Can an Emotional Abuser change ? I'm the abuser.

[Imnotaniceperson]

Namechange here.

I have been in a relationship for 10 years, we have 2 dcs. I'm working from home and my dh works in a office.

I have been working from home for 4 years and it doesnt suit me, I'm very lonely and I find it very hard to be in charge of the dcs full time. I have been suffering of depression since I had my dcs and I'm treated for it, it does work at some levels.

I have decided to work from when my last dc was a tiny baby, dh had just made redundant so I couldnt afford not to work and paying childcare, it was supposed to be a temporary solution while dh got back on his feet. He did at some point, he went back to the old job he had before taking the job he got made redundant for. The money is not great and if I was going back to a normal office job, we will be in debt because of the childcare so I cant really change job.

In 4 years I had 3 weeks off holidays (I'm self employed), I have no family here.

Thats the background. My problem is that I ressent him and when we argue I say horrible things and he never say anything back.

I'm a nervous wreck, I never get any time off, I'm unhappy, I'm trying to change job I do but I have no confidence, I cant attend work shop as I dont have any childcare.

I became a very horrible person, my children are killing me, my relationship is killing me and I'm thinking about dying every day.
Last night, my dc woke up and wanted to sleep with me but I couldnt go back to sleep, I had a panick attack, the fact that I'm an abnormal person is killing me, the guilt as well. I'm a mad person.

I ask : should it be taboo ? It is taboo for my dh and probably his friends.

are you drinking now INANP?

What have you done to help yourself, we had a long chat on this thread and many people helped you find ways to help yourself, what have you done to help yourself?

Yes I am and I want to die

Ok, when you have finished drinking tomorrow you may not feel that way, so please think about that!

When you say you want to die, do you mean that you want the ground to swallow you up with upset and shame, or do you mean something else?

I want to die and have been wanting for a long time, I'm drunk for the first time in ages, I'm sad, I'm crying, I miss home.

I have depression. My dad was declared depressed at the age of 50 and all the neighbourgs turned their back on him.

It is not my case because if you ask dh, I'm just feeling under the weather.

No I mean I want to be out of the picture so dh can play the brave father, here for his children and I'm sure his parents will help him.

ok, well when people are drunk they are not in their normal rational mind, so you will not be thinking straight or making wise decisions, and it will not be worth people spending time helping you to help yourself if you are drunk!

I suggest that you got to bed, have a drink of water and go to sleep if you can, if you continue to feel bad, ring the samaritans, people can't make good decisions when drunk!

then tomrow see your gp

take care x

he had to be evasive this week end with his close friends, he didnt want to call it depression, he called it under the weather (meaning she couldnt be arsed to come today).

When I told him I'm going to lose money by the end of december, he just said, dont worry I'll help with the advertising so you can find some more work.

You are right. thank you !!!!!

If you are seriously suicidal, and this is a cry for help, you need to do that in real life, call your gp and ambulance on 999, you need to see someone in A and E and go to hospital where you want to go, you said you wanted to be sectioned! take care x

I hope that you drink some water and take yourself off to bed tonight and see your gp in the morning x let us know how you get on x

get to bed, with a big glass of water beside you. alcohol can be a bit of a downer at times.
if DHs friends are so horrible, then maybe you are better off that he doesn't tell them you are depressed, they don't sound like they would be supportive.

I went off to bed, I didnt drink that much hence no sour hear today but I'm still feeling crap, I find it so hard to struggle all the time but then I look at my lovely dcs...I'm going to see the gp on friday am. Sorry for the drama yesterday.

thanks for checking in with us this morning. sorry to hear about your mindee, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise, taking some of the pressure off you having one less mindee in the day. I do sympathise in terms of being a cm and not enjoying it, working with children has no appeal to me!

So I guess you feel your DH is again putting the money side of things onto you, wanting you to get a new mindee in. In terms of his friends - I don't think that it's necessarily wrong of him not to tell his friends about it, as the friends may well not get it, and even if they do get it, may not be sympathetic about it anyway....

Thanks another, we had a massive row yesterday but I didnt swear at him a single time but I shouted and this morning I'm feeling down (thanks god I'm not working). I tried not to panick about losing the hours, at the end of the day, she is right to do that. It is just dh, he could have said, notniceperson didnt want to come as she has some problem at work, it is hard at the moment instead of saying she is feeling under the weather meaning she really cant be arsed seeing you.

Dh does defo put the money things onto me, dont worry notniceperson, you'll find another child, you have never been out of work, I'll help you advertise yourself etc...

I'm trying very hard to cheer myself up but I cant, I love my dcs so much but it is so hard.

Niceperson

I think you need to go to your gp with your H and discuss your depression.

Your H does just not seem to get it at all.

You need to take some action here to get you out of this spiral. The alternative is nothing happens and you might end up being hospitalised.

I know, I agree and he also told me he feels depressed.

Jesus christ - I should of expected that answer - (argggghhhh) I got it too.

Drag him to your gp, to discuss YOUR depression

I'm depressed, he is depressed..he is feeling helpless..you should have seen him yesterday when I was ranting at him, I tought he was going to cry. He sent me a text this morning asking what I wanted to do, a trial separation ? Him sleeping in the sofa,a divorce......

OK, what do you want right now?
Also, I'm adding my voice to those urging you to go back to your GP - with or without your husband. Suicidal thoughts are a serious symptom (I know you wouldn't do it, but the thoughts themselves are the symptom) and this is enough for your GP to refer you to the MHT for some proper psychotherapy.

You can turn your whole life around for the better, and you will :) It takes time, baby steps ... and self-forgiveness. Thinking of you.

Thank you for letting us know how you got on x

Who is having the children when you go to the gp? When has your dh got an appointment with the gp?