Can anyone talk to me about sub/dom relationships?

[CuriousSub]

Right, well, I have been here a loooong time but have name changed for this.

I came to these boards when I found out about my stbxh's affair and the advice here was great and really helped. I went through hell for 3 years but I am now in the process of divorcing him.

So now I am testing the water and have frequented some dating sites and have been speaking to a gorgeous guy who is far too young for me and we got to talking about what we like. It turns out I love being dominated and he was looking for a sub.

Sooo, we have been texting, emailing and now speaking to each other and the whole idea is driving me mad with desire. I am actually short of breath when he suggests things.

This is something I hadn't even thought about before but I definitely want to see this through. He wants to meet and I would love to.

But I wanted to ask here is anyone has been/is a sub? What is expected of you? Where is the best place to look for advice/ideas?

Sorry, I know it isn't Friday yet - but nearly!!

Look the lady is wanting to experience something of life after years of been unhappy
she has arranged to meet in social venue and if she is not suited she can walk away
its her life
before you ask i am not the person she is meeting

You may all be right.

But I am just meeting him. It is just as dangerous as meeting anyone for the first time.

I may be in well over my head but this is something I want to do and I need to start somewhere.

I called him "Dom man" just to distinguish him from anyone else. I am aware he isn't my Dom. He is someone that I chat with and text every day. We talk about lots of different things.

We should have met last Saturday but he stopped me because the snow was bad.

I can assure you I am not foolish or niaive - maybe a little misguided but I will learn more about this scene as I go along

You should learn about it in other ways first.

Go to a local munch or something.

Talk to other people.

Dont go blindly into this, and dont do it now.

Wait until you are in a better frame of mind.
Please.

Im not saying dont do it at all. It can be an awful lot of fun, and there are varying degressed of this, and all sorts of different things, and different perspectives aetc.....

Read some books, talk to people, go to local munches, you dont have to race into this at all.

Going into this misguided could leave you in a very comprimised position, and doing things you dont want to do, because you feel you have to, or dont know how to get out of it. And then that could ruin the whole thing for you, as well as mentally be hard to deal with.

red, I have been saying wht you are saying since the beginning of this thread

I don't have experience of this scene but I know a vulnerable woman when I see one

Like I have said several times, she has "abuse me" wtitten all over her (and not in a "good" way)

CS...people are now contacting you unsolicited ?

have you thought that "batman" may actually getting all his twisted mates in on the "action" ?

they can smell people like you a mile off

you are being very, very foolish

please do not respond to any more unsolicited ocontact, and ffs, keep the sordid details off a public website (and out of a pm box)

Anyfucker. Your right. You don't need experience in the sceen to see a vulnerable woman who is being taken advantage of. I've got friends in the scene who are lovely. Who I trust, and who I know are decent and would not get involved with someone like the op.
I have also met people who would see the op and be all over her.
It's not the bdsm or whatever that is the issue, not really. Each to their own etc..... but its the fact that the op is clearly way out of her depth, going into this rather naively, and will get hurt
Cs

I would also wonder why you were getting unsolicited pms about this on a mums forum..... bit odd, no?

do an advanced search on batman's posts

it might enlighten you, CS, as to why you are getting unwarranted attention

I really don't think you should be doing this op. I mean, he is 26, a young man and this is the way he spends his time. What kind of a guy do you honestly think he is if you dig deep in your heart.

Is there sincerely nothing else you can do to make yourself feel better at this point in your life, than meet a stranger from the Internet who wants to dominate you? Look at it without the emotion.

just for the record i do not have any aquatances on here other than CS, and she contacted me first. all i have done is posted my opinions
so anytime mincepie an friends want to apologise feel free

perhaps you would like to explain why then, that every single one of your posts on a parenting site are to do with alternative sex, fetish wear or meeting strangers for kinky sex ?

Am loving incredulous Santa.

yuk. and double yuk. "batman"? bleugh.

Apologise? To you batman? I don't think so.

I don't care who contacted who first. It's plain to see from CS's posts that she is a vulnerable woman set, by her own admission, to self destruct. Those were her words, not ours.

Given that that is the case, why do you then think it is ok to ask her to describe or send pictures of her fetish outfit to you? In what moral universe is that ok?

I think your behaviour on this thread is sinister and nasty.

no explanations, twatman batman ??

come on, tell us why you come on a parenting website just to chat about kinky sex and target women who are clearly vulnerable

then, funnily enough, she gets unsolicited contact from fuck-knows-who about fuck-knows-what

that is as dodgy as an undercooked turkey, and you are busted

Must be the time of year that brings them out AF, of all the possible websites that would cater to someone's particular fetishes, they somehow find their way to threads like this one.

What are the odds eh?

Holy cow batman, I think they are on to you..... lol
Seriously. There is nothing wrong with fetish or whatever, but you do have to question what you are doing on a parenting site, going on about it, and nothing else. You have never posted on any other kind of thread either.

Are we allowed to report posters to mnhq?

Poor Cs, did she really post that she was on s mission to self destruct. That is very very sad. And even more of a worry. To go into this, thinking that......... Cs. Do you have children..... why would you want to do this????

red, I don't want to repeat verbatim a post that the OP requested be deleted, but it was extrmely worrying and pointed to someone who should not be meeting any strange men she met on the internet, I assure you

you seem very sensible and experienced and a refreshing change from other people into BDSM (or whatever) on this thread who try to insinuate that anyone advocating caution is just a frigid, hetero-monogamous, boring individual

all the "rah-rah, you go girl !!!" posts are seriously misguided, honestly

Well. That is really worrying then.
I am sensible :) . Being sensible doesn't mean UN adventeous. Same as being UN adventeous doesn't mean your boring.
Bdsm/ fetish/ whatever is a really Interesting subject. And can and does cover a wide variety of kinks.just because you like one thibg, doesn't mean you have to Luke another part of it.
I find it fasinsting. And love to talk to people about it, and why they like what they like... and how they found out.
I've a handful of very decent friends who are heavily into it. Not into the same things I am though.... so we are just friends. But they aren't women hating men.and they don't hate them selves either. It's just a small part of them.
I have had a not very good experience, which I pm' ed Cs bout. And that still happened , and I'm sensible and have understanding of how it all works.
It is very silly to play a game when you don't know or understand all the rules. And don't care to learn them either.

I totally agree the ' ra ra, you go girl' posts are misguided. Esp in this case.
If the op had a genuine curiosity about it, or was in a telationship and discovering it together, that's a bit different. Or was already experienced in it a.d was just after some fun.. but to blindly go into this.... when she wants to self destruct. That's sad. And scarey.

Cs. If you have spoken to his man so much, is he aware of your mental state?

At the risk of pissing everyone off further, I took another look at Batmans posts and, if you pretend a woman said those things then there isn't an issue. I am sure SGB has said alot worse without getting told to piss off to another forum.

Also, he didn't come across as letching when we spoke privately. He just had his own story.

He is also more inclined to be a sub so he wasn't looking to recruit me!!

I think it is sad how people jump to conclusions.

Happens all the time, here. :)

(And every other message board I've ever... well, I was going to say "played on", not sure if that's appropriate now. )

OldLady, Thanks

Dittany's a feminist? Do me a favour.

And personally, I think Dittany's observation that "women who like this sort of treatment from men hate themselves and on some level think they deserve punishment" is FAR more insulting than saying someone's throat should be lined with semen. The latter will evoke a more visceral response due to the language used, but deep down, is just a rather nasty throw-away line sparked by frustration and anger; the former rocks me to my core.

Far more disgusting.

having spoken to CS i am certain she does not have issues with her role to male population, she just has fantasies, that she we wants to live out, and she has reached a time in her life when she is going for it.

"spoken" ? batman ???

do you mean pm'ed ? Or RL contact ?

not sure how you can be "certain" about anything from a few words in an inbox, tbh

Ok. Batman is clearly the man she will be meeting. Opplay with fire and you will get burned.