All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Queencat my lovely you have been missed on here. You are worth far more than him. Do you remember that you went on a date at the beginning of August and had been reading that great Paul McKenna book, you were giving fab fashion advice and links to all us dumplings, even with your sore toe and your swine of an ex who chose to leave you, went through your phone and then called you a "pikie on a council estate". Truly the new woman deserves him! He accused you of being a liar and made you feel like it was a crime to have a date and not tell him, when he had left you. He came into your house earlier than arrange to snoop about, when he had no right to as you'd separated. Please tell me you have changed the locks now? Or have moved since then He was manipulating and controlling and made you so scared of posting on mumsnet as the rotter kept quoting what you'd said, you were so scared. This is not a man who deserves your love and I am on your behalf! You're an awesome dumpling! You deserve far better! Keep posting on here and find your fabulosity again lovely lady. We're all here for you. See your GP again, see the nurse next week too and get some counseling. We're all here for you.

See I forget all that. I just wanted him to come back.

I don't know how I've let myself get into this state.

Locks have not been changed but he comes round at agreed times. My dad is looking at possibly buying him out and then renting the house to me through the council if that's possible?

I know, I need to get it together but I don't know how, I feel like there is a permanent fog in front of my eyes.

Does your new job help with your tax credits situation? As I remember your previous employer would only allow you 15 hrs work per week.

Does your Ex have them fortnightly for the weekend then?

Times of dropping the children off can be very hard, it's good to have a friend with you for moral support. It must be so hard to release them into enjoying their time with him and to not cross examine the children on their return. And to deal with any shocking news they tell you on return. Do you have a good friend you can talk to about all this? It's very hard to shift to co-parenting for any of us and it's especially painful for you.

Get the support you need and find a friend who will listen a lot, things will get better and there is hope for each and everyone of us lovely lady. You don't have to do this alone and we're all here for you x

Of course my love you're clinically depressed I just wanted to remind you how awesome you are and maybe if I tell you enough you'll start to believe me Please go back to the GP as the ADs you're on are obviously not right for you.

I'm posting so many things going through my head I apologise if this has been mentioned already but when your ex partner has the children it's good to arrange things, like staying with a friend, or maybe join a club for ramblers or something. The more you keep busy when he has them, the less time you'll have to dwell on it

Where do you live again? Private message me if you like? I'd meet up with anytime

*with you

rambling? seriously? i don't want to fuck up my boots xxx

He has them every other weekend and I try to go out at least one of the nights I have free.

My tax credits situation has improved so that is good news. I do feel strong but when I see him I get so overwhelmed by how much I miss him I can't control it.

I know I am ill and this is an illness, I just can't see a way through it sometimes.

LOL quite right

Good to have you back with your fashion sense

The only reason I suggested rambling is it gets you outside all day with a group of people, fresh air and tires you out and when you get home you'll hopefully sleep well and then Sunday you collect them. I thought it may make the day go faster without them

Being clinically depressed though isn't something you can snap out of. Give it time though, with the right help all will be well I see that you're getting some good advice on your other thread now too lovey from people who will be able to support you too x

Queeen no expereince of cutting but glad youve raised your own thread and hope more experienced people can be helpful. And stay here too :)We need good fashion input

Just quickly Patience - good posts - and def up for a weekend like that. What area wuld be best - somewhere central? And love you said skank -think that is the best word to describe what they get up to?

City -are you up for a meetup? There is a Mumsnet meet on Saturday 27th November in London and Im going -and I think some other dumplings too. It really helped me to meet folk in same position when I was in crisis and finding everything very hard.

Better go tuck DS in and back later :)

"rambling? seriously? i don't want to fuck up my boots xxx"

Haha, that's made even me laugh and I'm in a really dark place right now.

Queencat, are you anywhere near the midlands? I'm in Brum and I'll come and see you if you want some help. I've had the shittiest of shitty weeks having discovered that my partner of 14 years has been shagging a family friend for over 2, possibly 3 years. AND LIED ABOUT IT until Tuesday just gone.

Come on girl, help me and I'll help you. Deal?

Tea, nothing against rambling. I have a sturdy pair of walking boots myself. And I'm hoping that Wallace is going to introduc me to lots of handsome, single dog-owners .

lol at fucking up your boots queeny!!!

hey lc - how are you today?

WQ - slightly pished. But ok-ish. All things considered.

I'm down in West Sussex so not near the Midlands I'm afraid.

glad to hear you are relaxing lc - i have had a glass of wine too

pom bear anyone? my word this thread has made me cry with laughter.

tea i read that too V FUNNY

Hi, haven't been around for a while - life is just too busy. But thank you tea for the message, it is nice to check in again .

Queencat, you poor, poor love. I know exactly what you mean about him walking away without even trying. It makes you feel so powerless. Mine was having an affair though and was 'in love' too. So that made it ok

Please take a look at my recent blog post. It kind of helps to explain why you go to pieces when you are suddenly dumped and why it's not that easy to pull yourself together.

I've just spent the past month really trying to detach emotionally from him and focus only on myself and the children. There are hard days, but I'm feeling generally good for it.

Meemar good to see you. Yes I thought I'd send the link to the new thread to some old names too

Seemed like a good idea at the time. Well I'm off to bed as DS hasn't been sleeping great lately and I have no idea how tonight will be.

See you tomorrow ladies.

I think the phrase used on here about taking back some control is so relavent.These guys leave us in a broken heap but when we can little by little achieve small amounts each day ,even if we dont notice that we are moving forwards ,we are still putting petrol in our tank and refuelling for the next part of our life's journey .We are taking back control.Try and stay with the positive nourishing of ourselves and our souls.It need only be the tiniest thing,eating one good meal,deep conditioning our hair,manicuring and moisturising our hands.I bought a pair of exfoliating gloves the other day £1.50 ,but if it encourages me to moisturise my legs thru the winter to have fab pins in the Spring ,i may even run to school with shorts on and a bit of fake tan.All for me, all to celebrate me,I want to have fun and enjoy the rest of my life now.I will perfect the art of the co parenting handover and enjoy my free time.Love and hugs to everyone ,no worries Kar anytime ,message me with ur email if u like .
I can never keep up with what is said a lot of the time but i like to know ur all cool and funky!Its not about always being UP though ....we got dumped ffs that would just be fake,and this is v v real, so dump away if it helps ,lord knows i did ,sometimes i would just come on a swear my head off re the injustice of it all,you are my RL mates LOL nobody would ever have listened to the kind of stuff i wrote on this ,i am starting to look on this as a second chance to explore my life's purpose and develop emotionally into the person i was meant to be .But i am over a year since the first bombs were dropped on my "fairytale"and he walked out proper after a few yoyo attempts on boxing day and i know this crimbo will be loads better than last year.

PT sorry to hear things didnt work out this time big hugs x
Meemar good to see ya x
Queenie can you keep someone with you when ur most vulnerable,i know alot of this is to release your pain but you will find another way, a safer way ,a kinder way.Sport is good for feel good hormones no doubt about it ,all about changing habits and patterns and big self love ,you will get thru this,good for you for sharing ,good for you for seeking help ,things will calm down for you ,you will get thru this,self love will get you thru this look after your self you are unique and beautiful ,celebrate you ,his behaviour is nothing to do with you x
I saw Cheryl Cole on the Piers Morgan Show,she is at the top of her league atm in a have it all way but she is a dumpling that has been cheated on in the most public way and at the end she just said "Why?" why would her X do it .Thats when you realise its not to do with us ,its them.She took him back he did it to her again.
Its shite !!!
Tears and snotters but we will dry our eyes and even when we relapse its not a COLLAPSE we are bloody strong because life has made us strong.
Anyone else read the codependence book ,mega read!
To anyone feeling a bit down and bluesy i thoroughly recommend the Susan Jeffers books Feel the fear and do it anyway and End the struggle and dance with life.
Reading is nourishment to me it takes me to a peaceful place even if my head is spinning it really slows me down,take care everyone ,hot bubbly baths this weekend and lots of moisturising xxx

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't

Just saw this and thought i would share it with you,says it all really x

Good news: really don't think I could contemplate trying again with xp. Dont want to. Why would I? Just for the record.