Please help me advice wise quickly

[pamelat]

Have few PND issues, DS 6 months but I believe I am right to be worried/sick about this.

Someone please help with advice as am shaking and feeling sick

On Sunday DH and DD went in to petrol station. DS (asleep) and I waited in the car. I was bored so flicked maps on on DH's Iphone. On a recent holiday I passed a car journey looking at maps of traffic jams, boring I know!!

Anyway the city centre came up and it had a pin in with a webaddress

Girlfriend experience

Its my bday tomorrow and I assumed this was a treat planned for me so switched off and never mentioned

Subconcious must have been working in over drive. That night had dream he had cheated on me, woke upset and told him. He ressured etc. anyway basically been unable to sleep since that dream and googled the website today, its an escort woman based in that same city

emailed and texted him to ask outright if used escort girl

our sex life been pretty rubbish post birth, evern 2 to 3 weeks etc

he calling but i cant speak

someone plesae explain how pins appear in iphone maps before i speak to him again??

thank you all

he says lets go see her tomorrow and she'll confirm never seen him, but like you all say, "just looking" is bad for someone living down the road.

Its my bday tomorrow and we have couple days off work, days paid and planned for. I dont want to go.

I dont want him to come home tonight either

Sorry - forgot to add that you should have a close look at your bank account to get to the truth. See if cash has disappeared.

Be tough. Be hard-headed. Don't stick your head in the sand.

Pamela you need to talk to him, more importantly he needs to talk to you. 'Just looking' is not on.

Please.

And check those bills, banks, histories etc..

pamelat Pfffft! Big boobs are SO not attractive!

Don't focus on her, she probably has the face of a workmans arse in reality! Photoshops her photo's to high hell!

Who cares if your a size 8 or a size 18?
If this happeneing has made you feel underappreciated or underloved, PND or not, you need to let him know.

He may find it amusing but you don't you've told us you have been crying and thats not on, he needs to understand

Family = no.1

I am almost 80% sure it was innocent, But you need a proper talk with him when he comes home.

Right now try and push it from your Mind! a Bath and wine sounds like it's in order!

I don't think pins appear on Maps in the iphone unless they're put there IYKWIMN?

It's not like on google maps where you can get an "overlay" of local businesses (and even if it did, would brothel-ly type places appear?)

OP,
I would be seriously worried and I would not believe what he is saying. Sorry. That is just my point of view.

Even looking is bad enough, but if it were me, i would suspect he had seen this girl unless Ii could prove otherwise.

Have you not seen the recent thread of prostitution? One look at the punternet website would be enough to fill you with horror. The girls even give the men tips on how to keep it a secret from their wives.

The women would not email you back, that is for sure. They must be used to suspicious wives. If it were me then I would email and pretend to be him and ask to make another booking or something.

Sorry to be so dramatic but I have seen enough of this shit lately to not believe it is innocent.

He will either have to have entered a postcode/address/business name/or a related search like 'escorts' for something like that to show up as pinned. So he has either been looking at how to get there, or seeing what 'escort services' are in that area which would then show up as pins on the map. Not good either way imo.

Something like that wouldn't randomly show up as pinned on a map, especially if nothing else was pinned, meaning he hasn't turned on his 'points of interest' feature - and an escort service is a bloody funny thing to show up as a point of interest. A Costa Coffee, maybe, but not an escort service.

I would be equally suspicious, I'm afraid. However, communicating by text, E mail and belatedly phone conversations, has lost you the element of surprise and information that a face-to-face communication would have produced.

If you have had trust issues in the past about this sort of thing, it adds to the suspicion and there have been several threads about this issue alone. Excuses for finding escort agencies on computer histories seems to produce the "I was only looking" excuse. More definite enquiries regarding the availability of local escorts produces the "I was looking to see if it was anyone we knew" excuse and definite arrangements to meet one, produces the "I would never have gone through with it" lie.

If you want to allay your suspicions, follow the wise advice upthread about where the money is going. An escort is never going to betray client confidentiality, so that would never work.

Now you have reached this position, sit down and have a proper talk about fidelity and trust issues. Ask your H to afford you the respect you deserve and to be honest, because if he loves you, he will not want to add to your PND by increasing your paranoia and insecurity.

If he's having trouble getting this, reverse the roles and tell him to imagine it was you who had broken his trust before and that he had doubts about your fidelity. Then, he had made this discovery on your i-phone and it appeared that you had plotted a destination which was a male escort's house and had been googling a male escort website, even going to the trouble of finding out which one was nearest. How would he react?

I think I want to leave him, or am I being stupid/acting on hurt emotion

vaguely remember it has being something I stumbled across ages ago probably following a link or something, didn?t even register the name of the woman or the website address. Not thinking such a thing existed in Nottingham, I must have clicked a map link or entered it somehow into google maps or something out of curiosity as to where it was..? Don?t know why. Not interested in going there, never been there or anywhere else. Sorry. Would just have been surfing without thinking. If it had been any more sinister than that I wouldn?t have been stupid enough to leave it on my maps would I?

I understand your upset and I?m sorry. I will take my medicine with this one whatever it might be. Can we please talk about this this evening as I am seriously busy trying to get stuff done and this is very difficult to talk about this whiles at work.

I?ve let you down again and I?m sorry but this really isn?t anything sinister.

sorry the last was his response

1. the site has only been up and running since 2010

2. maps in sep did not have this!!

3. browsing local whores for curiousity is not what I want to live with

I would try not to do anything while you are still in shock. There is no immediate rush. You need to know the truth before you decide how to act.

I think you need to have a proper face to face talk before you do anything.

Let him put his side of the story to you in person. Then you will have a much better idea of whether or not to believe him.

You are not being stupid Pamela, only you can decide if you want to leave him. I think you might find though that you still want to get the truth out of him whether you leave him or not.

What has he done in the past to betray your trust?

go with your instinct on this

anyway you can dig further pamela,as he wont admit t...he's doing that classic damage limitation thing,

"I will take my medicine with this one"

He is taking no personal responsibilty for this.

He is just going to let you "punish" him for a while, then he will be nice and you will be desperate to get back to "normal"

And the cycle continues.

Pamela, love, you have posted about this kind of thing before, I think.

This is not what you should be living with. Something has to change.

few things before, mainly pre children

1. carried on seeing ex for few months when first got together (now been together 10 years)

2. once big row over girl texting/calling at 2am (a friend to be fair and he did resolve it)

3. lying for months about stopping smoking

4. sneaking off to smoke cannabis, police rang me as my car was at local dogging area

5. porn/phone lines etc

A compulsive liar, at best

What time is he due home/Can you usually tell if he has been lying?

I would not buy this. Him saying that he will take you to the girl is just so that you will think he is telling the truth. He knows that there is no way that you would really go. And even if you did, the girl would say nothing. She would side with him as he is the one paying her. Presuming that this is what has happened of course. I really hope it hasn't..

he always makes it seem so reasonable, and like I am the silly emotional one who gets hurt and upset unnecessarily

Its just scary as have 6 month old to look after, no sleep etc and very demanding toddler.

AM varying today between strong and angry and weak and upset

Just read your last post. I would say he has definitely seen this judging by his history.

Dogging areas and sex lines. He has now gone one step further and crossed the line. Either that or he is seriously thinking about it. Either would be enough for me to kick him out.

Sorry, I meant seen this girl.

I dont think he has slept with her or met her, I think he is too much of a wuss

I think he has searched out local escorts and mapped one, which is bad enough and he sort of admits it and then doesnt etc

its my 33rd birthday tomorrow, didnt think i would be having these silly teenage squabbles

You don't and shouldn't make any decisions while you are feeling this shocked.

Think he is going to try and baffle you with "science" TBH.

(was the pin red or green BTW?)

Pamela, being made to feel you are the unreasonable one is really nasty, particularly so when applied to a person who is suffering from PND

does this ring any bells ?

I have an iphone and I tried this and I cannot bring up the business without looking for it. Sorry Pamelat.