"But we took you to Statley Homes" Dysfunctional families thread

[MummieHunnie]

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

Tmsb thanks. Think im just having a wobble.
Its very touching that everyone here has a kind word or a virtual hug for each other. Little acts of random kindness for unknown internet friends. I cant express how grateful i am to you all. You have done more for me than you will ever know. X

Hi Droves

I'm sorry you are having a bad day, hopefully tomoro will be better. There is always the day after.

It was my sisters birthday on Friday too. I dont have heer number and i didn't talk to her. I did get her a card i wrote on it put the address on it but i did not post it.

My sister didn't talk to my Grandmother for 13 years. I regrete getting the birthday card as i will proble not hear or see my sister again. The only thing she ever did was put me down about my weight. "Your fat how are you ever going to get a boyfriend" "Your fat who is going to like you" and my fav "Wow you had sex and your fat shows men will fuck anything when drunk" i was 16 at the time it was such a great confidence builder

You can change anyone else you can just learn to love yourself and meet your own needs.

Sorry for rambling.

Hugs

You cant change anyone else

Sorry for typo i have a hyper 2 year old throwing a ball at me

Ftp im sorry your sister was vile to you.

Thanks Droves but how fucked up am i that i want her to talk to me and be a real sister to me? I tried for years to be her friend but she just was not intrested, she never was. She just help serw me up more with asking me for advice on her love life when i was 10 years old at 12 years old i told her i thout she was a slag and that i did not want to know anymore as she did not take my advice and i lost all respect for her. She was having an affair with a married man who had 7 children and a grandchild. The man left his wife for her and it turned out he was an acholic she left the relationship 8 years later when he cheated on her and nearly hit her.

I do not have the power to change my family even thou i want too. I cant change the past and i cant change the decisions they make or made but i can protect my self and my family.

I will not do what they want me too just to make it easier for them.

My mum has called and had a go at me cos i'm having my son's 2nd birthday where i live at a play centre instead of taking him to see them. I had his first birthday here too, i invited them but not one person in my family turned up.

Well fucking touth they know where i live if they want to see their grandchild and nethew.

Sorry i'm tired and pissed off and rambling.

I will go cralw back in my shell now and shut up.

Good luck to all of you.

See ya

ftp its not fucked up to want your family to suddenly treat you and the dc with love and respect you should have had it all along.
Its not you thats fucked up ...its them.

I hope your DS has a wonderful birthday at the soft play place , im sure every two year old would love a birthday there. He is a lucky boy to have you for his mum.

((hugs))

wrote long p[ost but internet has swallowed it up grrrr. Just to say am trying to follow the recent posts but not very well so positive thoughts to all those who need them...

think I've just done a stupid thing as my parents are coming down to stay for my ds's 1st birthday, and now i think the day will be all about them and i'll get pushed out :-(

Sorry that you regret the plans you have made Doublelife, what are you going to do about it now?

FTP, it all sounds so very painfull for you right now.

Droves, are you still having a wobble?

Grace, I hope that you are ok.

I haven't read back past this page, so I am not sure where everyone is before this page.

I am feeling a bit more positive about the pain of 2nd round of nc with Mother. A lot of the anger has gone, and I am not thinking about her as much, the thoughts of why did you have to be the queen bea and triangulate everything between us all and try to look like a sodding saint when it was all about you being needy and controlling when deluding yourself and everyone else, just a few moments earlier. When I had the thought earlier, I realised that I was not as scared as last time, thinking that I am all alone in the world and no one cares about me only my kids. I even was ok about one of the kids mum's not returning my invite from November to have a coffee, I didn't get that horrible feeling in my tummy. I simply told myself she spends time with the people she prefers, and I think she is ok she was never my number one person either and then looked on fb and noticed the message I left was there in November and it looks like she may not have been on it since then and possibly may not have gotten the message, so maybe it is not about me at all... ho hum...

Hi MH

Have you tried emailing your friend or when you see her next just drop it in "we should have coffee how is **day for you?" and then smile.

Dont be hurt if she can't do make it, just say off hand check when your free and let me know" and walk away and ask some one else.

You dont know unless you ask.

FTP, thank you for the suggestion, I might find an excuse to pop in one day when I have a few minutes and see how the land lies, and see if it is worth asking her again. I can't be doing with rejection!

How is everyone else?

Just checking in with everyone. Am here reading,and thinking of you all.

I am posting on my thread about moving at the moment,so that I don't post too selfishly on here,as it is all speeding up at the moment,and I am a bit stressed.

Hello, I had seen your thread, it all sounds like you are doing as much as you can about the situation, it seems like a case of making the minor repairs and waiting for a buyer, the whole situation sounds out of your control. I am sorry to hear about the family situation you have coming up.

Thanks MH

I don't have a plan mummiehunnie! Maybe later I will post some details & see if someone else can help me with a plan...

An going back to stay with my parents tomorrow til Saturday as have a hospital appointment up north so tis a tradition I go & stay. Am taking ds of course, & am hoping it's better than Christmas...

Any tips on keeping my cool against the subtle & relentless jibes? I end up snappy & angry & then get the blame for being a horrible cruel person who doesn't care about my poor mother :(

last time one if the many times I became hated for snapping was when they cheerfully told me they'd been listening in on the baby monitor (as in turned it on to listen rather than it being accidentally on) when I'd been putting ds to sleep & having one minute to text my friend to tell her how horrible it was, I would say lucky I hadn't phoned her but it's not luck, I've learnt I can't speak to anyone privately in that house... Thank heavens for texts...

Double, stay in a cheap hotel and have short visits with your parents?

Travelodge and premier inn have decent but basic rooms and are cheap.
Great idea , you can escape if it gets too much.

Help i'm freaking out.

I dont know if this is the right place to post but you are all nice and hopefully you dont think i'm too whatever.

Its my son's 2nd birthday i have orgainsed a party at soft play but i kind of thought no one wouold go but now they are.

I dont do parties i have issues about them.

Can anyone suggest coping stratagies for meeting new people and dealing with trigger inducting situations?

I'm having a wobble

Oh finding the path, I have namechanged but you were speaking to me on the other thread yesterday when I needed help. Are these new people that are coming to the party - friends? I take it you do not mean family.
Childrens parties are very easy, just stay calm, polite chit chat. Most of your talk will be about your children not your family as such. I suppose there is always the potential that they may ask where your family is and that can be tricky so I normally say that they live too far away etc
WHat do you need help with specifically? I hope you are ok x

I am off to bed - BUT I will reply first thing in the morning if you need help .

ftp how are you today?

I'm still freaking.

I just hate parties, but i want to give my son a normal childhood, so i need to over come this.

Right i am worried about the following
1)The reason why none of my family is there
2) My inlaws taking over
3) Meeting the mum's of the children my son goes to nursary with as i'm fat and have low self esteem and my DH is disabled so we make a fun looking couple.
4)I have nothing to talk about and i always put my foot in it or sound uncaring - i think this is a front to stop me getting hurt.
5) In the past parties with my family always resulted in people falling out and shouting. The last one i did not attend, my sister throw my other sisters son's birthday cake on the floor.
6) I always get panic attaks and i cry before going to parties and i do not want to pass that on to my son.

I have asked my DH can i not go but he said no i have to go and be soicalble

Help

(Also for my 18th i booked a whole pub out and no one came apart from my family and it was horrible, my Brother told everyone i was ill and it was cancelled He denid it to my mum and dad so they think i way just unpolour and thyey wasted their money)

1. don't waste your energy until after the party

2. tell me more about them

3. if they are not nice don't waste your money on them next year.

4. you will be so busy you will not have a chance, you are paying, they are your guests they should not be nasty to you

5. i have never been to a childs party with people falling out, I would take my child and we would have left if that happened

6. don't have a panic attack, don't pass it on, be strong, I was phobic of dogs after being bitten, when I had my oldest I made a point of getting over it, and it was hard I did it for my kids, they love dogs! break the cycle for you and for your ds, have someone care for him prior to the party and give yourself lots of time to get ready, so it will be more relaxing, you are probably having panic attacks due to people having fights in the past and having been put down.

ps I have had panic attacks sometimes, I know they are hard and I know it is hard to change behaviour, I am sorry if I cam across as being mean, I feel that you need someone to talk to you like a parent right now as you sound like a scared child...

Are you seeing someone at the moment, sorry I can't keep up with who is and isn't having therapy.

My inlaws are just over overpowering, they try to take charge and treat me and DH like children.

When Air was born i told my mil that i didn't want him by the dog or given milk or chesses due to allergies in my family but she ignored me.

So she give air choclate cake and cream in front of me when 5 seconds ago i told her not to so air was sick on her carpet, the dog scrached him. They lie to me all the time so now i dont trust then at all. I stoped then seeing air and took our house key off them and told them i didn't want them calling the house.

My DH and i stared teaming up and showed them a united front and i told his mum i thout she had NPD. they also saw how much their son loved me and that he would always choise me and his son over them.

I slowly relaxed the bounderies and so far they have been ok.

I am ok with the dog being round air now he is older and him having cake and dairy products but i'm his mum what i say goes and this is my house not an extention of theirs and my husband meeds to support me in this.

I never stood up to them untill i snapped and got help and now i feel able to state what i want calmly and to follow throu.

But if i'm already stressed i dont want to shout at them or lost my respect.

I dont think i will i'm moer likely to say nothing and recent it.

yep i have fear sourounding others shouting and pusetting me and my family.