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Original poster

My DH has lied to me

135 replies

Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:08

My DH has blatantly lied to me about his Christmas bonus, saying its only £50, well its much more than that its nearer £400. He doesn't know I know this. I gave him the chance to confess to me, I looked him straight in the eye and asked him "so you medan to tell me that your Xmas bonus is just £50?" and he replied yes. Anyway it also transpires he wishes to buy the new iphone4. Hmmn.............. go figure. The reason I know is that I read paper memo regarding amount of bonus, although I only looked at memo coz I thought it was gonna say bout Xmas work party etc.

So what do I do? Do I admit I know? What if he spends money on himself? Do I say nothing?

WWYD??

OP posts:
BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 03/12/2010 00:11

I'd say nothing but plead poverty ('I can't afford christmas etc') It is his money though to be honest. Surly it's up to him what he spends it on.

Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:12

Hmmn, Belle yeah he does earn it, but am more angry bout him lying to me. Pretty sneaky that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:13

So if this was your situation you would just gloss over it??

OP posts:
BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 03/12/2010 00:14

I can see your point. If he spends it on himself then you will know though as it's alot of money. Perhapse he's hoping to surprise you??

solo · 03/12/2010 00:15

I think that you are married, so it is both of your money.

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster · 03/12/2010 00:16

(waves at solo. it's belledechocolatefluffybunny)

Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:16

Nope, to make matters worse he says he is gonna buy iphone on his credit card, so it will be a double lie. Its like a lie to cover up another lie type thing.

OP posts:
CoronaAndLime · 03/12/2010 00:16

Well I dont consider the money my Dh earns as 'his'.
I'm a sanm and noone pays me a bonus Confused

If you are married then its money belonging to you both imo and your Dh should not lie to you about anything.

Spidermama · 03/12/2010 00:18

I would have to confront him otherwise you're being just as sneaky as him. I would ask for a full and honest talk about why he felt the need to lie to you and how insecure it makes you feel because without trust in a relationship, what have you? How, for example, are you supposed to believe anything. It so happens you found out about this lie. Are there others?

I would come down very heavily. I can't stand lies.

LowLevelWhingeing · 03/12/2010 00:19

no need for fannying about. Just ask him. In a very reasonable non-shouty way Smile

Lying about money is pretty shit. But you don't know what's going on yet.

Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:19

Im a sahm too so therefore i dont get chance to earn my money as im doing childcare and housework for which i dont get paid. Resent it.

OP posts:
YankNCock · 03/12/2010 00:20

You're much cooler than I would have been, I would have said then and there 'why are you lying? I KNOW it's £400'.

Depends what you are normally like with money I suppose. I keep tabs on everything, DH has no idea. I keep trying to show him the Quicken files and where everything is kept ('in case I die'), but he'd rather not know how big the debts are.

LowLevelWhingeing · 03/12/2010 00:20

And yes, I agree that if you are married then his money is not his own to merely spend how he likes. You are a partnership.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 03/12/2010 00:20

bugger it being his money - it's family money! Are you money-tight at the moment? Is he being monumentally selfish at the family's expense to buy himself a new toy?

If not, then just tell him that you know he's lied about it and you're pretty disappointed in him.

If yes, then have a jolly good go about it! Lying and depriving everyone else for his own selfishness - yuk. Then don't give him a Christmas present, because he's just spent all the money you would have on himself.

LowLevelWhingeing · 03/12/2010 00:21

Shitting hell, you're a SAHM? Then, categorically, no, his money is not his to do with as he pleases.

Find out what's going on, but you don't have to start off shouting. Just talk about it.

onlyjuststillme · 03/12/2010 00:22

maybe he is spending the rest on your xmas present???

Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:22

What he has forgotten is that I know people at work who could let slip regarding bonus amount, including a member of his family who also works there. Im hopeing that he drops himself in it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:24

I can see why you guys think he might be lying to spend bonus on my Xmas pressie but sadly not as he has already got my pressies from a well known high street store - "here comes the girls".

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 03/12/2010 00:26

Tell him you know he is lying about the bonus. Otherwise you will become more and more resentful and suspicious and he will become more confident about lying to you in the future. Nip it in the bud.

ShanahansRevenge · 03/12/2010 00:27

How do you know? I would be MAD if I were you. My DH has LOADS of faults but her always tells me abt the cash...is it possible he wants to get you a nice pressie with it?

Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:30

Im thinking of giving him one more chance to confess about the bonus BEFORE I do or say anything....................... however, we do have debts, this could help pay towards debts!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:31

Does anyone know how much a new iphone4 costs??

OP posts:
YankNCock · 03/12/2010 00:34

Don't play games with him, just tell him you know and ask why he lied. If he's lied once about it, odds are he'll do it again and what will that prove?

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/12/2010 00:34

This is not about chances. It's about not playing games. By giving him one more chance you run the risk of him again denying it and you becoming more annoyed. Be adult about this and tell him you know that he is lying. Get it out in the open, the more messing around you do, the more damaging it becomes and all this over £350.

FunkySnowSkeleton · 03/12/2010 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.