Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

this dad at the school gates - these things never end well, do they?

159 replies

MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 09:57

I've read enough of these kinds of threads to know that I should just run as quickly as i can in the opposite direction, possibly screaming to scare him away. And I will, I just need to get this thing (which is really nothing anyway) off my chest first.

So, there's this dad at the school gates, obviously, and it's fittingly teenage really because all he does is stare at me. That's all he does. I know i don't look great first thing in the morning, but it can't just be him wondering how anyone could leave the house looking so crap, because i'm sure he would have got bored of staring by now if that was the case.

I keep telling myself I can just go on ignoring him because I'm married, and he's married and we have two kids each and i'd never want to cause anyone's children pain, or anyone's partner for that matter, especially my own. I think i've just been thinking about this way too much because recently I can't seem to get him out of my head. He's hot, in the slightly eccentric looking way I've always had a weakness for. There's definitely a hint of Johnny Depp about him, which is like someone offering me my wildest fantasies on a plate...

It's all so massively inappropriate, and though i'm definitely not as attracted to dh as i used to be, and we've had quite a few problems, there's no way i could ever act on this.

I hadn't seen his OH before this weekend (although i'd wondered about her a fair bit) when there was this community event we all turned up to with the kids, it was quite a shock to find out she looks quite a bit like me (although i'm not sure why i find that surprising, most people have a type, i suppose). I was even more surprised to find that he was still staring at me. Insensitive prick. If he thinks i'm going to wreck two perfectly good families for the sake of sex then he's mistaken. if he's got issues with his marriage then he needs to work on them with his OH, and I know i need to do likewise. Right?

I can't believe I'm even contemplating any of this. If i was her I'd hate me, and from the look she gave me the other day she probably already does. Jeez, all this and I haven't even spoken to either of them; that's bored shitless village life for you, I suppose.

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 07/12/2010 10:40

There's nothing wrong with crushes as long as you keep them to yourself (ranting on MN accepted, no one knows you, your H or Mr StaryStary).
However, are the problems in your marriage still ongoing? If so, Mr Starystary aside, you will probably drop your knickers for the next cute bloke who does actually make a move in your direction eg you are disengaging from your H and might sleepwalk into an affair saying it'just happened'.
Now it may be that you and your H are not suited and your relationship has run its course. If that's the case, better to think it through and try to make the split amicable rather than drifting aimlessly till you do all of a sudden find yourself falling over and landing on someone else's cock.
Or it could be that things could be fixed between you and H and what you actually need is a (non-sexual) hobby, passion or cause.

BarbaraWindsor · 07/12/2010 10:41

Oh not the budding author again.

BarbaraWindsor · 07/12/2010 10:41

Not you SGB...OP.

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 10:43

Bits prepped, i think. Or maybe that was the xmas turkey - Xmas Wink

hully - don't worry i'm sure he just has astigmatism or something

OP posts:
Limara · 07/12/2010 10:46

Budding Author? OP? Aye?Confused

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 10:46

SGB - you do have a serious point. 'falling over and landing on someone else's cock' that sounds like the slutty teenager i used to be if i'm honest. not the slightly stuffy, nearly 30 year old i feel i have a duty to be nowadays. i don't want to regress...

BarbaraWindsor - yep i know how i sound.

OP posts:
theresapotatoundermysink · 07/12/2010 10:46

I don't think you sound unhinged. I don't think you're evil. I do think you're deluded.

He's staring at you from time to time, maybe he just likes to look. I don't see the connection between this and
'If he thinks i'm going to wreck two perfectly good families for the sake of sex then he's mistaken.'

errr you haven't even spoken to the man!

StuffingGoldBrass · 07/12/2010 10:50

Nothing wrong with sluttyness as long as it doesn't involve dishonesty BTW. Monogamy is a choice, not inevitable. Is that what's up between you and your H?

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 10:50

theresapotato - i know. I can hear myself. i've gone out of my way not to speak to him, whereas i'm on chatting terms with most of the parents at our small school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 10:53

SGB - i don't really know what's up. I suppose sex just isn't what it used to be between us. it's beyond cliched really. i'm like one of those 'oh, all right then' seventies sitcome wives. i feel shit about all of this, i really do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 10:53

sitcom even

OP posts:
Limara · 07/12/2010 10:56

Yeah, text book not speaking to him! I did this too. I see the school dad maybe once or twice a year and I don't fancy him at ALL . It really was just a crush. I've been married nearly 13 years and never ever had an affair or kissed another man since I've been with my DH 14years because I respect my marriage but the odd crush....exciting innit Xmas Grin

StuffingGoldBrass · 07/12/2010 10:57

MWG: OK, there are several possible explanations for this. Does your H pull his weight WRT domestic work? Because probably the biggest libido-killer for women is lazy-arse partners who do nothing round the house but still want sex - their attitude and behaviour turns sex into yet another service women have to provide themwith - and that's not erotic.
Or is your H just not much cop at it, and you put up with this before because you were In Love and now feel you can't tell hiim that actually you'd like to do it differently? Of course, if you have got into the cycle of only having sex because he keeps asking, then sex may also have become a matter of despunking him and you want to get it over as quickly as possible, which is even less erotic for you.
Other than that, some medications/health conditions do lower the libido.

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 11:02

SGB i think it's a mixture of scenarios 1 & 2. I do find i do the majority of domestic stuff, but then i'm at home with our baby and four year old whereas he has a demanding job and a heck of a commute each day. He does a fair bit at the weekends to give him his dues. And no, he's not much cop at it (but as the one famour MN maxim goes 'sex isn't something that's done to you...' so maybe i'm the lazy one. it doesn't last long enough for me to really enjoy it if i'm brutally honest. Feel even worse saying this than i did writing my much maligned OP

OP posts:
Limara · 07/12/2010 11:06

Mystery, I have sex with my DH once every 3 monthsSad
We have problems too and I'm sure I'm not alone? I'm not condoning your crush as the crush is a result of no sex possibly? I can just understand how you feel.

RudeEnglishLady · 07/12/2010 11:07

He's staring. Just staring.

Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself!

Anyway, its rude to stare. My Gran says.

Watch 'Little Children' with Kate Winslet, its a good yarn and a cautionary tale.

thatsnotmymonkey · 07/12/2010 11:08

moutain molehill you are making rearrange those words.

I just do not get it.

~You fancy him. he is staring at you, ergo he must be into you and affair is imminent? Thats it??

You need to do more with your life, this is delusional.

Limara · 07/12/2010 11:10

thatsnotmymonkey- every thought about doing counselling?Hmm

Limara · 07/12/2010 11:11

OR one of those word search competitions Xmas Smile

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 11:12

Limara - you sound like you've got your head screwed on. Hope i can be as sensible. It does make the mundane a bit more bearable i just wonder some days whether the crush is worth the guilt (catholic upbringing alert)

OP posts:
Limara · 07/12/2010 11:15

I definitely have got my head screwed on but it's the wrong way round Xmas Smile

Ha ha, I was brought up a catholic too.

I would never cheat on my DH but some may say just thinking about it, IS cheating....but your is just a crush.

Me and you need to sort our sex lives out don't we?

thatsnotmymonkey · 07/12/2010 11:17

Limara, thanks but I am fine in my current job. Do not get the word search ref though. Last time I did one of those was in Primary school, do you like them or something?

Limara- yeah you have got your head screwed on, the bonkers OP who is way overthinking this is complimenting you. Hmm

Limara · 07/12/2010 11:18

What we both need is a poster called
WhenWillIFeelNormal She deals out AMAZING advice.
Can anyone message her on our behalf? I'm being deadly serious.

Original poster
MysteryWhiteGirl · 07/12/2010 11:19

x-post Limara - sorry to hear that. why do you think it's got to this stage for you? not that i'm in a position to offer advice

thatsnotmymonkey - i'm surprised you even have time to post on thread as petty as this with all the sub saharan schools and wells you're working on in your free time...

OP posts:
Limara · 07/12/2010 11:21

Bit worried now because I am good at giving advice but like most, not taking it. Sorting out my shit relationship was not on the list today Xmas Smile