All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

LC, great to see you back posting & even better to see you got a laugh at the whole "messing my boots" thing by Queenie .

Queenie, really laughed at the boot comment. Hit home as I'm a serious fashion addict with a boot collection & am known to do my gardening & go for walks in high heels . Anyway that comment showed what Tea said, you might be down atm but you're a fiesty leading fashion dumpling. Hang in there & you'll get your mojo back. So glad you are getting some support on here atm. ((Hugs))

Patience, you sound like you've leapt forward big time in your recovery. I find myself doing high fives & feeling like a proud parent reading your posts . Oh you have become such a wise dumpling.

Waves to all.......childcare was sorted & zen calm restored .

LOL at Startin '
sendin u all big hugs i really think this little flat may be a little place of serenity for me and the kids x
LC enjoy freedom ,WTF was he thinking .Your kids will be of great comfort to you at this time ,you are such a formidable team x

See this book that i keep talking about ,it just takes the hurt out of my head ,for years i was just so confused with why i was so unhappy,but at the end of the day i shouldnt have been spending time with half the people that i was ,they were just bringing me down ,its nice to realise that im not obliged to do anything for any of them,NO is such a fab word lol!!!!

Patience you deserve your little place of serenity so much after all you've been through. Am so happy that things are turning around for you. ((Hugs & Fellow Dumpling Luv))

Oh agree Patience & forgot to say yes I read all those books & still pull them out when I need them & lots more with them. They were my SALVATION & of course here too

Can we do a book list I might start a thread what do you think ?Just so its easier to find ....it might get lost in here,just good inspiring books that might be of interest to others{especially if you dont have a telly
and are rebuilding your world}

That's a great idea Patience

Much better nights sleep from my two DCs

Yes please Patience do a book list - next stop Dumpling Book Club ?

I am so glad you are liking the flat and things are on the up and up now. We are on the same timescale with our broken "fairytales" and I agree I know this Christmas is going to be sooo much better but I think Boxing Day will be hard though - we need a plan for that day a safety net of some kind. Will be in touch

LC hang in there through this awful time , just look after yourself and ds without making any major decisions. Saying that I dont think xp deserves any more chances , he could just maybe have deserved one had he come clean when this began to surface but as you say its the continuing lies.

Tea you are so lovely and supportive to us dumplings but also reading your posts your improved wellbeing is shining through.

Starting yep I can visualise you gardening heels - I will be glamorous in my next life !

WQ hows the healthy eating (hides behind a curtain )going ? Like Tea you just sound full of the joys of life - wonderful !

Queen of course I remember you too and I am so sorry you are struggling, you have had great advice from wiser dumplings than I ! I do think though the ruining your boots comment shows your sense of humour is alive and well ! Keep posting

Not been the best of weeks but I think our agreement will be oked by my solicitor and I can start the physical moving on process. I am just feeling a bit worn out with it all really but as my friend pointed out we have probably saved thousands in fees by doing it ourselves and I expect the bruises from all the phone calls and emails this week will soon subside.

Emotional step - do half an hour "meditation"

Practical step - spend one hour doing something in the house towards putting it on the market.

Hope all other dumplings are doing ok especially city - try and make your first weekend contain one nice thing for you even if you feel like you are faking it a bit iyswim ?

After my last post yesterday I continued pondering my feelings in more depth re latest relationship failure.

I felt there was more of an explanation required from him, other than he didn't know how he would handle my moving away. I haven't even sold my house yet and its been up for sale since March. So who knows how long I will be here.

I understand its about self preservation and he wanted to avoid more hurt, no wonder, as his wife left him for OM.

So I txt him and asked him to come over and talk so I could see what had gone wrong.

Anyway to cut a long story short, he's just left to go to work. We are going to see how things go and not get too hung up on what may happen, and enjoy what we have for what it is

Ahhh that's lovely Partytime

Partytime, glad to hear you've managed to resolve things . I think most people are v cautious 2nd time around. Tbh I had a wobble last week & nearly ended it with Norm for no reason other then being an emotional mess . I've decided now to just enjoy it & go with the flow. Good luck with it all

Tea, glad you caught up on your sleep.

Patience, I think the Dumpling Book Club is a great idea. I've loads of books that I could really recommend. Considers self a semi expert due to 12 yrs of self help books .

Getting, glad your feeling happy about the settlement now. Meditation is really worth doing.

Well I've decided to bring Norm to removal tonight & introduce him to family! Prob an insane idea but as he lives around the corner from where the funeral is & as I'm meeting him afterwards anyway & seeing as he asked should he go & as dc's won't be there, I thought it would be a casual way of doing it. Slightly nervous but when I thought about it I never actually properly introduced xh to my family so regardless of where things go with Norm or how long they last it's prob the more mature course of action to just casually introduce them! Will report back tonight lol.

Not catching up with thread properly, I will soon. Just wanted to say thanks for that thread link Tea. I loved the op and look forward to laughing my way through the rest.

Lots of love to you all....and just remember....IT DOES AND WILL GET BETTER.

I promise. XXX

Another peaceful day ,dcs cycled to dancing, the park and the library then we walked to the shops for some bits and bobs.....its all go here!!Away to watch Babe and then i might start a new book LOL!Definately a serene day today,will see what 2morrow brings re STBXH .i am going to try hard not to let his presence upset my calmness x

Hi Patience. You sound sooooo laid back and in control.

Today is the first day in ages I feel like I have a tiny it of control back. Trying to build on it. It's a work in progress.

Queencat how are you? I see you've had loads more advice on your other thread now. Hope you're feeling ok tonight.

Patience - Are you watching Babe on your laptop?

Great you're feeling a little better LC.

Hope Norm goes down well with family Starting, I'm sure he will, being a gent. Can't get my head around your Ex H not really being known

Getting - glad that you have sorted finances with H. How did today go and the master plan to do one step towards putting the house on the market? Thank you for your kind words x

Quiet one here; we went to the park with the DCs and fed ducks whilst there. It's a pretty place over by St Albans where there's a man made lake and the cathedral at the top of the hill, so very picturesque (sp?) DS threw an enormous tantrum as I wouldn't let him grab a little boys ball and run off with it and he also kept trying to grab other peoples balls too. Note to self: always take a ball to the park for your son. Except I'm sure he'd still find everyone elses more interesting than his own Toddlers eh? Who'd have em'? So despite my attempts at distraction etc I had to endure a whopper of a tantrum for 10 minutes with lots of cats bum faces from onlookers But it was a nice time and we all enjoyed the fresh air I think. Away to bed I think to read a book and snuggle down.

Hi, everyone, I had a really good 1st day of MY life on Friday. My oldest and closest friend, who has been with me right from day 1 of this sad and sorry saga, cooked me a fabulous dinner. We drank cider and laughed and talked and "analysed" (more for me,I think!) and I woke up this morning feeling really good.

Having looked at posts by other ladies, I realise now that I am luckier than quite a few of them because although I had to go through the pain of lies, infidelity and hypocrisy, I have a brilliant job which keeps me sane and solvent (!)and my own home and I was capable of getting myself out of the relationship. I feel for those of you who have had to face violence or are worrying about finances or are simply, afraid of being alone, especially with young children.

I think the Dumpling Book Club is a brilliant idea - I have already lost count of the books recommended to me.

Mumfun - the 27 November meetup sounds like fun. I have another appointment which I am trying to rearrange - do you have any details so far?

Take care all and hugs all round.

Oh, and the best news of all, my solicitor told me yesterday that decree absolute should be granted in the next fortnight!!!

Get the cider out!

Christmas meet up 27 November web link

I still haven't paid yet. Oops

Love Verulamium park Tea used to go there a lot with dc .Didnt do either step have been rather rubbish actually. Tomorrow will be much better !

Citydoll, so lovely to read your positive posts and really glad you enjoyed your evening with your friend. You've put a smile on my face.

Sorry all, so pooey at posting atm

Out to dinner and just back. Managed to survive being only Dumpling with two couples. Was told that I was showing an inner strength!

LC, CityDoll, Romney et al, am v impressed by your progress!

Onward and upward. Am trying v hard to make 27th...

Waves to all.......

Citydoll, It's so good to hear you sounding so upbeat .

Tea, I've often had times like that with dc's so can empathise lol . Obviously gave wrong impression about xh, he knew my family v well & spent a lot of time with them down through the years etc. I just meant that I hadn't formally introduced them at the beginning.

LC, glad you are feeling more in control

Patience, you sound like you have serenity nailed

Happy, how brave of you to venture out with two couples

Getting, hope tomorrow is a better one for you

Well v briefly introduced Norm to family tonight. My sis thought he was v cute & my father said he seemed v nice too. Didn't get a chance to hear what my mother thought yet. He's now planning to come to funeral tomorrow aswell so will see how that goes. Norm also confessed to me that he initially had slight reservations as it occurred to him that technically I'm still married to another man . Had actually completely forgotten that & considering how slow the separation has gone so far I'll be staying married for some time yet .

Can I come and join you lovely ladies? Not technically dumped, but only because I decided to make it easy and walk. My exDP of 9 months who has been with me through cancer diagnosis, treatment and a variety of other challenges, was told on Monday by his ex-wife (who divorced him) that she wants him to come back to her and their young teenage children. He is conflicted - she is the love of his life and he now realises he never got over her, just tried to put it behind him (not easy when children are involved). He also loves me and knows that his life with me is a lot better for him than with the ex (calm, peaceful, content, supported, loved and cared for etc). The only problem is that I can see his pain and struggle over this decision and its clear to me that he wants to go back ... although he has not made the actual decision yet. He is waiting to talk to her to find out why. The evidence seems to point towards her finding things a struggle - both practically and financially which has led to feelings of vulnerabiity. It really shouldn't be a problem as he is generous both financially and practically with his support - but she regards me as a threat. She required him to dump his previous family when they got married and she assumes I will demand the same (even though I won't). We were making plans for our future together when this all broke and I think I'm in shock as I feel utterly numb. He says he will only return if her reasons for wanting him back are the right ones, but I am so shaken by the strength of his feelings for her that I have withdrawn. I am also particularly wounded as he knew I had suffered from the ex-factor in two previous relationships and has regularly given his re-assurance that it wasn't going to happen again ...

Sorry about the lengthy rambling post ... can't sleep for the second night running (I only have insomnia when things are really bad)

Welcome Midnight, sounds like a horrid situation and must be a v difficult time. How long have you been with DP? His XW sounds a bit .

Starting, hope the funeral goes ok today and good that Norm has gone down well.

Waves to all, slight hangover....