All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Oh lordy I can't keep up! I want to say something to each of you! Is is possible to print threads?

Thanks for all the good wishes.

Probably. I write down as I read sometimes, so I can comment when done.

In customise at the top here you can change your settings though, so you have more posts per page etc.

Just noticed, it says print at the top of the page! Got it now, two copies by mistake but not to worry.

Hi girls, don't know if you remember me but i used to be a princess that was also a little kitty. I came off here a while ago as I had issues with my expartner.

Things have got really bad and I really need some help. He now has a new girlfriend, they are 'in love' and I have started self harming. I don't know what I am thinking when I do it. I am getting help. Went to the hospital to get my cuts dressed and a really kind nurse, phoned through to the mental health team.

Have started to do it again, on tops of my legs. Just cutting with a stanley knife. I can't stop myself. I never wanted to get like this. Girls, I just need some help. Please tell me I'm not going mad

omg kitty

we are here for you we all are - i am here all night i will email you I think I still have your address.

HUGE hugs sweetheart - keep posting.

are you ok at the moment

Hello love I remember you. You need to call The samaritans asap: 08457 90 90 90 and you need to make an appointment to see your GP darling too.

Has he moved out now then?

Queencat if you post in this section here there are a lot of amazing people on it who are very experienced and will help you. I'm not saying do not post here, as we do all want to help you but the only people who read this thread are dumplings and there may be people better placed to help you if you post a topic there. ((hugs))

i was armbow by the way

he moved out months ago, when he first told me 'he loved me but was not in love with me'.

i have changed my job since then so he's not seeing the kids nightly, so I'm spending every night alone. most nights I go to bed along with the kids so I don't have to sit up by myself.

I am just not moving on at all. I don't know how to be happy again. All I do is sit at home crying, when I see him I cry and beg him but he obviously is no longer intersted.

A few weeks ago we went to relate together, he told me he panicked and thought he might want to try again, when we got there he said he had made the right decision in moving out. I was devastated. Things have gone raidly downhill since then.

Honey please call the samritans if your self harming. You also need to book an apppointment with GP to look into anti-depressants and counseling.

queencat - i have private messaged you as i have lost your email address.

do you feel able to share it on here - considering what happened last time? if you do please let it all out, and keep posting, i fear that you have bottled all of this up and it has done you no good.

Oh Queen, I just logged on here for another moan & saw your post. I do of course remember you & often wondered how you were doing. Hopefully others will be along soon who can offer you better advice. I've never had any exp with cutting so a bit out of my depth. However I certainly don't think you are going mad. I think you prob need to get some good rl support for yourself atm maybe go back to the hospital again or your gp. I think a lot of people in v stressfull or emotional situations turn to some form of crutch & it sounds like this is yours. I smoked my way through all my pain & crisis's which I know wasn't the most healthy thing to do. I'm guessing that cutting in some way gives you a similiar sense of relief or something but I think this is one crutch you most certainly can't afford to continue. Please try to get to hospital, gp or counsellor etc & get the support you need atm. You've been through a terrible ordeal with xp & you need plenty of rl support atm. Keep posting here also & maybe consider putting up a separate thread about support for cutting which would prob give you more specific help. ((Hugs))

I am on anti-depressants and have been since he left. I just don't feel that they are working or improving the situation. I have an appointment with the Mental Health Team next week as things have 'escalated'.

I am finding it so tough to get through the day. I don't want to be like this and I don't want to be in this situation. I thought I would start to feel better, but I just feel so lonely. I'm still on sleeping tablets but wake up about six times a night. My eight year old has started sleeping in with me he keeps telling me he is worried about me. I'm frightened about the effect this is having on the kids as I can barely function.

Oh xpost with Tea & WQ & it just reminded me that you should have my email address & feel free to email me if you want.

Queen, have you any family or friend that could come to stay with you for awhile?

No, they all have their own lives and I'm worried about boring people.

I keep getting told I must start to get on with it now, he's not coming back and to pull myself together. I try to be so strong. But a couple of weeks ago at his flat, I noticed a birthday card where his new girlfriend had written in it how much she loved him. I just went to peices after that. I really can't see anyway out of the way I'm feeling.

Queen, being told to pull yourself together must be the most unhelpfull thing that anyone could say. Try to tell someone how you are really feeling. I'm sure if your family or friends knew how hard you are finding it atm they would be more supportive. I'm not sure what else to suggest is there any emergency helpline you could ring from the mental health team? Or perhaps the samaritans each time you feel the urge to cut until your appointment next wk? I have to go out now for awhile but I'll check back on you again later. Keep posting. ((Hugs))

i agree starting; possibly the most unhelpful thing to say if only was as easy as that !!!

I've posted on the mental health section. thanks girls.

I know they are being 'cruel to be kind' but it doesn't help and it makes me feel like I can't talk to them and that I might be boring them etc.

I have some lovely friends from where I used to work who take me out on my weekends off for a drink and I do really enjoy myself. Its just being at home alone, makes me feel so bloody rubbish. I just can't help that my head is constantly filled with images of him being lovey dovey with some faceless indivdual. I just kept hoping he would come back and now I know its not a possibility.

When I dropped the kids off tonight, I cried at him and asked him how he could move on so quickly he won't answer. I just want him to feel a little bit of how I'm feeling but all I'm doing is making him hate me and pushing him furhter away. I know deep down, he won't come back, but I just have this little flicker of hope all the time. I don't know how to squash it.

well done for posting in mental health

we can all help you with the practical steps.

Do you feel as though every time you go round to his/see him when he sees the children that it knocks you back down again?

I just don't understand it. The thing that upsets me the most, is that he walked away so quickly and without trying.

I thought when we went to relate, he had come round and wanted to give it a go. I felt like I had been dumped all over again when we got there and he said he 'panicked' and thought it would be better for us to get back together as it would be easier for him to deal with me. In other words 'a quiet life'. I dont want to be this hysterical woman, I try so hard to be strong then I see him and I feel so desperately hurt. I can't describe how painful it is.

I told my friend, in a way it would have been better if he had died. Then I could have gone on with my life knowing that we loved each other but fate had stepped in.

It just feels so unfair, I had such a horrible marriage and I felt like he had saved me when he came along. I thought this was my chance to experience happiness. I just don't know how it all went so wrong so quickly.

It's one of the worst things to say to someone depressed. Someone said it to me in a slightly different way a few weeks ago, it was very upsetting.

Anti depressants can sometimes not work and they need to change them, or increase the dosage. My GP said if I ever felt worse to go straight back, as I'm now on ADs too. So please speak to them. It is good you're seeing a mental health nurse next week though.

queen - i said the same thing about death too - although it made me feel very guilty to say it at the time. if he had died at least i would have known he had died loving me.

remember he is the one that had the affair - you have done nothing wrong he is the one that messed up.

He didn't have an affair, at least I don't think so. He left me because we stopped 'trying'. This girl is new apparently.

oh sorry, confusing your story.