Please help me advice wise quickly

[pamelat]

Have few PND issues, DS 6 months but I believe I am right to be worried/sick about this.

Someone please help with advice as am shaking and feeling sick

On Sunday DH and DD went in to petrol station. DS (asleep) and I waited in the car. I was bored so flicked maps on on DH's Iphone. On a recent holiday I passed a car journey looking at maps of traffic jams, boring I know!!

Anyway the city centre came up and it had a pin in with a webaddress

Girlfriend experience

Its my bday tomorrow and I assumed this was a treat planned for me so switched off and never mentioned

Subconcious must have been working in over drive. That night had dream he had cheated on me, woke upset and told him. He ressured etc. anyway basically been unable to sleep since that dream and googled the website today, its an escort woman based in that same city

emailed and texted him to ask outright if used escort girl

our sex life been pretty rubbish post birth, evern 2 to 3 weeks etc

he calling but i cant speak

someone plesae explain how pins appear in iphone maps before i speak to him again??

Hi the pin would be there even if he just looked it up, it doesn't necessarily mean he went there or looked up directions.
Though, let's be honest it doesn't look good.
I'm really sorry for you feeling like this.
You have PND and sex has been rubbish but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT if he has cheated or looked up this woman.
ARe you ok, can you speak to someone or be with someone you know in RL? To talk this through. Keep posting if you need to.
x

Don't have an iphone so not sure. This is from the iphone website about maps on iphone:

Say you?re in an unfamiliar area and looking for a restaurant. With iPhone, you can pinpoint your location on a map so you can figure out how to get there from where you are. iPhone 4 finds your location quickly and accurately using a combination of GPS, Wi-Fi and mobile phone masts. As you move, iPhone updates your location automatically. And when you arrive, you can drop a pin to mark your location and share it with others via email or MMS.

Looks like person has to pinpoint an address tto find it, or program iphone to pinpoint places you've been too.

Doesn't look good, sorry.

am crying now, ds asleep but will wake soon and then need collect dd from nursery

I am hoping he just looked up the website and then somehow the website remembers it and plots it

He is quite dependable but we have had issues in past with him calling/looking at stuff etc, never going.

I genuinely thought was bday thing, like buy a gift .com sort of stuf until all bad dreams and anxiety made me check

He doesnt know how I know (as dont want him to delete off map) but is calling saying I am being unfair and doesnt know what I am talking about, making it hard for him at work etc, quite defensive

DD is 2.10 so will pick up on upset etc, can delay fetching her.

No option for iphone pins to just appear in a marketing way then? Doesnt sound like it

Am varying between upset/shakey to quite strong/surreal

If he had been (not sure he would dare) then I would leave him and thats awful as 2 children to think of. I couldn't bear it though.

If he had looked, I need him to just admit it now. Its worse than porn etc as seems to be for one woman and she lives near here.

He now saying when on earth would he have been to see her, which to be fair is true. We dont have a lot of spare time

He saying "if I stumbled across something on web, which I dont recall doing, then thats all that is ......" I have said big coincidence its based a few miles away

Pamela, that must be such a shock. You are going to have to ask him to be honest with you. Sorry, it's going to hurt even if he was just looking. Can you access his phone bills to see if he has phoned the place, or any other dodgy numbers?

What do you mean by girlfriend experience?

www.girl-friend-experience.com/

My friend is an iPhone user and I asked her about this.

Depending on the App, any map that comes up will show any "Business" thats in that area, I have one myself called "Next 2 Me" which shows up everything from Funeral Parlours to Massage Parlours!!

So i wouldn't kill him just yet!

oh dear,hope not completely embarassed myself

I dont think so but he is "swearing on chilrens lives" that would never jeopardise them

Wish he would just say "yes was curious" but even then I wouldnt be happy, would you? its not just porn its some woman who for £150 would have sex with him

I couldn't really answer I'm afraid.

I Haven't ever personally looked at those escort sites so I couldn't answer from a Man's perspective!

Like i say though, a lot of those apps throw up crap like that, so I wouldn't take it as 100% proof he is cheating, however don't let it slip! If something was going on he needs to be honest.

thank you, we in heated text exchange like bloody teenagers. Just feel too upset to talk, both up most of the night with the children and I had planned to sleep during baby's nap

To qupte DH, "dont be ridiculous, the web is full of all sorts of things that people find curious but would never actually want to do, please explain where all of this is coming from"

I would stress that he needs to be totally honest with you now because if you find out later down the line that he has lied to you it's going to be a whole lot harder to deal with.

If he absolutely denies it maybe ask him to show you how it might have happened on his phone.

Is he understanding of your PND? Is he patient about the lack of sex (not that I think it's a lack - you have a new baby and I know that sex will be the last thing on your mind).

sent a polite email to the escort in question, copy DH, asking her to confirm or deny and telling her we are in "Open debate" about it so he wont mind any breach of confidentiality

I think he will be very angry with me but i need to know.

Can you check his phone bill? Surely if he understands that you are a little delicate at the moment he should be a bit less defensive with his words.

Not entirely sure if the Escort would respond, don't the operate on a "Whore-Customer" confidentiality thing?..Like doctors but with less boinking?

Although I would say send the email, you have nothing to lose by doing it.
If you can access his Bill online I would do so?

Also, if you have joint online banking look for withdrawls or payments of the £150 in the last month or so

You could also check his web history on his iphone although I expect that if he has been looking at things he shouldn't have he would have deleted it.

I really hope this is nothing

He has completed changed tone from defensive and cross to apologetic and finding it amusing.

I came clean about looking at maps on phone, its not like looking at texts etc, I was just bored for goodness sake

He has said "Oh my god I had no idea that was there, Iphone must have something up from the website, shit hon, I know that looks terribl but I promise you theres nothing going on whatsoever. Its right be where we are going tomorrow too (it is) I bet ou thought it was a red letter day too"

Hes not even cross about me looking at the maps, somehow this has upset me more, and in this he admits the website doesnt he

PBgirl, I wouldnt even know how to do that? Am completely new to iphone, was literally just looking at maps as something to do as they were gone 15 mins or so with me with sleeping baby in the car

I think he has sort of admitted to looking but not contacting/doing etc

still be upset? I am mainly angry now.

Well, you have every right to be Angry, i would point out maybe you find it a bit disrespectful that he is looking at those women?

Even if he had ZERO intention to contact, doing something that makes you feel less valued regardless of his innocence isn't on

If it's not an area he knows well, he could have just been sat in the car and asked the iphone where he was so he work out how to get to his destination. As said above ^ often local business show up on maps - i think you can do it in google? Also, she's taking a hell of a risk advertising a prostitution business, as opposed to a legal escort business, in such an obvious way.

PND sucks, and I'm not surprised you're upset about this. Just don't discount the possibility that you have a lovely husband who happened to get lost in the wrong part of town.

PS When I was 19 I had a mate who owned a flat in the wrong part of a town near me, went to visit him once (nothing dodgy happened, he really was just a mate) but would have been horrified if my parents found out I'd been there!

I can't exactly remember how to check I think it's pretty self explanatory. There will be an internet / web icon. Press it and somewhere there will be a little button that should give you the history.

I get the impression you don't like to snoop but in you circumstances I don't think you are going to relax until you know for sure.

It might be worth checking the history on the PC too if you have one.

Bloody i-phones - I think they are bad news. People just fiddle with them all the time!

nerdyface, you are making me cry bu you are right. I have stone and half to lose post baby, this other woman is perfect and huge boobs

I was always a size 8 ish but now 2 kids and more a 12, hardly fat but not me really and breastfed both children etc

I do believe that he hasnt done anything, not sure why but i do, wellabou t95% as dont think he would follow through but upsetting to look/think etc. its very hurtful, its not jus tporn its someone accessible for a fee.

If I were you I would be worried about the 'only looking' thing.

He could have got a kick from 'only looking' at websites of girls based miles away from where you live.

But he chose instead to look/call/investigate the location of someone who is close by. This should make you very very suspicious.

Sorry you're going through this. It's absolutely horrible. But you really need to get the truth now and not have to wade through a pile of lies before it eventually comes out.

Sorry to be pessimistic.

Not sure if this helps or not but I have just gone to Maps on my IPhone. It takes you to Google Maps and you can input a start location (I have inserted my office address) and end location ( have inserted my home) and it has pinned my start and end with the suggested route.

Pamela, if he is just looking, he needs to know that it is not acceptable. Who wants their H looking at other women when they have just gone through childbirth? (Or any other time for that matter.)

It sounds to me like he needs to be making more of an effort with you and the children. I'm not saying he his a bad husband/father but if he looks after the rest of you a bit better he is less likely to wonder.