I don't fancy him anymore because he farts ALL THE TIME

[CaroJo]

I'm sorry. I know how ridiculous this title sounds and I have thought long and hard whether to post in the first place...but I really don't know what else to do.

DP and I have only been together for 5 years (getting married in 6 months), we are only in our 20s and already our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. The reason for this is me not fancying him anymore - physically that is. I know how shallow and selfish this sounds but to me love and sex have always been two separate things. While I love DP as a person and find his personality attractive, I can't get over the fact that he farts all the time. ALL THE TIME, every day. Proper loud trumps, on average 3 times an hour, often more. The first thing I hear of him in the morning, is a massive fart. The last thing I hear before I go to sleep, is a massive fart.

I have reached the point where all I associate with the physical side of our relationship is FART! I feel like such a cow. Surely at this point in our relationship I should fancy the pants off him, no?

When I tell him how I feel, he doesn't seem to get the message how big of a deal his issue is to me. How can I get married like this? I seriously don't know what to do...I know how trivial this sounds compared to the problems other people have on here but I'm really questioning this relationship and myself :(

LadyofTheFlowers I am PMSL here at your dh. Brilliant.

Seriously OP, I agree totally with BitofFun and the others who say this is a lack of respect. The John Gottman book is excellent and this would definately be on his list of flags of contempt.

He has all but killed your desire for him and it is very hard to get that back, short of a sharp bump to your head and amnesia.

You're in your twenties, and you're moving towards accepting a life of shite sex with someone who farts all the time and won't do FA about it?

Four words: life is too short.

My stomach hurts from laughing at this. Im not ashamed to say that i find farts hilarious. However DP does fart a lot and after a while im like and tell his to go out the room and do it becuase its to much.

We don't have sex so that isn't an issue but obv is for a couple in a sexual relationship.

I hope you get it sorted.

Is he embarrased by it? Maybe thats why he is reluctant to see a dr or to talk much about it, my dp quickly gets defensive and brushes it off if i mention his excessive farting.

I have IBS and my bum is deadly when it flares up. My partner follows me about the flat with a can of febreeze! We get through my embarrassment and his being put-off by talking about it: me apologising and drinking actimel and him teasing me and making sure I know he doesn't actually find me disgusting. It's a medical thing and we deal with it.

I used to go out with a guy who ate with his mouth open. I said that the noise/sight/etc. made me feel ill, and he just said that he was thirty-six and he wasn't going to start changing for anyone! I left him.

He knows how much you hate this. He knows what a big deal it is for you. You are in seperate rooms and have no sex and he STILL won't do anything at all - not see a doctor, not keep a food diary, nothing?

I don't think he cares as much about you as he should if he won't even see if there could possibly be a solution.

For that reason - not for the fats themselves, I would not marry him, if this was happening to me.

HelenaRose - 'My bum is deadly when it flares up'.....??

Am PMSL all over again!! :o

i think i love lady of the flowers H

LOL Wiki :o

He was actually trying to wedge his arse into the cupboard....

I could barely breathe from laughing, let alone the stink!!

theres a medical issue here obv

sort that out

Well yes, she would, wiki. But the whole point is that he refuses to! Refuses to do anything at all about it. Won't see a doctor, won't look at his diet.

That's the problem here.

Clearly it's a medical issue.

One he isn't prepared to sort out, even though he knows it is alienating the woman he claims to love.

This would make me not fancy a bloke and I couldn't live with someone who wanted to fart in front of me all day long.
He needs to go to the toilet 3 times an hour if that is what it takes. The odd fart slipping out is fine but if my bloke deliberately farted all day long when he could go to the toilet I'd be annoyed. Is he constipated? Does he need to exercise more to get his bowel moving properly?
I'd be making him leave the room, see his GP about a caeliac test and go runnin/do some exercise instead of sitting in front of the computer and look at his diet.
Sounds mean but otherwise the relationship would be finished.

Does he drink alot of beer? That can make you very windy.

Agree with expat.

Life's too short.

You're already sleeping in separate bedrooms and not having sex, what is the point of marrying him?

Sorry, anyone seen Louis de Funes' film 'Soupe aux Choux'? There must be a 10 minute scene where the after-effects of the soup make themselves heard.

I'm so sorry I'm one of the ones sitting here in peals of larfter.

Dump him. Really. Just dump him. His farts are his problem, not your's. Don't take responsibility for his health, his body, his bottom-tempests. You are in your twenties, you've got years to find someon better. You've invested a lot in this relationship, so you feel you have to go ahead with this wedding. But to do so would be throwing good money after bad, as it were - I know it's not about money but can't think how else to word it. (I suspect that one of the reasons he does sweet FA about this, is because he assumes that as you've invested so much in him, he's got you safe and he doesn't need to try too hard.) Cut your losses now, get out and find someone whose bottom doesn't resemble the first scene of the Wizard of Oz.

I had to smile at this as it struck a chord - my DP farts ALL THE TIME too, it does disgust me and he knows that - but the difference is I still fancy him, and love him, and want to be with him.

It strikes me that the farting is just the straw that broke the camel's back for you - surely there must be other factors. If the farting stopped would you simply jump back into bed with him?

How does he feel about the lack of sex?

It has made me think that my DH may have IBS or something similar though...!

I agree with you magichomes and daimbardiva, the lust is usually strong enough to withstand things like this. I still fancy my dh no matter what, morning breath, hangover, illness.

The fact the sex is non existent says it all really. But also his lack of respect for your feelings on this. He knows the farting repulses you and yet does nothing to change it.

Real love shouldn't be this much hard work, honestly. I would call it quits if I were you, enjoy your twenties and see which way the wind blows you.

The wind has blown her into the spare room so far

This reminds me of my youth. I used to think I would never find someone to settle down with as I would suddenly become repulsed by boyfriends, seemingly out of the blue.

For example, I was attracted to men with overbites and a bit ugly, but suddenly the fact they put milk in their coffee would turn my stomach and I would refuse to see them again. Or their socks were all wrong. Stupid minor things. But, the reality is I was not really attracted to them enough. I thought I liked the over bites/acne scars/whatever and really i was just slightly fascinated by this and not in lust/love.

Am aware that I sound unhinged, shall go

Just that I think it's possible other things are also not right here, aswell as the farting.

BitofFun

My DH farts all the time as well. Not brilliant but I wouldn't go as far as saying that its made me stop fancying him. Agree that I think its more than the farting issue. If you still really loved him you'd love him farts and all.

I disagree. No matter what redeeming features a bloke may have farting every 20 minutes would outweigh many of them in my opinion, especially if he can't be bothered to go to the toilet to fart or to try and get it sorted.
The guy is in his early 20s, not an old bloke.

My DH also does this and whilst one or two a day are mildly amusing, it also really puts me off him