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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ladies who don't mind their DP going to lap dancing clubs ....

378 replies

nappyaddict · 12/12/2010 19:22

Do you mind them having a dance in a private room where even though touching is not allowed it is common for the girl to sit and dance cms away from their crotch/face?

OP posts:
Heroine · 15/12/2010 12:07

I love it when I suggest to the people in my office that we go for a day spa together.. the men like that idea even more than a lapdance.. if the sauna is mixed :)

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 15/12/2010 12:29

So you think that women who want to work in that field should not join it, if it's misogynistic? And that if they do, they should not complain about the misogyny or sue if the company goes on to break the law and they suffer a detriment?

Can you stick to the point of the debate please Larry. I consider I have a collegiate relationship with my business's clients, so the word "colleagues" is meant in this spirit. Can you see the link between what you admit was the misogynistic culture of your clients' firm and their choice of corporate entertainment?

larrygrylls · 15/12/2010 12:40

When,

Would I join a company dominated by women and known to hate men? It would be a strange thing to do. Especially considering we are not talking about medicine or high art, we are talking about shouting down a phone and trying to match prices.

You don't have a "collegiate" relationship with your clients as they are not your colleagues. A client and a colleague are two different relationships.

On the bigger point, the maleness of the culture certainly has a link to the choice of entertainment. However, not all male groups are misogynistic, so I would not say there is a direct link. It is not axiomatic.

JessinAvalon · 15/12/2010 13:03

When - your post at 11:46 was absolutely spot on and a good summing up of the entire thread. Agree with you 100%.

Larry - sorry, I'm not sure I can be bothered to engage with any of your points, but I did raise my eyebrows at your 'company dominated by women and known to hate men' comment as I thought it was a very strange thing to say.

I know of none. I work in the female dominated NHS. There's no man hating here and thankfully no misogyny either. There are no after work trips to the local lap dancing club to entertain the strategic health authority when they come to visit.

However, I do know of industries which are dominated by men running them and which hate women. Lap dancing, for one. Prostitution another. I would suggest that anyone who respects women would not be involved in either industry as either a client or a worker.

JessinAvalon · 15/12/2010 13:07

"I would suggest that anyone who respects women would not be involved as a worker" by which I mean the men working in the industry, not the women.

And I take it you are saying that there are industries which are male dominated and which hate women? So we should be trying to actively change these and not accept the status quo and, by discouraging trips to lap dancing clubs, companies will make them more female friendly.

As I said earlier, cause and effect. However, I don't want to get into discussions about barbers and handbags with you again as I do want to stick the OP's original question.

TheFeministParent · 15/12/2010 13:08

Creepy if you were a woman would be predatory. And forget 'misandry' it's a ridiculous idea, until we live in a matriarchal society misandry is just a word banded about by desperate men.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2010 13:46

Everyone would stay in a group and have general chat. I seem to remember chatting to one well endowed female about whether she should fix her mortgage or not.

< rolls on floor laughing again >

larry, you say I am never usually bothered about being polite

I am perfectly polite. My user name is just a word. It is not meant to signify anything else at all...if you see it as man-hating, you have a problem with women.

You certainly seem to have a problem with strong women who ridicule your arguments and laugh at your silly statements (what a gem that was is, above Xmas Grin)

hence, your continued attempts to reduce my marriage to little more than a dictatorship

you could not be further from the truth...but if it makes you feel better, you run with that

snowflake69 · 15/12/2010 14:24

'Women who don't see your point are fat, ugly, psycopathic, modern day prostitutes who probably hate sex '

Err where on earth have I said any of these things?!!!! I said millions of times if you dont like it thats fine and I doont judge anyone for it

snowflake69 · 15/12/2010 14:25

Oh sorry haha just seen your apology. I didnt read it through either. Soz just got back in from work. Apologies Smile

LindenAvery · 15/12/2010 15:09

WWIFN and AF - round of applause!

Larry I wish you get a chance to review and reflect on your posts - and see why people are laughing openly at you. However I do offer thanks because you have demonstrated quite clearly what is wrong with LDCs and the people who frequent them. Wonder what sort of world is out there for your son?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2010 15:17

why thankyou, LA

like I said upthread, sometimes you don't even need to state an argument

some people just lay it alllll out for you, right there

enough rope 'n' all that

katiepotatie · 15/12/2010 15:25

If it's for a stag do then I don't mind at all. But if it were a regular thing I would be a bitHmm

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2010 15:56

katie...why is it within your moral compass for a stag do but not as a "regular thing"

or is it completely not a moral judgement for you ? In which case, why is it ok for occasional buying of sexual services but not on a regular basis ?

buying sexual favours is what it is...whether every week or every year

genuine question, because I don't get it

caramelwaffle · 15/12/2010 21:12

Changing my name to - Iagreewithanyfuckertoo
Grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2010 21:21

feel free Xmas Wink

GraceAwayInAManger · 16/12/2010 03:20

AF, I is taking upon meself to answer your question to katie, mainly because I said summat similar at the beginning of this thread.

If your blokey chooses to pay for naked women as a drinks accompaniment on a regular basis, then he's demonstrating an unequivocal regard for women that puts them on the level of an expensive bar snack. More than a peanut, probably, but less than a pot of caviar.

There is, however, like it or not (guess whether I like it), quite a bit of social pressure on yon blokies to partake of said bar snacks. I'm none too proud of the fact that I'll easily bow to pressure to eat Beluga, despite knowing its inexcusable source. I'm not often pressed with Beluga, so I go along with it and enjoy it. I think your special-occasion lapdance client may be forgiven for sitting on the fence under peer pressure.

If he buys lapdances of his own choosing, though, he's descended to a different league.

I'm not saying either of us is right - me with my sturgeon eggs, or him with his stag-night lapdance (we're both wrong). Just that some principles are hard to uphold under some circumstances.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2010 07:00

why thanks for your reply, grace Xmas Smile

don't get me wrong, I understand this peer pressure thing

I just happen to think that you should grow out of it by the time you leave school

brain

engage

free will

engage

it ain't rocket science

Malificence · 16/12/2010 08:01

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who succumbed to peer pressure, simply because I couldn't respect him for being weak or easily lead.

No respect = no love.

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 16/12/2010 09:26

I get you Mal & AF but as a frequent succumber to peer pressure myself, I can't really make it a deal breaker.

I used to be cool, you know. I used to think it was no big deal if DH went to a LDC on a stag or whatever.
One time he was preparing to go to a stag abroad. 'Urgh,' he said, 'Friend X is organising this, I bet there'll be strippers and lap dancers and everything'.
'Go', I said, 'I'm cool and edgy you know and have no problem with it, as I'm a great accommodating wife'.
He set me straight then.
But he did succumb to peer pressure, though he and a few other friends stayed on the smoking balcony. All his single friends went through, as did the stag and a recently married friend. He's never had the same respect for them since.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2010 10:00

"He set me straight then"

I don't understand what you mean in the context of that conversation you relayed just there, wuk

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 16/12/2010 11:21

I mean, I thought it was just empowerfulised women spinning on poles as trendy young guys sipped champagne.
He meant the atmosphere was seedy and leery, when it's not embarrassing. To him it would be a dealbreaker so it's not just harmless fun, in his opinion anyway. (He had been a couple of times in his early 20's)

OTheHugeManatee · 16/12/2010 12:27

My DP told me a story from back in his innocent youth, when he was away on business in Panama. His clients took him (unwittingly) to a 'special nightclub', and one of them bought him a dance.

The first he knew of it was when a scantily-clad woman came up and asked him if he'd like a dance. So he took her by the hand and started waltzing around with her.

Xmas Grin
sethstarofbethlehemsmum · 16/12/2010 12:33

I have a question for anyone who has been to/worked in, or whose dp has been to these clubs, if you are still around on the thread:

would you/your dp still go to them/work in them if they were illegal?

thanks.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2010 12:53

ok, thanks, wmy brain is not in gear today Xmas Smile

you mean he set you straight about what godawful places they actually are, while you were harbouring a completely false impression that they were completely ok

that makes sense

much like some of the ladies on this thread, then Xmas Smile