All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

PS re winning i totally get what you are saying because when my X started textin the 21yo skank i have never felt jealousy like it .Especially as it was so soon after our final "reconcilliation"{ he just wanted the home comforts ,all the domestics done etc ,he was still the same self entitled knob}Anyway re winners etc just to point out that because our men didnt come back to us that would make most of the women on here losers IYSWIM [bear with me here lol!]and you know for a fact we are not .We have escaped a life of being treated like shit by our men.Just take it easy do instinctively what you feel is right ,you are far enough down the road now that if you dont like what you choose you can jump right out again and kick him into touch ,anyway who is up for a dumpling weekend in the New Year i think its a fab idea !!!!

Waves to WQ full steam ahead fiesty chick choo choo lol !!!

chooo choooooo

totally up for a dumpling weekend sign me up!!!!

Aye cool enough wind is blowing and i have a whistly window but what can you do ....ok louder than a whistle more like a drone...
i turned down a cottage today ,i must be mad but need to get my finances in order ,i am pretty independent where i am and wont be if i am rural ,plus it is furnished so no room for my things ,i think i stay put where i am for now til i see what happens re business and money etc,i think i will move again if the time is right[and the farmer] but quite enjoying the walking to school bit atm.Down to one unpacked box btw and then i will sort and chuck out anything i have that isnt totally needed,looking at it in a cleansing and liberating clear out,flat is old but clean so its a good start !No telly yet enjoying that immensely ,listening to the radio lots and reading plenty ,keep the faith everyone ,cry ,scream and shout when you feel the need ,feel whatever emotion that comes ur way dont repress it or swerve it you need to go thru it to get past it ....

Ahh WQ, now I know I did post on your thread when you were armbow!

Yes indeed you do look on other relationships differently. It's easy to think that all these other people are happy but no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Our friends thought we were the most solid couple around - but then again, so did I!

We've had to talk about money tonight and so far he has continued to pay for everything and insists that he will continue to do so for as long as he can. He's even said that he will pay for the next three years whilst I study. That leaves me really vulnerable though and I don't like it. I've only got a part time job paying a pittance so I should be looking for something else. Problem is that I now have a serious health issue so am not too sure if I will be physically able to take on much more. I will try though, this thing won't beat me!

Just had a text from him saying 'night night, love you'. I think the term used is WTF!

Ok needs to be cheap and cheerful but i think if we organise it then it is something to aim for ,will be a right good laugh and we all deserve it FFS !

shit karmann - i did not know you were dealing with health issues as well

Yes indeedy WTF ? Karmann
Look after ur health Karmann dont do more than you have to you need to look after yourself,save any money that you can but he should be supporting you financially unless you are divorced .He is your husband ffs he isnt doin you a favour ,that is the law ,what does your sol say ?

I try not to go on about it. First off all this blew up, then I had a breast cancer scare that turned out to be a cyst, then I was diagnosed with COPD and then my cousin died. Too much crap for any one person to deal with but, hey ho, I'll get by.

Sorry urban x-post. We weren't married so there is no legal obligation. No option to save money, I earn the grand total of £400 per month and my outgoings are £12,000.

Oop! I meant £1,200!

Just remembered LC had scare too when she first joined this thread ,big hugs you 2 ,so much to deal with x
Take it easy Karmann and keep ur health top priority !

Yes, I remember that LC had a scare too. It's worrying waiting for the results but through it all I thought I'd be ok. It's the COPD that's causing a problem now but I try and stay healthy because that helps.

I desperately need to put weight on but am finding it really hard. Then I read that, with this condition, putting weight on is not easy. I would look so much better with a few extra pounds!

Ah sorry thought you were married ,i am in a similar situation now as i cant\dont want to have to rely on my X.It would be nice to think of the maintenance rolling in but instinctively i think he might go for the crash and burn option over the winter and pay me hee haw .Perhaps i am being unfair but i have seriously scaled things down in anticipation of his opt out phase.
Difficult to do i know K but it is true what folk say about letting go and not worrying.Worrying is negative and only makes us ill.If we can stay in the day and enjoy our lot then what will be will be anyway,even if legally you werent hitched he still was the selfish hurtful one in all of this and if he is willing to help out i would take the money even if it does ease his guilt ,have you been to CAB to find out what help there is if he stopped contributing ?Might ease the stress ,just look after yourself ,you need to be fit for our weekend away !

Tell me more about the weekend away. Will go back over the thread and have a look because I have missed it.

Yes, I call it guilt money. Will look into any help available.

You have made such a difference to my evening. Thank you.

Yes i am a bit lean 2 atm ,a stone lighter than i usually am ,i am eating more and i think the adrenaline is getting less but just not found my normal,i eat more if i go to friends houses for a meal [not often]but i cant be bothered eating like i used to ,big meals,just lazy tbh .I try to eat cereal though Kar just easy but nutritious.I eat more since moving so hopefully this is a new start ,fruit and veg ,pasta rice etc.

I just thought about it Kar ,i have never met anyone and they keep having bloody meet ups LOL!!So i thought we should do a weekend ,proper chat and all about regaining our fabulosity BEAUTIFUL started this thread originally and i think the pampering bit is very very valid.If anyone needs pampering its us !!!!!So i think we should do a meet up and do lots of DIY beauty treatments then eat loads, sit in jammies and watch dvds like in Grease when they sing Sandra Dee LOL!!!Then have a massive brunch fry up /continental style feed in the morning and go to the cinema or shopping or whatever anyone wants to do just stay in and chat and bake big cakes and eat them all LOL!!!Oh and lots of music !!!!

Yes, if food is put in front of me I will eat it but I just don't bother for myself. There's no-one else here. I am 2 stone under weight - yuk! Not a good look.

When and where is the weekend away?

Dont know yet need to see what suits people lets all work on it over the weekend ,we need a plan ,maybe January cos nothing much happens then ,re food yes it is prob the dcs that have stopped me skipping more meals ,wot about M&S ready meals ,i like tasty food but cant be bothered preparing it ,i am visualising lots of dumplings peeling and chopping lush ingredients ,making stir frys with fillet steak and mexican food and salads and fruit salads and cake !!!!

Loving the idea of sitting round in jammies Grease stylie! Can't beat hotel breakfasts. Like the look of some of the M&S ready meals. No DC at home anymore so not the inclination to cook.

Got to sleep now Urban, thanks for being there tonight.

OK away to bed nite all ,will be back tomorrow if dongle thingy can handle the pace lol!!
To anyone thinking WHY btw ,try ur best not to waste ur energy ,unfortunately they are excruciatingly selfish liars that thought in some way they were entitled to do what they did.WE on the other hand find that behaviour abhorrent.Mine seriously thought i would put up with his selfish shite for another 16yrs or more.One phonecall he said i had got all empowered FFS !I thought you arsehole he had been conning me for years.I was scared he would leave me and the kids so i scuttled along conning myself i had a good marriage,but that takes 2 people,well he has left and the sky hasnt fallen it it actually got a whole lot brighter without his head fuckery around .I am building my strength everyday .Whatever i do now i am not living a lie and my dcs know that 2.
Kar eating will help you stay well ,will discuss more tommorrow but ur body will find the calories you need anyway so better it comes from food not muscle etc.Lecture over just if i type it i will try harder myself xxxx

WarriorQueen,

What is Divorce Workshop and how do you sign up for it?

Feeling just numb today; I just keep counting in my head - it is now 37 years and 1 day - I suppose the day I stop counting will be the day I am better.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Morning DS slept very badly last night, much drama when I signed off here, so I need a coffee the size of a bucket today

I'm not sure I could do a whole weekend away from my 2 DCs as my parents couldn't cope with them and H only has 1 day off a week usually. But you can tell me all about it if it comes together.

WQ - I found with my divorce recovery workshop that in the first few weeks everything they were discussing I'd had that sort of advice from mumsnet I think it has made a huge difference to me being on mumsnet.

Urban - Love love loving all this positivity. Only 1 box left to unpack? That is amazing! I let me DCs watch way too much CBeebies so I'd probably panic with no tv in the house But it sounds lush with the peace and quiet and reading. What's this about a farmer in your post? Intrigued now...

Karmann - If it's not bad enough Karmann that your relationship is over but there's no OW involved and you do not seem to have any clear answers, he's then messing with your mind by texting "I love you". Definitely see CAB I've been eligible for a lot more help than I thought I'd be entitled to. It's been a relief tbh. What is COPD? I'm so sorry you've got health worries on top of everything else

Citydoll where do you live? I'm doing a divorce recovery course in London in Kensington. But there's lots out there I think

Hi Citydoll. I know all the feelings are so hard to deal with. Could you change your counting to day 1 of MY life for ME, day 2 of MY life for ME etc. Your life without being lied to and deceived. You'll get there and we'll help. We'll never have the question why answered, sometimes they just don't know themselves. Mostly it's just because they could, some of them are made from different stuff to us.

Thinking of you.

Morning

tea and citydoll I go to the DRW - yesterday was my second week, i think it is something worth trying it is a 6 week course and everyone at mine is very supportive - i think it would depend alot though on the people in your group though - mine are all lovely,

divorce recovery workshop

totally agree tea, i think i am a lot further on because of mumsnet and i find myself giving people mn advice at the workshop but it is still a great outlet.

citydoll, are you doing anything nice for yourself, are you eating/taking care of yourself?

you could try the one emotional step and one practical step thing too each day too.

i am going to start that again becuase i found the period when i did this was very productve

so today for me:

emotional step: having a pamper night tonight, might take some inspiration from maybee and her pink prmark pjs and buy myself some new ones! going to be book, bath, bed.

practical step: get some work done.

karmann and urban - loved your chat last night, missed the bit about the farmer urban.