Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Don't feel bad bring my ex has behaved awfully to me and badly to his girls.

I've just walked back from the shops and all I can think about is being back with him!

He's with his OW, moving on with his life - planning on introducing her to our girls.

But, I have to say - it's more when I'm on my own and left to my 'recurring' thoughts about him. When I was in the pub with my friend the other night and we were getting male attention...he never crossed my mind!

I'm feeling it tonight though, the girls are with him - I'm on my own...and thinking about New Years Eve which is our anniversary. And he'll be spending it with her...in my house and in my bed no doubt.

6 weeks ago he was being doting dad and dp

BUT the horrible, manipulative, selfish man who didn't ring his daughter till 11am on her 6th birthday is who he is now. I have to remember that.

Thanks Bring.

I sooooo sympathise and empathise with how you are feeling like you are drowning with the awful overwhelming feelings of missing him etc.

We have to listen to the Dumplings and hold on to the fact it'll get easier in time...

Botg post away thats the point and sometimes it does help to spill your heart. Doesnt sound like you made much headway on the practical stuff , time enough for that.

Patience I have seen ET loads of times and never picked up on that snippet . Oh and while I remember I did like the Muppets when I was young but they just got ruined for me when they became film stars

How are you feeling now Where ? Hope you have a nice glass of wine and time to chill a bit

Tea ok ? Tell your parents to keep their opinions to themselves unless invited to do otherwise. Come on Tea you are a top dumpling stand tall - oh and of course smacking is an absolute last resort usually when they have got our goat and we do it in despair . Have very rarely smacked my dc but probably have half dozen incidents in total .

Goo how was the show ? Tell us about the book I have stopped reading that type of stuff atm but those first few months I have to say they were a lifeline for me and some of the phrases I picked up were oft repeated

Starting are you and Norm all cool now ? DC all stopped heaving yet ? Starting stopped heaving yet ? Very envious of size 10 Phase Eight dress but I will be wearing one of those by springtime

Deluded how are you ?

Happy how was Christmas without your dad ?

Am feeling oddly good. Got a text from a friend wishing me a late Happy Xmas and saying how it must have been hard and it was nice to reply actually no we had a magical time.

Been walking with my close friend who wants to leave her H who is a really lovely guy but just doesnt do it fro her and hasnt for a number of years. Sooo hard for her

Got to go brother just arrived

Waves to all x

Fwiw I can't believe this is my life now,14mth since the first bomb shell ,would never believe he could be so cruel,just have to get on with it,no choice,stay cool for the kids. Big hugs x

Bring, your still early days hun and it will feel like that, i'm only 5 months in myself and i remember up till only the beggining of this month i was feeling exactly the same as you, my X came back for a weekend and screwed with my head which set me back, then he told me he was going to commit suicide 2 days before my birthday, actually less than 2 weeks ago and after that something just switched in my head and now i look at him and feel pity, it doesnt even enter my head about him kissing me or holding me any more, i am feeling free and relaxed and dare i say it happy
I am making plans for 2011 for me and my DC, i want everything in my life to change as i feel i need to do things different now and concerntrate on me more and my DC being happy too
What were feeling will pass and you will come out of all this stronger than you ever thought possible
I will say though dont believe a word he says hun, they will say whatever they think you want to hear just so they dont have to deal with what they have done, they all say it's to save your feelings and that they were only thinking of you but it's all lies, it's just so they dont have to witness your pain cause it might effect them a little and that isn't acceptable
My X did all that same shit and i bit everytime, then after his little stunt i stopped biting and took back the control, since then he has actually tried to get me to bite saying crap like he'd stopped trying 7 years ago and his most recent was before xmas eve when we were wrapping pressies together and watching frankie boyle and he said did you hear that (talking about a joke) and i said no and he said oh good cause it's like us, i did hear but refused to bite, the "joke" was, my wife and i like to play role play, she dresses up as cat woman and i pretend to love her, prick was looking for some sort of reaction from me but i refused to give it, now he's back to being his miserable self, he too like your XH is depressed but he refuses to get any help for it.

For all of you dumplings posting or lurking, these feelings WILL pass in time just be good to yourself and take one step at a time and if you think "i cant do this" you HAVE been doing it and will continue to do it and one day you will suddenly realise that your a lot stronger than you thought and they gave you credit for, Chin up and Tits out ladies for you are all Fabulous!!!!

I for one am going to keep reading and re reading your last paragraph soverign21.

Just (cowardly) wish time would pass more quickly so I can feel better!

Waves to everyone.
Where I read your thread and some of the comments are a bit ott to say the least-just ignore them and draw on the sensible ones. Your x is pathetic and will get his comeuppance eventually. Take care of you and your dd.
Goodnight.

Great post Sov - I will also be re-reading that last paragraph whenever I have a wobble! And Patience, I love your film references - you always inspire me and/or make me chuckle, which is much needed!!!
Where - glad you're here. You are NOT cowardly and you are NOT a leech. You are less than a month into a desperate split and YOU ARE DOING IT GIRL! Bring on 2011 - this time next year you will look back and see this as a distant nightmare but one that you can be proud you got through. That's what I think when I look back at my marriage breakup. You don't realise how bloody strong you are.
BOTG - all of what you described in your last post is completely normal and part of moving on, strange as that may sound. It's funny but even though I have been really heartbroken over latest exbf (God I sound like a slapper haha!) I've found it so much easier to detach - haven't wanted to call or text him once. And yet with exh I just hung on and hung on because he had left me with absolutely no self esteem. Could it be that gradually I am finding myself in all this mess? Now THAT would be a good new year's present!
Hi Getting and Maybee - waves and hugs.
Well, the theatre was interesting! It was quite a boring version of Wind in the Willows and there was this very posh couple with the two most docile kids you've ever seen in the row in front of us, with very up their own arse grandparents. The grandma was in front of me and partially turned throughout the whole of the first half, as if to keep an eye on my two boys (who really are not docile at all - two little happy geordie fellas really). Anyway, it was the first time my 4 year old had been to the theatre and he was loving it and being really well behaved but every now and then he kept asking me which character was which and every time he did, this grandma shushed him. Even when he whispered it. Thing is, this play was for children and there were loads of kids making quite a bit of noise, which is to be expected at a children's production. This stupid woman even shushed a severely disabled child in a wheelchair in the row behind us!
So at half time my mum and dad said "Isn't that woman a nightmare? And isn't this show lovely but a bit long and boring?" and we all agreed that it had been great but perhaps we should go and have a nice tea instead of the second half. So we went to Pizza Express (big treat) and had a slap up meal (I treated everyone, as my dad had paid for all the tickets) and the chef let the kids make their own pizzas cos the restaurant was quiet as it was only 4.30. And we all had a much better time than we'd had at Christmas! Funny, life, innit? :)

Interesting afternoon goo. Fwiw, I can't blame you for not bothering with the second half.

Oh hello! Just posted on your other thread Where! No - it was good to all think the same actually and the boys did love the first half but they were quite happy to leave, bless em! That's the great thing about being solely in charge of one's kids, Where - you can do what you bloody well like! :)

Tea - are you ok today? Been thinking about you lovely x

Where, I read your thread and I think your H defies belief. Would it be very rude of me if I said he sounds a bit....well lets just say naive (sp) ? He really sounds as if he's lost the plot. He's a bolder around your neck and he needs offloading. It's very very odd behaviour. He sounds quite creepy. Do you still love him ?

Thanks - goo, where, sove, urban. getting, kate.

i know this is probably all normal and ususal but I hate it

we've all been thru so much - i just keep whirring round with 'how could he?' - i'm no saint and have contributed to our problems for sure but noithing to deserve this treatment!

feeling worse now - text 'I miss u x' - he text back 'night babe x' - FUCK!

I see what so many of you are going through and I feel so and but sometimes at how far you all are - sorry but the wine is making me ultra honest - can't wait for that healing time to pass!!

Strength and hugs dumplings xx

Good point Pink .
Starting - how's it going with Norm? Hope all is well.
Patience - what dates can you do in January love? Let's get organising with Maybee. I'm in the mood for a jolly meet up!

I DO! Before he left, I still got that 'key in the door' thrill when he arrived home.

He's always been so loving/supportive and we used to say we were best friends!

This is all so unexpected and I had no warning. He says he's been trying to save our marriage for the last few months - but he never told me!

I thought he loved me. He never told me he was unhappy!

Now he wants to have lots of sex with girls in their 20's. He says he has always had a 'dark side' but I hadn't seen it!

The suddeness and apparent out-of-character behaviour is doing my head in!!!

(sorry pink, I bet you wish you never asked!)

BOTG - get the book "It's Called a Break up because It's Broken" - it's great on all sorts of practical things like texting!
And I'm quite good at wise words on here - it's always easier to comment on someone esle's situation than it is to handle your own - I'm not very far at all love! One divorce and one year of mourning. followed by two years of dating completely the wrong men and following the same behaviour patterns that I did with exh - oh and getting heartbroken all over again! Bloody hell - I'm actually chuckling thinking about how crap that little description sounds!
Healing takes a long time - I thought I was so over exh but the mess I've got into since then has only served to prove that I wasn't in some way - I've been desperate to get back into a stable relationship and that's not the way forward but it's taken me 3 bloody years to realise it! So we're all on a long journey and sometimes we feel great and like we're conquering the world and all our demons and sometimes we feel like we did at the start of it all - completely shit. So hang in there.
And one thing that's helped me not to text exbf or indeed reply to his friendly texts is this: he has made a fool of me, he has taken me for a fool, he has taken the piss. He's not doing it anymore, so when he texts I just think "You're not taking the piss out of me anymore" and it completely stops me wanting to text him. Before we finished I texted saying I missed him and his reply, as my boyfriend, was "Poor you". I might be soft and kind and sweet but I'm no fool and even, soft as I am, reached my tipping point with him. So now he's dumped me he gets no more kindness, no more texts, no more opportunities to take the piss. I maintain my dignity, he can find another fool :)

Funny you should say that, my favourite sound was always his "key in the door" too.

Your thread actually really bothered me. I can just about understand him wanting to shag girls in their 20s, I think most men would like a bit of young and pert but spending all that cash on what sounds like a greedy little minger....it's very unsavoury to me. I bet he got minimal sex from her too, the very least she cold get away with...maybe even none...?

I don't like the sound of him saying that he's always had a 'dark side' either.

IMO the marriage is over, he's become too wierd and unpredictable and I think you should keep your distance TBH.

Your love for him will fade gradually and you'll be well out of it. He sounds to me to be completely unhinged.

Please don't show him my posts, I know you said you showed him some posts from your thread.

Wise words Pink. One of the ways in which this thread hepled me in the beginning was when I was really upset about exbf putting his profile on a dating website again and saying "I haven't had a companion for five years now". One of the dumplings wrote that he sounded really creepy, like Steptoe with bedsores! And even though I was heartbroken, I had to agree and it kind of gave me an objective view of him from someone who didn't know him, if that makes sense.

And Where, something that has really hurt me is that exbf was not who I thought he was. And every time I miss him, I realise that I'm missing a sort of "mirage" of him, or an image of him I'd created in my own head, to fulfil needs and dreams that I had, or that I still have. But distance is a good thing and it does eventually make you see that your relationship has broken up because it was broken. For whatever reason. It wasn't right. And now you have a chance to free yourself, however painful this is (and it IS, it's like coming off a drug) and free yourself from all the hurt, the pain, the anguish, the self doubt and the unloved feeling we have all had or have. It's scary but ultimately empowering.

Brilliant post Goo. That's the book that helped me most. I never even finished it. I just had it on my bed and read a few lines here and there and it was so basic and sensible and funny too.

That "poor you" text actually makes me feel murderous and I think your xp is fucking lucky not to have been mamed after that. What a total wanker.

I was with h for a very long time and am so happy that I don't have the burden of being desperate to be in a stable relationship again.

I have a very stable, loving and humerous relationship with myself. I am my own best friend and I love my own company and I no longer rely on a dick wad to make me happy and it's a bloody wonderful feeling...isn't it Getting.

You will all get there. Sometimes it's one foot forward and 2 steps back but you will get there sooner or later. The more you want it the sooner it will come.

That was me that was me re steptoe.

I'm so glad you Steptoed him Pink. That was a little turning point for me :)
And I'm looking forward to having a lovely relationship with myself this year too :)

Well, after feeling a bit crappy tonight over ex's behaviour on dd birthday...more specifically me feeling like I wanted to still be with him (even though he's got the OW in my bed!)

I was chatting on FB to an old friend that I bumped into in the pub on Sunday...and he confessed that he always had a massive crush on me. I know it's shallow and I wouldn't do anything about it - but, My God...when you feel so low about being dumped, to actually know you're not the awful, sexually unattractive person the ex 'rewrites' you as.. it is such a boost.

Hi all.

Been out of the equation for a bit sorting DCs and having a goid time with mman. Still have the vague sensation of being 18 half of the time.

Sov, loved your post up thread, last para defo a keeper.

Tea, is all ok today?

Getting, xmas ok without dad. I never used to see him much at xmas anyway. But I still sometimes think of him and then remember hes dead which is a bit strange.

Pink, enjoying your posts. Short notice but you don't fancy meeting tomorrow do you?

Kate, annoyed at your xh being a twunt about the birthday.

Goo, good move on the pizza.

Where, you stick with us and keep on doing what you're doing.

Patience, chin up sweetie.

Starting, hows things with Norm?

Waves to all of the lovely dumplings.