I don't fancy him anymore because he farts ALL THE TIME

[CaroJo]

I'm sorry. I know how ridiculous this title sounds and I have thought long and hard whether to post in the first place...but I really don't know what else to do.

DP and I have only been together for 5 years (getting married in 6 months), we are only in our 20s and already our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. The reason for this is me not fancying him anymore - physically that is. I know how shallow and selfish this sounds but to me love and sex have always been two separate things. While I love DP as a person and find his personality attractive, I can't get over the fact that he farts all the time. ALL THE TIME, every day. Proper loud trumps, on average 3 times an hour, often more. The first thing I hear of him in the morning, is a massive fart. The last thing I hear before I go to sleep, is a massive fart.

I have reached the point where all I associate with the physical side of our relationship is FART! I feel like such a cow. Surely at this point in our relationship I should fancy the pants off him, no?

When I tell him how I feel, he doesn't seem to get the message how big of a deal his issue is to me. How can I get married like this? I seriously don't know what to do...I know how trivial this sounds compared to the problems other people have on here but I'm really questioning this relationship and myself :(

dietary problem such as food intolerance or bad diet?

His diet is good. He claims he has been like this all his life. His granddad is the same. I'm suspecting a food intolerance but he doesn't seem to be willing to do something about it and the one time he went to see a doctor, he got the reply that some people have more gas than others! But this much? Seriously?

Farts are funny.

I wish I could see them as funny. I probably could if it wasn't happening every 5 minutes...

not good. Yes, maybe it's a food intolerance such as dairy or wheat

You can't go into a sexless marriage. Tell him that this is serious and that he needs to be properly medically investigated for IBS or whatever it is. I couldn't cope with it- I don't know how you've lasted this long, tbh.

he will embarras the children

You're only in your twenties, plenty of time to find someone else if he really won't change. Seriously! It is perfectly possible to fart silently, I do it myself all the time. The fact that he can't be bothered means he doesn't think much of your opinion. I would be mortified if my DP was disgusted by something I did!

His granny has a gluten intolerance. Maybe these things run in the family? I am seriously at a loss about how to explain to him how much this bothers me. I always end up looking like the mean superficial bitch...And I do not want to go into a sexless marriage. I feel lost.

tell him that you would like to check that he isn't a coeliac, IBS or similar

I would get him to look into his diet!

I would get you to look into why marriage means so much?

I remember being mortified when ex used to fart infront of me, I used to get tummy ache holding mine in and going to bathroom to relieve myself. What do you do when you pass wind? I gave up eventually and started farting infront of him instead of being polite as he never was going to be polite to me, why should I and the turning point was I was in pain etc, I lost all dignity infront of him after c-section with dd, and he helped me with some personal care in hospital that first day ...

Farting like that for me now is a deal breaker, is shows a lack of respect to release your noxious (sp?) near your loved one and very unsexy!! I would not fart infront of a lover again or allow one to fart infront of me again!

I think it's the case that everyone does fart a lot, but normally there would be no noise or smell.

Does it not come up at work? Don't know what he does, but I would be seriously embarrassed if I was trumpeting through meetings!

Is it worse at some times than at others? I'm thinking if he's not interested in keeping a food diary, perhaps you could? It's not "normal", so I don't think you are being untruthful saying you're doing it for his health reasons, even though that might not be your primary motiviation.

He is a PhD student so most of his work is done from home so he sits there at his desk all day long, working and farting. I'm actually laughing at the mental image of this but really, all I want to do is cry. When he teaches seminars,he manages to hold them in... I guess I will tell him about the food diary and if he's not willing, I'll do it myself but again...that's soo not sexy.

And how pathetic and shallow would I be to end an otherwise perfectly fine relationship to a perfectly nice man (who I have moved to a different country for) 6 months before the wedding because of farts?!

Who you don't find sexy?

If he can hold them in for other people he can hold them in for you. You're right, I would probably not dump him over this. But I think it shows a lack of respect for you that you have told him how offputting he finds it, but he just carries on.

Caro- does he have anything to say about the lack of sex? Can he really believe that everything is rosy and he can just merrily continue to let rip?

I quite understand where you're coming from. Right from the beginning of our relationship I told asked DH not to fart in the same room as me. I don't do it in front of other people and I don't expect them to do it in front of me.

But then, when he is teaching, he only needs to hold them in for an hour, whereas at home...well, it's longer. When I suggest he leaves the room whenever he feels one coming, he says it would be pointless as he'd have to leave the room every few minutes. I'm sorry for going on about this. I guess I'm just having too much time to think tonight...

Imagine your dp, and two of his kids running around farting in ten years time, you would need a gas mask, on the plus side you could probably contain it somehow and reduce your energy consumption!

Do they smell or is it just the noise?

FWIW, I can't hold them in but I can always make them silent and they don't often smell!

Try sneakily filming him for an hour and them make him watch it! Ask him how sexy he finds it!

I had to have serious words with my H about picking his nose, it was turning me right off. He has got better at it but it's part of who he is so I just try to ignore it mostly ( and when I can I glare and then that doesn't work I tell him to Stop Fucking Picking) I suspect that if it's affecting how you feel about him that much then you'll not be able to get 'it' back not.. Every time he farts you'll die a bit inside. Forever.

We all fart, pick our noses, scratch our bits, squeeze spots and pick scabs but if he doing it so much you're making you feel sick then you need to sort it out or you'll end up hating every atom of his being.

You're not being superficial !

BitOfFun - of course he's having something to say about the lack of sex... All the time. Eventhough he has now even given up nagging me. I'm just soo scared that this is the beginning of the end. We have reached the point where we sleep in separate bed rooms because he farts soo loudly at night that it wakes me up and makes me angry. I'm too embarrassed to tell this to anyone in real life..The farts are so bad, he wakes himself up!!!

And if I had farting children, yes, that would not be great but it's not like I have to find them sexy!

Sometimes they smell, but mostly it's the noise..
Ans MiasmARGGG, that's exactly how I feel. Every fart he does chips away a tiny bit of my love for him..