this dad at the school gates - these things never end well, do they?

[MysteryWhiteGirl]

I've read enough of these kinds of threads to know that I should just run as quickly as i can in the opposite direction, possibly screaming to scare him away. And I will, I just need to get this thing (which is really nothing anyway) off my chest first.

So, there's this dad at the school gates, obviously, and it's fittingly teenage really because all he does is stare at me. That's all he does. I know i don't look great first thing in the morning, but it can't just be him wondering how anyone could leave the house looking so crap, because i'm sure he would have got bored of staring by now if that was the case.

I keep telling myself I can just go on ignoring him because I'm married, and he's married and we have two kids each and i'd never want to cause anyone's children pain, or anyone's partner for that matter, especially my own. I think i've just been thinking about this way too much because recently I can't seem to get him out of my head. He's hot, in the slightly eccentric looking way I've always had a weakness for. There's definitely a hint of Johnny Depp about him, which is like someone offering me my wildest fantasies on a plate...

It's all so massively inappropriate, and though i'm definitely not as attracted to dh as i used to be, and we've had quite a few problems, there's no way i could ever act on this.

I hadn't seen his OH before this weekend (although i'd wondered about her a fair bit) when there was this community event we all turned up to with the kids, it was quite a shock to find out she looks quite a bit like me (although i'm not sure why i find that surprising, most people have a type, i suppose). I was even more surprised to find that he was still staring at me. Insensitive prick. If he thinks i'm going to wreck two perfectly good families for the sake of sex then he's mistaken. if he's got issues with his marriage then he needs to work on them with his OH, and I know i need to do likewise. Right?

I can't believe I'm even contemplating any of this. If i was her I'd hate me, and from the look she gave me the other day she probably already does. Jeez, all this and I haven't even spoken to either of them; that's bored shitless village life for you, I suppose.

ElephantsAndMiasmas '' I can't believe you put up with a relationship where you're not allowed to initiatate sex - didn't that annoy you, even at first?''

I used to make the first move all the time which inevitably led to rumpy pumpy but I got fed up of doing so. Why should I? Now I rely on DH to make the first move and that's why we no longer have rumpy pumpy

Should I go back to making the first move? Doesn't this smack of him not fancying me?

Limara - i think you're putting this on to yourself too much, it's his issue - if you're in the mood don't overthink it (yeah i know i'm one to talk!). I can imagine how you feel with him never initiating though, we've had dry spells along those lines and i always wonder what's wrong (he usually says tiredness)

what i take from this thread is that a lot of posters immediately jumped on my admittedly cringeworthy chicklitty writing style, alongside the fact that this was all based on someone checking someone else out rather than actual cold hard fucking.

Things don't always happen to a script from on high, I know from present and previous relationships that actually, eye contact and reading another person's body language can take you a heck of a long way towards that rather sordid end; particularly over a sustained period of time; if that wasn't the case I probably wouldn't be married with two kids in the first place! Not everything has to be spelled out and literal and obvious to everyone in order to be 'real'.

The guesswork involved about his OH and all that - well if someone stares at you every week day for 3 months, it's human nature to start working out some kind of possible back story as to why they're doing that. It certainly doesn't make me his bloody stalker to occasionally meet his eye and wonder about these things. There's a very pervasive madonna/whore complex around on MN at the moment.

There's a very pervasive madonna/whore complex around on MN at the moment.

That is one hell of a leap from your OP to making that particular statement, MWG.

wtf?

i'm not leaping directly from my OP i'm coming to the conclusion via helpful posters such as yourself anyfucker

Actually, the way the OP was immediately ridiculed/attacked by so many posters does kind of back up her statement, AnyFucker.

It was obvious from her initial - occasionally light-hearted/self-deprecating -posts that the OP was trying to make a serious point and off-load about a crush that could, if allowed to, lead to something else. But OP was treated as either a self-deluded desperate housewife or as a predatory whore.

Very few people genuinely addressed the point she was making. They were so keen to flame her because she dared to suggest that another woman's husband might be attracted to her(and vice versa).

oh mabel, can i have an affair with you instead ? you're lovely x

If you had said there was a "madonna/whore" vibe going on amongst general society, I might agree

But on Mumsnet? (apart from a few)...no

I find MN-bashing rather tedious, tbh

And most of it is done by people who get rightly flamed. People who get support and validation from it, don't tend to bash it.

Even the MWG admitted her OP was ridiculous. And I was quite nice to her, actually.

I'm not an MN basher by any means. I wouldn't be here otherwise. In fact, I've had so much good, tough advice and support on here from so many lovely women. I've been told stuff i really don't want to hear and I've not shouted down those that have said it. What I don't like is the unfair/unfounded bitchiness that does come out quite often - a kind of knee-jerk response to anything outside the "i love my husband unreservedly" or "my husband is being a dick" oeuvre.

You yourself AF gave me some tough feedback quite a few months ago and I never bashed you for it, I took it all on board. I deserved it. It was FAIR. YOU were fair.

Sometimes, though, MN can be very UNFAIR - and that's how I feel the initial feedback was to this OP. It's what drove me to post my intitial message on this thread - normally I just lurk but I felt that most MNetters were being a bit bitchy to Mystery, so I put in my penny's worth.

On another note, Mystery, i do believe i'm blushing!

The thing about MN is..if you post a crackers-sounding OP, you cannot then take umbrage and start making accusations like "the place has a madonna/whore complex"

especially since MWG came back and said some people had a point !

Fair play to people who come along and say "hold on a minute, that's a bit off" (I have done it myself) and that is what is good about MN. MWG should be thanking people for their support, not making a generalised accusation about the whole of Mumsnet, IMO

MM, btw, I still read all your updates on that thread

fair enough.

appreciate it, AF

sometimes I have to hold myself back from posting on it

OP, if you don't like your own writing style why not change it?

It does read very much like those free books you get with Red magazine once in a while. Sorry.

you're an eloquent writer so I'm sure it wouldn't be beyond you to adjust the timbre somewhat.

Perhaps he just hasn't got his specs on in the mornings, and is wondering whether you're his DW?

AF, oh please don't hold back! I need all the slaps help I can get.

As you'll have seen, it's been an ongoing struggle. Still is.

Sorry. Back to you, sweet Mystery...

No, MM, that is your thread and you need people who have been through that particular struggle to support you. The time to tell you to pull yourself together and quit the self-indulgent navel-gazing has passed, I think.

oops

Now stop flirting with MWG ....

MM, that was below the belt.

I am sorry.

I wouldn't have been brave enough to post that on your thread, so shouldn't have said it, even if it was semi-joking.

MWG ''cringeworthy chicklitty writing style''

AnyFuckerForAMincePie ''crackers-sounding OP''

I completely understood OP's post. I found it totally straight forward.

You lot are the literary police! [fbear]

Yeah and I must be desperate for sex crackers too then as well

that was shit wasn't it, I can't even strike through a couple of words!

AF, forgiven.

Limara, that first quote you have used was written by the OP about her own writing style.

i've only skimmed but..WTF?

MM, the first sentence was totally meant though. No, MM, that is your thread and you need people who have been through that particular struggle to support you. I should have left it at that.

Honestly, I am sorry. That was a shitty example of passive-aggression and it was despicable.