is not stupid. It is the standard reaction of a problem drinker - which, byt the sounds of things, is what you are.

The good news is that you can change that.

Venus
Thurso

My last drink began on the day I celebrated 6 months of sobriety. I was doing so well, I reasoned, that perhaps it was all a silly mistake and I wasn't an alcoholic?

Four days later I had proved to my own satisfaction that it was not a mistake, that I was an alcoholic (or piss artist, as I now prefer to call it to stop myself intellectualising what is actually a very practical problem) and that I REALLY couldn't "do" drinking any more.

That was December 16 2002. One day at a time, I have not drunk since.

Join me.

Bless your cotton socks MIFLAW, thank you for caring. xxx

"deceitful nasty piece of work that I am."

Thurso

You're a drunk, not a serial killer or paedophile.

Even if you lied every time, who has suffered for it? Only you.

Stop beating yourself up. The only reason that being honest matters is because YOU will get hurt otherwise - because YOU know the truth about you and need to keep it firmly in the forefront of your mind.

Be nice to yourself.

Thanks. Also didn't mean to sound trite before, but was a bit teary, and very touched that you have posted about yourself, to help.

I have very much realised that I am what I thought in the beginning, and it's made me a bit emotional.

xxxx wasindie

Thanks for posting thurso (and I love your wonderful new name) - I almost did exactly what you did - in fact I did in my post a few days ago - just posted a quick weather update and left for a couple of days . I nearly didn't come back and admit it, I though 'what if I'm letting other people down', 'now they'll know I'm not the strong capable wise venus, I'm just a rotten old alcoholic' and loads of other crap.

But I owe it to myself to be honest. And I owe it to others on here who have also been brutally honest.

venus - that's what I thought re your reason for drinking, just wanted to make sure you were okay xx

thurs - You're not stupid. You have actually realised that by not posting, you felt stupid, by feeling ashamed and ebarrassed.

Now you have posted and been honest with yourself. Which is far more important than anything else, but by putting the words on here, for us all to see, you must also know that you won't be judged.

You have been honest with us too. Thank you

Stay with us thurso, we all on the bus together! xx

right listen up babes!! NO ONE is decictful, nasty, dishonest WHATEVER!!! so, you fell off the bus, big fucking deal!, get yourself back on and just start again! ONE DAY AT A TIME!

NO ONE will judge, NO ONE will be a mrs clever knickers because quite frankly 'THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD OR 'SOMETHING' go ANY ONE OF US!!

Here here Jesus!

anyway, onwards and upwards! - i've been thinking about what i would like to do next year - i feel more positive than ever before and im determined to enjoy it see what it brings

i would like to

1, find a dressmaking class/find out how to make curtains etc

2, read the books that have been languishing on my shelves the last couple of years

3, firm my old body up a bit! - im not worried about loosing weight (not after seeing fern brittain on the dancing!, my word, she needs just a little bit of plumpness on those wrinkles) so, im going to get my wobbly bum into gear and do something about it!

4, redesign our garden, replant, grow some veg and build a gazebo

tbh, the above list dosent look very challenging really does it? - the thing is, i have made endless lists before now and never stuck to them, i always just ended up back down the pub or sitting on my wobbly bum at home lifting my glass and giving in to a wave of miserableness - i really do feel different these days though, positive and springy (even through this god-awful cold), anything is possible and i intend to have a go!