It's all about......ME! :)

[BibiBlocksberg]

Hello to all and a Medal for those of you that stayed over all 16 pages of the 'It's all about him' thread.

Since it has gotten so big and since I will most likely going to be droning on about this for a little while I thought it would be easier to just start a new thread.

Must say I prefer the new title

For those that didn't read the mammoth previous thread, in a nutshell it's about me dithering to leave partner of 8 years. No sex life for a year, he's very self centred and unmotivated etc, no future to speak of, fed up.

Finally told him I want to split up last night so am now using MN as my lifeline to ensure I really do get out of this excuse for a relationship.

Thank you all again for letting me do this and your support :)

Don't know your back story NoName but I reckon somewhere with views could really lift the spirits.

Bibi - I am on facebook but have never yet posted an actual photo of myself. I have no intention of posting a picture of myself anywhere on the interweb actually - not because I have ishoos (although am spectacularly unphotogenic) but because I don't like the world wide web to know everything about me!

So join the group and put up a jokey pic as suggested, until you get some confidence with the group at least...

Sounds like you've had a constructive day though.

"and put up a jokey pic as suggested, until you get some confidence with the group at least..."

Ok, will do, thanks. Glad I'm not the only one who is not keen on sharing everything with T'interweb.

Right, have to be off to bed now, back to work in the morning, doesn't time fly, only seems like yesterday I was getting the turkey in for Christmas :)

Thanks Katisha

I have been around for a year or so on MN struggling with ending a 28 year relationship.

I have behaved badly and am not proud of what happened but have now moved out of the family home to live on my own and try to be a better person. My DC are older teens.

My DH likes to read MN and post when he finds me so I have name changed several times which is frustrating.

I have made some great friends on here. You can't see just how slim and gorgeous I am!

"You can't see just how slim and gorgeous I am! "

Hey, stop rubbing it in

28 years - crikey, hats off to you. I would hazard a guess that there was a reason for your supposed bad behaviour and you must have been unhappy.

Would like to ask more questions on your situation but if I don't go to bed right this minute I won't be good for anything in the morning.

Goodnight again, speak again soon hopefully.

Ha ha that WAS a joke bibi!

Thanks for your generous assessment.

Sleep well. Night all

Hey Bibi

Just checking in after a bibulous night out debating whether to move to the lovely bungalow.

Hope you are okay

xx

oi-oi Bibi, this thread is far too far down my list. How are you?

Good Morning,

Sorry, missed your post yesterday NoNames, are you any closer to a decision on the bungalow with the lovely views?

I'm fine ElfPants thank you for asking. Time is doing it's job right now I think as things feel a little easier emotionally atm.

Had a really weird dream last night, it was so real - the Cap'n was telling me that he'd grown bored of his playstation and was going to sell it AND he would use the proceeds to start a joint savings account.

Well, I did say it was a dream, didn't I

The thing is, the feeling I had in the dream (happy, secure, supported by another adult in a grown up relationship) was lovely.

And it made me realise that I didn't experience that feeling once in the ten years we were together :(

I suppose sometimes dreams exist to show us useful things :)

Aw petal that must have been hard to wake up from. Good (though sad) that it gave you that insight though. Most people aren't like the Playstation Perv (trying this one for size ) though, really.

Any progress on scooter? Or holiday plans?

Oh no, don't get me wrong the whole dream thing cheered me up a bit even though it sounds v strange.

It made me realise what I'd been missing which is good because I can now make sure it's present in my next relationship.

Also, it eased the feeling unreasonable a bit.

Despite everything I'm still hung up on feeling guilty for not giving him a last chance (i know, i know!!)

No progress on the moped as yet - am trying daily though.

Holiday will have to be booked in February, for now I'm managing to stick to a fantastically tight January budget which is good :)

Grace started a thread a while ago about "shopping lists" for future partners. The idea came from me and a friend who broke up with rubbish partners, and came up with a list of "essentials" and "desireable qualities" that we would find in any future partner. Some of them were based on what we DIDN'T like about previous partners.

So yours might include:

"No interest in gaming more than one night a week" for instance - or even "no interest in gaming at all, prefers a good book".

It's great because you are basically saying you don't want to have a relationship, unless by some fluke you find someone who meets the criteria. You're raising the bar.

"It's great because you are basically saying you don't want to have a relationship, unless by some fluke you find someone who meets the criteria"

Yes, very true! Have to confess that I used to be very focused on wanting to be in a relationship and feeling like I needed to be to be happy.

I can genuinly say that is not how I feel this time which I'm really glad about.

Think MN has had a lot to do with raising my own consciousness in that area (amongst others)

There was a thread in AIBU yesterday or the day before where the poster was saying she couldn't leave her children with her husband because he wouldn't get out of bed until 2.30pm.

I tell you, I saw my potential future in that thread and was soooo relieved I got out before that scenario could occur (glad emoticon) :)

Gawd I bet you were! It's the whole "you had them, you look after them. I'm busy/tired/playing" mentality isn't it. Aaargh.

Really glad that you're not looking for some bloke to fill the gap this time. They're just people too, sadly. Some nice ones, some crap ones, and they can't solve problems for you.

"they can't solve problems for you"

No, very true but they can try to help you out beyond saying 'I don't know'

The last one I lived with did the 'I don't know 'thing but was the first in line to have me solve most of his, single handedly......Grrrrrrrr.....!!!!

Self centredness in all things is NOT what I will be looking for if I do end up contemplating living with another man :) :)

Oh yes, they certainly can.

Here's the list thread. I think you should post yours there/here. Read the thread first for ideas!

Thank you ElfPants - I remember reading that in my lurker days before I posted much I mean.

I remember thinking 'yep, would be nice, aint gonna happen' back then.

I'll be going to any future dates with a clipboard and that list.

I can just picture it now

Thank you for your application to have Bibi Blocksberg in your life as main problem solver and ego booster.

I am sorry to inform you that you have been unsuccesful on this occasion

Oh dear, you've set me off on a tangent with this one ElfPants. :)

You filthy lurker

I can picture it too. "Think not what Bibi Blocksberg can do for you, but what you can do for Bibi Blocksberg".

""Think not what Bibi Blocksberg can do for you, but what you can do for Bibi Blocksberg"."

That will be my new motto!! (wonders if anyone can translate it into Latin for the Blocksberg coat of arms :) )

Seriously, I've never asked 'are you good enough for me' only ever worried about my own 'good enough-ness' for the other person.

Shocking state of affairs, no wonder I kept getting picked as long term doormat of choice

What's the crest like? Wish I spoke Latin now. :o

"Seriously, I've never asked 'are you good enough for me' only ever worried about my own 'good enough-ness' for the other person."

Well THANK GOD THANK GOD you have at least realised this now. It's bound to end up with you backing up some bloke, both of you convinced that he is the ultimate arbiter/only real valued person in the relationship.

Don't be the wind beneath someone's effing wings, Bibi. You're far too good (and funny) for that.

"What's the crest like? Wish I spoke Latin now"

Haven't decided yet, probably a cartoon of me with a massive boot on one foot ready to stamp on unfairness and inequality wherever it occurs but especially in relationships (it's super Bibi.... :) )

"Don't be the wind beneath someone's effing wings, Bibi. You're far too good (and funny) for that."

Thank you for the nice flattery

No probs :o

Like the boot. It's going to have to have a pair of cats couchant as well, surely? Maybe up the top.

I really hate that Wind/Wings song. "It must have been cold there in my shadow" I think is the first line. To which the only response surely is "yes it was, so fuck the fuck off".

""yes it was, so fuck the fuck off"."

Arf Arf Arf - I love swearing especially when it's written down

Fuckety fuck fuck :)

Yes, it IS a cheesy line but have to make a guilty confession of quite enjoying warbling along to the song (the original version not Robson and Je-bloody-romes one)

Did I ever tell you you're me Heeeeerrrrooooo

Nice, will be singing that all the way home in the car now :)

Dreams are funny things. Last night I dreamt I was going on a group night out and the people all looked familiar but I wouldn't be able to tell you who they were. When we got to the venue it wasn't what we were expecting and I had to persuade everyone to stay. A few minutes later my ex turned up and we sneaked off to a library come shop come cafe that sold soup and I kept wanting to snog him. All very strange.

Oo err Fab. I had a dream about kissing a boy I knew at school (15 odd years ago) while sitting on those horrible mushroo, shaped lawn ornaments. The kissing was great but really ruined by the kitsch decor.

Sorry, that wasn't related to anything really. Just weird kissing dreams :o