Hi again
Just had a LONG conversation with him and told him not to say anything about girlfriends to either of our children. I've told him he has to set a good example to them for now and for when they have girl/boyfriends in the future.
I don't think dd got ill initially as a result of twat. It is only a recent thing (marriage problems)and she got ill during 2008. He says it is midlife crisis but has been unhappy with me for a long time, just didn't know how to tell me and he 'needs' his freedom and independence. I told him he shouldn't go after girls in their twenties and he says it's non of my business what he does. In his mind, our marriage is so OVER, we are living appart so he can live his life how he wants (at last). He accepted he should keep his affairs from the children now on (time will tell). He doesn't get the 'parents as role models' thing - he is too selfish for that. Luckily I get it 100% so will have to set our dc a good example. He doesn't get how wrong/sad it is to go for young girls. I told him he's deluded but insists it is none of my business (denial?) I reminded him he is technically married but he won't listen or wait around until divorce to go perving. He definately gets off on 'rescuing'young women - ego?/the only way he'd catch a girl is by making himself indespensible to them(?). I'm hoping he wouldn't go below aged 20, but not so sure he would be able to resist.
Obviously he was soooo wrong telling our dd about his girl-friend and making her keep it a secret etc etc but he didn't tell her about sex with this tart cos he says she wouldn't let him spend the night so I'm not sure how much sex there was. He's admitted he's been used by this girl for money but believes a girl in her 20's will want a diabetic impotent 51 year old (deluded?) Katie saw on his notebook (whilst looking for cinema time confirmation email)sex chat line link and opened it. The last thing I want to do is defend twat, but he hasn't been telling dd about is sexual exploits (asked dd)so I don't think she is in danger in that way. If he keeps his promise to keep seperate his perving from dc, then I think dc will be fine with him because he is keen to keep contact with them etc etc. I don't think I have grounds to stop dc from seeing him because they need a father (got no other relatives) and he takes them out etc.
I don't want to make excuses for him but dc love him and weighing everything up, it wouldn't make sense to prevent contact. I feel it would do more harm than good.
Obviously I am going to talk to CAHMS about the situation and ask their advice.
Re divorce he thinks he can 'let us' live in the house in the future, he'll pay 100% of mortgage and keep 100% of equity/value. That got be riled.
He keeps going on about the fact I didn't go out to work enough during our relationship "like most other women do". The fact I was home for the children's school holidays etc doesn't cut any ice with him. He keeps negatively comparing me to other mums who also worked outside of the home. I don't think he believes me the courts value non-monetry contributuins. Re doing a degree he says I should have stayed a teaching assistant because at least I was bringing home £6 per hour (25 hours) which is more than I brought in during the degree (nothing financially + our dd was in hospital for 10 months of that). He has got so hung up about my lack of financial contribution - strange how he never mentioned anything about this during the last 16 years.
He's really doing my head in. Now I'm thinking to myself; 'why didn't I go out to work more?' Also, if he thinks he is getting 100% of the value of the house he is living in dreamland. Hopefully getting the divorce will put that right.