Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's all about......ME! :)

661 replies

BibiBlocksberg · 06/12/2010 07:25

Hello to all and a Medal for those of you that stayed over all 16 pages of the 'It's all about him' thread.

Since it has gotten so big and since I will most likely going to be droning on about this for a little while I thought it would be easier to just start a new thread.

Must say I prefer the new title Xmas Grin

For those that didn't read the mammoth previous thread, in a nutshell it's about me dithering to leave partner of 8 years. No sex life for a year, he's very self centred and unmotivated etc, no future to speak of, fed up.

Finally told him I want to split up last night so am now using MN as my lifeline to ensure I really do get out of this excuse for a relationship.

Thank you all again for letting me do this and your support :)

OP posts:
ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 29/12/2010 01:47

Oh yeah, no doubt the absence of that pesky nuisance girlfriend will have really given the important skills in life - those relating to imaginary soldiery - a crucial boost.

Love the fact that the time is simply flying by since he left Xmas Grin

Let me know when you're coming to London and if I'm around we should go for that promised cake!

ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 29/12/2010 01:47

Am the right side of some lovely alcohol btw so sorry if that makes no sense.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 29/12/2010 09:18

You two were burning the candle at both ends last night Grin

Fantastic multiple new levels, giving imaginary soldiery a crucial boost - that did make me laugh this morning.

Thank you for the 'cake-vitation' as well ElfPants, might take you up on that :)

OP posts:
Katisha · 29/12/2010 10:18

If it's a day I'm at work, when you come to London, I'll meet you for cake as well!

IAmReallyFabNow · 29/12/2010 10:26

2 weeks Shock. Wow, time does go fast when you are --free- having fun!

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 29/12/2010 10:37

Cake Party yeah!!

I really want to go and see Hampton Court Palace (well I like historic royalty, can't help it)

We can all meet there and have a cake picnic in the maze Grin

OP posts:
ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 29/12/2010 11:39

Brilliant, bring the cats on diamond encrusted leads too, I'm sure they would enjoy the sightseeing.

bloomingnora · 29/12/2010 11:45

Not fair! I want cake too. I will just have to eat the rest of DD's chocolate birthday cake. With chocolate buttercream.

Am slightly pissing myself at the idea of you lot in the centre of the maze going:

"Do you think it's her?"

"Well, she has got cats on diamond encrusted leads and a cake under her arm. Must be."

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 29/12/2010 11:53

"Brilliant, bring the cats on diamond encrusted leads too, I'm sure they would enjoy the sightseeing."

ROFL, and don't forget their little outfits, also festooned with rhinestones diamonds.

"Do you think it's her?"

"Well, she has got cats on diamond encrusted leads and a cake under her arm. Must be."

Grin Grin I guess it beats the carrying a newspaper or wearing a carnation traditional form of recognition :)

OP posts:
ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 29/12/2010 12:12

And maybe period costume headdress type things a la Anne Boleyn.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 29/12/2010 13:04

....little guillotines round their necks like scarves...

Blush ahem, am outing myself as an insane person again now, better stop Grin

OP posts:
Katisha · 29/12/2010 13:09

You're thinking French Revolution there Bibi...

Sadly Hampton Court will be a bit too far out for me to nip out of work for a quick cake!

You should eat Richmond Maids of Honour

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 29/12/2010 13:37

"You should eat Richmond Maids of Honour"

That sound lovely Katisha, I do love a good story like that one especially if it relates to food.

Forgot that Henry just used a plain old axe or his executioner did anyway Grin

OP posts:
Katisha · 29/12/2010 14:24

I think Anne Boleyn was afforded the honour of being executed with a sword.

backagain5 · 30/12/2010 01:14

Hey BB, I am currently avidly reading through your first thread, and just had to say, well, done, keep going and be strong. Will post again when I'm fully up to date, in a week or so. Great thread btw, it's been very encouraging for me too. Take care x

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 30/12/2010 09:27

"Great thread btw, it's been very encouraging for me too"

Well, backagain5, if there's one thing guaranteed to make me feel better it's the thought of my struggles helping someone else in some way.

Thanks very much for posting - had a really big wobble last night but ok again this morning. Will get to the point soon where I just won't care what he does and doesn't do anymore I hope :)

OP posts:
bloomingnora · 30/12/2010 16:42

How are you today, Bibi? I have noticed that when you go quiet on us it usually coincides with with when you later admit you have had a wobble! Anything you want to share with the group? Grin

Katisha · 30/12/2010 18:10

Yes - should I carry on researching 16th century execution methods, or start talking about something else?

NoNamesNoPackDrill · 30/12/2010 18:36

Can I say Bibi that I find your thread very encouraging too? I left my DH 15 weeks ago and often wobble and wonder if I should go back.

The Dumplings thread is great support for those who were involuntarily made single, while your thread seems to offer hope for those who are trying to rebuild a life free of someone negative and draining.

You have come so far and you are our standard bearer so hold your head up! You are doing great.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 30/12/2010 19:37

Grin Nora, you're quite right really, I'm a nightmare. When I'm having a bit of a bad 'spell' I tend not to tell anyone until afterwards.

Although, having said that I did attempt to post last night but internet decided it was going to freeze on me just after I'd pressed the post message button.

Couldn't be arsed to re-type again and was tired so went to bed :)

I am just soooooo bloody angry at the moment because I'm starting to realise what a giant ride I let myself be taken on for so long.

Really hurts to realise he really didn't care at all and was more than likely just enjoying the comfortable living arrangements.

For TEN bloody years. Am going to have MUG tatooed on my forehead at the next payday.

Look at me going on, have got a juicy steak for my dinner tonight so must go and fry the hell out of it for a while Grin

"You have come so far and you are our standard bearer so hold your head up! You are doing great"

Standard bearer no less, that's not what they usually call me NoNames Grin - well done to you hanging in there and NOT going back!!

"Yes - should I carry on researching 16th century execution methods, or start talking about something else?"

Something else please Katisha since I'm a giant ignoramus when it comes to history. I enjoy looking at really old things and hearing about them but don't know my Guillotines from my axe/sword beheadings :)

OP posts:
Katisha · 30/12/2010 21:46

That's a relief cos it's not exactly my area of expertise!

I am off to think about your situation. I don't think you should write off the last 10 years, although it's right that you feel angry. Was it always drifting, the relationship, do you think? Or was there a point at which it took a turn for the dreary? Maybe it's not a good idea to analyse it at this point - dunno.

Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 30/12/2010 22:02

Thanks for putting yet more thought into my situation Katisha.

I just think that he knows the reasons I split up with him i.e a big one being him never making an effort of his own accord, always waiting for someone else to do and say the necessary.

Bearing that in mind, if he had told me that I would have done a bit more than a bunch of roses and a page of A4 all about how he does want to have kids.

And then nothing, not a sausage, over christmas as well when he knows I have no absolutely no-one (in RL)

So, the conclusion is that he doesn't give a damn and it's really crap.

I don't know, the relationship was pretty much the same from the start and then he made less and less and less effort.

He had his moments, could be extremely thoughtful, choosing presents just because etc but it wasn't enough.

Its mainly my fault since I always feel that I don't have the right to ask for anything more than a person is willing to give voluntarily.

Recipe for disaster really :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BibiBlocksberg · 30/12/2010 22:04

....more ranting - I more than likely haven't heard anything from him because I said I needed space and don't want him popping round every 5 mins etc.

So, if asked he'll just say I told him to stay away. He always was fond of 'living by numbers' or 'I'm only following orders' reasoning when it suited.

OP posts:
bloomingnora · 30/12/2010 22:09

But you now realise that you do have that right, don't you Bibi?

I'm off to bed as I intend to get pissed merry again tomorrow. I will check on you tomorrow. In the meantime, stop berating yourself for living with what was not so much a terrible relationship as a 'meh' relationship. Many people go on a lot longer in much worse situations and do not find the courage to change things.

I think you are grieving for what you hoped might have been and you need to go through the necessary stages of grief in order to move on.

NoNamesNoPackDrill · 30/12/2010 22:10

Bibi it is a blessing he is being such a loser and not fighting for you.

If he was wooing you with real effort and style you would be doubting your decision. Instead he is proving effortlessly that you made the right call.

Now you are free to meet a real man who will be worthy of you. And energetic and sociable and funny and into you!

Swipe left for the next trending thread