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Original poster

My DH has lied to me

135 replies

Baileysandice · 03/12/2010 00:08

My DH has blatantly lied to me about his Christmas bonus, saying its only £50, well its much more than that its nearer £400. He doesn't know I know this. I gave him the chance to confess to me, I looked him straight in the eye and asked him "so you medan to tell me that your Xmas bonus is just £50?" and he replied yes. Anyway it also transpires he wishes to buy the new iphone4. Hmmn.............. go figure. The reason I know is that I read paper memo regarding amount of bonus, although I only looked at memo coz I thought it was gonna say bout Xmas work party etc.

So what do I do? Do I admit I know? What if he spends money on himself? Do I say nothing?

WWYD??

OP posts:
LowLevelWhingeing · 03/12/2010 01:04

FunkySS, that's what I wanted to say...Xmas Grin

AitchTwoOh · 03/12/2010 01:10

agree with fss, but with less swearing. Wink

LatteLady · 03/12/2010 09:15

Have you considered that he might by the phone on his cc and be using the other monies to buy you an extra special gift?

LatteLady · 03/12/2010 09:16

oop buy not by

Hassledge · 03/12/2010 09:19

I can see why you're so cross - I'd be livid. There's nothing worse than this sort of insane lie - and it's not his money, it's the family's money. Not up to him what he does with it; you're a partnership.

You need to have it out with him.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 03/12/2010 09:22

Nope, it's family money - I'd be pissed off.

I got an Iphone last week and DH was pissed off I hadn't told him that it had cost me an extra £100 (on contract) - I hadn't deliberately hid it, just not had the conversation about it costing extra.

diddl · 03/12/2010 09:26

TBH, I think I´d be more pissed off tat there are debts & his first thought isn´t to put the extra money towards that.

Biobytes · 03/12/2010 09:35

Talk to him, if he denies it and then you confirm he was lying...

... then I have one word of advise for you: Get financially independant, get a job. You can trust this man as much as you can trust someone who has had an affair. Because if at the best of times he is lying about money, if things go wrong he won't have any hesitation on leaving you to cope with all the expenses on your own. I learnt that the hardway...

proudnscary · 03/12/2010 09:37

Ask him.

It's not his money, it's both of yours.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/12/2010 10:09

His wages are family money.

You are in debt.

He has lied to you about the amount of his bonus.

He is going to spend it on some useless toy...yes, of course the I-phone will feed and clothe your children... Xmas Hmm

I don't understand why you are fannying around on the internet asking us what we think.

Confront your deceitful husband and ask him why he has lied and why he thinks his "need for a new toy trumps the needs of the family.

At best, you have a selfish and self-entitled nobber for a husband (if you are certain the money is not for a "surprise"). At worst....well, let's not go there.

NetworkGuy · 03/12/2010 10:22

Baileysandice - do you have a joint (online) bank account ?

Just wondering if it would be easily visible that his bonus amount cannot be hidden if you as well as he can see online credit.

Then you can ring him at work and say 'oh there must have been some mistake - the bonus seems much higher than 50 pounds'. No matter, I have allocated how we will spend it so do not get any clever ideas. Play him at his own crafty game if you feel like it. Do decide on a few things for you (say 50 quid spend) same for him (50 quid) 100 quid for house items you need, 100 for savings and 100 for treats for whole family.

If he is nasty about it, he still gets 50 quid which is what he told you he was getting anyway. The iPhone is a bit of a luxury if none of the rest of the family see anything from this bonus and his lie to hide the amount of the bonus will backfire on him.

NetworkGuy · 03/12/2010 10:30

Sorry, just seen that there are some debts that could be reduced. A new iPhone may be anything from free to hhundreds of pounds, depending on the monthly contract fee, so awkward to guess.

Oh, and yes, you ought to tell him, very plainly (after Christmas if it will likely lead to a big row, and your family deserve to get Christmas and Santa over without big fireworks of the argument kind) that you knew how big the bonus was, and hate the fact he lied, not once but more times, when you asked him directly about it, and that you want an immediate and unconditional apology - and a promise to never lie like that again (though not sure how good such a promise can be).

susiedaisy · 03/12/2010 11:57

i would tell him outright that you know its £400 and ask him when he was planning to tell you, are you strict with the household money?did he have to lie just to be able to have the phone, or could he have sat down with you and said he would of liked it as a xmas pressy, does he lie about other stuff or is this really out of character? the new iphone cost several hundred pounds nearly £400 i think.

bintofbohemia · 03/12/2010 12:01

I'd be super pissed off if DH did this.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 03/12/2010 12:04

oh, I couldn't hold onto my hat until after Xmas

that would require a superhuman amount of self-control !

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys · 03/12/2010 12:05

See, I would assume that DH was going to surprise me with a super fab present. Because that's the sort of thing he would do. You clearly don't think that your DH is that sort of chap, and is more likely to be a selfish lying git. He would be flambed by my rage.

ItalianLady · 03/12/2010 12:05

You need to tell him you know.

My dh got his expenses the other day and gave me some to treat myself even though it was his money originally that had paid out.

We share money here. DH knows if I didn't stay at home to look after our children he wouldn't be able to work the hours he does.

Squitten · 03/12/2010 12:38

FunkySS said exactly what I wanted to say. I can't stand this kind of faffing about.

I'm a SAHM too and if I found out that DH was lying to me about the amount of money that we have, I would call him on it instantly

Malificence · 03/12/2010 12:52

If he can lie about this , he can lie about anything.

I wouldn't stand for being married to a liar. Whether it's £50 or £350, it's definitely not on.

All this his money/my money crap is ridiculous - when you are married everything should be joint.

glitzy · 03/12/2010 13:07

My DH and I both work. I will (hopefully) get a christmas bonus, he wont. We will share the bonus 50/50, as we are married and share everything 50/50.

PetitMew · 03/12/2010 13:11

In the end of the day he did work and earn the bonus so he can do what he wishes with it, however it's not in the spirit of Christmas to just hide it and buy something for yourself. Unlses of course he doesn't want you to know that he's using it to buy something for you.

emmyloulou · 03/12/2010 13:11

God my DH got a massive lump sum recently and he saved some and spent the rest on all of us, even though there was stuff he really, really wanted.

He has seen to it the kids and me get "extra" for Christmas this year and treated himself too, but didn't get the IPAD he wanted, he sved the money....It was his money technically but ours as I am a SAHM.

I wouldn't put up with it, I'd have to confront the lying.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 03/12/2010 13:25

Weeeellllllllllllllllll.

A bonus isn't the same as normal income, imo. It belongs to the person to whom it was awarded. It's not family or joint money.

When dp gets one, he shares the love a bit but the lion's share would be his, and vice versa. And I wouldn't expect him to use it for boring stuff anymore than I'd give him a new boiler for Christmas - unless we absolutely had to.

But this is what happens in our house and our relationship . Looking at most of the posts here we're unusual.

However, I suppose not having an income of your own changes things somewhat. And I would be pretty pissed off about the lying, although I'd ask myself why he was lying.

diddl · 03/12/2010 13:29

For those wondering if husband is going to surprise OP with a present-300GBP?

Do husbands spend that much-do wives expect it?

I´d be horrified if my husband spent that much on me.

JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube · 03/12/2010 13:31

I'd be holding out for a surpise weekend away or something, diddl.

But no I wouldn't expect dp to spend anywhere near £300 on a normal Christmas present. Unless his bonus was bloody enormous.

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