Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Waves to tiddly and lovely Maybee. Happy Christmas from border country! :)

This year will make you emotionally more mature /developed ,UR mum wouldn't have been able to support you ie show u healthy patterns to cope with negative situations (just repeating patterns BTW and lacking awareness )when you do some work ,reading etc
U will strengthen URself emotionally and cope better in every situation
the exciting bit is u don't have to feel the way u did today ,no awkwardness ,U Will make UR own way and UR mother will be gob smacked. enjoy UR books .

Last post to ggm
Waves to mayB

I've read and retained zero, I think those 2 glasses of wine have a lot to answer for tonight

lightweight

Just watched garfield 2 and he says when the going gets tough the great ones party !

LC that's so awful that your DC were tricked and used like that and really wonderful that you have such a good relationship with them, and they with little ds.

Hold your horses Starting !!! I hope you're joking about dumping the lovely Norm because of dalayed/lack of texts.

It's probably quite overwhelming for him to be going out with a (nearly) divorcee with 3 young DC.

A vomiting bug is too close for comfort for most natural fathers let alone a shiny new boyfriend. Give him some space, they're not his DC and they never will be and don't be so fickle and shall I/shan't I just because he doesn't text you when you want him to.

Starting, you're beautiful and lovely and a very good catch but so are thousands of other availeble women out there who would kill for a piece of your Norm and they don't all have 3 DC who atm smell of sick.

The poor boy needs space. He obviously adores you, what with the phase 8 dress and all but don't crowed him.

It must be so so hard dealing with small. ill DC on your own, and a lonely feeling but Norm is seperate from that side of your life (atm)

I know I must sound like an old auntie, sorry.

OMG Goo, he said "poor you" ?

I know that I never again want another relationship because waiting for texts and wondering will he/won't he would mess me up too much and I couldn't cope with it. I'm so happy without a man in my life who flirts with other women etc.

Starting - good post as ever from Pink. Don't dump him because of texts! But I think you did the right thing not going out with him last night. Norm has to remember that you come as a package and if it's going to be a long term thing he needs to have a relationship with you AND your DCs...I've realisedd that a lovely relationship separate from my kids is something that I don't want. I would like someone who can integrate into my whole life. However, as Pink says, that takes time, so give him some time to prove himself with the normal things. Phase 8 dresses are lovely but the best romantic gestures aren't always the most glamourous ones, IYKWIM.

Just thought I'd pop in to say 'morning' to you all.

To be honest I don't post much on here because I'm finding it hard to keep up with everyones' situations and tbh feel a bit guilty/selfish because I don't offer much support to others.

Will try to do better!

Hide just post if u need to get rid of negative stuff ,u don't even need to read the replies thats the beauty of the thread ,u take what u need and leave the rest,hope UR cool x

I WILL BE OK I WILL BE OK!!!!!!!! DETACH DETACH DETACH!!!!!

Thanks Urban - don't want to be a leech!

Goo - You WILL be ok! xxx

Morning

Starting I too err towards what Pink said re Norm but I guess only you know what you expect. Do you think your awful experiences with xh can sometimes make you want to jump the gun a bit with Norm so you dont get hurt ? Your bil clearly has plenty of the family traits re mental wellness. Clearly you and your dc have been demonised in order to promote his brother to nice guy status. Try not to let it hurt and see it for the madness it is.

BOTG yes I used to feel angry that I supported my xh through 6 years of unemployment/alcoholism and then I hit my MLC and got fat/unhappy and got told I repulsed him. These resentments pass and all just make up the fabric of why its good they are history.

Make so sorry about the speed this has hit you and I remember being told how ow had "listened to him and taken him out of a dark place" and wondered why it hadnt occurred to him to talk to his wife.

goo sounds like you have had a mixed time but you are doing great, lol at Poor You text what an ego !! Hope you pick up a bit now you are home and can spill coffee until your hearts content

Patience its hard to know what to say about your xh he has a special status on here rivalled only by Mr Startingover. You are so calm and philosophical about it though and that will be rewarded you know that. Year 2 begins here for us and I know you are more than up to it even with his twuntishness.

Kate hats off to you for staying calm in the face of your h's absurd behaviour and re introducing your dc to her how disgusting to tell you they are looking forward to meeting her ffs why be like that.

where what patience said about posting

deluded so sorry your h is such a shit one day soon his extreme behaviour will have the effect of helping you be glad to be away from him

Well I am home now and know that I made the best choice possible in going to my bf for Christmas. Great food ,games,company and best of all the dc had a fab time . I wondered if I would have a few "this time last year moments" yesterday but Patience YES thats it can you imagine if we were still living with them one year on and all the crap. Instead of feeling sad I found myself offering up silent prayers and feeling strong. No question as well that the thing thats propelled my recovery is detaching from the fact that xh is with ow and her family and its likely to be long term but its no longer relevant to me.

So slobbing out on MN and watching Step Brothers with the dc , we wont be eating anything healthy just choc and mine pies

Tea feeling ok now lol ?

Hope everyone else is ok waves to all dumplings

Morning

Starting I too err towards what Pink said re Norm but I guess only you know what you expect. Do you think your awful experiences with xh can sometimes make you want to jump the gun a bit with Norm so you dont get hurt ? Your bil clearly has plenty of the family traits re mental wellness. Clearly you and your dc have been demonised in order to promote his brother to nice guy status. Try not to let it hurt and see it for the madness it is.

BOTG yes I used to feel angry that I supported my xh through 6 years of unemployment/alcoholism and then I hit my MLC and got fat/unhappy and got told I repulsed him. These resentments pass and all just make up the fabric of why its good they are history.

Make so sorry about the speed this has hit you and I remember being told how ow had "listened to him and taken him out of a dark place" and wondered why it hadnt occurred to him to talk to his wife.

goo sounds like you have had a mixed time but you are doing great, lol at Poor You text what an ego !! Hope you pick up a bit now you are home and can spill coffee until your hearts content

Patience its hard to know what to say about your xh he has a special status on here rivalled only by Mr Startingover. You are so calm and philosophical about it though and that will be rewarded you know that. Year 2 begins here for us and I know you are more than up to it even with his twuntishness.

Kate hats off to you for staying calm in the face of your h's absurd behaviour and re introducing your dc to her how disgusting to tell you they are looking forward to meeting her ffs why be like that.

where what patience said about posting

deluded so sorry your h is such a shit one day soon his extreme behaviour will have the effect of helping you be glad to be away from him

Well I am home now and know that I made the best choice possible in going to my bf for Christmas. Great food ,games,company and best of all the dc had a fab time . I wondered if I would have a few "this time last year moments" yesterday but Patience YES thats it can you imagine if we were still living with them one year on and all the crap. Instead of feeling sad I found myself offering up silent prayers and feeling strong. No question as well that the thing thats propelled my recovery is detaching from the fact that xh is with ow and her family and its likely to be long term but its no longer relevant to me.

So slobbing out on MN and watching Step Brothers with the dc , we wont be eating anything healthy just choc and mine pies

Tea feeling ok now lol ?

Hope everyone else is ok waves to all dumplings

Stupid laptop double posts

Maybee will you be letting everyone know now Christmas is over ? I think you will feel better afterwards

Hello Fabulous ladies
Actually went to the local pub last night with my friend - it was great, saw some old faces and everyone was really friendly to us.

Ex rang really early this morning to ask about dd birthday pressies...but I got the distinct impression that was an excuse to ring iyswim?

I was chatting on FB while he was rabbiting down the phone..and felt so detached from him..he was saying stuff like "I didn't get you up did I? What are you laughing at?"

So, I'm just being nice and cool with him - funny how he's now wondering what I'm up to.

Will catch up on posts tonight - we survived Xmas...we're still here and stronger for it!

Ggm this is all normal all part of growth and development ,UR going to be unrecognisable Ffs ,will set a date in our diaries soon for field trip and I fucked a fuckwit coffee and cake date lol.I am eating smarties and working up to happy feet later,trying to work out how to set Ben 10 alarm clock and peppa pig phonics going on in the back ground

Hide, leech Ffs girl !
Thing I struggled with was the isolation so this OS a great place to dump the rage ,the sad bits ,the shocking stuff and sometimes u get real side splitting funny stuff too ,anyway post what you like if it helps x

Getting Lol at Xs silver medal position re top dumpling wanker,almost tempted to tell him x

Thing is Wcih I never get a realistic reaction if I talk about X in real life ,I just get pity and sadness. on this thread chances are someone has had to deal with the same and they know the only way to deal with it is to stay strong and let out the pain that they cause ,keep letting it go.

Waves to all..........

Am dying with vomiting bug, only positive is it instantly rid my body of all the crap I'd been eating

Pink, I really want to thank you for having the balls to post what you did above. I might not have been clear in my initial post but I have no interest in Norm getting involved in my dc's lives nor have I any interest in getting involved with his dd. However we are normally in v v regular text contact & I definately got somewhat shelved when he was at home with family. I'm not the needy, insecure type that wants to live in his pocket but I do not want to leave myself be treated like crap again. I still think it would have been common courtesy for him to text how were things the next morn as he always does when he's home. I think Getting is also right that because of my exp with xh I'm on the alert more. At the back of my head I often wonder if Norm is a selfish twat & I guess I leap all over anything that might make him appear like he is. Thanks also to everyone else for feedback.

Anyway he's ringing later so will see how it goes.

Getting, so glad you've past the yr mark & had a nice xmas with your friend

Kate, you certainly sound v serene, glad you're feeling more positive & had a nice night out.

Hi all, hope you all had a good boxing day, well at least its all over for another year. How come Christmas comes round so quickly, but trying to get over a broken heart seems to go so slowly and feels like it will take forever.

Getting yes he is still telling me that he will always love me and he has regrets. He came round on thursday and picked up his presents that I got him for christmas and he was telling me that OW has gone home for a family christmas and had been gone since a week before christmas and wont be back until this week sometime, I think that is strange, their 1st christmas together and they are spending it apart and his birthday which is tom (detachment isnt in my vocabulary yet, but I hope I find it in the near future!). I had a few texts from him on Christmas day saying about me finding happiness and that he would always love me, and another saying 'I am so sorry darling, my personality defect and the consequence will always haunt me, I hope you realise I never planned to be bad.'

LC and googoo I hope you are both ok.

Sorry that I am still doom and gloom, hopefully my new AD's will help me find a better place soon.

Romney - hi my dear. You're so right - Christmas is over and I'm quite pleased too. Been very down here too and yes getting over a broken heart takes time. I'm not surprised you're finding it hard because he is texting you all the time and not making it easy for you to detach. Don't reply to his texts - I'm angry for you. His words don't match his actions and always remember, words are cheap. If he loved you he wouldn't be doing this and his "personality defect" is that he's a selfish b who wants his cake and everything else too. I, like you and everyone on here, am a very honest person and when I say something I mean it. However, I've learnt the hard way that a lot of people say anything that comes into their heads to make them seem better than they are. At the beginning of October I had first anniversary with exbf. His words: "I have never loved anyone like this since my ex, who is the mother of my children and I would like to grow old with you. I can't promise that I won't get scared and it will all go wrong but I love you." He then gave me a card which said "You have been in my head and now you are in my heart. Please stay there forever. Then 6 weeks later he dumped me and said that he had been detached from me since the summer. When I asked why he had said all of those things on our anniversary he said "Well, it was nice at the time, wasn't it?"
So talk is cheap. Actions aren't. I am very heartbroken still over this, which is silly I know because it was a short relationship but what I can't get over is that he seemed so genuine but it all meant nothing. That's why I don't want to be his friend and why I ignored his friendly text. He is shallow and self serving. I feel so bad about it but I am really trying to detach. If you can, next time he sends you any of his manipulative texts send one back saying politely "Please don't text me these things. I am hurting and need to heal."
And hopefully your ADs will help you tostay calm and feel more grounded. Much love - you don't deserve this extra humiliation. My mother said my exbf was taking me for a fool. I try and bear this in mind whenever I feel positive towards him. I also remember that he is a liar and used me to make himself feel good. I know how awful it is to feel that your genuine emotions and love have been cheapened by someone else's actions but this isn't our fault. It's their fault and their faults that have caused pain, not anything we have done. I'm trying to hold my head up and feel that I deserve someone better. It's very difficult to do this but the more I repeat it, the easier it is to feel it's true. Hope this helps a little bit. You are a very big hearted woman and you deserve someone with a heart to match :)

Starting, I knew you'd take it well.

He might well be a selfish twat, i think most of them are, It just depends on whether all the good things about him are worth it, and only you can decide.

Hope you feel better soon, vommiting bugs are the pits.

Good post Goo. My exh also said when he left "I'll always love you" and although it was quite nice to hear at the time, I soon realised what a croc of shit it was and that it meant nothing.

Ok IME any X that still keeps on touch is either A wanting to keep u hooked into his world ,checking if he still has any control over u ie does she still love me ,will she still sleep with me or B to ease his guilt or C both ,if you want to move on IGNORE .This will piss off any narc.No rear view mirrors on your vehicle only forwards gears.Don't give a shit about their feelings ,use them for practicing ur new not co dependent patterns.