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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don't fancy him anymore because he farts ALL THE TIME

135 replies

CaroJo · 29/11/2010 23:38

I'm sorry. I know how ridiculous this title sounds and I have thought long and hard whether to post in the first place...but I really don't know what else to do.

DP and I have only been together for 5 years (getting married in 6 months), we are only in our 20s and already our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. The reason for this is me not fancying him anymore - physically that is. I know how shallow and selfish this sounds but to me love and sex have always been two separate things. While I love DP as a person and find his personality attractive, I can't get over the fact that he farts all the time. ALL THE TIME, every day. Proper loud trumps, on average 3 times an hour, often more. The first thing I hear of him in the morning, is a massive fart. The last thing I hear before I go to sleep, is a massive fart.

I have reached the point where all I associate with the physical side of our relationship is FART! I feel like such a cow. Surely at this point in our relationship I should fancy the pants off him, no?

When I tell him how I feel, he doesn't seem to get the message how big of a deal his issue is to me. How can I get married like this? I seriously don't know what to do...I know how trivial this sounds compared to the problems other people have on here but I'm really questioning this relationship and myself :(

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:41

LMAOOO..I'm so sorry..i tried but failed not to crack -up..Grin

My DH is a prize trumper..actually he has got better as the years have gone by..(maybe due to bad looks & rolly eyeballs)

I would say to him 'you fart all the time mannnn..I can't stand it!'..he would say 'I don't fart that much!'...so I actually counted how many farts he released in one day then i said...'you don't fart that much?' he had to admit he was a trumper in the extreme..

I get where you come from when you say its not sexy..i hope he doesn't fart during sex! ..I'm sorry Blush

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:43
BitOfFun · 30/11/2010 00:45

You cannot marry him like this. You just can't. You are not being shallow- no sex and no respect are serious issues.

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 00:45

Have you told him that is how you feel? Caro

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:45

I'm sorry

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:47

Every fart he does chips away a tiny bit of my love for him..

Classic quote..

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 00:48

Mumcentreplus, the truth be told, I had to go off and change my pj's as I slightly wet myself laughing and that NEVER happens...

op please don't think I am laughing at you or the situation, I was laughing at the subject matter of farts...

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:48

...ok it could be something to do with his diet...would you accept him leaving the room to fart?..would that make it better?..

Original poster
CaroJo · 30/11/2010 00:51

But does it really mean he has no respect for me? He always claims that he can't help it and would I rather he is in constant pain? Of course I don't want him to be in pain!!!

I have told him how I feel about the farts and I have told him that I'm worried and scared of getting married with the lack of sex going on.

Mumcentreplus, I would be laughing too if I wasn't crying. At least I'm bringing some entertainment to the site ;)

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:52

hahaha...wooh..I'm trying hard Mummie but farts are both hilarious and gross and you wetting your pants a little does not help my resolve..so sorry OP

strandedatseasonsgreetings · 30/11/2010 00:53

I think the important question you need to ask yourself is would you start fancying him again if the farting stopped (or he started doing them out of your earshot/noseshot)?

If yes then I think you need to work on it - don't give up on the relationship.

If no then I don't see the point of getting married. If you're already sleeping in separate beds things ain't going to get any easier - especially when (if) children come along.

I'm sorry this must be difficult for you to admit.

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 00:54

so if he left the room would that help?..perhaps he can't help the trumping..but if he showed he took your feelings into consideration you would feel better?

strandedatseasonsgreetings · 30/11/2010 00:54

I feel very po-faced next to you lot.

Parp.

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 00:55

Caro, it does not take that much to go into the hall or bathroom, it is not on really, he knows not to do it at work...

Sounds like you are both scared of the wedding and using the fart issue, which is causing a lack of sex as a way out, the thing is how are you going to tell people, I would say you were not compatable and leave it at that!

Ah bless you, it has taken so much for you to come on here, please be assured the laughter is the subject matter not you ok !

I would put the wedding on hold and see how the love life goes, and see if he can sort out the farting, if I was you Caro, so you think you could do that?

Monty27 · 30/11/2010 01:03

Rofl.

I wouldn't be laughing if it was my dp tho. I'd be dumping (oops no pun intended) him.

Seriously, very disrespectful behaviour and hardly sexy........

BitOfFun · 30/11/2010 01:05

You say that he can hold it in at work, but won't at home because he'd have to leave the room every few minutes? What rot. He could easily hold it in and leave the room a couple of times an hour or something if he respected your feelings, couldn't he?

I am baffled how he can know that this is behind your lack of a sex-life and still stubbornly cling to his right to blow off indiscriminately. Honestly. It's really out of order.

fezsarecool · 30/11/2010 01:06

I couldn't deal with it.

Make him leave the room and the effort required will reduce amount of farts greatly I reckon.

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 01:08

If the noise is the thing that bothers you, make sure he does it out of ear shot, so you can start to get the love back. Do you think you can look at him the right way again to have the good sex life you both deserve?

Original poster
CaroJo · 30/11/2010 01:11

I know the right thing to do would be to put the wedding on hold. We have recently been talking about changing our plans anyway because I have some issues with my parents which means I can't even breath when I think about saying my vows in front of my mother. I can't show emotion towards DP in front of her and this whole wedding scares the s.. out of me.

When I told DP this, he was really relieved and got really excited about cancelling the 'big' and us getting married just with a few friends. His explanation was that he hates to be the centre of attention plus he has a lot of issues with his mum. Sounded reasonable and logical to me but maybe, he's using my panic as way to get out of this relationship????
Or maybe I'm being paranoid now. He said he wants to me married to me and would go to the registry office tomorrow but was just soo nervous about the whole family do.

I think, I'm starting to ramble here. My head is spinning.

I hope I could fancy him again if he works on his issue. We used to be at it like rabbits for the first 2 years of our relationship...

And I don't feel offended by any of your jokes. In fact, they make me laugh because let's face it..if I didn't know this is all true, I'd probably think this is some stupid wind-up. That's why I can't talk about it to anyone in RL..Imagine that!!!!! Lol

OP posts:
fezsarecool · 30/11/2010 01:12

You might need counselling to sort your sleeping arrangements out.

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 01:15

I definatly think you both should have some individual counselling for your family issues, ask him to do the respectfull thing, and postpone the wedding for now, see how things go x

I would not talk about it in rl if I was you, you will both be a laughing stock...

fezsarecool · 30/11/2010 01:17

Was he doing this in the first two years of your relationship?

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 01:18

over the farting thing i mean x

BitOfFun · 30/11/2010 01:21

And how does counselling work for a Farting Issue? The poor therapist will be chewing their lip...

Even though I have trained myself as a counsellor, I would still say that some issues just require the people involved to make a decision. In this case, it is whether to enter into a marriage knowing it is doomed or not. I'm sorry that this sounds harsh, but it is genuinely a no-brainer from what you describe.

Original poster
CaroJo · 30/11/2010 01:23

I've had counselling before and am still being treated for depression, both with AD and CBT. Hi on the other side... I've told him soo often that I think he needs to talk to someone about what happened to him as a child but he's not admitting he needs help.

The think is..I don't remember id he already did it at the start. Not at the very beginning..later yes, but I was soo in that first in-love phase that I didn't care about anything.

Maybe my whole questioning of everything has to do with my depression...

OP posts: